Ask A Pisces Man Mailbag – November 21, 2013

Alyssa Asks:

Hello! So I saw your website and I knew that I had to ask you this since I need the answer to this. Since you are a pisces man, what do you do when you like a girl? Also, does this pisces man like me? There’s this pisces man who first asked me what was my name (since we didn’t know each other), was I shy (I am shy but we don’t have any classes together), do I have any friends, who are they, and would I want to be his friend.

I said I don’t know to being his friend because I was really having a REALLY bad day so I just said I don’t know since people were like listening to our conversation. Anyway, he was looking at my eyes while I was talking or he was asking me questions the whole time the finally said was he bothering me and I said I don’t know back and then he said I’ll leave you alone then. The next time, I was in the middle of him and my friend who’s a cancer and when my cancer friend started to talk to me (she’s a girl), the pisces man said to stop talking to me, and that I didn’t want to be bothered and saw my cancer friend said “Ok?….” then stopped talking to me. After class, my cancer friend asked me if she was bothering me then I said of course and I wondered why he said that.

Anyway, I started to kinda look at him in the hallways then I realized that he would quickly look at me or right in my direction then look away. He would do that like every time he saw me clearly but his friends wouldn’t notice that he would do that. So, I thought that I was bothering him since I looked at him so I stopped and pretended that he was a normal person. He kept looking in my direction REALLY quickly though then turned back. Anyways, he started to stop doing that. Ok, so then he started to do it again so I started to sort of look at him again. In lunch, my table was near the garbage can so he would have to pass it so he would like speed-walk with his friends even though I wasn’t even looking at him. One day, while he was passing me with his friend (he had to to get something), he looked like quickly in my direction AGAIN.

He doesn’t talk to me though. Even though, he’s social. I heard him ask a friend is the friend liked me or not. He was whispering. My cancer friend told me that she thinks he likes me because he defended me by saying not to bother me to her and that he’s nice to me (which he is, I guess). I’ve noticed that some girls who are in his class don’t like him like one girl said that she wish he wasn’t in her class, one said he’s unfair, and one said he’s dumb (which he isn’t but she thinks he’s sort of annoying.)

My cancer friend said to me straight out that she doesn’t like him because she thinks he’s annoying because he annoys her like tapping his pencil even though she told him to stop or marking her tardy when she just came in which she thinks is VERY annoying. Once girl in his class said that he marked her absent but he said no and he didn’t but he probably changed it so he wouldn’t get in trouble. I’ve heard these stuff and know that it’s true because of my cancer friend and she tells the truth. I’ve noticed that he doesn’t do those things to me though like he doesn’t get me annoyed or tease me. He’s nice to me. Do you think he likes me? Thanks in advance! 😀

Alyssa,

I made a post before called how to know if a Pisces man likes you where I talk about the types of signals or reactions a person like me would give if they are interested in you. After reading what you wrote I think it is the other way around ironically. Example, you are trying to wonder if he likes you but to me it sounds like he is wondering if you like him. So at the moment I wouldn’t go as far to say that he likes you in a way where he is going to drop his guard and would be your boyfriend, but he seems darn curious about you at the moment.

The reason I say this is because it sounds like he is being pretty cautious when he is around you and trying to analyze all your signals. Even you mentioned at the start you kind of gave him the cold shoulder when he wanted to know simple details about you. Basically, this is a time a person like myself would be waiting for you to make the first move as you have essentially rejected him already in the beginning and while he is curious he doesn’t want to potentially open up another can of cold reception from you, so to speak.

Genesis Asks:

I have a Pisces man in my life that I have known for several years as a work acquaintance and we began talking about 2 years ago and it slowly progressed up to us agreeing to be FWB’s which has been going on for almost a year now. Immediately after our first encounter he began texting me every morning and we would continue to chat all day and this went on for months but in the last couple of months we dont talk as much, now maybe 2-3 times a week.

The problem is that he has a situation with the mother of his child that weighs heavily on him because she manipulates and guilts him, he used to share a lot of this with me but lately he hasn’t. He even believes she trapped him because she has always wanted more from him and he never planned on having children. I never give advice or my opinions, I just listen. He gets all caught up in his head and frequently says he needs to take a break from our “play time” as he calls it and is always concerned about me being upset with him but it never lasts long.

He gets jealous if he knows I went out with friends or out of town and has frequently asked if I got lucky, the last time he did this I went off on him so I dont think he will be asking for awhile. He keeps track of my cycle too, better than I do. When we are together, it is amazing. We are emotionally connected and passionate and very comfortable with one another. He also uses the word love a lot when we are together, like he loves this or loves that.

He always make eye contact and one time he stared into my eyes for what seemed like forever and then he said “your eyes look like mine” and then kissed me. He talks a lot and makes me laugh with his stories and normally I would be annoyed with a guy that talked as much as he does. He plays bass and I am a sucker for musicians, he knows this and recently he pulled out his acoustic guitar and started playing for me.

He has shared so much with me and opened up to me and I have come to care about him very much, more than I expected. Every time he needs his space I give it to him, maybe because I am a Cancer I understand the need to hide away and recharge. I have friends who think this man really cares about me and possibly loves me but being that he is a Pisces it is hard to tell… I am pretty sure that he cares about me but I am not sure if it is a friendly care or more. He can’t seem to let me go or doesn’t want to and the jealousy makes me think that maybe he does have feelings for me. Is his behavior that of a typical Pisces or does he really have feelings for me. I guess I want to know because I feel like our relationship is worth riding out until the end.

Genesis,

I just wanted to start off by saying since there is a child involved then I hope your decisions are being based on what’s best for that little kid as well. Example, if you do want to pursue the relationship all the way then you are committing to having that child in your life as well.

To me at the moment it sounds like you are a confident booster to him. That’s not necessarily bad as it’s no different than people liking it when others recognize their work or say intelligence. In this case it’s more about the notion of feeling wanted/needed in an intimate way. Hence, the extreme jealousy if you are talking to others. With that said it’s more like he wants you for that as opposed to more for you at the moment, if that make sense.

Based on what you wrote it doesn’t sound like he knows exactly what he wants or where he wants to go in life. In my personal opinion, because of stuff like that this I think it’s more up to you as it’s kind of like saying you are an enabler in this situation. Example, if you want a more serious relationship then you need to cut off this FWB scenario and make it a real relationship. You may say he needs to do it, but to me he sounds like he is all over the place at the moment where you are the one that needs to take control.

