Ask A Pisces Man Mailbag June 26, 2012

Kip Asks:

Hi Alan!

I am a Gay man who met a Gentlemen on facebook. He of course is a Pisces as well. He sent me a friend request and I accepted but never really did look at his profile. after about a week I did and he was very Attractive and I told him so. He replied that i was also. so it took him about two weeks to actually call me. and we started up a relationship. Even changed our statusis on Facebook that we were in a “Relationship” together. So from that time in about 3 weeks of texting ,chatting on the phone til wee hours in the Morning, and his relentless I LOVE YOU’s. ( I responded that I Loved him back which I do, but I believe in showing it rather than saying it) I explained that I felt it was time for us to meet face to face. Each time we were supposed to meet there was always an excuse as to why he couldn’t make it. (He does work very long and awkward hours).

He would always tell me that he was scared of me, (whatever that meant). so I explained that by us never meeting That I was not sure that he was, who he said he was, By us being on the Internet and all. And he said that I hurt his “Feelings”. He said that he was upset with me for a while but he wasn’t anymore. Classic to the rest of the stories that I have read on here he has stopped texting, and calling me. He has just “Vanished” it’s been 25 days now since he has called me. and It has been about two weeks since I have called him. (don’t want to push him away even further plus I have my self-respect. I have NEVER dated a Pisces before and I hear that this is their normal behavior. I keep sensing that he became “Overwhelmed” by his own emotions.

Running away so to speak. By me being a Cancerian this is very wierd to me. I only see things as Black or White and have never dealt to well with the Gray areas. He is 34 and I am 45 and he always said that he wanted an older man because we were more “Mature”. We have never had an Argument and everything was fine. At least I thought things were fine. Because of this I have stopped trying to communicate with him on all fronts. After all he was the one who ran away. I do feel very deeply for him still. Very confused by this behavior. What is your take on this Alan? I have a feeling that I haven’t heard the last of him. But why all of the Complexity? What are your suggestions? By the way his last text to me was that he still LOVED me. This is so crazy to me.

Kip,

I personally feel this situation is more about identity than a personality analysis. Reason being as you mentioned this has been purely an Internet encounter for the most part and any efforts to actually meet the person appears to result in excuses to avoid it. For example, if the person refuses to meet in person does he also avoid simple things like video chat as well? I know that can be an example of someone trying to hide false identity at times.

Just as an example, I remember a friend who got so caught up with a guy, who claimed to be like 26 years old, whom she met online and like in your situation whenever she talked about meeting in-person he would come up with excuses. What ended up happening? She found out he was like a sixteen year old teenager. My personal advice would be if you are still interested in this person start researching about the facts with verifiable information on who this person is. Don’t allow your emotions to draw up a picture on who you think they are as oppose to who they really are as that is the first step if this is a real relationship.

April Asks:

Dear Alan,

I just found your website, and was wandering if you could help me with my Pisces man.

I have been dating this Pisces guy for a year and a half, and he was the most charming and loving guy I have met. However, the relationship just kind of went downhill after the 15 months. He started to make me feel so suffocating (always want to spend every single minutes with me, ALWAYS txt me saying he is worried, and gets paranoid over the smallest thing I do). I am a Capricorn woman, so I like to have my freedom. I love him, but he is starting to make me feel like a prisoner in my own world. I tried to talk to him a few times, and don’t see that the problems can be fixed, so I decided to have a serious conversation with him about our future. We talked and talked for a whole day (because i know how sensitive he is, so i just want to make sure he is not hurt), and i ask him what does he want to do now. and he said it’s better if we are only friends. I agreed and said let’s break up and take some times to figure out how we really feel. We decided to remain friends and would still talk to each others after breaking up.

Since the break up, I have been feeling a lot better now that I got my freedom back. Everything seems to be in great order for me ever since : promotions, new guys chasing me, etc. I am still single though, because I want to focus on my career, as well as want to take some times for myself after my relationship with him. My ex, on the other hand, started dating someone else like a month or two after our break up. They seem happy together, and I even told him i’m happy for him, that he found someone else. But he seems to be quite… upset hearing this from me. He started acting weird since.

