pisces man relationship
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Confused

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Anna Asks:

So, I met a guy who is Pisces and we started going out. He seemed like he is into me like no one ever was. He is very very sensitive and kind and we became close and was meeting often, but also talking during the day. Seemed like a fairytale, like those things happening only in the movies. Five days ago he called me saying I am the most wonderful girl in his life and that he was so lonely before me. It made me feel good. However, the next morning he sent me a good morning message but he seemed distant when I initiated a conversation after that. He said he is feeling bad for no reason at all. I accepted it the way he said it to me and said that I am here if he wants to talk about it. After that, he just started ignoring me. Not replying to my messages. I saw that he deleted most of his friends on Facebook and I wondered if its me or something else.

I am worried because nothing serious really happened and I am confused whether its me, if we are done or he is going through something. Never been in a same situation, so I am really wondering what is happening.

Anna,

By the sounds of it it’s him not you. From what you wrote I would say your bond with him in a sense was a substitution/distraction from having to deal with whatever issue it is that he has. While nothing serious may have happened by the sounds of it things happened really fast where you got to see only one side of him. That’s not to say the feelings weren’t genuine. But I often say if it happens too fast then I would personally step back and really think why. Especially if the notion is the person is supposed to think like me then it is awkward in many ways that a person would just go all in so fast.

The only thing I can really gather with what you wrote with all the friend deleting and such is that he wants recognition. I am using the word recognition because with what you wrote it feels like it is more about getting back at the universe. You may say that you send him messages which he doesn’t reply to but many times in these cases it’s about wanting the whole world to know in a passive way as for some reason he may feel betrayed. You can rule out that it is about you specifically per se as you did say he deleted most of his friends.

Think of it more like he used to go to all these restaurants for a long time which he loved. One day the restaurants gave promotions only to new customers and so he felt betrayed. Afterwards he found your restaurant and immediately started to claim it’s the best in town so fast even though he didn’t truly try everything. One day he goes to your restaurant and just says he isn’t hungry. You ask why and he doesn’t answer and just leaves. What you notice is that he publicly starts to delete all his past positive public reviews for all the other restaurants.

So like there the underlying issue is he wants those restaurants to truly recognize how “bad” they were per se for not treating a loyal customer like him with those benefits first. That needs to be solved first. Like there him enjoying the new restaurant may be all true and such but the reason for liking it so quick is no surprise as there is a lot of bitterness about other things factored into.

That’s what you would need to ultimately find out if you are pursuing him. As well, it’s for your benefit too to truly find out how he genuinely feels about you without an outside motivated factor for it.

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9 Comments

  • Anna January 4, 2017

    Thank you so much, Alan. Very rational and reasonable answer.

    I have a close friend who is a Pisces and he sometimes needs his space away from people, but in the same time he expects that you will call/check up on him to show him he means to you. My question was more about whether ignoring means we are done or he needs space to think. I am a Capricorn, always direct and open and that is why Pisces have always been confusing me.

  • Alan January 5, 2017

    Fundamentally with what I wrote it comes down to you as mentioned and what you want to do based on the knowledge you have of the situation. Kind of like with what you wrote about your other friend who needs space away. Like there even for myself I would often say while it’s true that I would need “space” that comes down to me not believing that anyone else would truly be able to relate or help. Therefore, that energy is better spent on trying to fix whatever the issue is as opposed to spending time say trying to explain it to someone else who would say just say “okay good luck” sort of deal.

    So like there in my view if realistically we knew that the situation would be guaranteed to be way better in every possible way with like say you as the friend to be there then I personally don’t know anyone who would still want to be by themselves. It comes down to you though. Do you want to invest the time to truly go deep and understand what is going on with the person while actually following through to help?

    Ultimately it comes down to you. Are you pursuing him still? You have a choice basically. Leave it as is like a lottery mentality and let him go through whatever journey it may be and see what kind of person he comes out as and whether or not he still values you in his life. Or you actively take initiative to find out and see how you can help him with that. If what you wrote is accurate where from what I gather you said you saw him deleting others then I assume that means you were still on the “friends” list to see that.

    You may be more direct when it comes to a personality when you say need help as an example. Like if your house broke down I would relate it to be like you would let all your friends and family know as you need help. Speaking for a person like myself I normally wouldn’t ask or expect anyone to help. Like saying if this was my home and it was completed decimated in various ways I would be the type to just start building it up again as it is important. So during this time I may completely ignore everything else. You saying “Hi” won’t do anything because without this home I can’t function as well in everyday life. Would be like saying try sleeping outside in the cold on like the grass instead of your comfy bed indoors.

    For perspective too if you think about it with the home example anyone who takes the time to just come by should clearly see like it’s broken or whatever. If you are like the friend or whatever to the person too then usually you are given access to be able to see it. Example, like you not being removed from the friend’s list. Like there what you would often have to do is don’t ask and go up with your tools or whatever and start helping to repair the house with them. The main tricky thing is you must really and genuinely learn and care for a person to know how to do that.

    So again for you it’s what do you want to do and do you want to invest all that time and energy into it? Because in many ways too like with the restaurant example you could just say “he’s got issues” and just let them be. Or you could literally take initiative and start asking all over town about who that guy is and all to help. It’s up to you.

