Confused And Sad!

A Asks:

Hi Alan

I don’t usually do this sort of thing but came across your blog.

I am Aries and have been with Pisces man nearly two years. We met at work there was a connection immediately we met but it took a number of months before we got together.

Ten months ago he moved abroad to work. He told me he loved me but the opportunity to make some tax free money quickly was something he had to do to get out of a financial mess. But he loved me still wanted to be with me and he was doing this for our future together . Miming it would me max of 2.5 years. It is s seven hour flight but not impossible. And I think he is worth waiting for. Not in a putting my life on hold kind of way just that I know he is the one for me . Let me just say that we are not teenagers, both of us in our 40s with couple of failed relationships, including one marriage each behind us. Up until a week ago everything was fine.

I know he finds it tough emotionally and professionally where he is, but I have been supportive through all of this. I asked last week if it was still what he wanted as I sensed a difference – nothing that could be really tangibly perceived but just a feeling I got . To cut a very very long story short he has said he’s still hugely fond of me, but not sure at the moment if the love is still there. But he continues to remain in touch with me. He says I have done nothing wrong he is just challenged emotionally and professionally every day and it is hard going for him.

I feel devastated. We were great friends before it ever became anything else. I cannot fathom how his feelings can change seemingly overnight. For my part I will always love him, regardless of what may happen and I genuinely cannot see myself loving anyone else the way I do with him. I don’t say that for dramatic effect for to elicit pity nor in the hope of making him say the same thing, it is just a statement of fact.

We are so alike but so very different. Being an Aries intend to vomit out all my feelings without processing them first . More him when stuff is hard he disappears into a shell and cuts himself off from everyone, to think. I think he is worth it, I think what we could have together is worth it, I have never pressured him into what ‘our future’ looks like, ie never prescribed that do want to get married, move in etc, as these things take time. I’m even happy to take things at a snail’s pace whilst he is working abroad.

I am dumbfounded by what has happened, I cannot understand why he says he feels like this . When he was so so sure before. Is he closing down because of the stress of being so far away – he has three children , the youngest 16, and he has also left them to go and take this job.

Deep down I don’t feel his feelings have changed but am at a bit of a loss. I’m am inclined to back off a bit and see what happens but would like your opinion on whether this is truly over or whether he’s having some sort of crisis of personality, ability, whatever since he has gone over there

Your thoughts would be very welcome

thank you
A

A,

Based on what you wrote I am inclined to say this sounds like insecurity is playing a large part of it. For example, it could be that not having the easy financial capability to take care and cater to his family and yourself is a confidence killer. Therefore, one would feel unworthy and many times it feels easier to just find something else where the person will feel like they are on equal grounds per se. Imagine being on like a sports team where for whatever reason you have to sit on the bench and every day you watch your team winning games without you. Do you think the passion will still be there to be on the team even though you were so sure and excited before?

It just sounds like you have to be very observant and analytical about the details he shares with you about his life. If he is anything like me as an example, I often openly share my challenges but I don’t try and force people to aid me as I just believe one should have the personal genuine motivation to take initiative. I can imagine in your case since there is more than just a friendship here that day by day he is just getting eaten up to the point where he has to wonder if there is a better mutual fit for his life.