pisces man personality symbolic
Reader Questions

Continuing To Build An Unclear Relationship

Ocean Asks:

Hi Alan, thank you for the 2 earlier posts. I was the one who posted a question regarding how does one tell if Pisces men were to treat them as authentic people and allowing them deeper into his life?

Here I am with a slightly more detailed story. He had recently started his own business and the last we communicate I was asking if he needs my help and he said thank you to me but without telling me things I could do. And he said unless I have a fabulous list now that could show him in a joking or semi serious way. I can’t tell as its over text. So I am contemplating to help him with these by doing up a list. But I don’t know should I give it to him as most probably he could tell that I specifically went through the trouble of creating that. I am quite certain this might put him in a spot where he must return that kindness back to me.

Sorry that my story is going to be kinda long…

We were colleagues a year ago and I maintained contact with him. Once in a few weeks and sometimes once in few months. Although I am always the one who initiate contact, he will always reply me quickly and will ask about me too. Things like how was my studies and how’s my life.

In a neutral point of view, I would describe our relationship as mutual attraction, as he likes what he see and vice versa. I say this because we are always looking at each other, frequently our eyes meet and he have soulful eyes that gave me a feeling that he is hurt in some ways, maybe in the past or present. But due to the fact we are both attached I did not proceed anything beyond appropriate concern and casual playfulness and flirting.

I believe a relationship or a marriage is a commitment and not solely relying on love but time spending together and going through turbulence through life events. So, I am explaining myself now if anyone were to think I am being fickle.

I thought about my situation that could jeopardise my current relationship and came to a conclusion to myself after reading your blog that even though we couldn’t advance in a romantic sense I wish to stay as good friends. He was a very unique and a special person to me so I can’t bear to see him gone from my life entirely.

The fact that he influence me on many different levels of my life makes him unforgettable. I am a reserved person who tend to observe everyone around me yet seldom interact with them unless I have a need to express myself and I used to suffer from low self esteem and I think that leads to job hopping (he is not aware).

After knowing him, he gave me simple yet powerful insights whenever I was getting demoralised. After he left this company to set up his own business, I left too and went to further my studies while working in another similar company which cater to my schedule and managed to stick through it. Recently he is recruiting new staffs as I heard from one of our ex colleagues and through job advertisement site but he did not ask if I would like to join him though when I texted him. Instead he gave me the link to his company website and said, “tell me what are your views” with a cheeky emotion icon ( I don’t know if he is asking for my views in his company or indirectly asking if I would like to join his company, as the main page there is a ‘join us’ tab) I assume it’s the latter and I was honest to tell him that I saw his company website weeks ago and the advertisement from the job site the salary was awesome but I haven’t completed my studies and the location was too far from my house (almost 2 hours of travelling time) Till now, I was still embarrassed if his intention was not to invite me to join his company.

I am not a person to rant on my problems but in the past, often he will notice I am sad and his actions encouraged me to talk more about problems I have at work. I am amazed at his ability to know since no one else can tell when I am feeling sad, maybe I hide it too well. Some of the simple yet meaningful things he told me in the past and recently, being ‘learning through the hard ways’, ‘keep looking forward to everyday’ and ‘don’t be afraid to go for it’. All these simple sentenced sets me thinking deep, looking within myself and and it wasn’t what a typical men would do when they are trying to impress you or trying to boost their ego. Instead, it makes me want to become a better person like him.

I do not know where do I stand in his mind or heart, is it a just a person that he felt that needed help, was I someone whom he think is authentic and nice to have around or was I someone that he have intangible feelings about yet unable to bring it further due to the fact we are both liable to our another half? Thank you Alan.


I am actually still in the midst of writing the third post about “zones” when I got your message. Maybe that will help in terms of giving you the knowledge to know where you stand in his life. I’ll answer your questions based on what you wrote here though as you have given me a basis to work with.

To me it sounds like he is giving you almost every signal in the world to be in his life. That passiveness of him giving you his website is an example of that I feel based on everything you wrote. As well, everything from talking about his struggles to asking for your opinions about an important venture in his life.

When you said the company is too far and all that is like throwing a boulder into the road in terms of you giving him access to you I feel. I wouldn’t be too concerned about wondering if he was asking you to join as opposed to how the answer is like a form of rejection in every way if your goal was to be in his life. Many times the mentality is if you truly want to say help or be in the person’s life you will find some way to do it. Like here there is only really three types of possibilities I feel:

1) He wanted your opinion because he needs advice and is unsure about something.

2) He is passively offering you a job as he wants to help you in life and feels this could be the way to do it.

3) He is desperately in need of people he can trust in an effort to launch his business.

Either way, he essentially wants you involved. I don’t know exactly what you wrote, but if the message was mainly it’s too far for you with no kind of alternative all three points essentially shot him down in terms of his way of inviting you to continue in being in his life.

Similar with how you said he was “joking” about the list. To me, that means he does want help but doesn’t want to ask directly. Odds are most people in his life never bothered to really follow through to actually help him for the times he really needs it. It’s not a coincident I feel on why deep thinkers and sensitive people are often the outcome of these kinds of experiences. One is essentially forced to develop a keen understanding of emotions fast for the sake of emotional well-being since you don’t have the luxury of getting it from anyone else so to speak. No real difference on how some people are forced to grow up fast due to life circumstance where people wonder how the heck like a kid can be so mature in their way of thinking and speaking.

To me it sounds like he has placed you in the authentic zone category. I do that a lot as example with the “tell me what you think” routine for people I feel who are authentic. With everything in mind, I would personally say make him that list. Based on everything you wrote, he is giving you the invitation to play a role in his life. This is where a person like me determines what kind of connection I should create with you in my life. Especially if it is a scenario where I feel I have given you a lot of my own energy.

If this guy is anything like me then inside he should be ecstatic if you actually went through all that trouble to make him the list which he really needed. And I mean ecstatic. Because don’t forget, most people probably don’t usually do anything for him where he has to take the lonely road. Add that with how you mentioned you feel that his ability to know you are sad seems amazing when no one else can tell. The simple explanation is, to a certain degree he has probably “been there” in terms of whatever you are feeling and so he can pick up on it. Like there too, while the person has developed a unique system to deal with it on their own, actually having another person aid them in their challenges is just a breath of fresh of air.

