Asks A Pisces Man Mailbag – August 13, 2014

Haley Asks:

My male Pisces and I (cancer female) were dating for about a year before I cheated on him. Cheating is the biggest mistake I’ve ever made and I’ve learned a lot about myself in the process. My Pisces moved to my home state for us to be together but then he hated it and always talked about how much he hated the south he’s from up north. I felt like it was my fault he was unhappy and emotionally I was in a bad state because I felt like I wasn’t fulfilling his happiness. He would always tell me why would I try to make friends here I have nothin in common w these ppl. I felt like he wasn’t trying and I was so tired of all the negativity. Ultimately that’s what led me to cheat, I knew I loved my pisces and the guy I cheated on him w was someone I never saw myself w long term.

I have problems telling the truth in fear of people not liking me and that took part as to why I didn’t come clean. So after he found out he had his stuff packed in two days heart broken and out the door. We always planned for me to move back home w him when I graduated. He told me if I wanted to make it work I would have to come to him. That’s been my plan. I cheated 4 months ago and in that time we still talk but it’s been an emotional roller coaster. One day he wants me back the next he doesn’t. He has since slept w two girls and my intuitiveness led me to the truth both times. Each time he was painfully sorry and after the last time he told me we were soul mates. I wanted to make a commitment to put the past in the past and move forward. Well he goes out a lot and drinks a lot which led him to sleeping w those other girls.

My insecurities didn’t allow me to b ok w him being out drunk and not communicating enough w me. About two weeks after I found out he slept w someone for the second time all the sudden after a fight we had about him going out he started acting very very distant. Saying he doesn’t want a gf right now. He isn’t sure how I will interact w his friends. He asks what I expect when I move up there. He says no one comes b4 his friends. When I asked again if he thought we were soulmates all he said was I guess. When I told him he wouldn’t find someone like me he said you don’t think so.

I think he likes someone else that’s what my gut tells me. I also think his friends and families approval is very important and his friends don’t approve of me. I can understand but I wish they would at least try to get to know me before stating their opinion. He’s always becoming friends w new girls on fb. He never wants to talk about it either it’s like he zipped up all his emotions and won’t let me in. Even though this is happening he still sends me mixed signs. He calls me everyday only to have light conversation and only for a few minutes. He acts like he doesn’t want me to b w anybody else but still acts very shady.

Sometimes he refers to me as his gf when he text me and still talks sexually to me. He even has mentioned me in his future plans but these are fleeting moments. Im supposed to see him in two days. I think that’s why he hasn’t ended things yet bc he wants to see how it will b when we see each other. From my research about Pisces I also know they live in their own dream worlds and when they feel negativity they shy away from it.

I’m trying not to be clingy or talk about anything heavy bc I’m trying to wait till we see each other In a couple of days. Am I just being a typical cancer and trying to hold on to something that used to b so real passionate and cosmic? Did I hurt my Pisces to much for it to ever work? Or do I hold on and keep fighting till he actually breaths the words we are done. I’m so sick to my stomach about this, I’m miserable. Even if things don’t work out I don’t know if I would ever get over him. That scares me bc if this is how I will feel for the rest of my life it’s gonna be a tough life to live. Plz help w any advice.

Haley,

To me it feels like he is in that “I hope she changes” mentality where he is going day by day hoping that you will say magically turn into his ideal vision of you. At the same time, he doesn’t really want to fight for that change. Imagine like a guy walking by a puppy and wants to pet it. If it starts barking he will simply walk away. If the next day the puppy is all happy and approaches him he will then bond with it as if they were best buds. However, then in the third day for some reason the dog barks at him again. He will then walk away from that puppy again as if that second day of bonding never happened.

I personally feel what it comes down to is his relationship with you currently isn’t important enough for him to stick at it due to his confidence in it. Like with the puppy example, a person taking it more seriously would probably try to figure out why the puppy is so violent so that they can get back to being buddies. Now whether or not you want to build/repair that confidence is a separate topic.

From what you wrote too, I get the sense that he is simply not ready to “work” in making a happy relationship. This whole scenario in some ways is turning into like a competition too. My personal opinion is that you shouldn’t focus on personality and potential but rather life values here to determine if you should move forward. It feels to me that you should focus on yourself first too. As I mentioned before if you want forgiveness, so to speak, from a person like myself your consistent actions on how you conduct yourself will speak more to me than what you say or immediately do.