I dont know if i’m being too sensitive and analytic, but sometimes, I feel like he is trying to rub his relationship in my face. They would show up at my favorite place in town, he would do to her things that he never did to me before and put them all over on facebook, etc. I was confused a little bit, but i’m not hurt since I already know for sure my feeling for him has died out. Since i dont really know if i’m being too sensitive or if it’s really what’s going on ( I usually trust my Capricorn instinct on things like this though ), so I just ignore him and what he does. But recently, when I found out that he even said bad things about me behind my back to this guy that i’m kind of interested in, I was so shocked and angry. I never said or did anything bad to him after the break up, nor did I do anything to lead him on, plus, he is already dating someone else, why does he do that ? He was the one to say that he wanted to break up and take some times off, and now he is acting like he is getting revenge on me or something. Do you think I did something wrong ? and why is he acting like this ?

Many thanks,

April

April,

My personal guess based on what you wrote is that he feels a little embarrassed and betrayed, so to speak, over the break up. It’s kind of like one of those “I do all this for you and this is how you repay me?” type of mentality. It’s no different than say if you were a manager and had to fire someone because you felt they weren’t meeting company expectations. While they may say they are cool with that, for many they will hold this grudge for awhile and will do what it takes to try and make you feel bad for doing it.

That would make sense too on why when you say thing like you are happy for him it aggravates him more as it is like he can’t get you to feel bad that he is not in your life anymore. In some ways it is like rubbing salt into the wound. I personally think the best thing to do is to just avoid him in general if that is the case.

Destiny Asks:

well i love your personality but i have a question i was hoping you could help me with….i have been with this pisces man for over a year but all of a sudden he only wants to be alone…i dont want to chase him and be clingy but i want him to know that im there for him and i always will be, we have been having some troubles with comunicating with eachother…i really dont want to lose him, he means so much to me…..what should i do??

Destiny,

I’m not really sure what to say as you didn’t really provide any details for me to offer an opinion on. The only thing I can really say is if he all of a sudden became quiet then there is something in his life he feels that no one can help him with and hence he is putting himself in a corner. What that is I don’t know of course. That is the part that requires work on your part to discover what that may be and to assure him that help is there if he needs it.

Yaren Asks:

Hello Alan,

I’m so glad I found this site !

I met a pisces man at my sister’s wedding just over a year ago. I’ve seen him a few times at my sister’s house, but we never really spoke at all. Suddenly about 3-4 weeks ago he messaged me on Facebook and somehow we because close !

After we began messaging more frequently, I saw him at my sister’s place, and he didn’t talk to me at all. I later messaged him and asked why he didn’t talk, then he apologised and said he wasn’t in the mood that night. I asked for a favour and said ‘next time you see me, please do talk :)’ and he replied with ‘alright<3' He also told me he found me cute, so I told him I thought he was good looking.. I started liking him. Last week I was invited to my sister's barbecue. I walked directly to the backyard and he was there. I said 'Surprise!' and he winked at me and started a conversation. We started playing soccer, and everytime he bet me, I'd pretend to get angry and nicely hit his shoulder. He'd laugh everytime. My sister and her husband were arguing, so he told me to follow him. We went to the front yard. There was no one there, and it was quite dark. He sat down and told me to take a seat. We had a short, 3-5 minute conversation until my sister got angry and called us back in as if she were suspicious of us. He got quite frustrated that she did that. He's quite generous towards me. He shared his drink and a few chestnuts. He sat next to me, and we had a few laughs. I kept staring at him, but whenever he were to look, I'd look away. At one point, I didn't look away and our eyes locked for 2-3 seconds. After that night, we were messaging again and I was joking around with him. Him - I'm watching a movie 🙂 Me - I'll be there in 5 ! ahaha 🙂 Him - Come if you want 🙂 Me - As if, I'm not walking all the way there ! Come pick me up. Him - Would you be allowed out ? Me - No, I wish 🙁 Him - Then I can't pick you up -.- It's as if he was quite willing to pick me up straight away if I had said yes. We have great conversations. He's a musician so he writes a lot of lyrics. 2 days ago he sent me a few lyrics and one of his songs. I complimented him and he thanked me, but we kind of stopped talking for some reason. It's like he doesn't want to talk because he hardly starts conversations, but when we do talk, it seems like he likes me as well. He only messages me if I don't message him for 2-3 days. Do you think he likes me ? Thank you very much ! 🙂

Yaren,

To me it sounds like he is interested in you as the key is he is responsive. I guess as usual it just sounds like he is not exactly sure how to approach the initiation process with you at times and so instead relies on events to do so. But in general, it sounds like something is there.

