Ask A Pisces Man Mailbag March 20, 2012

Bianca Asks:

Hi I’m in desperate need of advise right now with dealing with a pisces I’m interested in the first time I saw him I was seasonal at my job and he walked past me he had the walk so smooth and he was checking me out on the slide… I stopped working after christmas and shortly after got hired to a full time position then couple of months after out of nowhere he moves up and becomes my manager! Since then its been really hard to fight off me liking him. At first he was shy talking and laughing With everyone but myself he only admired me from a distance I could see that he was attracted to me but couldn’t do anything about it after awhile he started to talking more and asking about my life outside of work like my interests love life family friends and such sometimes he would forget he was at work snap out of It and start disscussing work issues sometimes I could even tell his mind was w ondering . He started saying you look amazing you look beautiful & so on. It was even one time I decided to test him out…. he made me stay late and I pretended like I had a date and had to cancel on my way out the door I tell him “you ruined my date so now you have to take me on one” I scurry off and he replies under his breathe to another co worker “I sure will”! So

Bianca,

It looks like your message got cut off unfortunately and so I can’t really analyze it. Feel free to send a new message and I hope you had it saved.

Christie Asks:

Dear Alan,

I think your writing is wonderful and it’s great that you are helping people with their questions. Now, I was hoping you could give me an insight into my pisces man. I am an Aries woman, so safe to say i’m in a relationship where neither of us can understand each other. I crave for honesty and communication, while his thoughts are so well hidden, I never know what he is “truly” thinking. 6 months ago we started dating and the chemistry was just crazy, we moved in together after 1.5 months. We were always together and we did things together and cared for each other.

Although we argued a lot, he was very jealous and vain because i had a lot of male friends. But we always ended up working things out before we went to bed if there was an issue. After the 3rd month, his visa was due and had to go back to his own country. He asked me to go with him and promised me a better life and that he would look after me. So after much consideration and given our love for each other, i left my life behind and went with him, in hope of starting a new life together. which is the impression he created for me anyway…

4th month, I am now in his country, things are going good but he had to find a job. After he started work things turned worse and worse. I began to feel like hes not spending any time with me, as he’s gone from 8am til 10pm and im at home all day, hes tired and doesnt attend to my emotional and physical needs, which makes me think he was losing interest in me. Its no longer like before where we always work things out, now its him falling asleep no matter how bad our argument was. Therefore i felt unhappy everyday, i knew it was going downhill so i asked for clearer communication between us, he agreed but still never opened up about his thoughts.

5th month i was feeling miserable, i couldnt speak the language, i couldnt find work, i didnt have any friends but i still stayed because i love him and wanted a life with him, i just told myself to be patient. 6th month my visa is due and he tried to help me apply for residence, which is an easy process but takes a few days of running around. Half way through it, he gave up and said he was busy at work, which i knew was a lie, because if he’d want me to stay he would do anything to get me that permit. So knowing what i know i was upset and angry and i stopped talking to him. our final week together we barely spoke to each other.

only 2 days before i was about to leave he said to me “i didnt do your visa on purpose because i want you to go home and have a better life, your life is no good here, you have nothing to do. if you go home you can have friends and a stable career and socialize. we can’t be together in this country but i cannot leave. i wish I could leave with you but i can’t. i just got the job and i want to focus on my career. I was isolating you last week on purpose so you would hate me and hate this place, i wanted to push you to leave. You will have a better life at home trust me.”

That speech sent me on an emotional rollercoaster ride, i went from being angry to the most upset i have ever been in my life. I begged him 100 times to let me stay and keep trying for us, dont give up. I could see he was hurting that i’m leaving but he never changed his mind til i was on that plane. I am guttered that i left my life behind to spend 3 months in another country with a man and then that’s it…it was like a game, he had no consideration for my opinion what so ever. I only wish he had discussed his plans with me and simply be honest and tell me he wasn’t going to do my visa. we could’ve talked like adults.