For the part about whether or not he wants to be with you closer and wondering if he just can’t due to having another commitment, you shouldn’t try to change this and just respect his decision on that. Like I tell others too, you shouldn’t be doing any of this stuff in hopes to break him away from the other per se. You shouldn’t even think about too much either as opposed to just focusing on maintaining the relationship. I mentioned before in a different post it is very hard to find people you can genuinely connect with. Regardless of what that relationship ends up being whether it be friends or romantic one, I would say deep inside a person like him is really hoping he could have more people like you in his life.


  • Ocean November 16, 2015

    Hello Alan! Thank you for encouraging me to make up my mind to create that list! I was too bothered with thinking it would make him feel uneasy and tried to dismiss it.
    I really hope this will help him in some ways though! And not to worry Alan, I will not destroy another person’s happiness in exchange of my own.
    Can’t wait for more of your posts! Keep on going!

  • Ocean December 17, 2015

    Sorry Alan, it’s me again. Recently I have relocated and I have completed my studies too. I saw that his company is still recruiting staffs so I actually went to apply for it. I did not let him know though we are friends as I don’t wish to make it seems like I am using relations to get the job. I applied through a job advertising site instead. It’s still far from the closing date so I am getting jittery as I really do not know what will be the outcome and as well as what will be his reaction if he were to notice it personally if there isn’t any hiring manager in between. Would you please show some insights? Thanks.

  • Alan December 17, 2015

    Hi Ocean,

    Why are you apologizing? It’s nice to hear from you again. 😀 I am a little confused about the hiring process. This is his company where he is the boss and has the final say of everything right? I always envisioned that he was like a solo entrepreneur start up as an example. I’d be a little flabbergasted if I was him as to why you didn’t just tell him directly. It would make it feel like your connection isn’t as tight in a way.

    It would probably make me now wonder “why” you did that and analyze you like crazy afterwards considering you did send him that list and all already. Guess it really comes down to what are you hoping will happen with the way you are approaching it? What positive advantage in your mind does this way have versus asking him directly?

  • Ocean December 17, 2015

    I apologise because I think I have so much questions to trouble you.
    It’s a little principle of mine as I wish to apply for this position together with the rest of the job seekers to somehow illustrate an equal chance. Like what I mentioned above, I don’t wish to base this on our relations but it’s like a confirmation of my work capabilities as such?? I didn’t know this will lead him to analyse me like crazy. A little part of me is also thinking that he won’t feel obliged to hire me if he really did have better candidate since I didn’t so called “ask” for it. If you were to see it, it will be I did that list for you, somehow helped you then now I want a job therefore you should hire me. Sighs. But it’s seems I’ve made it worse.

  • Ocean December 17, 2015

    Oh, sorry I realise I didn’t answer your first question. Yes, he is the owner of that business. Details about what is behind the scene then I am not so sure if there will be someone “like his girl” helping him to do the recruitment or he does it himself. That will be really busy for him if he does everything from top to bottom.

  • Alan December 18, 2015

    That’s perfectly understandable. From a business point of view this may be just my opinion, but you already do have an advantage over like 99% of the applicants if you think about it. You two have already directly worked with each other and recognize each other’s work ethic and abilities. At the same time, company’s often want to hire “proven” workers that have already established a good reputation/relationship with the people within. It’s always going to be a factor just like someone who may have more experience. The only time I think personally that you shouldn’t factor in the relationships you built is if this is like a prize contest of some sort.

    Aside from that mini rant, I don’t think you should think too hard about it as what’s done is done. The key thing that will probably make him wonder is why you were so “scared” to tell him directly. If you want to treat this as a friendship and connection that you don’t want to lose and keep strong then embrace it I say. Trust that if you ask him directly too that he will give you an honest answer directly if he feels you aren’t a good fit for the role. Cause you wouldn’t be applying if you didn’t feel you would be perfect for it right?

    I don’t think you have been following my suggestion for you last time too. Therefore, I instruct you to watch this video. 😀

  • Ocean December 18, 2015

    Hmm. I don’t understand the video. ? What should I do now…. ?

  • Alan December 18, 2015

    You mean you literally don’t understand the trick and such of the video? I hope you don’t mean the point of posting that cause that would mean everything I ever wrote to you never truly sunk in.

  • Ocean December 19, 2015

    Nope Alan, as in I mean I don’t get the essence of this video. To me, it seems like showing him fruits he could get, but then he made it disappear to prevent him from getting it and then in the end, gave it to him again. It’s somehow contradicting to me it’s seems.

  • Alan December 19, 2015

    With what you wrote, this video may actually be unintentionally good for you to demonstrate how your mindset is like self sabotaging the essence of what is being presented/given to you(I did mention this to you before too). This will be good practice for you I think. Reminder of the other stuff I wrote to you in the other thread: https://piscesview.com/winning-the-heart-of-a-pisces-by-showing-compassion-and-assistance-without-asking/

    Look at the eyes and the body language of the animal as the trick is being done. How does it react and why did it react the way it did after in your view? Does that make sense with the narrative you are projecting as to what the essence of this video is about in your mind?

  • Ocean December 19, 2015

    I heed your advice Alan, I messaged him today actually and being open about my thoughts and feelings to him. It turns out that he was very inviting and happy that I wanted to join him! But then, he is currently fully staffed now as he mention he had no idea I applied and why the job ad was still on. From now on, I shall not be contained by my own mind set but to do what I just want to tell him instead of beating around the bush. He mentioned he is having a hard time now and will takes a while before he could expand his business so he could work with me and have fun. ?