Amie Asks:

thanks god i found you and your weblog. there is this pisces guy which I am very much fond of but I dont know how to interpret his behavior and how to proceed with him.

we are colleagues, first I recognized his looks on me. He looked at me in our mutual meetings and it was so obvious. but at the same time when just the two of us, incidentally encountered in the lobby or elsewhere, he ran away so obvious, as if I am going to eat him!!

this continued for almost a year until he apparently searched me in linkedin and added my sister wrongly instead of me (i was not a member there and he thought my sister was me!). you know, I was not aware of his move (my sister had no idea he was looking for me and had added her wrongly). time passed and as I liked him so much I went to his office, made sth up and asked him for some advice.

he talked with me a lot but did not give me anything to lead our communication to private (like his number or private email), I didnt ask for it either because I thought I am making the move if there was anything he would respond by giving me a number or email of his. that event passed and a week later he emailed my sister and made some compliments about me. it was just then that I knew he was trying to find me on linkedin and had added my sister by mistake.

when I knew that, I joined linkedin and after a week added him. I waited to see if he makes a move but he didnt. thus, i sent him a message and told him he looked like a famous actor and that actor reminds me of him! he replied that thanks for ur message and gave some information about his own birthday, age and height!! (worth noting that I am taller than him and he is 11 years older).

he didnt ask anything from me. I replied that based on his birthday he is strong and determined and his eyes are really deep. his next reply was thank you for your compliments and again some info about his own birthday but this time he for the first time called me by my first name (he always calls me by family name). again asked no question from me. I replied him and hinted the conversation to some of my ongoing work events.

by the way,and until now, that is all going between us. I am really interested in this guy but can not really understand the meaning of his actions and even dont know how to proceed? is he really interested in me? or I am wasting my time? if he is, what and how should I proceed?

thanks in advance for your kind help. I look forward to receive your instructions.

Amie,

What an interesting story. I love the bit about him running away as if you were going to eat him. lol. One key thing in your message that popped up to me was how he kept mentioning his birthday which has to be for a purpose as usually a person like myself is way too reserved to just come out like that. In my opinion that sounds like he is trying to set the grounds with you where he knows that socially something with him being with you may be perceived as negative. Example, the age difference. Therefore, with him throwing this out there already you then can’t use this against him should you decide to want to get closer with him.

It just sounds like he is throwing you bits of information and seeing if you will take the bite and proceed. Seems pretty “straight forward” in terms of how someone who is semi insecure about the situation would react. I’m inclined to say in this case yo just need to ask bluntly if you are interested in the person such as a date. How he reacts after that is all you need to know. As i mention many times, if the person isn’t interested in you at all they won’t even bother to continually give any details about themselves.

Confused! Asks:

There is a pisces that is in my circle of friends whom I fell for at one point. I told him how I felt and he said he just wanted to be friends. Eventually, we had a falling out because of a decision he made and I would ignore him and kind of not acknowledge his presence. Recently, our group of friends went out to drink and I felt he was acting “weird”. He followed me around, always wanted to be near me, and wanted to start convos with me.

The next night we drank together again and he again was being nice and acting “weird”. We eventually started talking and he asked me “why do you hate me?”, “I feel like you don’t like me”. I said “I can’t help that every time i look at you i think about what you did to me”. He kept apologizing, telling me he cares about me, wants me to find some that makes me happy, that he doesn’t want some guy to hurt me the way he did, that he notices that i have this whole life with another group of friends, that he values my opinion on him, told I’m here for you and i hope when i need you youre here for me, and he tried kissing me (he has GF btw).

My question is a pisces guy genuine with his words when he is drunk? This is not the first time he has done this. I’ve noticed that he can only talk to me when he drinks and when we’re alone. btw.. everything he said to me I had said to him awhile back when i really like him and had to watch him date someones else. So, where was all these feelings when i was pouring out my heart? He made it pretty clear that he didn’t care about me when i said of that stuff to him.

Confused!,

I guess a little disclaimer here, I have never drank alcohol in my life. So my opinions on this is simply based on what I see in others, what they tell me and my general intuition in the matter if I was in a similar state of mind.

Generally speaking, it sounds like this is one of those situations where someone knows that they did something bad to another and as a result of those actions they can’t sleep at night, so to speak. Of course when a person is normal for the day they can simply sway it off as not many people would want to admit that. However, if they are drunk I would assume one doesn’t have as much control over their emotions.

Or same thing, when a person is at their lowest of lows things like this will affect them more. With all that said it makes perfect sense to me why this only comes out when he is drunk as you say. Do I think it is genuine? I guess that depends on your definition of genuine here. Does he feel like crap for what he did? Most likely. Does he genuinely take responsibility for what he did? I would be inclined to say no if he can’t say this stuff when he isn’t under the influence of something.

In my view this is more to make himself feel better at the moment. Whether or not you will accept that is up to you.

Kizzie Asks:

Hi there,

I am indeed a Pisces myself but men seem to be completely opposite to us women. Anyway I met a pisces guy 3 months ago and he is extremely myserious. He works in a local club so I see him quite often. He gave me his number and I met him 3 times on my own. We get along really well have have a laugh and a banter.

Thing is he seems uninterested and distant, he knows I like him but he says he likes me and then tha next he isn’t sure if he does. Its kind of doing my head in to be honest. I understand he doesn’t want to commit just yet but all I’m asking is for him to see how things go and give me a chance.

What are your thoughts on this?

Much appreciated thanks . X

Kizzie,

To me the answer seems pretty basic where while there is a lot he likes about you there is something in you that is missing in terms of his ideal view of a partner. Speaking for myself, I am an extremely loyal person for example and the notion of “just see how things go” is kind of scary. Because of this loyalty there are high odds that one will stick with you even if they aren’t entirely happy. Unless you do something completely over the top then that is a different story.

So instead of trying to get to know you in-depth while in a relationship one would try to do it before they “commit” to it, so to speak. It might sound strange, but if he is even talking to you about anything that gets you two closer then technically he is giving you a chance. It’s just not in the way you would like it of course.

Rebecca Asks:

Hi Alan,

I met this pisces guy at my previous job. He was really sweet and we both liked eachother. At the time, i was dating a taurian who was so possesive and verbally abusive. That made me fall more to this pisces man who was always willing to listen to my problems with my boyfriend and encouraged me to leave him. He showed he was afraid for me, and didnt want me to come to any harm.

As much as this pisces guy liked me and wanted me to leave my relationship, he also liked the fact that i was something he couldnt have (since i was in a relationship already. so i couldnt question why he wasnt taking us further). I was ready to leave my relationship if he would ask me to be his girlfriend, but he never asked. He sent me lovely messages and sometimes called me over the week ends to know how i was doing. I was so inlove with him and looked forward to seeing him at work everyday.

He wanted to travel abroad for further studies and was hoping i had thesame plans to further my career. (he made it known to me then that he was interested in women who were independent and were successful in their careers). So because i would do anything to have him, I worked on leaving the current job for something better. I got a job much more better than his and could comfortably further my studies if i wanted to.

He was impressed and made his mind up about dating me. (my relationship then was dying, so i ended it with my boyfriend). Now, we are together and things seems to be moving on so nicely. he claims he loves me so much, he introduced me to his sister and hopes to meet my family too. Right now, he is strongly hoping to get a better job as well (i get the feeling he’ll propose if he gets something better).