Im a leo Asks:

We met in oct 2011 & we started as friends but he had a gf. They broke up but he was still living with her. Around thanksgiving nov 25 he came over chilled with me ate then left. I have 3 kids. My mother let them spend the night that night so I asked him to come over. We ended up having very passionate sex. We almost immediatly fell in love following this event. He moved in because him and his ex had a physical fight where she.punched him in the eye and put him out. He called me so I agreed that he could come over. We ended up agreeing to a relationship but he is a heavy drinker and weed smoker. He lost his job but I tried very hard to reassure him that it wasnt a big issue. He helped watch my 2 yr old daughter and she devoleped a bond with him, she calls him her daddy.

He cooked and cleaned for me. I loved this and I jus knew I had found my match. Well this happiness was short lived. The ex popped back up. She texted him wats up baby wyd? So I was upset, we argued and it got bad. He was very rude to me but apologized and professed how much he loved me. Well he proposed to me in jan & I accepted. I assumed we were so in love and he happy.

He told me he wanted to grow old with me and he wanted me to have his first and only child. Im very excited. Im happy. We moved into a house together and all the fussing was to be left behind us. I found out in feb that we are expecting he was so happy but once again the ex popps up causing even more arguin along with her best friend which is his sister. His grandfather was very ill and he passed. He took his anger n frustration out on me. He called me stupid, dumb, ratchett bitches and I felt so low. Financially I provided for us until he fou nd a job which also brung arguments in which he talked to be terrible. I cry he apoogize and say he sorry he really love me and he gone work on his anger. Jus dont leavr him

Im a leo,

It seems like your message got cut. I don’t really know what to add other than I hope this isn’t turning into something abusive where I’m sure everyone would say if it gets out of hand you have to get out of the situation right away.

Mary Asks:

Hello,

I am a Cappy, 27 years old..

I met this Pisces man on FB through mutual friends, 2 months ago.. All my friends know him very well.. anyways, I usually dont chat with anyone I dont know on facebook, but he had a special way to start the conversation and I liked talking to him.. I gave him my Blackberry pin and we started talking everyday… He used to talk to me all the time.. then he started calling me and talking to me for hours, sharing with me everything about his work and asking for my opinions abt his work and things he does… He asked to meet me but i was scared and stressed, am usually really cautious… so i told him that when i feel like im ready to meet him i’d let him know…

Anyways, we kept talking on the phone, he used to call me as soon as he wakes up, then talk to me ll the way from home to work, then call me from work just to hear my voice while he ‘d be working… he’d call me on his way home, and then on his way out with his friends, telling me who he was going out with ( men and women ) and where… and he’d call me back again on his way home and stay on the phone till he falls asleep… we started to have feelings for each other, and became closer and closer… he told me 4 times ” i love you ” while falling asleep… he’d tell me he misses me and wants me and need me… then i tld him i wanted to see him, but whenever i’d talk about seeing each other, he’d say ” yeah soon “… i asked him if there was anything wrong or scaring him, he said ” we became so close in a very short time, and we havent even met yet, and am scared that when we meet, u dont like me physically or u dont feel attracted to me and vice versa ” i tried to make him not to worry and told him that am sure that the chemistry we have will be the same and maybe stronger when we meet and that im sure of m y feelings and nothing will change that.. anyways i decided to give him time to be ready to see me… he was jealous, getting upset when knowing that a man talked to me, or that i was out with friends… he ws really caring, he even talked abt the future…

