Ask A Pisces Man Mailbag – December 30, 2014

Jamil Asks:

Hey,

I had been dating this pisces guy for bout a year and a half but things started to get a little to serious for him and that lead to our relationship breaking down. After a few weeks of not talking to each other, I apologised for pushing him to commit when he wasn’t ready and he asked me out. We really had a great time hanging out but we unfortunately we ended up having sex and that changed the whole fun mood we had going on.

After a few days of him coming over to my place, he decided to end things saying that he doesn’t have any feelings for me and it hurts him to keep trying but that he wants us to be friends. The thing is that he says he still goes on dates with girls but feels nothing towards them and that he still wants to hang out with me so I’m getting a lit of mixed signals and i’m kind of confused bout what is going on between us. I still love him but i have decided to give him some space. My question though is if I should totally forget bout him or if there is still a chance of us getting back together. Thank you.

Jamil,

In my opinion it sounds like a “he is just not that into you” where this is more of like a relationship of convenience in many ways. Almost like someone working at a job where they don’t like it enough for it to be a career and so they want to keep their distance. If I were you that would mean it’s time to move on and find someone that actually wants to care and grow old with you.

Sabina Asks:

let me first off say that breaking up with this man is not much of an option to me. I am so extremely in love with him that I will find a way to make this work. just looking for advice and words of wisdom. I am a Virgo woman. By nature I am extremely nurturing, I am a great communicator and a bit of a perfectionist. My Pisces man started off as everything Ive dreamed of. He’s sexy, confident, a bad boy but yet so good, so intelligent, and crazy about me. But after one year i now feeling like I’m walking on egg shells talking to him almost all the time. He’s so emotional, when an argument arises he tends to run away for a few hours or even days.
I like to tackle arguments ASAP, but my man runs for the hills and drags our argument into the next day or even the day after. I also feel he is very manipulative, when something hurts my feelings and i am upset, he finds a way to turn everything around on me. And make me feel like the crazy one. I want to stop him from ignoring me when he’s upset because it kills me.

it hurts me more than anything. Ive tried countless times to talk to him about all of this and it just keep happening. i know he has trust issues and has been through a lot in his life, and i countlessly give him the benefit of the doubt and apologize even when i don’t owe him one. but I’m getting to the point where i feel neglected, i feel attention is always on him and how he feels when indeed i am being mistreated as well.

Sabina,

My main thoughts is that he feels what you give him doesn’t help him in a fashion that takes a weight off his shoulder. Hence, he “runs away” emotionally. Think of it like he is pushing a boulder up a hill and could really use a hand. Your way of helping is by yelling motivational quotes on the sideline. After he finishes pushing the boulder, you go up to him all happy and he just walks away for a long time not talking to you. Hence, he is upset as he could have really used your help and if the situation was reversed in his mind he would have helped you push the boulder even it hurts him.

Now imagine this kind of scenario is happening in his mind for days or weeks on multiple occasions as he stores it up. Everyone handles stored up feelings/frustration like this differently. At the same time, I think this is one of those situations where you have to in a way clearly communicate to him on how you can help/support him in life as to me it is pretty clear that what you are giving him isn’t enough. That isn’t necessarily a knock on you as it could be like with the boulder example he really needs someone that can help him lift 200 pounds whereas all you can do is fifty for example.

Like there, that means you have to work extra hard or find ways to help him even if you yourself are incapable of doing so. Maybe this is literally not true at as maybe you give him the world and he is expecting too much. But the notion of it holds true I feel where he doesn’t think you are being as productive in helping him in his life as he is to yours.

Leo Asks:

Hi,my english is not so good plz ignore any kind of mistakes.So i am a leo and madly in love with a pisces guy..actually he is the one who approach me,he was my old classmate and after 7 years through some common friends he get to know my number and message me on whatsapp,intially i was not so much interested in him but he act like a glue sweet caring asking me about my background,education everything related to me and yes most importantly my pictures he wants to see me all the time anywaz as the time passes even i start developing feeling for him and being a leo i can’t hide my feelings and said to him i like you and he replied i respect your feelings thankyou for liking me and his reply hurt my leo ego and i decided to leave me and when i did he was like no you can’t leave me bla bla and i touched with his reaction and thought that he like me to..

then the things get back to normal again we decided to meet and our date was like a magic best best date ever for him and for me also..after coming back to home he even msg me and said today is a special day to him..best day bla bla..after sometime he start ignoring me not replying to my text and when i scold or yell on him he kept on saying i was busy sorry busy sorry..