Sorry my message is too long, but i wish to know if my pisces man really loves me. I know i was ready to give in anything to date him, but i dont want to be loved for material gain. when the money stops coming in, would he still love me? if eventually he gets a good job, would he go off to another woman who earns more and is successful in her career? since this is his gaol. Please help, Alan. And also he seems to be interested in women alot, though he claims they are only friends.

Thanks for your help.

Rebecca,

If you are worried about him only wanting to be with you for materialistic gain then the simple answer would be to take away those things in a reasonable way. For example, do you always buy him expensive items? Stop doing that and focus more on things that are mainly about just you and him.

It is a little worrisome that he only agreed to officially date you once you got that new job. I would say just remember to take care of yourself first. Example, if your job is paying you well then be sure to save a lot of it as opposed to say pouring it on him. If you notice he becomes more distant or aggressive because of stuff like this then these should be the tell tale signs on what the true intentions are. On the flip-side, he could react in a positive way where you are planning for the future which would be good.

If the person is truly using you for materialistic gain then what they fear is if they lose control over you. Communication is the key too. Ask him about his future and plans and whether or not he has a clear path on how he is going to get there. Be clear what you want out of the relationship too. Example, are you willing to take care of him financially if need be? Again, just remember to take care of yourself first and the rest will unfold.

Duece Asks:

I have some issues reguarding my pisces ex. First,let me explain the situation. I met her 2 years ago,when I moved back home. She was currently dating my older sister. At our first meeting there was a sense of a strong connection (as if we have known eachother in a previous lifetime). As the years went on we continued to talk,hang out at my sisters house,or just do simple things like picking flowers with her son in the front yard. We both enjoyed the simple things and found joy in the simple things. We shared a mutual respect..we both looked out for eachother for example if I saw that she looked sad or down (I can read people very easily as I am high sensitive and intutive) I would comfort her and try to make her feel better. Or if I saw she needed help cleaning or doing something I would offer a helping hand. She was the same towards me,she would fix me plates of food or go out of her way if I needed something. We both had this silent understanding to look out for another.

Even though she was my sisters gf I found a strong attraction to this pisces,and our silent mutual connection made me so curious about her. How could I feel so strongly about this person,and how does she know how to cater to my needs so precisly. Over the year our bond grew closer and closer,never once having a disagreement. I noticed that I began to have feelings for this woman,and my intution told me I wasn’t alone.

One night while my sister was in bed,she came out of the room and we talked on the couch for a while. When she was getting up to leave she turned around and said “I usually don’t make the first move” and then procedded to get on top of my lap and started to make out with me. That feeling was like a million fireworks igniting on fourth of july. But behind it quickly followed guilt. As she was with my sister. I had witnessed first hand the abuse and neglect my older sister put on her,and she continued to stay and take it,crying almost every night.

My heart melted for this woman and my every urge wanted to take her out of this situation to show her that I could treat her like a queen. A few weeks of secretly flirting behind my sisters back and having that rush of the secret affair we grew even closer until my sister found out!!! She then beat my ass and threw me out the house and told me to never come back!! I was devasted but went on my way. Stayed with a friend for a month of 2,dreaming of this pisces woman every night in my fantasies. I missed her so much,but not once did I hear from her once I left. Yet I could feel the detachment through the distance.

I received texts from my sister stating she knew I was the one who forced her to kiss me,etc etc. The pisces woman denied ever making the first move and blamed it on me the whole time (probably due to her own security). I loved her so much I took the blame for her safety. After about 5 months me and my sister reconciled. slowly but surely I made my way back into her life and one night was invitied to come back over. I was so nervous to see this pisces again (still with my sister)… the night I saw her again I felt my heart drop as she looked miserably depressed and had lost over 30 pounds. I wanted to say so much but my sister had close eyes on us.

Neway my sister had eyes on us 24/7 making sure we made no flirting or eye contact. It was a very uncomfortable and awkward situation. I let it slide in hopes to one day be able to be left alone with her again. It took a whole year for my sister to trust me alone with her again at the house. In that time we had always flirted and secretly text eachother but never brought up the incident in the past.

Well after eveery we still had the same connection as if we never parted. Her and my sisters relationship was really hitting the fan and she cried to me almost every day asking for answers or what she should do to try and fix i I admired her commitment,even though she deserved better so I tried to help her through. We became best friends soooo close,but secretly had intense feelings for eachother. One day I offered her an outlet. I told her she should run away with me and that we didn’t have to be in a relationship but she deserved to be in a better place for her and her sons sake. She agreed to leave with me.

So we had it all planned out. After leaving with her we reached our darkest times. My whole family turned against me as they felt betrayed but didn’t understand the situation of my love for her or the abuse she was undergoing. Her and I lived out of a motel,barely making it. We agrreed to work together to get into a better place so we searched for jobs but had no luck. Eventually she changed. That connection changed everything changed and suddenly my intution felt nauseous and that she was shady. I couldn’t figure it out all I could do was question my instincts. After one night she asked me what was wrong I told her something didn’t feel right in my gut and she immediatly jumped to defense and started calling me insecure and all the worst names u can imagine.

She through every piece of info I ever trusted her with into my face,and even compared me to my piece of shit sister and said I was a crazy bitch!! I was so hurt,I just sat there and watched her pack her things. She repeatedly said I’m done,I’ve been though this for too long. And all I could do was defend myself and remind her of everything I sacrificed to be with her. She left that night only to have some guy pay for another motel room whom i m sure she probably slept with. My heart was devasted for over 2 1/2 yrs everything I believed we shared was down the drain in one night. Its been a month since I’ve heard from her…and yesterday she called out of the blue.

I didn’t answer out of fear…but then today I texted her to find out if she meant to call she said it was an accident but then procedded to ask me if I was ok and asking where I was staying and seeing if I was safe. I said this bitch has got some nerve!!! I then told her I am safe and then she brought up the past and tried playing the blame game again… I told her I found out about all her lies… she lied about A LOT… actually everything she said was a lie… but my heart is still melting for her. I still dream about her. What the hell should I do??? And why would she try to reenter my life only to blame me until I called heer out then she just said ” well belive what you want,goodbye”… this woman has mental issues and I swear is a pathological liar…but because of our history and feelings invested..I can’t help but miss her and dream of her…

Duece,

To me it sounds like she is taking everyone for a ride. I don’t think I even need to say much about this do I? Even you say you recognize how much she has lied and all. I even made a post once talking about how to know if a pisces is lying and for the most part you kind of described a lot of it. If I were you I would be running as far away from this lady as possible. You just need to get over and accept that she essentially duped you into believing her and at the same time causing you to damage the real genuine relationships in your life. Time to stop spending energy in chasing what hurts you while repairing those that actually means something in your life.

Theresa Asks:

I have been talking to a Pisces man whom I met online for 2 months. We have not met yet. My main concern with him is that he will sometimes go without a whole week without contacting me, not even text messaging me. Tommorow it will be the 3rd time he has gone 7 days without contacting me.