  • Ocean December 29, 2015

    Hi Alan, yesterday I was texting him to ask is his business line was managed by him or his staff as I have a friend who is interested in engaging his service. At first he thought I was the one who is interested from the way he wrote, he seems to be elated. After he knew I was referring a friend, he mentioned okay and thanked me again. Then he suddenly brought up our past conversation where I was applying for the job. To make things clearer I will type out the scenario:
    Him: I just saw your application today. (I sent it to him a week ago)
    Him: You are working for so and so?
    Me: Wow. I only state abc company
    Him: Haha. Not difficult to find. (Did he went to google it to find out more? )
    Him: Looks quite senior. ( Did he meant old or experienced? My current boss is sort of well know in this industry)
    Me: Ya. Exactly. Haha
    An hour later… (He didn’t reply)
    Me: Any places to recommend?
    (No reply)
    Personally, I thought he will be helpful if he could refer me to a good workplace since he is now fully staffed like what he mentioned in our previous conversation. From all these while that I have helped him… Even if he didn’t have any he could say there isn’t on his side etc. It’s perfectly fine though. And in our previous conversation, I mentioned I might most probably stick to the current place… Ending with a “the worst place and situation are best for growth” he did say that it is always good idea to make use of the opportunities WHEREVER you are. You will never know when it may become useful. Note that I caps the wherever. Please let me know what do you think?? I read your post that is very long ago on the “being nice to see how nice you can be” and tried to relate. It seems like somehow this is a lop sided friendship?

  • Alan December 29, 2015

    With the context of your situation it sounds like he did his basic research like most people would do. That is a good thing if he is actually investing time to essentially learn more about you. By senior I would assume he means experienced. With the no response, based on the context it sounds like he just at first felt he accomplished what he wanted with that conversation. It could be something like this.

    He wants you to work for him in the future where the whole point of this conversation was to establish that he is actively thinking of how you can work with him while hopefully giving you the confidence that you have the qualifications in a way. Example, stating the guy was very senior like saying you trained with an Olympic gold medalist sort of deal.

    Afterwards, your reply of “Ya. Exactly. Haha” would feel like it was mission accomplished and there isn’t much more to say about it. Now afterwards you add in the “any recommendation” comment and it kind of goes against his idea that you really want to work with him specifically and how maybe he was actively trying to find ways to do so. So then one would wonder what should he do? Example, spend the energy to find ways to get you a position in the company or just send you off to other potential opportunities and let you be on your way? To me it would make sense in that way.

    I don’t feel that post about being nice relates to this situation since you two already have an established friendship, so to speak. That test is more for like “strangers” in a way.

  • Ocean December 31, 2015

    He replied me shortly after I posted you the question. He took 24 hours to answer me with “if I know of any good opening, will be sure to inform you first ?”
    To be honest with you, I ask that question to test him. 1, to let him know it is okay if you are unable to hire me, I know it is in the back of your mind but I don’t wish to put the pressure on you on additional manpower and salary. 2, I want to know if he is genuine in helping me too and how much? 3, If he know where I am working and hopefully I can still somehow remain in his circle of life/friends.
    Please don’t be mad at what I did. But it’s a weird trait of me. Forgive me.
    Anyway, the main point today is, he shocked me with a text later out of the blue that said, “Hey, I didn’t realise you are married until I saw your resume. Congratulation!” I reluctantly replied by saying thanks, it’s a few months back. (I did tied the knot with my boyfriend recently) and hours later, he said “Happy for you! ?” -end of conversation-
    Should I read his message at face value? I just feel that maybe I shouldn’t initiate to send him any more message till I am ready to embrace a “pure friendship” with him. After all, I am aware I still love him.
    On a side note, happy new year to you Alan, may you be blessed with good health, fortune, happiness and love in 2016.

  • Alan January 1, 2016

    Happy New Year! 😀

    Remember what I said before too about you thinking he doesn’t know. You may think you are “tricking” a person like him as a way to test him, but a person like myself often sees through that but will still play dumb because we want to see how far you will go with it. Not saying he necessarily knows for sure, but there is a huge possibility.

    In many ways I would ask too, what is the point in “testing” him here in this way? In some ways I feel it’s almost like me writing posts saying while the damsel in distress is the best way to determine if the person cares for you, faking like an incident just to “test” them has a high chance of you being on their ignore list. Like here, you are already friends and you mentioned yourself he was always there for you when you needed it. So why feel the need to “test” anything at the moment? I personally feel that is different from wanting to stay in the person’s life which you expressed before.

    To me anyways, based on the situation he probably had a hunch that you “liked” him. Seeing you married probably makes him say “Well, that’s interesting” while giving him reason to back off like most other people would as they don’t want misunderstandings or trouble. I feel you should kind of be crystal clear about what you want out of this situation.

  • Ocean January 1, 2016

    Hi Alan, I did not fake it. He knows I am having a tough time at work as I shared with him before, how my employer lashes ridiculously at us innocent staffs and that’s where he gave me the website with the join us tab which makes me wonder is he inviting me to his company or simple wants my view or comments. I know he is intelligent, many Pisces are. But I know Pisces guys, some are incorrigible. What if he was all along putting up a “good man” show targeting the soft spots of women, where I am so called the victim that fell for his trap. As he “knew” that I liked him, he know he can put this to his advantage by me offering help he needed? But of course, I am no bimbo too. Well, at least I didn’t throw myself at him, seducing or whatsoever… In fact, when he initiated those “accidental” physical contact with me in the past, I didn’t even respond to it. I still chose to think of the good side of everyone, including myself. I can be a bitch to those who tried to harm the loved ones around me. I still do not know what do I want out of this situation, maybe simply because I am really happy with him around, like to work together so I am able to know what I can do to help him or somehow in contact. But I think I need to overcome myself as mentioned I still love him to some extent. As stated by you, he had a hunch that I liked him, and wants to see how far I will go? What do you mean by this? To me, the only thing I could do now is to help him in his current business. I feel happier than him when a friend of mine or friend of friend actually seek him out, that’s all it is about. This process of referral might be slow, but I genuinely hope by bits and bits of effort will reap good returns in the long run. I think it sounds funny to you, or think I am silly or what… Maybe..

  • Alan January 2, 2016

    It feels like you read my words in the literal sense many times as opposed comprehending the essence of the message I am communicating to you. It’s going back to like the video example above in a way.

    In general, I did not say in particular you were faking things like your job difficulty. I used the example of me writing about faking a damsel in distress to correlate the emotion/resentment one could develop towards you in the same line of how you are “testing” him as you mentioned since you two are technically already friends.

    Example, the comparison would be no different to you using like say a cuss word on a sensitive person and then me saying it’s like the post I wrote about someone getting physically hit by another. I am not saying you physically hit the person but the emotion/resentment one can develop to you can be the same. Hence, I don’t encourage it if your goal was to just be in the guy’s life.