So now i’m back at home, so miserable, i cried everyday because what i envisioned as a future is now gone. He didnt cry that much and when i asked him if he had anything to say to me, all he said was “thank you, i will always love you and i’m sorry i can’t look after you.” its as if he was trying to control his emotions. He rang me when i was at the connecting airport for about 5 mins and i broke down in tears but then he just said “i have to go now, work is busy” and cut me off which further made me feel worthless to him.

He sent me a msg the night i left telling me how he couldnt cry when i was there but cried a lot after i left and that life was so miserable now i’m gone and wished me a good life. I feel like he is so conflicted and doesnt know what he wants? also, never did he say, what is going to happen to our relationship, whether its over or not. I sent him messages everyday for 3 days after i got home telling him how upset i was to leave him and asking him to give me a closure so i can move on. but he didnt even reply. when he finally responded, he told me that he really does love me but he doesnt know about us, because his country is not suitable for us to live. he said we should skype asap, but when i asked when and if he was free at the time, he said he was busy and we’ll skype in a few days.

His action and his words are just so conflicted, he says one thing but does something else. he says he loves me but he doesnt act like it, just comparing our relationship from the beginning to the end, they’re complete opposites. I really need some advice on where i should go from here. I love him so much and want to be with him but im afraid he doesnt love me anymore (due to his actions) and just wants to string me along for emotional satisfaction until he finds someone else. We are thousands of miles apart now, and i really just want to know if i should go back or go on with my life. he still won’t give me a closure or any indication of wanting me to go back which leaves me stuck in a limbo.
Do you have any ideas why he is acting the way he is? it seems like he doesnt want to deal with me anymore because he no longer even bothers to reply my smses but then he doesnt want to let me go either, all our photos and relationship status are still unchanged on fb to our family and friends which confuses me. because knowing him he usually gets rid of every evidence of any ex-girlfriends on those social networking sites. I am so confused and exhausted, but i still hope things would turn around and change. because i know the person i first met inside him and he is capable of being very sweet and loving. Not like now, he is do detached, cold and cruel towards my feelings yet still tells me that he loves me…

Sorry it was long but I would really really appreciate your help! Thank you in advance.

Christie,

As usual, keep in mind this is subjective as I am just basing my thoughts and opinion based on what I read. My personal opinion based on all this is that he is missing something in life in the tangible sense and felt that you could help him create this. This could be say the lifestyle of a stable career, wanting a dream home in a good neighbourhood, etc. With that in mind it would make perfect sense to me on why it sounds like he had a fantasy version on how things would work such as telling you to move to where he lives and that he will take care of you.

As the relationship progressed it feels like based on what you wrote you were having a hard time with things like finding work. Therefore, this probably hindered your ability to help him in what he wants out of the relationship and it doesn’t seem like it is something that he wants to mold you into doing as opposed to thinking you should be able to bring that into the relationship yourself. Therefore, in his mind he would rather focus the energy in working towards what he wants now and what he thinks is making it go forward.

I personally think that talk about how he confessed to you that he purposely didn`t help you with your Visa so that you would hate him is false in the sense that he did it so that you would leave him and go on to better things. The scenario that makes more sense to me based on personality is as mentioned above you simply didn’t meet his expectation in terms of helping him with his goal which is why he didn`t focus on you. And so saying this at the end is more of a way to cover that up and make himself sound good still.

Even all that talk after where you mentioned that he said he didn’t think his country is suitable enough for you two to live in makes me think back to the point that he wants something tangible and is trying to find a person that would help him with that. To me again that would make perfect sense why he is ignoring your messages and generally just not putting the energy into you.

So this is a personal choice I say where I recognize in relationships it`s all about filling in the void of each other where in the end it will create something great. My personal opinion of this though is that he cares more about whatever it is that he wants as oppose to you and him as a couple. So while I`m sure he would be sweet, I wouldn’t doubt that if you worked with him in accomplishing whatever it is that he wanted that the next day things go sour with that you will be in the same situation as now. So really think about what you want and think you deserve as well in a relationship.

