pisces man mysterious
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Confused

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Veeda Asks:

Hi there, I have been dating this pisces man. He’s 33 and I’m 23. I’ve grown to love him, I didn’t love him at the begining but now I do. We’ve been dating for a year and 6 months now. But just a month ago, I sent him a text telling him how much I love him and how thankful I am to have him in my life and he text back saying ‘stop talking rubbish’. With anger I told him to never call or text me again. Few days later,I was the one to do exactly that.

Everything was well before I told him how I felt but after telling him things changed. No more texts or calls from him since then. And when I call or text, he doesn’t respond. Until one day I text him and told him that I want to talk to him and he responded saying ‘do you want to tell me more lies?’ I got confused because I didn’t know what he was talking about. Went to his place unannounced. I got there and he ignored me,he didn’t even want to look at me. It got late and I called a taxi to come pick me up and he said he’ll take me home the next day.

The whole night he ignored me, he even slept on coach and I in bed. Still in the morning he didn’t want to talk to me.I tried to reach out to him and he told me he doesn’t want to talk. From last last he had been saying that until I decided to leave. He gave me taxi money and I left. Should I keep hoping that we’ll come around? Its now a month,no word from him. Does he still love me or should I just move on? I love him and don’t know what to do or think. Please help me out…please. I tried everything in my power but its not working instead its like I’m making things worse.

Veeda,

The history of your interactions together kind of plays an important role in determining what happened which is kind of missing here. Therefore, I have to make a lot of assumptions as to why he reacted the way he did when you sent him that text message saying you love him. A person like me wouldn’t just “change” because of those three words if you both have truly been dating happily for like a year and six months as you say.

Generally speaking it sounds like you did something that made him not trust you awhile ago. As a result, he didn’t directly say anything about it. Instead, he continued with the relationship to analyze and tally up everything else that he didn’t feel was genuine about you to try and make a decisive conclusion. Because you haven’t done anything to change his mind on the matter, when you told him that you loved him it’s like an insult of his intelligence as he feels that he sees right through you.

I am going to create a fictional scenario that actually may be very common to hopefully make the point even clearer. Imagine you met this guy through an online dating site where you both obviously have dating profiles. You feel there was something there and so you established a relationship. He then deletes his profile and assume you did the same.

One day he saw you glued to your phone or computer as you were answering messages. Through the corner of his eyes he saw that you were responding to messages from that same dating site. Now to you it may have been nothing. But to him it is like a sign of in-authenticity. This got him curious to check your profile each day to see if you were active. Sure enough, the site seemed to have indicated that you are fairly active.

So in his mind now you can’t truly love him as this is like an indication that you are still keeping your options opened for other men. He then continues the relationship with you to see if you will voluntarily fess up per se in an organic way. While he has that doubt about you that he would never just outright say, the ideal scenario would have been one day you just decided to show him your dating profile to show the types of funny responses you were still getting. This would then internally be a sigh of relief for him as he now better understands your intentions for keeping the profile up. It is then at that moment he would then probably give you subtle hints that he isn’t comfortable with that and ask you things like how you should close it down.

Without that, everything you do is like under a microscope. Example, if there was a situation where you were able to help somebody and you chose to help the friend instead of him then that just further adds to the mindset on how you don’t truly care for him. So again, because he hasn’t seen or felt anything different to make him think otherwise one just believes you are like a liar while using this long process as a way to try and make sure that is accurate. Your words don’t mean anything whereas your actions do. So you need to try and figure out what created this distrust.

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10 Comments

  • Veeda December 9, 2015

    U are so right. What I noticed about him is that he doesn’t trust me. I’ve lied to many times that even when I tell the truth he wont believe me. He always make assumptions about every situation and does not ask me. And all the time his assumptions are wrong but wont let me explain to make it clearer or for him to understand. He says I’m a pathlogical liar. True, because of my past experiences but I’ve been working on that. I’m doing everything I can to not be one but I keep messing up, I don’t know why. Its even worse when I try but see that he doesn’t believe me rather he has already made up his mind about the whole situation even before I could say anything. That hurts so bad and be like to him ‘ I’m not going to waste my breath,energy by saying anything to u’ and he’ll be like ‘so thats it’… Trust is not there. How do I make him trust me? And how do I stop this lying?

  • Veeda December 9, 2015

    previous reply is my email name so sorry about that name confusion anyway he is so intelligent that he sees through me. But sometimes he is wrong. I’m afraid to do any mistake that may let him believe that I’m not telling about a situation. Want to be perfect in his eyes but I keeping messing up.

  • Alan December 10, 2015

    Veeda,

    I fixed your usernames just to make it easier. Your situation is more about yourself it seems where it shouldn’t be about how to get him to trust you but instead what are you going to do to fix your way of life? Because by the sounds of it, this probably affects everyone in your life. Just as an interesting comparison, I have had “pathological liars” in my life before. With my personality, in many cases I have allowed these people to think they were duping me only for me to use it as like a form of research to better understand human emotions and reactions where I could accurately predict what these types of people do in a controlled environment per se.

    So in general, this conversation has nothing to do with a “Pisces personality” in a sense where you are trying to understand how a deep thinker like me thinks. Instead this should be more about how will you conquer those skeletons that you have in the closet as to me it seems like you haven’t been dealing with it head on.

    Now keep in mind I am no doctor so everything I am telling you is just based from my personal life experience, opinions and observations. But from my analysis and understanding of emotions, a “pathological liar” is essentially fostered due to their environment. The best example is like little kids. They often lie to see how far they can get away with things. If there is a group of people who won’t tolerate it they then jump to the next group who will believe them. If everyone was consistent in showing the person the consequences of their actions then they will have no real choice but to stop lying as they are simply not getting anything by doing so.