    The part about him having a hunch you like him and seeing how far you will go is not the same topic. So you shouldn’t be merging the two. I’ll use a hypothetical example to show the essence of that point. When it comes to knowing you like him it would be like the girl I mentioned who smoked cigarettes. In her mind she probably thought I didn’t know she “liked” me but I did “know” in a sense. It doesn’t really matter to me though when it comes to the friendship. If I found out she was married I would be surprised but happy for her. What would be the ultimate point in the long run of wondering if I was nice to her due to the notion that I knew she liked me? Especially if I am still supporting her as a friend like always. She is now married and should be happy with the person she devoted her life too right? Unless he is specifically taking from you at the moment then that is a completely different story.

    When it comes to seeing how far you go, an example would be like me giving out money to people with no limit. However, one person feels they will look greedy if they keep taking but they still need more. So as a result they come up to me wearing a mask thinking I don’t know it’s them. Like many times there I actually “know” who it is but I will still give while acting dumb about the situation. I am fascinated in seeing how far they go with it though as to me it shows a lot of character traits of things such as insecurities. Basically, it helps me to learn more about the person as they are obviously too scared to just be themselves. So like your situation, there is a good chance he knows already that you are “testing” him.

    Again since you are already friends, if this was you and me I would personally view “faking a distress” or “testing” the friendship is the same in essence. In a way it would be like you are trying to “trap” me on purpose. Like that I would ask, why are you even his friend if you feel the need to do that? Again, it’s different if it’s like a situation where he is say giving you sap stories and you continue to give where he doesn’t give back. But I don’t think that is the case from what you wrote. It’s more about your unresolved feelings in sense.

    You are definitely not the first woman I have spoken to who has been mystified by a person like him to the point where it becomes like a habit of sort to unlock their mystery. From what I have seen, the only real way for people to grow out of it is to clearly identify why you do it and what you want out of it. Easier said than done right? But that’s something you should invest the time to be clear about.

    You shouldn’t need to go out of your way to give referrals or whatever. Even for like me a simple “How have you been doing” is good enough to maintain the contact if you goal is to just be in his life.

  • Ocean January 2, 2016

    Yes Alan, you are right about it. I have too much unresolved feelings on my side. Which is why I kept following your posts and stories of other girls who are in a similar state. Many questions I ask I am also hoping that they can find the answers they need as I found some for my own understanding. Sometimes I think I could almost memorise all your posts and stories as I have been reading it everyday. You are overall right as I shouldn’t be trying so hard in trying to understand him but to understand myself first. Maybe he is at the other end wondering :What is my “motive” behind all those help that I gave. I know you meant being a true friend to him doesn’t need so much effort where one day it will literally drives me crazy. Where isn’t natural in the end if all of these seems forced. I understand that you are not saying I lied or fake, but it’s a natural defensive behaviour of a person to try and explain themselves so they are not being misunderstood and cause unnecessary judgements. I really understand you but in a sense I wanted to find out more because everyone has different perspectives, your way of thinking and mine are completely different but ultimately the message is send across. Well, to say about bringing out his sap stories… He did but it’s not that kind of over the top exaggerating manner to me. However, I can hear him saying to my female colleagues. (They are basically not closing the door.) Like I mentioned before, his girl say he is like a mushroom, inside his own world, how she was yelling at him at the end of day after work, how his girl express that she think they don’t need to see each other everyday etc etc… He can’t really blame me for doing the testing because he too show some contradicting behaviours, like wise I can’t blame him for playing dumb even know he knows my intention as bright as daylight. But I just want to make it clear, I have no ulterior motives. If loving someone and offering help is a “crime” then I am speechless. So as to what you said: I won’t encourage it if my goal was just to be in the guy’s life. Please explain the just here???

  • Ocean January 2, 2016

    Oh wait, ignore my last question, I got it mixed up as at first I saw the 3rd paragraph about saying you don’t encourage and if my goal was to be in the guy’s life and then the last paragraph saying if I just want to be in his life. And before I start behaving like a broken old grandfather clock here, I really still want to give you a sincere thank you as originally I was just a clueless person about Pisces man personality and now I managed to grasp somehow 50%… I believe I could even use this precious information in my life to be more understanding in a humanitarian approach. So off I go to discover my own self! PS: you might wish to consider being a counsellor or a psychologist! ?

  • Alan January 2, 2016

    With what you wrote here, to be more blunt it feels more like your goal in terms of what you want out of this in a sense is to find out is if he is liar per se. That’s just based on what I am interpreting from your words. So in that sense, why not just cut to the chase and make your goal clearer in that way for yourself? Example, if you think he isn’t being fully truthful or authentic such as the way he is being treated by his girl then why not cut to the chase and plan ways to find out from her directly? Take the emotion out of this and collect the facts.

    Correct me if I am wrong. It’s like saying your goal isn’t so much to find out how much he cares for you in an authentic way, such as that cat saving the kid video, but rather if he say cares for you simply as a ploy to get you to care for him. If so, again why not just cut to the chase and collect the facts from the source? At least this way you have a clear and concise goal as to what you need to focus on.

  • Alan January 2, 2016

    Well that is kind of hilarious….you posted literally at the exact same time as me. lol. I’ll keep it up though incase it has any relevance to your revelation you just posted.

  • Ocean January 2, 2016

    Oh! No no… I am not trying to find out if he is a liar! In fact I am trying to find out if he likes me back instead! Oh my…

  • Alan January 3, 2016

    Alright, if you aren’t try to find out if he is a liar or not then in my opinion you should just be yourself and not worry if he will disappear in your life per se. Because if you trust he is authentic then you should trust that what you do is good enough and that he isn’t doing anything to potentially manipulate you. It should be a pretty black and white answer in that regards. There shouldn’t really be “what ifs” like the parts you mention if he is targeting the soft spot of a woman. Agree?

    Whether or not he likes you, if we agree to establish that in your mind he is 100% authentic then the minimum consolation is that with the way he helped and continue to cares for you he most likely could have envisioned you as something more. It’s not straight from the horse’s mouth, but that’s how a person like me thinks anyways. It doesn’t mean we would actually do it of course, but it’s a natural thought.