With that said too, based on what you wrote in some ironic way I almost feel he should be changing his lifestyle to ask you for forgiveness too. Something to think about.

LJ Asks:

I have a huge dilemma regarding a pisces guy. He works at a store that I shop at weekly. I have had a crush on him for about 2 years, but was trying to work out a relationship with someone during that time and he was married, so I kept my distance. Over the last 4 months, I broke off my current relationship because I realized no matter how much effort I put into it, it was not going to work. I was pretty devastated and gave myself some time to deal with it. In the last month, this pisces guy I’ve had the mild crush on started making a point of saying “hi” to me whenever I came into his store, deliberately smiles at me and will talk to me if he isn’t with another customer. I think he really picked up on my vibe that I am now available and even more interested in him or something. Lately I get the feeling he is testing my kindness and thoughtfulness toward others by saying super nice things to me to see how I respond, and he listens and watches me very intently when I am talking to others in the store and he is nearby. We have had this way of always catching each other’s eye when I am in his store, and we now deliberately make eye contact and smile.

I am crazy about this guy, because I believe he is the ONLY guy I have ever met who is not self-absorbed; which is a trait I am adamant about finding in my next relationship due to an abusive marriage I was in for 27 years. My problem is that in the two years that he and I have played around in other relationships, he got remarried about a year ago. I believe he was involved with her directly after his first divorce. In that, he didn’t really seem to give himself much time in between marriages in my opinion, to make sure his next one was the “right” one. I also don’t think he would have married her if I had been available and had made my feelings more obvious before he got serious about her. Since he is making eyes at me, I am thinking maybe he is searching for the right one but married this other woman because he is now 52 years old, he works with her so he was comfortable with her, but he felt nothing better would come along and he is getting too old etc, but she is not necessarily the best match for him.

This is really not coming from a place of selfishness on my part, just observation, but I don’t thing she is really right for him. She treats him like a 10 year old boy, is somewhat condescending toward him, and is a bit bitchy. She is more the motherly type, which I’ve read some pisces like, but I don’t see how he can like being treated like an incapable chile by her. I think he and I would be awesome together as we both put others before ourselves, and I would give him more respect and dignity than she does. I just can’t help thinking because he is newly remarried to her, he will not want to hurt her feelings by being with me, but I think he has always had a crush on me as I have him. I am terrified to get further involved with him for fear he will decide to stay with his current wife, even if she isn’t right for him, simply because Pisces are known for giving up what they want to make others happy and being so compassionate and empathetic toward others. However, I have also read that Pisces tend to have many unsuccessful relationships, will cheat on a spouse, and can even marry several times because they have a tendency to often pick women who are not right for them. I believe I am right for him based on our personalities and I know I would just naturally give him what he has probably always been looking for as well. Do you think there is any chance he will give up on his new marriage if he believes that I am “the one” so we could have an awesome, very fulfilling relationship that we both have been looking for our entire lives?

LJ,

This is actually a very interesting question about circumstances and what might trigger one to stay in a relationship if what you say is true. I personally think it comes down to “loyalty” and “sense of duty” where the person isn’t aware of another alternative that would work out better.

Stereotypical example is say an unhappy couple that is married and has kids. For the sake of this example let’s pretend the wife is the abusive one. The husband’s background is maybe something like being in the military where you are pretty much taught to keep fighting no matter how hard the situation gets as that is what committed and loyal people do. In this case, instead of fighting for your country it’s fighting for your kids/family where getting treated badly is simply an obstacle.

In his current mind ending the relationship is like the equivalent to simply allowing the people you are trying to protect get shot. The other perspective he doesn’t see possibly is that if she is that abusive then not accepting the abuse and say getting her help is probably the better route. Of course I don’t know either of them to know exactly what goes on. In this case, in my personal opinion even if he thought you were “the one” he probably still wouldn’t break up his current relationship. If his sense of loyalty is anything like mine then she has to do something so blatantly malicious or selfish where he knows 100% that she is simply all for herself and taking advantage of him.

Kyai Asks:

I worked with a Pisces for 2 years and absolutely hated him. He was my boss and was one of the most confusing managers that I’ve ever worked with in life. He was a terrinle communicator, nonconfrontational, and ultra sensitive. I am an Aries so leading cpmes nayurally gor me. As time went on I got to know him and realized that he was really sweet, but terribly insecure.