i finally decided to tell him that i am in love with you and i did tell me and his answer shocked me he said he respect my feelings but he don’t want to get into all this he know how it is to play with some one feelings..i was broken and asusal decided to leave him and he act same please don’t leave me you are special to me you are more than friend to me please don’t block me.through a friend i get to know he likes someone and she broke his heart..presently we are just a normal friend i don’t talk to him much…earlier he used to share about his all things even now he do..i don’t know what to do my parents keep on pressuring me to get married and he even know that even his parents want the same,i even went to meet some guys but things didn’t workout same apply to him..i know he likes me but don’t love me but i love him please suggest what should i do..how to tell me that i will never ever hurt him..i love him

Leo,

This sounds more like a social pressure scenario where in his mind he feels that being in a relationship demonstrates positivity in the world and so he wants someone because of that. However, when it comes to wanting a relationship because he truly wants one it doesn’t sound like he knows what he wants or how to look for it yet.

So the answer is pretty straight forward here I think where it requires a genuine sit down and discussion on what he wants in life and why he wants to be in a relationship. Then you will see if you are right for each other too. It’s no difference then asking a person on why they want a baby. From those answers you can evaluate whether or not they are ready or want one for the right reasons.

Alyssa Asks:

Ok sooooo I’ve known my pisces bf since the 7th grade he dated one of my friends before like FOREVER ago. I was never really close with him or even really talked to him I just new OF him. I was never interested in him in anyway then in the 10th grade we talked a bit cuz he was still friends with my friend he dated but at that time he would try to flirt with me all the time but I still wasn’t interested In him anyway n then he went off n dated this girl n i was happy for him from a safe distance. Finally this year (12th grade) I had just got out of a FWB relationship that didn’t end well so I decided to start flirting with my Pisces cuz I remembered him flirting with me, so at first all I wanted was I guess a rebound to get over my FWB.

But I didn’t plan on sleeping with him GOD NO (VIRGIN) but I guess u can say I was going for another FWB…yea I kno BAD IDEA didn’t learn the first time -.- but anyways this year we first started talking again n immediately we had a connection saying things at the same time n stuff lol so we suddenly became really good friends n walked to class everyday n just taking about life. He n his ex broke up a long time ago so I’m guessing he liked me cuz then all of a sudden one day hes just like “kiss me!” N so before I could even react he kissed me n that was the begging of A ROLLER COASTER OF A LIFE TIME!!!

Then it turned into wat I wanted to begin with without the atcual lable of FWB. But since I’m a Libra I started having second thoughts like “wat if I fall for this kid!” (He’s 2 yrs younger than me) so I would literally run away from him anytime I saw him but I’m guessing he liked it cuz he would chase me down n then suddenly our kisses were turning into makeout sessions n innapropate touching. But I got scared I changed my mind I didn’t wanna b someones sex object so I tried to push for a relationship n knowing more about pisces now, I know that was a bad idea. I was begging to like him his company n his friendliness for I think it was 5 months the up n donws occurred.

He broke off the “relationship” first cuz he said it was too hard for him cuz I had a strict aunt n couldn’t see him outside of school. But then when he talked about a hot girl right in front of me I blew up on him cuz I was trying to b his friend he was being inconsiderate! He apologized but I ignored him for 3 days n he kept staring at me I COULDNT TAKE IT!!! So I forgave him n agreed to b friends but idk we kept going back to the relationship but people started calling me a hoe so I told him he NEEDED to ask me out or wouldn’t do anything with him! I would call him out on many things n after I moved out of my aunts he kept asking me to go to the mall with him which he would get all cutesy and try to hold me n kiss me but at this point I was sure he was just trying to get in my pants but he kept telling me reapetedly he wasn’t.

I evetually agreed to LET him ask me out cuz i wasnt letting him think he was in contro, plus he kept trying to ask me out at innapropate times. Then I almost ruined everything when my trust issues got the best of me which btw he also has trust issues ,when I created a fake Kik account the day before he said he was gonna ask me out to see if he would flirt with another girl he did. When raged at him he called me innocent n naive n said that he was a horrible person n hoped that I would get someone better so I’m just like WTF but it was still wrong wat I did so I eventually apologized n I said we could b friends. THEN we started getting attracted to each other again n he finally asked me out!!!

We’ve only been dating for 3 weeks but it feels like we’ve been dating for WAY longer most of the time he treats me great he’s sweet n nice n he opens up to me about his last ex who cheated on him n made him stop believing in love. He says he loves me all the time but he told my friend he only said it once when we made out…he lied to her. He tells my friend its “just a high school relationship” which I agree he tells her that all he wants from me is sex but since he respects me n he isn’t going to do that! He told me that cuz of his ex hes emotionless n heartless n if we breakup he won’t care at all.