    People often joke that when most other guys look at girls the first thought is like “Would I have sex with them?” Like there, a person wouldn’t necessarily go through with it but it’s more of a way to say do they find the person attractive. For my type of mindset it’s more like “Would I marry her and could we be happy together forever?” Doesn’t mean they will actually go through with it as there are life factors in play here. Does that make sense?

    In my opinion, just have fun and enjoy each other’s presence. Because by the sounds of it, you have your life set in terms of a direction and so does he. Just embrace the connection you two have.

  • Ocean January 3, 2016

    I am sorry for the so many “what ifs”. It doesn’t means that I don’t trust him. I am curious by nature. If only I can give my brain an off day. Haha. It perfectly make sense for the rest of the things you wrote. Thanks for the “consolation prize” you gave me. It has indeed brought a smile to my face. Yes, I will be myself and cherish the connection I have with him. Whether or not will I be working with him in the future, I leave it up to fate and him to decide. The icons are really lovely… Thanks for dedicating each reader a personalised one! ?

  • Alan January 3, 2016

    Oh, I don’t mind the curious nature. Just trying to clarify and all. I can’t really take credit for the icons as all I did was turn a feature on…….

  • Ocean January 4, 2016

    It’s totally fine, it makes me feel happy seeing those colourful icons and that’s just what it matters.
    I was doing some self reflection today and got totally emotional. And I thought of you who could perhaps inspire me in some ways. Not mentioning Pisces as a whole but you yourself, how do you cope when people always come to you for their problems? I somehow understand the feeling where there is too much negativity surrounding me, I know their problems and I can’t just ignore them and feel like doing something to help. Then, I tend to be really exhausted and overwhelmed. Being a person who puts others needs before oneself is it a really noble thing to do or should we learn to be more selfish? How do you deal with these? Maybe I can learn from you. 🙂

  • Alan January 4, 2016

    Interesting question. Speaking for myself anyways, I think for me when it comes to helping others it’s not so much of having a mindset that I need to be more selfish per se but rather coming to the realization that if I don’t take care of myself too it means I can’t give anymore period. There is a distinct difference between the two if you really think about it and it’s something you learn to manage more logically as opposed to just emotionally. For me, I just had certain life experiences that made me realize this which maybe you haven’t yet.

    Let’s take a scenario where you have special trees that can grow infinite amount of apples. The only stipulation is you have to always have at least one apple left to be able to grow more. If not, it will take a year for the fruit to grow again. Each tree helps to feed about 100 people a day. It’s like saying through life I have often given people that last apple which resulted in that tree being useless for a year to help others. As I sit there, I then came to the realization that each day there is now like 100 people who can’t be fed all because I gave way too much. I helped that person for one day and in return I can’t help 100 people a day for a whole year. Again, it’s like I helped one person for one day where in exchange it’s like 36,500 people starved to death in a year.

    So, it kind of makes me want to approach things in the most logical and beneficial way for everyone. Instead of me giving up that last apple which results in 36,500 others starving to death, for this one hungry person I am going to instead seek out the help of other people who has special trees to see if they have any to spare to help this person out.

    Again, I probably just had different life experiences than you. Like for the example of giving my last apple to that one last person who said they were starving, I had experiences where the guy clearly wasn’t starving but rather he duped me where he took advantage of my generosity. Now imagine me having to sit for a year knowing that there are 36,500 others who could have genuinely used my help. But because I was so ignorant to allow this one person to drain me in this way I can’t do anything. So things like this made me mature emotionally very fast.

    That’s one thought I kind of liked when I created this site before as an example. Because in some ways many of you probably have the same questions. So me making posts or answering questions is like me finding ways to plant more trees that grows apples where people will always have access to them. Basically, finding the balance between trying to do everything yourself and ways to leverage your time too.

    Unless for some reason you just happen to have like a huge social circle of like-minded people to help rejuvenate you as well each day. But that is even a challenge for me and hence why I developed the try and do as many things as you can yourself first mentality and finding balance. Cause in my own life experience that often just led to disappointment. Example, I give that last apple away to then run up to people who I figured would do the same for me now that I don’t have a source for myself only to realize they don’t want to give back. Not a healthy way to live.

    Ultimately, it just comes down to experience in managing your life and trying to surround yourself with the right people and all I feel. If you think about it, maybe that’s why you are so attached to this guy as you want more people in your life that genuinely help you too. Believe me, I get it.

  • Ocean January 4, 2016

    Brilliant. Very insightful indeed! ? You not only solve the mystery of my unresolved feelings for him but able to relate so well!!! Can I bring you home? Lol!

  • Alan January 5, 2016

    Oh, would I have my own room too? 😀 Cause the last time another girl asked me this she said I would basically be living in her purse.

  • Ocean January 5, 2016

    I’ll keep you in a 50 gallon aquarium with ample supply of oxygen, pretty plants and good filtration system. ?Don’t worry, I’ll feed you daily too! ?

  • Ocean March 16, 2016

    Hello Alan,
    I am so happy that I feel the need to write you a thank you note again. Just wish to let you know, you are absolutely fabulous! In case you are wondering why, my bestie actually had a past failed relationship with a Pisces guy and she was very depressed about it. She couldn’t walk out of the shadows. But coincidently, she met another guy who shared the same birthday as the previous one! Call it fate or what… And damn! Their personalities are uncanny! This time round, I was able to truly understand her experience with that guy and comfort her with all the “confusions” he was showing. Definitely, she felt at ease after listening to me and I even told her about your site. Another thing is, my pisces friend had actually asked me for help! I know it sounds crazy to others to be elated for someone asking for my help… but I know you would understand. For them to initiate and to seek for assistance is a rare occurence to me. So I am fortunate that I was able to help him solve an issue he had on hand. He was amazed by that.
    Things are going good for me. At least now I am certain he takes me as authentic and willing to tell me about his struggles in life than before.
    Alan, you made such a positive impact in my life. I couldn’t have done all these alone. ?

  • Alan March 16, 2016

    What a lovely follow up story and thank you for the kind note. 😀 Almost doesn’t sound real with the way the events played out. Yes, for a person like me to specifically ask for help is like a gateway to completely unlocking the person. It’s something that a person like me would love to do right in the beginning for everyone of course but the reality is the risk is too high in doing that. So consider that a very good thing indeed.