He decided that it was best for him to find another job, due to feeling like everyone in the office listened to me and not him. This was true, but only b/c of his weird management style. Anyway, about a month before he left, he started complimenting me heavily. He had nevet done this before. He told me that I was beautiful and was attractive to him etc. I brushed it off b/c he’s married and so am I. Plus I knew from overhearing some of his conversations that he and his wife were having problems.

On his last day, he and I were transitioning as I was going to be taking over his position and he suddenly began telling me about his marital problems. He told me that he and his wife no longer had anything in common and that she cheated on him. He told me that he was hurt, but was tired of fighting for his marriage. He then told me that he liked me and had always sectetly admired me b/c of my confidence, intellect, and beauty. He asked if we could remain in contact and hang out sometimes since we would no longer work together.

I initially said no out of respect for his wife, but I later changed my mind b/c I secretly had ALWAYS been attracted to him and had a strong desire to get to know him better. So we maintained contact via email, tect, phone calls, and occasional face to face visits. In the beginning he often talked about how hurt he was by what his wife did to him. I would encourage him to go to therapy. With all of the talks we quickly realized that we had a lot of chemistry and a lot in common.

As an Aries I am very direct, decisive, and sometimes impulsive so I asked him to define what he wanted from me b/c as bad as this os going to sound I was not opposed to having sex with him just once though. My husband gave me a pass for a one time encounter but that’s another story. So once I asked he was all over the place.

He said he wanted a friendship, but when I treated him as a friend he got upset and said he didn’t want to hear about my husband and be in the friendzone. Then when I treat him as more than a friend. He tells me that we can’t have sex, but we can do everything else. So, I proceed on his terms, but he brings up sex a lot. I try to control myself, but face to face it was hard to keep my hands to myself. We would hug and caress each other, but no sex.

After 2 months of this, I realize that I am falling in love with him. So, I ask him about his feelings. He asks me to table it for now b/c it’s difficult and he would have to blurt it out. I am not happy with this and I tell him to stop playing mind games and make up his mind on what he wants. I made it very clear that I did not want him to leave his wife b/c I definitely was not going to leave my husband. All I wanted was to spend time with him sometimes. When I said this to him, he sent me a nasty email and said that I was not going to back him into a corner and he just wanted to go with the flow b/c his life is complicated. I told him that I loved him, but I couldn’t just blindly go out into the abyss.

He disappeared for a day, but came back and refused to talk about our disagreement. He told me that he cared about me a lot, I was important to him, and he enjoyed having me in his life. He also said that he was becoming.more open to being more intimate. The next month and a half things were good although we rarely saw one another face to face b/c his work schedule changed. We would talk daily, but all of a sudden he was different. He told me that he wanted to see me to tell me something face to face. I asked if everything was okay and if he needed space. He got angry and said that he should not have to validate our relationship b/c his actions showed that I was important to him. He was confusing me.

He then stated that it was not anything serious and that he just needed a friend. We never got to meet that week do to conflicts in our schedules. So I woke up on a Saturday with an email from him stating that his wife was pregnant. I told him that he needed to be there for his wife, so I would leave him alone. I also expressed to him that I was hurt b/c I had fallen in love with him. Two days later he asked to see me face to face.

I met him and he explained his feelings about his wife’s pregnancy. He stated that he was not happy, but believed in family. In terms of our relationship, he stated that he always thought that I’d be the one announcing a pregnancy and he’d be the one hurt. He said that I was important to him, but he would accept it if I said I never wanted to see him again. He said that losing me would hurt him. I told him that I didn’t know what to do b/c I loved him.

In terms of his feelings for me in reference to love were numb b/c of the things that he’d gone through with his wife. He said that if it were not for this situation he would be with me. The next morning, I woke up with a broken heart. I was devastated so I emailed him expressing my sorrow. I told him that I was hurt b/c he didn’t love me and I didn’t understand the point of maintaining contact if he didn’t love me. He stated that he was a broken man and he just loved differently. He then stated that he felt that we shoild break cold turkey b/c he was weak and all of his walls were gone. He stated that he lacked self control and indicated that if we continued to talk he would lose focus on his family. I agreed at the time.

