Can’t figure out if I’m coming or going…or stuck in the middle

Cee Cee Asks:

Hi,

I met a Pisces man a year and a half ago. It only took one look at each other from literally across a large space and all these crazy feelings came over me. Happy, comfortable and content, safe, importance and like I needed to get to know him…really odd! We became instant great friends and both desperately wanted to be together only I am married with a family not to mention I’m older as well. I’m a cancer sign and we have a lot in common plus were total opposites as well. He said he would get a bad feeling if we were to be together so I reluctantly obliged. We are still great friends and text a lot every day, talk on the phone when we can and I see him very briefly 1 or 2 times a week for a quick chat. I fell for him during that first glance and he agreed back then that our feelings were mutual toward each other. He is the first person in my entire life that I can actually open up to and I can tell him my darkest fears, secrets, feelings and things I can’t even tell my husband, best friend or even my sister. So, its now been a year and a half of this and while he says he never wants to be tied down with a girlfriend (he’s had many bad experiences with women), he sleeps around. It kills me because I have practically thrown myself at him countless times only to be rejected by him constantly then find out he is hooking up with a “friend” once a week (only its more like a date where dinner and a movie are always involved). He says she’s just a friend but I know no self respecting woman would be okay with this as just a friendship. She wants more but hasn’t said anything. I have offered to back away from our daily ritual of texting if he wants to “date” her but he assures me that it’s casual and we can keep texting. Sometimes I feel like I should just disappear for a while and see if he even misses me but sadly I worry that he won’t. I feel very insecure about him and don’t want to lose him. He has become such an important part of my life.

While I only truly want him to be happy, It’s killing me inside. I am sadly in love with him and I hate myself for that. I feel like I had no control over that what so ever and even tried to talk myself out of it. He has always said that if we were to be together that it would ruin my life and probably tear my family apart and he used to say he cared about me too much to let that happen. While I appreciate that he has my back, I feel like I’m dying inside and I want him to let me decide how I live my life not him. I try to get him to open up and let me know if he still has feelings for me but he beats around the bush and never gives me a straight answer. I decided a few weeks ago to visit a medium/psychic (thought it would be fun and see what happens) and much to my surprise, she was great! She talked a lot about my family (my marriage has potential issues that Ive know about for years) and then I asked her about my current situation with this man. She told me we had a soulmate connection (she said there are many kinds of soulmates) and were in each others lives for a reason and that he wasn’t going anywhere. She said down the road there was potential for us to be together if I wanted it.

I just feel like right now I need to know if he cares for me like he used to. He doesn’t open up like he used to and that worries me. I need to either come to terms with maybe he has backed off his feelings towards me in which case I need to do the same so I can try to heal myself. If he hasn’t then I feel like having this information would be able to keep me going and try to understand where he’s coming from and be able to look the other way during this time. I don’t know how to get this Pisces to open up about his feelings towards me without sounding like I’m prying. How would you interpret this? What clues should I look for without reading too much into everything (he tells me off for doing that). Thank you and any suggestions are much appreciated!

Cee Cee,

To start off I don’t think you should do anything that can potentially jeopardize your current family relationship. It would be wiser to truly understand why you feel you can’t say open up to people like your immediate family. But for this situation it feels like you are enticing to him per se but the fact that you do have a family and all appears to make you a huge risk for his personal image. Example, he would be the homewrecker.

Because with what you wrote there is a contradiction where you first interpret him being the way he is where he has had bad experiences with woman. So that would mean a person who has been hurt and is scared to commit. Yet you say as well that he sleeps around and was hooking up with your friend. So to me that would make sense with my original thought where for him it’s more about analyzing risk on how he can get what he wants and still maintain his image.

While everyone is different of course, realistically if it was someone who knew it was bad news to even think of getting into a relationship with you then they wouldn’t continue to say talk to you in such a way to even give you that hope there is a possibility. They would just shut you down saying this is inappropriate as an example. So to me he most likely gets a little bit of thrill per se with the situation as well.

My analogy of the situation would be imagine you are like a manager at a company and he is a regular worker. You have these crazy feelings for him as you say and he finds you attractive but not in a true love sort of way. Now imagine there is a company policy that you can’t date employees. All this time you are pursuing him and in the back of his mind going out with you can jeopardize his career in the industry as a whole. If he knew of a way to avoid that then he would take the chance with you. At the same time he doesn’t just want to just flat out say no to you in case something changes like you quit your job so he resorts to the “this is not a good idea” direction. In the meantime you see him dating other girls and such. Like there it makes perfect sense why he is dating other woman.

Now I think you can see in that situation for perspective would you jeopardize your job and career for someone that you aren’t 100% sure of? To me I don’t think you should. Now just replace career with your marriage life. Again, I think it is better if you can specifically pin point why you feel you can’t talk to say your family yet you do for this person. There is always a rational explanation. It may be the harder route but at this point since you mentioned that he sleeps around and such the actions speak volumes. I wouldn’t say you are stuck in the middle or anything like that. To me it sounds like for him you are like an adult themed magazine where he only dares to read it when he knows for sure no one will judge him for it. Until then you are like behind the shelf.