  • Ocean March 17, 2016

    Yes! What a marvelous March, seeing my bestie meeting her type of guy through an online app and realising the exact birthdate with her ex creeps both of us out! Lol! And following by his message to pop up on my phone screen yesterday. It’s overwhelming happiness for me!

  • Ocean April 26, 2016

    Hello Alan,
    I am troubled. Would like your take on this issue. Recently I was browsing through a few job sites where I found he is hiring new staff. As mentioned previously, he posted at Job site a where I applied months back. He mentioned the position was filled and will update me when there are openings. This tine round he posted on Job site B. But I got an unshakeable feeling he doesn’t want me to see that. I also told him last time to do me a favour by helping me to keep a lookout if there are other good places too. But he didn’t and it’s fine as it is my own responsibility for my career. But seeing this actually brings me sadness and disappointment considering that we are like comrades helping and trying to understand each other more all these while. I did text him asking how was he doing after that and he still replies fairly quickly. But I just replied him saying good to know he is good and I am fine too. And left the conversation. I was sad to even continue the conversation. Maybe his take was I am weird as I randomly ask how was he and disappeared. He didn’t followed through too.
    Oh my. I was still sharing his business page about a promotion he posted a few days ago and now I am really confuse. Should I just give up on this friend as I lost all confidence after this episode.
    Appreciate that you are here for us. Thank you Alan.

  • Alan April 26, 2016

    The first thing you have to make sure of is whether or not he personally made that ad or if it is someone in the company that did that. Just as an example, an owner of a business wouldn’t necessarily know everything as he simply pays like the executive/manager money to do a job where he just cares if the business is running well. So like there, make sure this isn’t a situation where it’s someone else that just decided they need more people while he is focusing on other aspects of the business.

    As well, with everything you have told me so far with your relationship with him maybe this job simply isn’t the right fit for you maybe? This doesn’t necessarily just mean not the right fit as in you can’t do the job. It could be the position is so low pay and does nothing for your career that he feels your current job is way better as an example. Cause in a sense if that is the case it would be like the person is asking for help where you need to sacrifice your well-being for them. To my knowledge you are employed right now correct as an example?

    If the situation turns out that he did post it himself, this job is perfect for you in every way which you truly needed then that is when I would question the connection you two have. But first thing is first, separate the business to personal. Trying to imagine this myself, the only other reason I wouldn’t tell you directly about it is if I secretly despise something you did to me, so to speak, where in a sense this relationship was just like professional courtesy. Or along the same lines you did something “dishonest” that I know about which you haven’t been upfront about. With everything you wrote that doesn’t sound like the case though. One step at a time.

  • Ocean April 26, 2016

    Thank you Alan. Could always count on you to give such precise analysis. Yes, I am still employed at the same place and all those useful things I have learnt the first person i wish to benefit is him. Considering that he was a mentor figure to me back then when I was a rookie. From what you said coupled with my own analysis, arrows are pointing towards the last stipulation. It couldn’t be I am too good for his business that makes him not to offer that post and I should be some where else that is more prospective. I assume he will be more willing to allow me in so we could grow our knowledge together. Or so I guessed it is some sort of I made him inferior indirectly, unknowingly. Nevertheless, I agree with what you said, 1 step at a time. For now, I will just concentrate to be his friend; a silent support until he feels it is safe to open his window or door…

  • Alan April 26, 2016

    I am not really sure what you mean by you made him inferior indirectly. Unless you meant “infuriated” instead. That can be a tricky topic in terms of allowing one in to grow their knowledge together as we have to accept the realities that there is a business involved here. I’m not sure of the exact scenario here of course but the over the top example would be if this is a publicly traded company then you have a ton of people to answer to where you can’t just make decisions because someone is your friend. Example, if he just sold his business and is not working there anymore would you leave the business in an instant too?

    In my opinion too, if you truly want to work with him and his organization then generally speaking it might be good to throw the friendship stuff out of the window for a moment. By that I don’t mean do not be friends. Focus on it purely as Ocean the business woman as an example and how it makes sense for everyone to have you there. Apply/pitch yourself where the company has to have you and how you were like born to do it. Maybe that is a bit too crazy for what you imagined, but I would think you can then focus on the friendship/support stuff separately.

  • Ocean April 27, 2016

    Hey Alan, I spent some time trying to absorb what you are trying to convey to me. Though it is too much for me to fully understand it now (trying to convert business management to my field which is in healthcare) but that example you mentioned did woke me up a little. “Would I still stay in that business if he decides to sell it.” Though claiming now that I am not a person who mix personal emotions with work, I guess inevitably I may at some point of time. And it could be what he is trying to prevent from happening…
    And, what I meant by inferior, if I apply it on myself, it is like I have the capabilities to run this business myself. When someone volunteers to help me out with some of my matters on hand I would be thankful, but it would be bad if that person had the mindset of, “Oh, she must have owed that success to me as I have been lending a hand here and there. She might not have done it without me etc… Even though not everyone will think this way, but if I am him, I would be disgusted if they helped because they want to feel good about themselves instead of being genuine. Not sure if I could relate to you with this but that’s what I thought which may be causing him to have that “you made me feel I should be indebt to you”.
    Anyways, like what you said last time, I shouldn’t be trying to do anything in excess and a simple how are you would be a better alternative.
    PS: Sorry if I am more than a rhythm slower but you never fail to open my mind to see the greater picture! ?

  • Alan April 28, 2016

    In many ways it comes back to the point on how a person like me anyways likes to develop things organically as much as possible. Just be a positive presence in each other’s lives. Make each other laugh and smile. That can be more important than the business help as during one’s hectic lifestyle we forget that everyone needs a hug now and then as an example.

  • Ocean May 6, 2016

    Hello Alan! Is your member log in a newly add on? Went to register for it but didn’t receive any notification in my mailbox though. ?
    And, I know you ain’t a big fan of horoscope but I made a sort of discovery today and realise apart from sun signs, there are moon signs and rising signs as well. All along I knew my sun sign is in Libra and moon sign in Virgo. But little did I know my rising is in Pisces! Hope it doesn’t sounds silly yet. Haha! But I think that it does play a part in terms of personality as not every Pisces thinks or act the same way as there are other influencing factors just like upbringing and environment too. For those who are having troubles with their Pisces, all hopes are not lost even if it seems to be. I learned to just be my own self and things will work out if it was meant to be. ?