It has been 2 months and I havent heard from him. I know that he talks about me b/c we have mutual acquaintances. I miss him so much. Is there any chance that we can be friends again? What if anything can I do to get him back? Will he come back on his own or is it really just over? I’m hurting inside, but is he?

Kyai,

Based on what you wrote it feels like he was exploring himself through you as all the negativity in his life essentially made him feel worthless. At the same time, it feels like he was seeking acceptance from another person to convince him that his decisions are the right one.

This is just a huge assumption on my part too based on what I am reading, but it seems like he wants to stay away from you where in a sense he feels that his relationship with you is a little shameful to him in some ways. Therefore, instead of just saying it he is trying to back away from it using things like his vulnerability as a reason for it.

It’s almost like the saying of “I hope that person breaks up with me so I don’t have to” kind of thing. Assuming this is all true, then I would say it is over in the cold turkey way as he implied. Do you really want to rekindle this too? Just my personal opinion, but it seems kind of chaotic as everyone is already involved in a relationship. Can you be friends again? I would say yes, but it’s up to him to realize if the relationship will bring positivity to him.

Trice Asks:

So I’m going to keep this short and sweet. I work in an office building and there is a cafe downstairs where I first met the Pisces guy I’m inquiring about. First things first I’m really, really into astrology and I’m a gemini. So with that being said I have a bubbly personality and I love to flirt. When i first saw him I was immediately attracted, but didn’t want to make the first move. I would go in the cafe about 3 times a week and me and him would talk and have cute little conversations (which is how I found out his zodiac sign), but I never knew if he was being friendly or flirty.

About a month passed and I caught him when he was off of work and so I stopped to talk to him. We had a great conversation about music and school and life etc., and he eventually asked me for my number. That was at least 2 weeks ago and he still hasn’t called or texted, but when I go into the cafe he’s still super friendly and a little flirty with me. He even initiates the conversation when I don’t say hi first (which I do on purpose to see what he’ll do.) Anyways I’m contemplating whether or not I should just ask him out but then a part of me thinks he’s just not interested. What should I do? Thank you!

Trice,

This kind of reminds me of my story I posted about How to know if a pisces man likes you 😀 It’s almost the same thing where the girl had my contact and vice versa but I never initiated it. I would say yes, ask him out cause he isn’t going to do it if he has a similar personality like mine.

Lizzy asks:

I’ve been dating this Pisces guy for about a month and a half and everything was perfect at first. He seemed to have all of the qualities I was looking for in a man. We had a strong connection and talked on the phone every day and got together as often as we could because he lives an hour and a half away. I was really starting to fall for him but I am naturally very cautions, I’m a Capricorn btw. One day we had a covo about past relationship, and he expressed he still had feelings for his ex, but there is no change they could ever be together because she would never take him back.

She lives 7 hours away, and they communicate sometimes via text. When I found out about this I immediately cut things off between us. I don’t see how someone can move forward if they still have feelings for their ex. He was sad that I chose to end things and expressed he wanted to continue to see where things would go between us, and that he didn’t have any intentions with getting back with his ex. I stop talking to him for two days and reached out to him again because I missed him.

He was happy to hear from me and told me how much he missed me and wanted things to continue. We spent the weekend together and were intimate for the first time, and it was amazing. The following week I noticed he stop calling and texting as often as he use to, and started becoming distant. I tried calling him and he didn’t answer, and also sent him a text asking why he’s so distant and why the drastic change. I thought things were going good between us we’ve never augured and share so many different interest. I just don’t understand how he can go from practically being head over heels to disappearing without an explanation.

Maybe someone else has sparked his interest and he’s too much of a coward to tell me. I’ve had a similar situation with a Pisces man I’ve dated in the past, they have a short attention span and can fall for someone else easily.

Lizzy,

My personal thought is that he is emotionally drained and needs help in some aspect of his life that he is opting to handle on his own or that he feels no one else is willing to help him with. If that is the case then that perfectly would explain his actions. It could be a good or bad thing. Example, a good thing would be he has this crazy project where he just needs time to put all his energy to it. Like that, he simply doesn’t want to “waste” other people’s time in asking for help or that no one is willing to help him. Hence, the disappearing act where he will be back once that is done.

The bad thing could be he is going through a huge emotional dilemma that he doesn’t feel you can help him with. Instead, being with you will constantly use up his energy without him having enough to keep himself healthy. But either way, my thoughts are he has a lot on his plate at the moment and could use some help.