The last time he did it…I didn’t want to seem clingy especially when we are not dating yet so instead of getting at him for no contact, I just said I was worried that something happened to him. He works in the oil field and said the cell reception has been terrible. I don’t know if I believe him. Funny thing is he claims cell reception is bad but yet he can still text me back the same day…sometimes within 5 minutes? I also know he works 11 hours/day. Is it a normal thing for a Pisces Man to lie to not seem like the bad guy? I don’t know if he started talking to another woman or just needs his space.

I want to confront him on why he doesn’t sometimes contact me for a whole week. But at the same time, I don’t want to seem demanding when we are not even dating yet. How to ask him to contact me more without seeming clingy?

We made plans for him to come see me in my city after he is done work( we live 2 hours away but I am planning to move down there and find work where he lives. It was my plan before we met online). He should be off work in about 2 weeks or so.

Please help…this Pisces man is confusing the hell out of me. I really like this guy but don’t know if he is a player or just one who needs his space. By the way, he said he is looking for a relationship and wants me all to himself but at the same time- his contact seems so inconsistent.

Theresa,

Since this is an online dating story I have to ask on whether or not you are 100% sure of his identity first and foremost as usually if a person is that wishy washy in meeting in-person then something is wrong. Just don’t want this to turn into those stories of catfishes and all.

To be fair maybe his reception is bad where he doesn’t want to call as the phone will die whereas a text can just send whenever the reception is good. The only thing you can really conclude is that you are not a priority for him at the moment. That is up to you if that is acceptable or not. If I were you I would simply suggest all the simple things to connect such as a video chat. If he still refuses and makes excuses then it may be time to move on.

In my opinion, if he truly wants you all to himself and such he would keep you updated such as showing you pictures of his day, asking you for advice, etc. But again, to me it sounds like you aren’t a priority in his life at the moment.

Jo Asks:

Hi Alan,

Would live to get your insights on a Pisces man I can’t figure out.

We met online in October and emailed for about a week to get to know each other, moved up to phone calls and then met and KABOOM instant fireworks. We dated for almost 3 months, then around Xmas things went pearshaped. He was drunk and talking about an ex and saying how he still thinks she’s the one, but there is no future for them (they had at the time been split for over 2 years, he left her). I told him that this made me uncomfortable as I was developing feelings for him. He said he needed some time to process that, but that it was completely normal and we’d be ok and that we’d talk in the New Year (he was going away for a week with friends). When he got back he avoided me, and I asked him straight up should I let go and move on.

He says he couldn’t say yes or no to that, but didn’t feel like he could commit right now, and that we could continue as we were, but it sounded to me like a FWB proposal. I agreed at first, then changed my mind a week later and said I couldn’t be in that situation (I’ll point out here that we never intimate again after Xmas). I stopped contacting for a while and waited for my feelings to settle down. When I felt more stable I contacted him and he said how happy he was to hear from me and proceeded to tell me everything that had been going on in his life (this was email contact). A few weeks later I asked him for some investment advice and he suggested we meet up.

We met up around Easter, and the sparks flew – I ended the meeting after an hour as I could see it ending in bed. After that he went quiet for a month then started texting me. He had an opening night for a show he was in – his first ever, and I went along to show my support, it was a very emotionally charged evening and we ended up spending the night together. He pulled back and I let him, as I didn’t want to start something when we hadn’t talked about where we were going. He was and still is in the process of setting up a new business and he’s very focused on that. We kept in contact and he asked if we could catchup so he could tell me all about how things were going with the business, it ended up being another emotionally charged meeting that ended with him spending the night, we talked about ‘us’ to some degree and he admitted he didn’t know where he was at but that there is so much right with us, I said (with tears in my eyes) that I think it’s very sad he can’t get a grip on his feelings.

A week later he asked to come over and spend the night, I ignored the request as I don’t want a FWB situation. A few days later he called as he was near my place and asked to see me, we had lunch, laid on the lounge watching a romantic movie he’d picked and I told him why I had ignored his request. He said that I’m an amazing and incredible woman and that he know he’s insane for not wanting more, but that he hasn’t had that ‘bolt of lightning’, he said that it may be due to everything happening with his business.

I replied that given that he didn’t know he should take the time to work it out, but that in the mean time I wasn’t going to be sitting on the fence waiting, and that we wouldnt be in a FWB situation as I don’t want to turn our very special connection into something grotty – to which he agreed. We had been drinking, so he spent the night, but I made it clear there would be no sex, and I stuck to it.

The next morning he was fine, and we were chatting about his work comfortably. It’s now been over a week since then, I’m giving him his space, but I’m starting to wonder should I just cut and run. On one hand we have a very emotional connection with each other, there’s a lot of respect and honesty between us, but on the other hand he IS telling me he can’t decide what he wants, and that tells me that he doesn’t want me or ‘us’.

It’s very confusing as he always turns to me for emotional support and on a few occasions (including last time I saw him) cried in my arms over family issues that have hurt him.

We’re both in our mid 40’s.

Jo,

To me it sounds like you want or envision something more out of this relationship whereas he doesn’t at the moment. I personally don’t think it is confusing that he turns to you for emotional support. I am just taking a wild guess here, but it could be that you are a good distance to the other people in his personal life where there are less odds you will mingle with each other at this point. Therefore, it feels more “safe” to talk to a person like yourself.

Therefore, he feels he can safely keep going back to you. Of course as you expressed you want more and not be a FWB. He clearly isn’t taking it as seriously as you are and I think even you know the answer where you are going to have to be a little more firm in terms of how much energy you want to devote into him if he isn’t giving you the same in return.

It’s almost like saying you at this point are giving him love and he is giving you his time. Basically not a fair trade. Be firm in what you want out of him and show it in action and not just words. Example, as hard as it may be if you feel that giving the type of support you give should only be given to a person that is committing to you in a relationship way then be prepared to say no and walk away. Otherwise you are telling them this situation is okay.

Baby Asks:

Hi, first of all sorry for the long message, but I’m really desperate at this moment. I’m a Taurus woman and I met this Pisces guy around 2 months ago through WeChat. After a week of texting he invited me out for a movie. FYI he’s working as a riot police, and his job is extremely demanding at that moment as there was a riot in the city where we live. Basically he’s working around the clock at that moment, and the day before we date, he has to work from 6am and he came back only at 10am the next day. He slept until 3pm and we met on that day. So on that day he insisted to prepare us a meal, I agreed, went to his house, he cooked, we talked while he cooked and occasionally he will come and hugged me from behind, and give me a kiss at my cheek before he continued to cook. Once he even stopped from cooking to steal a kiss at my lips, feed me watermelon while he’s cooking and played with my hair from behind when I walked in front of him.