  • Anna January 6, 2017

    Thank you so much for your words. I want(ed) to be there and help and listen, but for me it meant that he does not want to see/talk to me anymore so I deleted him off my contacts, everywhere. So, what he did next was blocking me. I really have no idea why. I guess it is cause he does not want to be contacted by me, but I already deleted him and wouldnt say anything after I said I am there for him if he needs anything.
    All this has caused me so much pain cause we clicked and I care for him as a person more than I am pursuing him.
    But, its done so I dont think he will ever reach out to me again.

  • Anna January 6, 2017

    . I want(ed) to be there and help and listen, but for me it meant that he does not want to see/talk to me anymore so I deleted him off my contacts, everywhere. So, what he did next was blocking me. I really have no idea why. I guess it is cause he does not want to be contacted by me, but I already deleted him and wouldnt say anything after I said I am there for him if he needs anything.
    All this has caused me so much pain cause we clicked and I care for him as a person more than I am pursuing him.
    But, its done so I dont think he will ever reach out to me again.

    Thank you so so much once again,

  • Alan January 7, 2017

    Just to make sure as I am a little confused if you were reflecting with what I wrote and if what it all makes sense now per se. But I’ll reply just to make sure. This is assuming I am interpreting this correctly where you essentially told him like you are there for him which he ignored but he still kept the channels open. But afterwards you took initiative and deleted him since you took that ignoring a different way. Remember, the first thing is a person like that usually expects people to say not actually do anything to help them but they keep the door open to give you the option to.

    Let’s use the house example still. Right now it’s like him repairing the house all by himself which involved standing in the rain or something that most people would not want to do. So you tell him if he ever needs help with anything just ask. You can clearly see him standing in the rain and working away in stress while he ignores you. In his mind your comment is more out of politeness. Because for a person like that you have to take initiative and put the umbrella over him as an example or just be willing to get your hands dirty and all too to just help with the repairs. A person that thinks like that generally doesn’t want to ask in like a situation where realistically 95% of the people wouldn’t want to jump in.

    You deleting him would be the equivalent of now him noticing that you cancelled all future gatherings with him. So in his mind it kind of represents that not only can you not help as he expected but you also demonstrated that in his mind you are only there when you need something from him per se. Like saying for some friends people hang around with a person when everything is great but keep their distance the moment something bad happens to them. That kind of goes back to my point where it feels like he is in that blame the world for how people treat him and so forth. If you think about it it’s just one massive difference in communication methods.

  • Anna January 8, 2017

    Yes, you are very very right. I started my question explaining that I have never had experience with someone who is so 100 % feelings (and I don’t mean feelings for me, but in general someone who enjoys little things). Most of the men I have been with, has been you know ‘ he is there when he is and when he decides to end things, he just asks for a break or ignores you until you see that the end already happened in their mind’. This guy went in my heart mostly because of the way how he was seeing and feeling things in his life and making plans with me. I liked that he sees me in his future.
    So, that is where I started when he made a step back after all those nice situations and meetings with him. Not answering to my messages was a clear sign he is just bored in this, or confused so that was the main reason why I decided to cut him off. I never thought of that as hurting him, I saw it as a way of protecting myself from his coldness.
    How do I know that someone wants to talk if my effort to help are being ignored? How do know they want me in their life if they act like I am invisible? And, from your response: is blocking the way to show me I have hurt him and left him on the rain?
    I may meet him somewhere and try to talk, but the chances for that are low.

  • Alan January 9, 2017

    Yes. In my view the blocking would be the way of saying you hurt him and left him in the rain per se. Blocking is pretty harsh though as for me personally that usually means it is over with a capital “O” where I have concluded enough as usually a person would have to say hurt me multiple times where I am like 100% sure they did it purposely/selfishly. Usually if the doors or lines of communication are still open where you have access then that means you are always free to build the relationship even if it is weak.

    I think the child example is good where one can’t talk. Imagine there it is crying and you then literally ask if he/she needs help where it doesn’t respond and just keeps crying. Are you going to just leave it there, walk away and cut off your communication/energy to him/her because they didn’t say anything? I would assume your answer is no as you would try to comfort the child regardless of them saying nothing.

    Now you can argue of course that this guy is an adult and not a child. But speaking for myself as an example for this perspective though I often use those similar types of feelings and situation to help others. So it’s the hope in life that the person I would imagine as like my lifelong partner and all would be the same in that sense. Because in many ways one has to have genuine care for the person to do that.

  • Anna January 17, 2017

    So what do I do now?

  • Alan January 19, 2017

    Generally speaking I would just say live your life and hope that your values/ideals match in the future. I can only speak for myself as I don’t know exactly say how many times this person felt “burnt” in life per se by others. Like with your scenario I would probably only “forgive” if we are talking like I have never experienced this before. So like for me it took a lot of these types of incidents consistently until I developed the “good bye forever” type of mentality where many people often say a person like me can just disappear from their lives.

    Again, thinking for myself you can’t do much about it other than you living your life and a person like me naturally observing somehow that you are consistently a different person. That is just way too hard to “fake” if you were just doing stuff to try and quick fix the relationship. Like saying because he feels you only “use” him in the sense of only wanting to be around people for the good times then he’s going to have to consistently, without his influence, see you helping others in situations where you are constantly going out of your way to do so with no gain.

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