Blocked me, is this permanent or can I fix this?

Ashley Asks:

I have a bit of an odd situation going on. I met a man on Tinder (I know, I know) who is a Pisces, and I am a Taurus woman. I started with the intention of just sexual relations. We sexted a lot but things started getting a bit more serious. A little background… I am a flight attendant based in Chicago, and he is in the Navy and currently stationed in San Antonio. Some how we matched in Tinder when I was only on the ground in San Antonio for 45 minutes. After about 3 days of chatting on Tinder, I gave him my number.

We hit it off pretty seamlessly, but I made him promise me he wouldn’t fall in love with me, and that this was strictly casual, which he agreed to. About a week later, he confessed some pretty heavy stuff to me that he hadn’t told anyone, ever. Shortly after, he started hinting that his feelings for me were getting much stronger than he anticipated, but again, probably more to protect myself, I reminded him of the promise he made not to fall in love with me. His response was, “It is going to be hard, but I will do what I have to do to keep my promise.”

Then my birthday hit, which we had still not met in person and he was attempting to send me expensive gifts, which I declined do-to not having met. I didn’t want him to waste money on someone who he might not like in person, also I have a hard time accepting gifts like that because they make me uncomfortable. We weren’t going to be able to meet in person until June because of a vacation to Vietnam I had planned in May.

He even attempted to book a flight to come see me on a layover, but again, I told him not to because thats a lot of money to spend on someone you don’t really know. He seemed to start withdrawing a bit, but we continued to talk everyday, all day through text. He told me how he had never met anyone like me, telling me how he is physically, emotionally and intellectually attracted to me and that I am like a drug to him and he can never get enough. I finally started realizing how much he meant to me and how I too may want more out of this than I expected to. I told him I was going to work on seeing him before I left for my trip which he seemed ecstatic about.

One morning, he texted me good morning, we had a short conversation before he headed into work and then I never heard from him again. We were seemingly fine, we had talked the entire day before, about future plans together, and poof, he vanished. I waited about 4 days until I realized he had blocked my number when I attempted to call him. Irritated and a bit irrationally, I sent him a text from a friends phone telling him that I expected more from him and that when he is ready, he can unblock me and talk to me like an adult. I am still mystified! I went from being his future to nothing???

Why would he text me good morning if he planned to banish me to the block list later that day? He is a very emotionally attuned man, and part of me worries that he fell for me and because I didn’t get the chance to tell him I felt the same way, he followed his promise and left! Is it so wrong for me to wait to tell him these things until I met him in person? I wanted to make sure he was really him, and that we had the same spark after I met him. Can anyone tell me what happened or give me a clue on how to fix this? I miss him like crazy, which blows my mind because we barely talked for a month! Thanks for making it this far, any help is appreciated.

Ashley,

Maybe this will be a bit too straight forward if we take away the emotion. Essentially you said you two never actually met. So with that said I would imagine the wise thing to do is to treat this as like a fantasy and nothing more at the moment. I mean just as an example for all we know he could be a married man or this is simply someone goofing around. I usually say if the whole notion is that people are trying to go by the notion that the person has a personality like myself then that is very odd for something to move that fast in a sense.

With what you wrote though it sounds like the thrill of chasing someone in a sense wore off where things started to get real. In a different way but the exact same context I guess you can say it aligns to what you wanted initially of just casual. Because now it was turning into not just the “fun” stuff but rather the stuff that takes “work” to build something. In that sense the situation sounds normal.

Again, at this point I would personally say nothing was confirmed about the real details about him where filling in the blanks for him is probably making you spend way more energy than you should. In some ways it would remind me a situation of like say in a movie where two people say they want to do something crazy together such as breaking something. Then it’s like saying the person who seemed to be pushing for it so much all of a sudden flakes out when the other has a “let’s do it” attitude. Suddenly reality sinks in and they run.

But going back to your situation, in my personal opinion I think it is better to move on. I mean you can “fix” this. But at the same time you have no clue at the moment on how much he told you was actually true. Obviously he has something to hide too in a way considering you two never actually met and all. As a result, trying to fix this per se is basically more about investing time in like undercover work to find out who he really is in the literal sense I feel.