    I had a real example before of a friend that was lying so much about finishing a task and he admitted that it was so bad that he wasn’t following through and that he would fix himself. Because he didn’t finish the task he essentially had a large to do list. Although, when other friends and family members asked him why he was still spending so much time on the task he claimed he was being a nice guy and helping me out. Therefore, the impression they got was that he was a victim being taken advantage of. Believe it or not, he would actually come back to me and say that he told them this.

    I would even say things like “Why are you lying to people about this” and he would say things like “I don’t know.” The point of the story is while he is ultimately responsible for lying to people, in a way I blame his environment too for fostering his lies. Like there, they could have easily come up to me and get all the facts. Instead, they were essentially encouraging him to lie in my view.

    So if you are truly trying to change yourself and possibly still have this person in your life still, I would think the best thing to do is you have to in a way make like a big public announcement to every close person in your life that you have a problem with lying and everyone needs to see it with their own two eyes and ears. They all need to know they are all on the same page. If I was this guy, you telling me you did that isn’t good enough. I want to see with my own eyes and ears and from those other people’s mouth that you truly recognize you have an issue with being truthful so that everyone is going to help keep you accountable.

  • Veeda December 10, 2015

    Thank u so much Alan. I didn’t even know I had an issue of being truthful until he told me. That was way back. I think now I know what the real problem is. My lies and I think he’s just fed up with them he can’t take it anymore. The text he thinks I’m lying whereas I was being honest. But I guess he doesn’t believe me. Its so hard to admit that I’m a pathological liar. Thank u once again. This is so helpful.

  • Veeda December 10, 2015

    One more question. Is it normal for me to feel afraid to say and do certain things with him? I’m always worried of what he thinks about what I say or do

  • Alan December 10, 2015

    Generally speaking, if you start doing the things as mentioned such as telling everyone who is close to you and such then that’s all you can do. Whether or not he believes you after shouldn’t be the concern I feel. If you truly do have an issue with lying then as mentioned I would imagine you must be doing it because you feel for whatever reason you get more benefit in life by doing it.

    I don’t mean this in a negative way, but if this person is truly special to you and you lose him in your life because of these lies then maybe it is for the better as you need to experience how living a lifestyle like that has consequences that you actually care about. Like saying, if a billionaire arrogantly parks his car illegally where the punishment is a $100 ticket do you think he/she will change? If the punishment was a billion dollar fine do you think he/she will dare to try still?

    All you can do is prove to yourself that you are serious about changing your ways. Afterwards, you leave it entirely up to the individual themselves to decide if they should allow you back into their life.

    For your question about being afraid and do certain things with him, combined with what you told me about the lying issue I would imagine you have like anxiety. Is it normal? Well, again I am no doctor so you can take what you want with my opinion. I personally do not know you, but I would imagine there is a high possibility that you feel the real you isn’t good enough for people. Therefore, you feel the need to live this “lie” in a sense to get acceptance. Example, some people lie to look “cool” or to project an “ideal” version of a person they think will get the most desired attention.

    That to me would make sense why you would be say afraid and such when you are around people like him because you want acceptance. Since you aren’t entirely yourself at times as a result of these lies, this anxiety can come from say the fact that you feel you will potentially get caught for the lie. Again, in relation to that too you could be feeling that just being yourself doesn’t make you worthy of say love.

    It’s almost no difference to say the anxiety many people experience when they are in-front of the camera as they are so darn worried about how they look to others. Like there too and I believe for yourself, don’t try so hard to be a “persona” or the “perfect person” as they say. Believe that you as yourself is worthy enough for good things to happen to you. Therefore, you don’t need to lie as being truthful and authentic is the way to attract the good stuff in your life.

  • Veeda December 10, 2015

    Thank u so much for all your advices. They are indeed helpful.

  • Veeda December 17, 2015

    Hi again. U know I did everything u said I should do but still I can’t get him to talk to me. He doesn’t answer my calls or reply to my texts. He only responded when he told me that I broke his trust and I don’t even know what he says I did. Worst part he think I know I’m just making it up, lying again. I really don’t know. He wont say anything. I’m trying to think but nothing that I did explains how he would react like this. He doesn’t want to talk to me at all. What must I do, give him space? Because he said I should give it a rest. Do u think he’ll be back?

  • Alan December 17, 2015

    You may want to re-read what I wrote. I don’t feel based on what you wrote now that you truly understand what I am suggesting for you. As mentioned, this is more a journey about yourself. Whether or not a person like him accepts you back is his own prerogative and it’s not something you should be trying to change at this moment I feel.

    It would be almost like you consistently getting fired at jobs you loved because you were blatantly caught stealing over and over again. Would it be wise to then go up to those companies and say “I’ve changed, hire me back please.” Like there, I would say the companies have a right to be skeptical until they see something different and it should be entirely up to them to decide to trust you again or not. You pushing so hard to get them to change their minds just reinforces the belief that you are playing them again where you as a person haven’t grown up, so to speak. Like there, you have to prove to yourself you changed by being able to live and do a job without stealing.

    I have mentioned in my other posts too, for people who have betrayed me and such I need to see lifestyle actions and consistency. Cause that would be very hard to fake. How could you have truly done everything in a week as an example? If this was a health and fitness routine where you said you were serious about changing then we are talking about a lifestyle habit here not a diet. How can one week be enough to show the world, most importantly yourself, that you have truly changed? Like with the diet example, for your biggest skeptics they will simply see this as an act.

    You have to continue with your journey regardless of who is willing to believe or support you at the moment. If you are constantly going back to him to try and change his mind then again I don’t feel you are truly grasping what I am saying. All you can do is say your piece and then prove it with consistent action.

  • Veeda December 18, 2015

    U are right thank u

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