  • Alan May 6, 2016

    Oh, yes it is. I am still tinkering around with it as it was suggested in another post to have things like a “like it” option for posts and comments where this allows people to do so. Can help me test it if you wish as the more people the better so I know what is working and what isn’t. 😀

    There were a ton a new options as I was thinking it was better to use like this forum setup instead too for general chat:


    I see that you did register and it says email sent. Did you check your junk folder incase it was sent there? I tried it myself with a test account and it seemed to have sent the email fine. I can just manually activate it too now that you registered but if you can check whether or not you got the mail that would be great as my hope was this would all be self operational.

    The email should be titled “[Pisces View] Activate your account.”

    I just tested it now again and I got the e-mail instantly so the time should be whenever you registered too.

    For personality I am usually more interested in learning about people’s life experience as I personally find you can pin point exactly as to why people have certain habits and such that way. I can do that for myself as an example and can only assume you could do that for anyone else like yourself as well. There may potentially be other factors that influence it as you say as I always like to keep an open mind as I feel too that no one truly knows everything and you can always learn.

  • Ocean May 7, 2016

    I tried to see my mailbox spam but didn’t find anything from pisces view. Thought there might be some typo and tried to register again but said email address already taken up. ?
    Oh, I can’t log in or like either. My location is in Asia. Does that matter?
    I was thinking how did you managed to implement so much add ons to your website, you are quite IT savvy too!

  • Alan May 7, 2016

    It would make sense that you wouldn’t be able to login at the moment because your account wasn’t e-mail verified. Clicking on the link that you should normally receive from the e-mail would activate your account. Otherwise anyone could register the name “Ocean” as an example with any random e-mail that doesn’t belong to them. Your location shouldn’t matter at all. I just tested it again and it seemed to work for me.

    As another test I just manually told the application to send you the e-mail verification again. Please let me know if you received it.

  • Ocean May 7, 2016

    Viola! My account is activated! ?
    Did you send me the activation link twice at 2 different timings? I clicked on 1 of them. So great to be able to like comments and the chat log! It makes connecting easier!

  • Alan May 7, 2016

    Cool. 😀 I only told it to send the e-mail once. Not sure why it sent double. Think the site is getting confused for users who have been posting before this registration system was put in. Just added the forum link to the page now too. Feel free to try that as you should be able to now as a registered user. There is a lot I can potentially do depending on what you all feel would be nice additions and such.

  • Ocean July 15, 2016

    A while back, I initiated a fb request to him which neither got accepted nor rejected. Waited for a long while and I cancel the request. A day after he suddenly was friends with another colleague of us. (Was not very close to him) Honestly speaking, I was angry. And next day I block him from fb and delete him from my whatsapp contact. Childish and immature which I am guilty of. So 2 days later my anger subside and I unblock him from fb but didn’t add him back to my contacts thinking, okay just let go and move on. Few days later, he sent me a fb friend request instead. (I accepted it on that day itself) Please kindly tell me what you think. Thank you for the never ending support.

  • Alan July 15, 2016

    My personal opinion is if your timeline of events is accurate, and assuming you 100% know for sure he was active on that platform previously, where right when you cancelled the request he suddenly friended someone else then I would personally say for some reason he is uncomfortable connecting with you on that platform. So in a sense when you cancelled it that action alleviated the pressure that he would have to add you too. Otherwise it would be blatantly obvious. Again, this is assuming you know 100% that what I wrote above happened. Because it could be a scenario that he rarely checks that platform and one day in-person this colleague says “I am going to add you” which then gives him a reason to actually check it.

    Assuming it’s the worst case scenario I would personally say after he probably recognized this anger and so now he took initiative to add you as he doesn’t want “conflict” and would rather just deal with whatever uncomfortableness he has with you connecting with him in that way. I am assuming too on like Facebook even if you cancelled a request that the person’s name and such would still show in like the notifications tab of all the request history and activities. So in the better case example he could have just saw the list now and was like “Oh, I know you” and tried to add you back.

    From here it is really what you want as having that anger and such means you want him to be a certain way and do certain things for you which to me at this point it seems like he isn’t budging. So it comes back to what do you want exactly

  • Ocean July 16, 2016

    Thank you for sharing your point of view. But some things I wish to say mention are:
    1. “I have anger because I was expecting him to do what I want?”
    2. “What exactly do I want out of this.”

    Hmm… it sounds a bit strange here like as if I am trying to coerce him into a crime. Yes, I am angry but I think that is normal as I am not a sage when seeing he “avoided” me like that. It became like I am a baddie that will affect his life. If he is indeed so wary of me then it will be better off to not stay in contact in every ways. And during that time of me staying out of contact, I really did have the thought to just lose a friend and move on. So where or how did that “conflict” originated? Woah. ???

  • Alan July 16, 2016

    You aren’t trying to coerce him into a crime. But isn’t it safe/accurate to say you are spending energy in hoping/trying to get him to respond a certain way? Otherwise in my opinion you wouldn’t develop that anger. To me, that anger is “normal” in relation to the expectation you have set for him.

    The “conflict” I am referring to, just to make sure, was the part about him being blocked and assuming he did notice you removed him from the whatsapp and such. Think of it with this possibility too. If I am not mistaken you view him adding the other colleague who is not close with him as a direct “insult” to your relationship with him correct? But what if the scenario I said above was true where that person insisted in-person that he was going to add him? Now let’s assume he normally wanted to keep his Facebook only for like family but doesn’t want the conflict of telling the guy “No, don’t add me.” Does that not change the whole situation in a way?