Confused Cancer Asks:

Hello Alan,

I was hoping you could provide me some insight here. So there is this Pisces man, (who is younger than me by the way but not by much) whom I’ve kinda had a secret crush on for years, but in a silly junior high kinda of way 🙂 Anyway, I don’t seem him very often but he has always been very friendly with me and very nice and we seem to be able to talk very easily. So about a week ago we hung out at a party and had what I though was a really great time. It was weird because although there were lots of other people and friends their he and I seemed to just be huddled together in various corners for most of the night just talking and having having some pretty great (at least I thought) so conversations. We have so much in common, our likes and hobbies and I thought we really connected. As the night progressed we both became very affectionate with each other (his arm around me here and there, running his hand up and down my back as he stood next to me, hugging playfully, sitting and standing really close together, etc.)

Sure we were drinking, but even before we had our first drink I could just feel a vibe between us. When I arrived he saw me and immediately started to tell me that he thought I looked really pretty and that he liked my hair the way it was. We were talking about all kinds of things, even relationship stuff such as what we look for in a mate, and how it’s hard for nice people like us to find a good match. It was almost like he was throwing stuff out there to test my responses. So after the party was over and everyone left we just said bye to each other and that was about it other then him messaging me (not via phone but on my FB wall, kinda weird I think as he didn’t ask for my number) to let me know he got home safe since I had mentioned to him that I was worried that he wouldn’t get home safe since he had had a couple of drinks.

So now comes the confusing part. So after this party we have chit chatted a couple of times on FB, nothing major just silly little comments here and there about various things. So when it was his b-day I decided to send him a private message instead of post on his wall to kinda of give him a hint (I’m a cancer and I will never directly come out and tell a guy I am interested) He responded with a short but funny thank you and joke. So I responded back with a silly little joke of my own and he never responded.

He has stopped any contact which I don’t understand since we had so much fun that night and then were sort of communicating online for a couple of days afterward. I’m baffled and was thinking maybe I was imagining that we had sort of connected that night at the party but then I have had several people ask me what was up with he and I and tell me it was so noticeable that we were “in to each other” that night and that we had looked so “cozy” with each other so I know it’s not just me. I have made sure not to be too pushy in contacting him and have stopped and have been giving him his space.

I can’t figure out if he was only interested that night and maybe got caught up in a moment or if he is just scared (he did tell me had confidence issues sometimes which honestly surprised me that he would confide in me like that, especially at a party) He’s a really nice guy so I’m also wondering if maybe he realized that he didn’t want to pursue anything further and he just doesn’t want to make me feel bad so he would just rather cut communication entirely. I know according to astrology that both Pisces and Cancer people do not like to be up front with their feelings and are not direct when they are interested in someone. What are your thoughts? Any Pisces man insight would be appreciated. Thank you 🙂

Confused Cancer ,

I think the key factor here is analyzing the fact that as you mentioned he posted a message publicly on your Facebook Wall to tell you he was okay as opposed to sending you a private message. To me, that shows that he wanted the world to know you two have a `friendly` relationship together and does not want it to get mixed with a couple type of scenario. As well, if anyone ever bugs him that he is serious with you then he can use the public post as a reference to say otherwise. If I was to tell you two people have been private messaging each other a lot versus posting publicly in a profile I think you would agree one sounds more suggestive in terms of being serious.

I personally don’t feel he would ignore you if it is the case where he didn’t want to peruse you any further and didn’t want to hurt your feelings. Based on this scenario I am thinking it is more along the lines of “Okay, where is this going?“ type of thing where you have to take initiative. Thinking how I would react for example, basically we had the chit chat and have been throwing jokes for fun. While this is happening I am thinking and trying to analyze if you are doing it just for fun or if you are trying to peruse me. Therefore, after your last joke I kind of just let it be to see what happens and what you will do next. Essentially, it’s not that I am ignoring you but rather I’m not really sure what is happening next and so I am waiting for some kind of situation to react to.

If what I said is true for him then you just need to be a little more assertive I say to get to the bottom of it. The easiest way is as usual finding something you know he would be interested in and using it as a way to engage him into a conversation to open him up more.