Best Man at the Wedding

Best Man Asks:

I met a pisces man at a wedding a few months back, I initiated the conversation with him and found him intriguing. We ended up hooking up that night and he had to give me a ride back to my hotel the next morning. He kept making small detours and seemed like he didn’t want to drop me off right away. We live in two different cities and I left him my phone number, he ended up facebooking me that evening asking how my hangover was…lol which was cute. Over the next few weeks we would have small conversations and kept it friendly. We agreed to meet up one weekend for supper which we both had to drive a few hours too meet. We hid it off, our visits then become driving to each other cities every two weeks. I ended up falling for him right away, he is amazing, genuine and honest man. Completely different from my last relationship of 18 years.

He was always quiet and mysterious and I am a Leo woman so I am outgoing and adventurous, I never asked for past details or requested to know what was going on between us, figured go with the flow and I was enjoying the ride. We would talk for hours each night and he always told me over the phone that he loved me. We met up this past new years with friends to a party and ended up getting pretty intoxicated and one of our friends asked us who was going to move to the other city, which sparked up a conversation leaving us both confused. The next morning when we were packing our things and getting ready to head on our own ways again, he told me he would call me later on that evening and that he loved me. I shook my head and said that it was okay he didn’t have too (due the previous nights convo). I immediately regretted driving away from him that morning.

I attempted to contact him a week later asking for forgiveness and was truly honest and sincere with my apology. He said that he was still pretty upset and would call me when he is more comfortable, I responded with okay I completely understand and that I hope to hear from him soon. A month past and didn’t really hear from him, so I felt crushed and really hurt like I completely got shut out of his life and there was no closure. I then wrote a long letter, going deep down and revealing something that occurred to me in my past relationship that I never spoke about before. He did respond saying how he fell in love with me and that he thought I was the one and wanted to marry me, but he couldn’t get over the fact that I drove away from him and this was the end for him.

I responded with a thank you for letting me know so I can have some closure, and that I hoped that we could be friends. He said he would always be my friend. That was two weeks ago and I didn’t attempt to contact him, until yesterday, I sent a simple Hi text and he responded asked how I was doing. He then said he was driving and would text me later, so I agreed. Later that evening he did message and basically that he had company over, however proceeded to talk about my dog lol. I kept the conversation light and short. In your opinion is there any chance of this friendship to go back to something more, I fell in love with him and can’t see myself with anyone else, I truly believe we were meant to be together and that it was destiny that brought him to me.

His birthday is coming up this week and I was really debating if I should totally do something bold, and drive down to his city and book a hotel room, make romantic dinner plans and have a bday gift for him. However I am afraid of rejection, would I go out of my way to be hurt? He did say it was the end for him and I can’t let my ego get tarnished after all.

Please give me your honest opinion!

Best Man,

From what you wrote I would be personally inclined to say he was already having doubts about this being long-term from the get go where there is a high chance he kind of went with it because it is the “right thing to do” per se. But because of your one action that kind of freed up any guilt of sort of just walking away per se. That’s not to say he doesn’t genuinely care or anything like that but to me it makes perfect sense that way.

Imagine it like you and another person going to a party where you both chipped in for a taxi to travel and leave together where everything was prepaid. You both seem to act like best buds as time goes on. Once you are there pretend you originally wanted to leave earlier once you did the stuff that you wanted to do but obviously that would be wrong since you both planned and shared the expense. Now imagine the person just did something mean spirited to you. For the person who already had the mindset and eagerness to leave this gives them the reason to justify just going now which they do. However, if you were like true best friends you will probably at least make sure the other person can still get back. Unless one repeatedly did that as an example.

Based on that thought I wouldn’t do the driving down to his city thing and all because it doesn’t sound like he was truly all there with you. Another way I would think of it too is based on what you wrote this was your first bump on the road together and that seems like the end of it. That doesn’t sound like a strong relationship to pursue generally speaking despite how fun and loving it is in the moment when times are good.

If I were you I would treat this relationship as done romantically and just hang around as friends if you still want to maintain a relationship of sort with him. If what I wrote is accurate and I was this guy goodbye truly is goodbye in that sense. That’s not to say “It’s all because of what you did” but again it feels like from the start it wasn’t exactly what you think in many ways based on the actions you described.