After the meal, he proposed to me to be his gf, I agreed and we kissed. Things progressed smoothly and we ended up making out with our clothes intact in his room. Then I could sense he wanted to have sex with me, I stopped him, he seems puzzled, I explained my reason, and he looked at me and apologized and hugged me after my explanation. So that day, we didn’t have sex, but only heavy pettings with our clothes still on. Afterwards we went to movie together, during walking he held my hands all the way (he squeezed them hard once in a while, I don’t understand this) we enjoyed the movie, in movie he kept stroking my hand near my wrist while other hand stroking my cheek. Once in a while he will bend down to kiss at my forehead near the hairline. We went home happily that night he asked me to give him a kiss before he left (it was a public bus packed with people in it), even though he’s slightly stressed because after the movie, they call him back for duty at 2am that night.

After that we kept in touch through texting even though he might text me only once per day. Then after a week, they sent him to another city for duty, and this was when everything started to get confusing. He didn’t contact me at all, I got worried, so I sent him a text once every 2 days which he didn’t replied. At one point I got upset so I expressed my anger in the text to him, which again he didn’t reply. After few days, I cooled down, and finally I saw him online and I texted him at that moment, and he replied that he’s not fine and he will come back to me later. Few days again went by, with no contact from him, but I kept sending him a text once per every 2-3 days asking his condition, telling him to take care and so on. This went for 2 weeks. I went for a holiday to my country and finally he replied my message like normally all happy to talk to me. I’m happy that he returned, and started talking to him again. We started to get intimate on texting, but compared to before, I noticed that he won’t reply my text if I sent him one everyday even if he was online. So I learnt from this, I started ignoring him for 2-3 days, and when I texted him, he will then replied to me eagerly.

There’s a pattern to this, when I said something wrong (for example I called him heartless and meanie once because he’s online but he didn’t bother to reply my text even if just to tell me he’s busy!), he will sulk, I will ignore him 3-4 days, he will post new pictures on WeChat, I got jealous and posted more pictures (because we know we can get to know new people on this application), then he will be online almost every hours on Whatsapp (that’s where we text each other) and on day 3rd or 4th, if I texted him 1st, he will reply to me eagerly. Once, he video called me, I can see from his face that he misses me so much, it’s like all written over his face, from his voice, his affection, and he said that he missed me 3-4 times throughout the video call.

Then one day we chatted I explained to him when I will come back my friend will stay with me for 2 weeks so we can’t have sex, and I asked him does he still want to see me as there will be no sex involved. He said of course I do, that’s not a problem, and then I wanted to video call him and he can’t make a video call because his friends were at home, he did proposed to do it later (which I don’t rely on it too much as he always promised to text me but he didn’t). At that moment, I was upset because, 1st I always saw him online on Whatsapp but he never texted me, even if I texted him he will ignored it sometimes I can’t help but thinking that he is talking to another girl, 2nd I feel like he doesn’t missed me that much and I’m struggling from missing him and feeling like a silly woman who kept chasing after him.

Then I burst at that moment, I “said send my regards to the girl then”. He said “what girl?” I said “I don’t know whichever girl who has been talking to you all these times”. He said “what are you saying I don’t understand you???” And I said nevermind just forget it and he said yes, I think you are spouting nonsense too, ok see you again more later (which I think he meant for the video call). I replied his text and said thank you for being so cold towards me, and when you said later, do you mean next year? He didn’t replied, I said I’m going to sleep, give him a kiss and I went offline. The next day, I felt guilty; I apologized to him, which of course, he ignored. The next day, I texted him again asking him to help me choose for my nightgown (we planned that I will have a sleepover at his place where we will have sex for the 1st time after I will come back from my holiday which is in a couple of weeks). He again didn’t replied, so I sent a picture of a bouquet of flower with a sorry message. Again he ignored this.

Then I stopped texting him for 3 days, and then the cycle started again. He posted new pictures on WeChat. To my surprise, he added 3 pictures, 2 pictures of him and one picture is a picture he took from internet, a monkey on top of another monkey as if the top monkey is kissing the bottom one. My tears flowed heavily at that moment, because, he gave me this picture once, and said to me that it’s us, he’s on top and I’m at the bottom. I can’t help but feel as if he’s trying to say that he misses me with that picture, and his action of putting up new pictures on WeChat was an attempt to make me text him again on Whatsapp. Trusting my guts, I sent him a text saying I love him (We never said this to each other). And until now, he didn’t reply even though he still constantly checked his Whatsapp.

I don’t know what to think anymore. He seems like he’s so looking forward for the sleepover, but now, he seems cold, and I’m not sure if he actually likes me or not anymore as his behaviour is really confusing. All I can say is that, we had only 1 date where he proposed me to be his gf, I agreed and the rest of the date went great, and there’s no way I could not understand how much he’s into me on that day when we’re together. Basically, his affection is the strongest ever displayed compared to the others I had dated before. But when we’re far from each other, or in another words, not face to face, it’s as if he’s a different person. I admitted that being a Taurus, I can be possessive and not so good with my temper, but with him, I’m trying my best to not be angry much, but of course at one point I will still lose control. What should I do now, I loved him to the core, I am coming back to the city in a week time, and I am not sure how should I behave or think about him anymore. Please help.

Baby,

My initial reaction from reading this is that maybe you two value affection differently. For example, some people show it really well with words whereas others show it through physical contact. Even with me with my reserved personality I would rather do things such as holding the girl’s hand or touching her hair to show the affection, so to speak. This may explain him for example and not responding to you right away on those online platforms as maybe to him it’s not as meaningful. It’s like a guy that brings the girl out on a nice date and all where he assumes everything is great. Afterwards, he gets scolded on how he didn’t write her a poem back when she sent him one.

It just feels like there is so much miscommunication here and I think you two need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk on what you want and expect out of each other. It’s probably even more important as you mentioned you pretty much accused him of being with another women as well. Don’t be afraid and actually start talking to him openly.

Sona Sks:

Hi,

I have a question. I am a sag and a couple of months back i came across a piscean male through a dating website. He was great in the beginning gave me all the signs and afterwards he suddenly started playing mind games. but by then i was into him. One fine day he says he s no longer interested. i dont know what to do. i am absolutely not in touch with him after a little over a month now but still wonder what went wrong?

Can you help me. Was he really fishy?

Sona,

Unfortunately I can’t really analyze anything here as there is virtually no detail of the events that took place. Example, playing mind games in what way? The only thing I can guess in what happened is it was a short sighted relationship. For example, initially he based the relationship that you two enjoyed the same hobby and ran with it. However, he realized that wasn’t enough to sustain it. Again, there isn’t much information for me to work with here unfortunately.

UniqueJohnson Asks:

I’ve been interested in this Pisces I’ve met a while back but now that classes have changed he’s in my physiology class. I’ve approached him countless times listed to his conversations giving him absolute attention. I’m very happy around him and I’d like to know more about him but….he isn’t latching on to conversations.he’s always in my visual circle and he isn’t rude to me so why isn’t he feeling the conversation like I am?