Yet only a little later hell say that he wants to be friends if n when we breakup! HE MAKES NO SENSE! He contradicts himself n idk if wat he’s telling my friend is tru or if he’s telling the truth. I really care about him I play it off as I don’t n sometimes I really don’t cuz I just don’t wanna b alone…(Libra) but I don’t want it to end he told me that I’m getting him “emotional n its all ur fault” lol but he’s always saying he’s a horrible person n telling my friend he wants me to hate him cuz he’s no good for me! His ex really screwed him over n he knows how hard it is for me to trust…he told my friend he was going “to teach me how to not let a guy break her heart” is this a game?

Is it for sex? Does he actually care or is he really heartless? Is this cuz of his ex? Does he actually love me but dosent wanna admit it? Please I need advice!!! I know how Pisces r sometimes I don’t smother him I give him his space n I show him I care but also stay mysterious enough to keep him interested. But Im not a door mat I call him out on his bs when I need to (second decan Aquarius) (Virgo moon) He makes me feel special n even if it isn’t forever I would like to keep him around till school ends I made sure he new that we were “on the same page”.

I do like him n completely attracted to him n I feel like he does to but DAMN PISCES r known to b minipulitive n liars…he almost dumped me cuz he thought I had “too many strings attached” idk it feels like he WANTS me to love him but I dont n I never will cuz I dont believe in that word either I never say I love him either nor will I ever. Is he just scared I’ll leave him like his ex? He also tells me repeatedly that he’s not a jealous type yet when my friend started hitting on me he blew up on me saying how cold he was n got mad that i wouldn’t tell him the reasons y I liked him. He said he was just curious but then he threatned to dump me if I didn’t so I told him “go ahead then you’ll never kno y I like u” I knew he wouldnt do it but idk y but yea thats the story sorry its a lot but I guess I didn’t kno wat I signed up for being with this complicated Pisces (third decan scorpio BTW) (cancer moon)BUT PLEASE GIVE UR ADVICE I REALLY NEED IT IM FALLING FOR THIS IDIOT N I WANNA KNO IF HES FALLING TOOOO!!!!

Alyssa,

I am inclined to say that the both of you are still growing up emotionally where at this point you are both treating each other like a science experiment. Example, there is a hamster in a cage and you want to see how it reacts if you throw a spider into the mix or wondering how it will fair if you feed it nothing but junk food.

Basically, it doesn’t sound like you two can be natural around each other. Example, you mention that you remain mysterious to keep him interested. If you think about it, in many ways he is probably doing the same to you. If you are both doing this to essentially try and one up the other then this isn’t really a relationship built on trying to make each other better as opposed to making oneself feel superior in many ways.

In my personal opinion, a person telling others that they are trying to make another person hate them is just trying to use it as a technical excuse for their actions. I don’t doubt that some people genuinely do that at times, but they would keep it to themselves. Overall, for this situation I would say it takes two to tango. You want him to stop playing games? Then you need to stop as well. Even saying things like wanting to keep him around until school ends makes it feel like you are treating him like a personal pet and in many ways it sounds like he is doing that to you as well.

The best I can say here really is to be honest with yourself and what you truly want in a mate. If he is lacking a certain attribute that you desperately need then you need to cut it as opposed to entertaining it.

Ineedhelp Asks:

Hi,
I had cheated on a Pisces man 1 year ago with another guy who eventually became my boyfriend but we have now split. Through this 1 year ,I had always thought of this Pisces man and had wanted to contact him but I wanted to stay faithful to my boyfriend as I have learnt my lesson from this whole two-timing incident.
Now, I started to contact this Pisces man after I broke off with my boyfriend, and he is treating me very coldly – sometimes he would say he wants to see me and that he wants me but his actions proved otherwise. I really want made up my mind this time and wants to make up to him for all the hurt I have done to him and be with him again – he has moved to another country and I am willing to visit him in that country. However, how can I make the connection we had before back? How can I make him trust me again and make it up to him? Please help! I am at wits end and I really want to be with him again!

Ineedhelp,

This is a little odd sounding to me where you stated you cheated on this person but also imply that he wants you back, so to speak. But overall to me based on what you wrote is that he is struggling to balance between what his heart says versus what his logic says. Almost like how people say we should give the benefit of the doubt even if all the facts say otherwise.

There is nothing you can really do in this situation as opposed to living life genuinely. Then based on his observations he will determine if he wants you back in his life. As I mentioned many times in these types of situations, words are not good enough. One has to see that you are a different person through indirect means.