Ask A Pisces Man Mailbag, September 7, 2011

So much catching up to do. Thank you all for taking the time to send me e-mails with your questions. As always I try my best to read and answer all of them. In the meantime, here are a bunch of questions that some readers just like you asked and were willing to share and so here are my thoughts on it. People that requested for private answers please check your e-mail.

Katlin Asks:

Hi, I met a pisces guy during a party. After the party, we stayed at my friend’s house. We talked all night, then he tried to kiss me. The next day before we left he asked for my number. He texted me the next day saying he had a great time and would like to see me again. We began texting since then, then one night he called me and he said he wanted to confess something to me. He said he has a girlfriend and he was sorry because he doesnt want to lead me into anything. I said okay. And he said that he still wanted to be friends. So I agreed. So i thought we were friends, then he would text me asking if I wanted to hangout, thingking that were just friends i would agree and hangout with him, then he would kiss me again, so I will get confused because I Thought we were just friends. This happened a couple of times. After that he stopped texting and calling me like nothing happened. Now i feel confused and hurt because i really like him. I know he has a girlfriend and that I shouldn’t hope for anything else. But I would just like to know why do you think he did all those things to me saying were just friends then kiss me, then just disappear. I hope you could help me. I dont know what to do. Thank you!

Katlin,

I would say it sounds like this guy is trying to satisfy some of his needs in wanting to feel wanted as well as wanting to feel good about himself that he does have the ability to get another girl to be with him. Trying to think here about him kissing you and then pretending nothing had happened…….I would say it is kind of a trickery of sort where he wants to do it for physical affection reasons and at the same time since you don’t say anything about it he can get away with saying “It means nothing” should you ever bring it up in the future.

Think of it like a person living with you and they say they are dependent and don’t want the responsibilities of splitting a bill. Yet what happens is every time you bring some groceries they sneak in and take an apple or they join your dinner table and just casually take some food from you. With you saying nothing they can then say “You weren’t going to at it anyways” or then “If you didn’t want me to take it then you should have told me.”

I would say the best thing to do is to just be blunt in saying no more kissing and such as to you it means something more. That will most likely stop the game playing. Although, I would really think if you are perusing this guy as if he does that with you while having an existing girlfriend I would think he will surely do that with you as well.

Laiz Asks:

Hey! So we had this concert in our college in june, a really nice pisces guy asked for my number and I obviously said no, but i told him he could add me up on facebook if he likes, so he added me on fb and inboxed me and introduced himself, I did that too but I was kinda confused if he just wanted some summer fling or was he seriously looking for a serious eqaution:/ coz u can’t be sure, right. So he said he’s scored two tickets for some other concert and if I’d like to come along, I obviously said no, coz I’m not the sort of girl who just meets a person and starts attending event with him, so I politely refused, he said it was alright, then after a month or so I usually delete my fb inbox msges and came across the one from him, I have to admit I was kinda curious about the fling thing so I asked, he replied that he wasn’t looking for a fling but something serious slow to start with and asked me if it changes anything about the possibility of us…okay so now, we’ve started msging eachother on facebook, he seems nice sometimes and sometimes its like he’s very bored and doesn’t want it:/ I mean, honestly, I’m a very boring person, I’m a libra. He’s into sports, plays basketball, its really great and amazing, he’s into music and I’m not. He asked for my number again and I gave it to him, he said he’d like to stay in contact through phone messages coz he doesn’t use his facebook much. I’m 19 and he’s 5yrs older than me, 24. I’ve never had a boyfriend coz I’ve always been a bit conservative about having one guy and loving him, and now I don’t know where all this will lead to. He hasn’t msged me yet, well yes, i know the guy rule 2 days so yes its the 2nd day and I’m waiting, lol! But I asked him questions about his family and where he lives here etc etc, wasn’t sure if he’ll like that or no but he replied really nicely and asked me abt mine, I did that too but mine looked more like family CV, lol! He replied,’nice CV ur family has’, it was kinda strange but I just lol-ed, yeah?we don’t really have anything to talk about:/ what to do? I’m just confused. I’m so bad at this. Please help!

Laiz,

It’s kind of interesting at how pro-active this person was in wanting to get to know you. I know for myself I am usually the one doing the analyzing on the other person which drives them crazy and wondering what I am thinking. One thing that did come into my mind is that for one reason or another he seems a bit anxious in wanting to start something with you. What that reason is…I don’t know. Example, it could be the pressure of feeling he needs to be in a relationship as he feels he looks silly not having like a girlfriend or that there is something about you that he sees the potential to create something great with. That is your homework to find out about.

It’s okay to be picky I say and if he is truly sensitive and caring it can be a good thing. I know for myself if the person starts talking about things like family members it means they are more comfortable and it is nice to be able to share moments with others to better see if you two match. About not have anything to talk about, for him since he seems anxious I think the best way is to ask him general goals he has and the type of struggles/hurdles he is trying to overcome. I think that should open him up a bit and at the same time it will give you more enlightenment on why he was pursuing you so much.

Leigh Asks:

I am a Sag/Cap female talking to a Pisces male. We are just friends as to the fact that he just got out of a serious relationship recently (5mons) while I am not sure if I will be staying in the same area. We met on vacation two weeks back and live about an hour and a half apart. I find it very different and not assuring interacting with him, at times I feel he is interested in me and at other times I
can’t really tell. He isn’t one to make plans; I have to initiate them, and if he doesn’t have plans with his friends, THEN we may chill. Over the past two week I have chilled with him 1 time, but we text daily ~200+ txts a day. I am not sure how friends with benefits work for a Pisces or if I should even pursue him. It is very unsettling for me to not be chased. I am a believer if a man in interested in a woman than he will make the move/effort to see her. He has told me that he doesn’t like to make the first move and that he is scared of rejection, but I am similar… I feel very weird letting him know I want to see him. Specially when I don’t feel he makes the effort. However, tomorrow he may make the effort?? Any wisdom would be loved and appreciated!

Thanks you,
Confused

Leigh,

Wow, 200+ texts a day? Okay, there must be some kind of good connection for you to keep in touch with the person like that. In regards to making the first move/effort, to a certain extent I can say for myself that is not true where if I don’t make the first move then that means “I don’t care.” Speaking for myself, I don’t make the first move in many instance because I found in my life that due to my more quiet and reserved side where I want to be loyal to that one person it takes a lot of fortitude and confidence to approach a person. It’s a quality that many like to see in others. In many ways it may be a silly thought, but its like since I am so quiet I would like to think you saw something deeper in me too because I am not doing anything immediately visible like a guy strutting his stuff or wallet. It’s what I do after that will be the tell tale signs.

Here is an example since you talk about physical distance. Let’s say one day you two were planning to drive the distance to meet. Then three days before you tell the guy “My car is broken.” If he sees something great he will take initiative to find a solution to it to be with you. For example, he will offer to drive to you and pick you up as opposed to just letting it go. So, I would say it’s not so much about the initiation effort you should look at as oppose to the follow up. If he constantly doesn’t do anything in those instance then I would say for whatever reason his frame of mind just isn’t the same as your at the moment.

Even something as mundane as like this could work. For example, you say you text him 200+ times a day. If you all of a sudden told him you can’t text him anymore due to say a technicality like your phone is dead for a month or you can’t afford a cell phone anymore what he does there will speak volumes. He will either say “Good luck, hope to see you when you get your phone again” or he will immediately start to think of ways you can communicate. Moments like those are the real key i say to uncovering how he truly feels about you.

Still some more mail left, again, trying my best to reply to all of you. Next mailbag coming soon.