I recently gave him my number because we both have holds gym memberships.he told me that he works and he goes to my gym on Saturdays, if he calls me is it safe to say he’s interested in me so I can…be more open with him? Also I’m a Capricorn female. Thanks for your help,I truly appreciate your insight

-unique

UniqueJohnson,

If he accepted your number and he gave you one back then I would say it is safe to say he is interested in you in some way. Though if he is reserved like me he won’t call you and instead you have to call him. Giving you the contact is simply the invitation for you to initiate it.

Theresa Asks:

Hi alan, i am in a relationship with a pisces man (3-19-59) and I am a capricorn woman (1-10-64) our relationship is good for the most part but he seems reluctant to move forward. What can I do or what should I do to get him to be more loving and emotional?

Theresa,

Usually if the person is reluctant to move forward then they are simply worried about something in their life. Example, does committing with you means he has to give up some career goals? Is he afraid he can’t take care of you financially? I think you should try to engage in a conversation with him about how he feels about his life and aspirations currently and in the future. From there analyze what his struggles are and see where you fit into those goals of his From there you can find your answer in terms of him being more loving and emotional towards you. At this moment he is probably just scared.

Mandy Asks:

Hi! So I am a cancer, I met the super great guy (a pisces) on a dating web site, yes a dating web site : ) The first time we met up was kind of last minute and he came up to this bar where I had been having drinks with some co-workers. When we saw each other there was an instant attraction and comfort with each other. We sat and talked on the beach next to the bar for 2 hours (We totally made out too). We had been talking for about three weeks prior to meeting. During our time on the beach he asked how many kids I had, I had said 4….He said wow “All by the same guy”?

I said “yeah” even though my 4th child was with my ex fiancé. Either way, we talked even more and he invited me over to his place to have drinks with him and his neighbors. Before they came over he told me his story, which was pretty crazy about his crazy ex girlfriend who lied to him and cheated on him and he had to evict her and her 2 kids (who had 2 different dads) from his home. So right then I knew I needed to tell him my story.

Well before I got into the part after my divorce his neighbors came over. I spent the night at his house and we had an amazing night. We messaged eachother all week about how excited we were to see each other. This guy is amazing. We made plans to see each other for lunch the following week and at that time I told him my story. Afterward he was very uneasy about the fact that I withheld the info on our first get together.

He was quiet and I pushed him to talk to me about what he was thinking. Basically he said he could never trust anything I said again because of my “lie”. I left very upset. I know he was upset too. I am devastated. This guy is one and a million. Is there anything I can do to mend this? I have messaged him a couple times with no response.

Mandy

Mandy,

My first reaction is that this “lie” sounds like it was a perfect technical excuse for him to not want to get involved with you for whatever reason. I am just using this as an example, but you mentioned you had four kids and he was shocked at that. By most social standards the guy would look like a jerk if he said he didn’t want to be with you cause of that afterwards. So instead technically this “lie” gives him a way out.

Again, that is just an example but to me there was obviously some kind of other trait that made him uneasy. Similar to myself, when I decide to cut someone out of my life they are gone. No answers, no time of day, etc. The only thing you can really do is not go up to him directly as he needs to see you naturally being an ideal person in his view. I would personally say you are wasting your time and energy if you are trying to. Just be yourself and if it was meant to be he will come out.

Nikki Asks:

Hi, Alan

I dated a Pisces in high school for two years and then we separated because he decided to go to a different college, he was my first everything and we stayed together for the first year of college, but I broke up with him because he just didn’t show any interest; in my opinion. He claims he was in love with me. I tried to stay friends with him, because I still had love for him but he said it was to hard and we ended up separating till about four years ago (almost ten years later). We started chatting online, he lives in a different state now and we see each other once in a blue or when he visits family and such.

So here’s the problem I am having, he said he wanted to take the relationship to the next level and have me move in with him. He claims he wanted this so much that he moved out of his rental and bought a house we could live in together comfortably, his words, not mine. I didn’t care where we lived, just that we were together. Once he got the house I wanted to move down, and start looking for a job and help him out with getting the house situated, but he refused and said he didn’t want me to come down unless everything was perfect, furniture and all. I explained to him that if I stayed I would be unable to come until the end of the year and that I would have to find a job to support myself. This to me made no sense because why start something for a little while, and then quite and relocate to start again?

He didn’t see it that way and so I gave in and started working and went to school, while he continued to work on getting things together where he lived. After a few months or so went by he started bugging me about when I was going to move to be with him, even though he knew I couldn’t because I was now in school. I visited him during break and then went to school the next semester, and so a year later we still were not living together. I had to have knee surgery and told him that I would like to come stay with him while I heal, and he said he thought it would be best if I came after I was healed, and came to see me instead on a trip he was taking to see his grandma.

I told him I didn’t want any company, he came down anyway, things were ok, until he tried to trap me, I told him I wasn’t ready to have kids and he held me down and you know. I got upset and instead of talking, apologizing to me, he left. I started to get frustrated with him and one night asked him to marry me, I told him we didn’t have to do anything elaborate just go to the court house and make our relationship official before I moved in with him, so it would be less taboo, he refused once again, swears up and down he loves me and he’s not stepping out on me in anyway, he even claims he changed his whole life for me so we could be together, but he would rather me move in with him to see how we are together before we get married because over all he’s not sure, but then why would he want to have a baby with me?

This broke my heart, but I continued to answer his calls, he asked if I’d be mad at him if I got pregnant, I said know because I love him, but I want to get married before I have kids. A few weeks later he texts me that he was sorry for what he said, and that he did want to get married. I asked why the change of heart, and you know he had the nerve to tell me he had a talk at work with some of his friends , who asked him when he was going to marry me, and he told them what he told me and they told him he was messed up and so he thought about it, agreed with them and so he changed his mind. He values what girls at his job and some of his boys say over how I feel?

I freaked out on his Pisces butt, Alan! I honestly don’t feel the same about him after all of this. Why would I want to marry someone like this? We dated when we were younger for three years and he told me he one day wanted me to be his wife, but he, in my opinion just wasn’t man enough, he never spoke up, never protected me from anything, just a total wimp, except he’s a pretty big guy. We have been dating now a total of three years long distance when I asked him to marry me, and he said to him it felt more like 6 months, then he said well you know what I mean, I realized all this time he hadn’t been really putting all his effort into the relationship, he was, I guess stupidly waiting for me to movie in with him to start acting like my man.

When we video chat he literally stares off screen at the tv, like I’m not sitting there watching him waiting to talk, he doesn’t initiate much of anything , he leaves it all up to me, and when he gets angry he just shuts down, he doesn’t say a word, and then acts as if whatever he did, never happened, it’s so frustrating and at times, very boring. Sometimes he really freaks me out. He still claims to love me more then anything and he still tells me to come be with him, he even offered to cover the cost to move down there, but then he tells me in a few months.