    It makes me think of the saying on how “You can’t control how others react but you can control how you react”. Again it comes down to what exactly do you want out of this? Like for me anyways I use the term “friend” very loosely as there are so many different kinds of “friends” one can have. Like here would you be content if this “friend” will only be there during the darkest of time when you really need them? Would you be okay if he doesn’t hang around you during just “regular” times? Or must “friends” in your life exhibit both traits at all times? That’s for you to decide of course. I personally feel you are creating unnecessary stress amongst yourself by having whatever the expectation is for him as opposed to working with what it is. Reminds me of the quote I wrote for you before of “Happiness is not getting what you want, it’s appreciating what you have.“

  • Ocean October 6, 2016

    Dear Alan,

    During this period of time I got a revelation of what you said to me in a deeper way. If I were to describe, it is like fog in the forest clearing up and showed a way to navigate through. Where originally my view was obscure. Cold and bleak. It took quite a while but that allowed events to unfold naturally, and through some higher consciousness to actualize relationships and how pisces value people around them.

    Before, I intended to cut him out from my life like how he “used” to cut me out. As time goes by, something within me changed. I called it sort of a healing process. Not just limiting to my relationship with him but overall I felt at peace with my inner being. Your words was repeating in my subconscious mind while I was reminiscing him. “If you wanted to be friends, you will need to embrace it. Why am I so afraid of this connection. Happiness is not getting what you want, but appreciating what you have.” All these were just alphabets pieced together… not until at some point it started to speak to me. I was actually afraid of getting hurt, getting rejected, being judged… all these built up by myself, not him or external factors.

    I contacted him again, keeping in mind of the last messy situation. At first, I ask him some straightforward questions, I can feel he is friendly but as usual, withheld. He didn’t replied to my “how are you” in between texts. And communication ceased. Then, I ask him how have you been doing again. (Having a genuine interest and not asking for the sake of it) I was astonished, even overwhelmed by him later on. Conversation was flowing so well. We made each other laugh, talked about topics on life after death. He even ask me “whys” where in the past he seldom did, (It was just take and go) and send me links and long videos to what interest him. We neither have conversations that last for days, nor was it very often. It was still me who initiates, but he was fast in response which I appreciate a lot.

    I felt compelled to write in partly because I wanted to share this experience with others, and my pisces friend said he wouldn’t be surprised if I were to write a book during one of our encouraging conversation. And that reminded me of you where you are most qualified to do so.

  • Alan October 7, 2016

    That makes me so happy to read. 😀 Thank you for sharing your experiences. And speaking of videos for some reason reading your post led me to this:

    Thought that would make everyone smile too. That sounded like a hint too that you are going to be like a future author or something soon. :mrgreen: It actually makes me curious in seeing how different if any you handle things in life in general of then versus now.

  • Ocean October 7, 2016

    This video brought a huge grin on my face. ? The wild rabbit was precious. I would add some narrations from what I have seen from it since there wasn’t any. The labrador wanted to love the bunny but she just didn’t know how without hurting him and she doesn’t want to get hurt too. So, she ended up going round in circles and tries to understand him from afar by observing his nature. They were 2 different entities to begin with. Great video, Alan.

    I find it difficult to explain this state of mind without real life examples but I saw how you used a garden analogy so I could probably try using Chemistry to illustrate. Hope it makes sense.

    Let’s say I am Hydrogen gas, a highly reactive element of the periodic table which catches fire easily when exposed to the surroundings. Also an unstable gas, therefore it requires to be paired up with electrons from other elements to form a compound achieving a desirable state. Now, I would say I evolved into Neon, which is one of the noble gases that has the lowest reactivity amongst the elements. In Neon natural state, it has a family of 8 stable electrons with similar energies on the outer shell, requiring no reason to seek out electrons from other elements to make it completely filled. You could force some reactions with aggressive methods but this isn’t easy.

    In life, I am often made to think that I am inadequate, unsucessful, and tend to seek for validation from others to prove my worth. At times, I would just explode in my own world just like how Hydrogen reacts to the surrounding. But then, some random day, I pondered. What is my purpose in life? I am definitely not here to meet the expectations and live the life of others.

    To wrap things up, I chose to use this quote: “Happiness is an inside job” . Altering the mind to accept negativity into plausible ways to build up a person’s character is nevertheless, a blessing in disguise. Thank you for showing me this too, if you see where did my inspiration comes from.

    In fact, I did not have intentions to become an author and I don’t know what makes my pisces friend say that. But God knows what comes our way in life… I may be writing the foreword in one of your publications. ?

  • Alan October 8, 2016

    Oh, for fun this is how I observed that video and the story that unfolded. The Labrador immediately recognized that this other animal was a baby. Therefore, it naturally wanted to take care of it. Because they aren’t the same species though it approaches it delicately as how it would with other baby dogs to see if the rabbit responds in the same way. All it knows is that it is a baby. When the rabbit starts jumping around it’s a shock as it doesn’t know what it is doing or asking for.

    So the dog then circles around it to observe why it is jumping as dogs would usually say do that if they are like asking for something. However, upon observation it realizes that this is like the rabbit’s natural way of walking. So as it eventually sits down and observes the rabbit standing still the dog in a sense wants to encourage it to take its baby steps like one trying to help a child walk. As a result, it tries to delicately give it soft nudges. As the rabbit begins to hop forward the dog is happy in like a seeing a baby walking by itself way and begins to trail it. You would notice now when the rabbit jumps at it the dog doesn’t get startled like before as it understands it now too.

    I could be completely wrong of course……but I often find videos like these are a good way to make you think about general emotions and all while trying to understand things you may not quite understand immediately.

    I actually did understand your analogy too even though my chemistry knowledge is probably limited to like “H2O equals water” 😀 I think that quote you wrote before is good here too. “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

    I would wager to say your friend suggested you to say be an author because that means you actually made him think in a sense. That should be a good thing as that means you say touched him somehow in a way that no one else may have done with your knowledge or perspective. Maybe you were pretty passionate about it too where he saw the good in it to want it to spread more.

    If you think about it too you have technically already kind of done what I do throughout these times in many ways here and it is definitely more than just a foreword as you say. 🙂

  • Ocean October 8, 2016

    You are incredibly observant. I actually didn’t understood the part on the soft nudges to encourage the baby to learn to walk or in this sense, hop.❤ Pretty much seems like what you have been doing always.
    My apologies for those chemical reaction theory. Haha… But I am so glad you got it. ?
    Thank you for your kind words. I am fortunate to discover Pisces view and you are a blessing in my life.

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