then 20 days ago, he started to be weird, sometimes really caring, sometimes very distant, somedays he wouldnt call, i was very upset so he told me that he cant control his mood swings and that when he is in a bad mood he prefers to stay alone and not talk to me bc he doesnt wanna hurt me or be too cold… i told him again that i wanted to see him and he promised it would be soon… then he started disappearing for 2 or 3 days.. and acting weird.. i’d call him telling him i miss him, he’d say ” ok thanks”… no more ‘ i miss u too ” no more sweet words…

i tried to end this relationship twice but he’d always call me and solve things… but last week, i got very mad and sent him a long message saying that i cant take it anymore and am fed up and i dont get him and dont understand what he wants… that am so confused and that i feel that he is unsure of his feelings and this is hurting me.. and that i was honest with him since the beginning and really fell for him.. but that i wont force him to be with me and love me… and that i was rly disappointed bc i never thought he’d hurt me.. i told him that he is a player and that he never had feelings for me.. and that i didnt want to hear abt him again…

i sent him this message early morning, he called me at night and said that we need to have a very honest talk, and that yes am right he is unsure of his feelings and thats why he was so distant bc he didnt want to lie and tell me things he wasnt sure abt.. and that he didnt want to see me before we learn to know each other more… he told me that he had a painful love experience in the past and that he doesnt want to make the same mistake again, and that in love, he uses his mind, not his heart… and that he feels that we really got close too quickly and that it scared him bc he realized that my feelings were very strong… ( he started to change after i told him that i loved him and couldnt wait to be with him ) he told me that he doesnt want to hurt me, and tht he is not playing and that if he was rly playing he would have seen me and spent time with me and left me..

he said i really mean a lot to him and that im a really special woman in his life, and that am the only one he talks with for hours on the phone and that he cant deny that he has feelings but he doesnt know exactly wht it is… he says he feels good when he talks to me and that he feels like we’ve known each other for years… and that i always know how to make him laugh and make him forget everything around him… he said that he is rly attracted by me physically and that the only fact of hearing my voice or looking at my pics drives him crazy and he didnt want to see me bc he didnt want to touch me or kiss me before being sure of his feelings…

then he told me that of course we r not friends, but we’re not lovers too… and that he can say that he sees me as his best friend or closest one to him and that he really thinks that we should talk as friends and take our time, and meet and what will happen… he said if we take our time and learn to know each other more, this ” friendship” might become a strong true love and a real commitment… and we might feel that we’re better as friends…

anyways, i still feel that he is scared to meet me… this week we barely talked, he called me 2 days ago and we talked for like 2 hrs on the phone just laughing and teasing each other.. but then didnt hear abt him for 2 days… anyways we’re supposed to meet this week… but am so confused… he is driving me crazy.. i feel that he is afraid to show his weakness, or his feelings… afraid to admit that he loves me as much as i do… i mean i know how mad he is when he knows am out… i prepared him a surprise, am gonna send it to his office, didnt tell him what it is, just that there’s a big surprise for him, he was happy he told me he loves surprises…

i know i should wait till we meet, but im scared i dont wanna lose him… what we shared is really amazing, never felt this way with anyone, never laughed at much with anyone, never felt safe just by hear anyone’s voice… with him its different…

i dont know how to feel.. does he love me? is he scared? did he meet someone else ? i just dont know…

I really need ur help and advice… tell me what to do please..

Am sorry for this long email and am sorry for my bad english…

Waiting for ur reply

Please try to reply asap bc am gonna meet him this week and i wanna know what ut hink abt this before i see him.

Thank u

Mary

Mary,

My initial reaction is that it sounds like he is very lonely where he does not get the type of attention that get gets from anyone else but you at the moment. That would kind of explain the clingy behaviour at times and then mood swings as if you are just a regular person, so to speak. Based on what you wrote it doesn’t feel like he is say in love with you but rather enjoys the feelings that you provide him with at the moment.

If that is the case too then this is going be like a situation where if you don’t give the person a birthday present or gift everyday then all of a sudden they are going to get antsy and detached from you. I think this is what you need to find out if so. See if it is more about you as a person and feeling that you two complete each other, so to speak, as opposed to a person simply wanting specific high moments from you.