If I’m the women he wants then why is he destroying the relationship and my love for him? I’m at the point now where I don’t even think I’m in love with him anymore, and I don’t want to fix things because I don’t like the person he’s choosing to be, he just gets this stupid look on his face whenever we argue like his brain goes dead, I hate that, it’s so cowardly to not speak, to not fight for what you believe in, to hide behind your silence, even though I can read his thoughts through his actions we sit in silence. He actually told me that it seems as if the only time I want to come down is when I’m unhappy down here, because I have a lot of family problems. When things are going well for me I don’t ask as much, that’s when he pushes for me to give up everything and move down there, what’s up with this guy?

Nikki,

That was a very interesting read. The most simple explanation too is that he is thinking emotionally and not rationally. You are doing a very good job at “keeping it real” too it seems. It feels like he fears that he won’t amount to anything worthwhile where people on the outside would commend him for as with his current situation people would look down on him. This explains everything to me when it comes to say wanting the baby and you moving in so quick.

For example, let’s pretend you are financially poor right now and are single. The harsh view would be people would call you a “loser” as everyone else around you has their own house or condo. Now let’s pretend you are in the same situation except people know you have a baby. All of a sudden people will be more compassionate as they automatically associate a baby being a huge financial burden. So therefore criticizing a person not having their own house and all after will make them look bad if they criticize you.

This makes perfect sense to me where as you say it seems like he valued the opinion more from some random people at his workplace. So unfortunately at the moment it sounds like a big reason for him wanting to be with you at the moment is more for his own social status. Example, not wanting the stigma of being the guy that doesn’t have a girlfriend, etc. Again, I think you are doing everything right so far too. Whether or not you want to keep going with it is a different story as you two sound like you are in completely different positions in life at the moment.

Confusion Asks:

Hello, I got a few questions to ask regarding the Pisces sign 🙂

My current boyfriend (of a few months) seems a little distant lately. Not sure if it’s because I mentioned about the future casually or that I questioned his honesty.. Or it’s just stress holding him back.

He does lie a few times over minor matters (like sleeping when he’s actually doing other things)

He used to say that he will only give his virginity when he is married (when we are still friends), but now he don’t mind giving it to me (I don’t get this part actually) it’s like.. He wants to have sex,and yet is willing to wait until I am ready (I told him I may not give it to him and he’s also fine with it…?)

Mind giving me insight about this? How do I know if he’s still interested/still loves me?

Confusion,

That is a contradicting set of values it sounds like. The only thing I can get from what you wrote is that it sounds like he is afraid he is going to lose you if he comes clean about his background and so now he is willing to say anything to be close with you as in the other scenario it would never happen.

If I were you I would try to dive more into those conversations about the future an such as it seems like you chipped away at something that is slowly needs to be revealed. From there you can see how true the love or interest in you is.

Kit_K Asks:

Hey Alan,

I am Viet-American Cancer gal, who’ve recently met an awesome Piscerian guy randomly at a bowling alley, it just so happened that I was in the lane next to his. We ended up contacting each other days after meeting and have been on several memorable dates. At first I didn’t think much of any of his texts, as far as I go, I consider people to be friendly unless told otherwise. Our first time hanging out was at a wine tasting which included another guy friend of his.

I simply just thought of it as a night out with some new friends. He ended up buying the entrance ticket for me while I was in line behind him. The night ended up with us holding hands on a attraction ride and good night kisses. We became intimate not long after. Because of our busy schedule, we could only see each other once a week. Two dates followed the first one. I got along with his friends, we did fun things like cooking together, watching shows, helping his friend patch up his place and such. Here, I will add that he is the first caucasian guy I’ve ever dated or talked to with interest. I consider myself somewhat still traditional in my culture in some aspects.

I find myself very drawn to him, by his appearance, his mind, and most importantly his humor. He makes me laugh like I’ve never laughed before. Of course the passion was amazing naturally as well. One particular night that we were together he told me he wanted to continue to keep seeing me, that he wanted us to be together exclusively. The first thing that came out of my mouth was “You want to be my boyfriend?” and he asked back “do you want me to be my boyfriend?” a million things ran through my head at the moment, but all I could manage was “well yes” So we’ve only been talking/dating for a month with 4 dates total and now we are officially together. This wasn’t what worried me, couples set their own comfortable pace, but it was what we talked about next that threw me off a cliff into a bunch of confusion.

I have a very outgoing personality and I jokingly said “Hey BF are you ready to be in the spot light?” but he took it a more serious route and responded “No I’m not, I’m actually afraid of all this commitment stuff” again a million things ran through my head. What does he mean? He wants to be my boyfriend but he’s afraid of commitment? It’s almost one in the same! However, I reassured him that we still are getting to know each other and that I am comfortable with keeping things on the down low and taking small steps.

But I am not at ease. It bothers me a great deal that my BF admitted to being afraid of commitment although I’m deeply thankful that he is being open and honest. Days after we had a conversation over text with me saying “I hope this relationship between us is more than just amazing sex” and he responded “that’s what I am working on, you seem to be the type of girl guys can be in love with, great personality, fun, you get along with all my friends. Check check check! I just need time, I am not use to it” I later pried more into it and he has told me that he wanted to be together because he wanted to change.

I am happy that he is honest, I know we have only known each other for a month and a half, and it is too soon to really say much about anything. He has have a dark past with bad relationship models to follow. Whenever we are together with his friends or my friends He remains still very tender and caring, treating me Like a princess and calling me his gf. But when I ask him Do you see us going far later? His answers are along the lines of “it’s hard to tell right now” or when I make minor “us” remarks he says things like “we will see” I just can help but feel like he jumped into this because of the awesome sex or shake the feeling that he honestly isn’t in it for the same reasons as I am.

This could be because of our cultural differences slightly because I am use to the “dating for the future” mindset, unlike Him all my relationships have been serious. It could also be because I had many suitors. I am Afraid of getting hurt but I do know that because we are so new it’s Still fragile, I want to compromise, but this situation really bothers me consciously. I don’t want to discuss it with him fearing That he would just freak out about commitment. I am not saying to put a ring on it, I just want to know if I should even invest my heart into it at before it’s too late. Any male advice would be a great deal of mind to be right now

Thank you.

Kit_K,

This is kind of tricky as in some ways it sounds like you already invested your heart into it. You kind of said it here too where when you enter into a relationship it’s for the long run. For him though it sounds like he is used to it simply being a physical thing. You mentioned yourself even he said “ that’s what I am working on, you seem to be the type of girl guys can be in love with” when you implied you hoped that this was more than just sex.

You have kind of put yourself in a situation where you are going to have to actively try to change the guy. Usually that doesn’t end up too well either as people need to change themselves. This is more about you though. I think you should express to him why these things are important to you and get his reaction of that. If you two feel too different about it then that may be a sign to not invest too much time in it as again you will simply be going in that trying to change the person route.

You may not want to discuss about it but you should in this case I think.

Alice Asks:

I met my pisces guy during travelling. It all started as sex adventure without any plans beyond short time we had together. Yet it was all so romantic outside bed as well. Then I went to visit him to place where he took course and we decided to continue travel together till he has to leave country. we grew very close emotionaly, had long conversations, realized how much we are alike in our dreams and views. we never talked about feelings or future, , just staring into each other eyes all the time. it was kind of understoid that we both know how we feel without words.

Anyway, the emotional connection felt very strong. we never made plans but easily it slipped into conversations that we will try to meet in 6 month time for vacation. he was suppose to go back to his home country and then to go for work to Afghanistan to do some training and I would continue to travel. 3 days before our separating he just changed overnight. he became totally distant emotionaly and physicaly snd snap at whatever I sad.

I never brought any heavy discussions about future. Just sad once that he shouldn’t put limits on himself or other people and think thst things cannot work out. he started to cry but immediately jumped at me not to give him advises. the last hours before my flight he was totally withdrawn, refused that I call him how I arrived. since then I didn’t hear from him though we were online on FB same time. I am intuitive person and I know we shared something truly special.

and I also know he doesn’t believe things csn work out between us as we live in different countries but my friend asked him if he would see me again and he sad of course but he didn’t talk to me about it before I left… life goes on and I am happy I met him but it hurts to remember how we parted mainly because I don’t understand what happened and he wouldn’t talk about his feelings. maybe travelling 24/7 for 2 weeks was too much for him… I guess I just wanted ypu to give me insight in this situation. it will really help… thank you in advance

Alice,

It sounds like he is stopping while he is on top as he is fearful that anything more now as a result of factors like the the distance will simply be negative and will overshadow all the positive memories. Think of it like a well known athlete who has won so many championships and right after he/she won the last cup they announce their retirement as they want to be remembered that way. As you mentioned too this relationship started in a pretty fiery way as well.

That explains too why he would tell his friends he would see you again but not to you directly in this scenario.

Candy Asks:

Dear Alan,

My Pisces boyfriend recently broke up with me and I wonder if I will ever get him back. He is 26 and I just turned 33 last week (Scorpio). We met online and decided to meet up right away. From the moment we did, it was immediate infatuation. He called regularly. He texted all the time. Emailed me. Sent me flowers and chocolate. Sent me plane tickets and planned out our next three months.

Now for some background: He is from the town I live in and was working/visiting family, but he lives somewhere else. He travels A LOT for work and spends a great deal of time in a third city. We agreed to do the long distance thing because he comes to my city naturally to visit family and because he was planning to quit his job and move home in about four to five months.

Here’s what happened: As I said before I am 33 and he is 26. I talked about our age differences quite a bit initially. I asked him if he was sure he wanted to date someone my age and he always assured me that he was mature enough to handle dating a woman who is professional and knows what she wants etc. He is professional as well, but he’s still young you know. So one of my best friends was getting married (I was a bridesmaid) and she called me and told me that I would be the only person at this destination wedding without a date. She asked if there was someone I could invite. He happened to be sitting right next to me when she asked and, even though I thought it could potentially be bad to bring a new boyfriend to such a big event, I asked. He immediately said yes…without ANY hesitation and jumped online to buy his ticket. I thought it seemed OK, but I was nervous.

So, he sends me a plane ticket to visit him in the city he lives in, and then the next week he says he wants to throw a party. I was a little annoyed, but I definitely did not say anything about it. At the party, he basically spent the entire time with his friends. He was with me for like 10 minutes. I got drunk and bored of the party and decided to go to bed. I didn’t say anything to him. I just went to the room and went to sleep. After some time, he came in and was concerned that I left. I argued with him about not paying attention to me and then I told him I loved him (I would not have said that sober). He would not say it back, but he said he cared for me a lot. He does not go back to the party. Instead he goes to sleep with me even though I told him I was ok and to go back. The next morning I say I may be too old for him and he says that even though he is not ready to say I love you, he is not a 26 year old that wants to wait until he is 36 to be married. He said he wants to be married in the next few years and that he wants to see if I am the person he can do that with. He said he hopes I am. The rest of the weekend is great.

The next weekend is the wedding. I oversleep and miss my flight. I call him and he changes his flight but he changes to a time that means we can’t drive into the town where the wedding is together. He problem-solves the whole thing and it seemed like it would work out. However, I was still annoyed that he would be late to the rehearsal dinner and stuff. Then the liquor store closes early so it seems we might not have anything for the evening in the cabin we rented. So, when he finally arrives I rant for like a minute before kissing him hello. Then I calm down and introduce him to everyone and we have nice evening. The next day the wedding is great, but he’s around all my friends they are married to men in their 40s. Guys with boats, big houses, kids, fancy cars, or who have been in the military longer than he’s been alive. He’s great with people and he is mature so he talked 401(k)s with them and finance stuff…and football. But overall he was not as nice to me on this trip as usual. He seemed to take a cue from the other men who were more interested in football than us (and I LOVE football, but I there for a wedding). He made jokes at my expense. He wanted to have sex for sure, but not as much. He didn’t hold me when we were sleeping unless I asked. He was distant. And we got into another argument about it Saturday night. He said, “you say you love me and then when I show up at the rehearsal dinner you aren’t happy to see me, you just rant about some BS.” I apologized and told him I was caught up in the moment but that I immediately checked myself and kissed him and brought him into meet my friends. The drive back and trip back is fine…however, he gets a first class ticket upgrade automatically due to his travel status….or so he says. He takes the upgrade and even though we are on the same first flight together, he does not sit with me. I don’t complain about it. In fact, we make it a joke.

Monday, the next day, he doesn’t text me good morning and that is TOTALLY not like him. He email’s me once at work. He says he will call me and does not. The same thing happens Tuesday. I text him on Tuesday night saying how excited I to see him when he comes to town Friday. He texts Wednesday morning saying he is excited too and that he will call me that night. He does, but I miss the call and when I call back he does not answer even though I called back right away. He told me well in advance (back when things were good) that this would be a very very busy week at work, so I tried to be understanding of that and did not bother him too much.

Thursday he says he has double bad news. First, he can’t come in town for the next two weeks because he has to work. I had a feeling about that. Then he says that he is just so busy that with work, and the distance he does not think it will work. Also, he doesn’t see himself settling down in the next few years to get married and he knows I want that. I never said that, he did…but I don’t dispute it. I ask stay friends. He says ok. I cry. I ask him if there is something I did wrong or could do differently. He says no and that he would be honest if there was something. I ask if he is sure. He says yes and that he is sorry.

So…What the heck happened? Will he ever come back?

Candy,

From what you wrote it does seem like age was a factor that he was willing to overlook. However, because of some of the disputes that arose in times such as your trip to the wedding it feels like it compounded in his mind that he is sacrificing too much where it doesn’t feel natural. Even in your message I am reading how you seemed to argue with him a lot even in situations where he tries such as the flight where you mentioned you missed it due to oversleeping.

So with in mind, he thinks it’s best to stop it now. At this point, it sounds like he would only come back if he sees this relationship working where everything is more convenient to his lifestyle.