pisces man relationship
Reader Questions


Mins Asks:

Our relationship was going pretty good since 6 months…after the first “silent period” we were distant but I did the best to make him feel unique, it was going better and better, we had very deep discussions, he shared with me his fears and his dreams, he trusted me totally, I think maybe I did too much, I was the one panning always trips and give him presents, the bad thing is that after some months he started to be cold again (in the first period, 4 months indeed he was disappearing frequently so I decided to swim away too for 2 months, no one texted the other) ..

he said he was in a very bad period, but it was lasting very long and I couldn’t do anything more to help him because he was keeping me out. I tried my best and he made me feel not enough useful, not needed, like it seemed annoyed to texted me back every 2-3 days… What I did was leaving him again, without saying anything, just disappearing, it’s sad and I don’t even know if it was a good decision. I was waiting to see if he would have felt the need to come back to me, but he didn’t. So I have questions for you…

What do you think is the best way to act when you have your negative periods, how could we make you feel better?

Would you chase back somebody with who you were sharing those deep life discussions?

and the last one…You are used to swim away from people when you are uncertain or you are busy with your own problems, so if somebody leave you what are your thoughts and your reactions?

Thank you 🙂


It sounds like he didn’t understand himself where you continued to give him surface level requests that he in a way “asked” for. As a result, out of “embarrassment” the person becomes distant. Okay, that was probably super confusing to most so I am just going to use stereotypical fictional scenarios.

People always say money does not equal happiness right? So imagine one day this guy comes up to you and pours his heart out to you about his life struggles, aspirations, etc. He is making it very clear to you that if he had a million dollars he would be happy. So you continued to give him like a million dollars and that made the relationship closer, he seemed happy, etc. He buys everything he ever wanted now because of your help. Once he has all that though, he is miserable still and feels empty.

What he really wanted was love and acceptance which he thought money and these materialistic goods would directly give him. That is not the case though. However, he doesn’t really understand his emotions well enough to get that. So because he doesn’t understand, he just goes in his shell. Think of it like here too, he asked you for a million dollars and you gave it to him. Yet he is still unhappy. I think you can understand how selfish and useless he would feel afterwards taking that much from you yet he still isn’t happy.

So the mindset is one doesn’t deserve a person like that anymore and they are just waiting for the day where the person tells them to get lost. The most they would want to admit is that they are just still unhappy. Hence, when you ignore him that confirms it in his mind that you just had enough and he can’t blame you for that as he asked for the world and you did indeed give it to him.

Just to add more complexity, you could argue that it shouldn’t be about love and acceptance from others first but rather he needs to learn to love himself and what he uniquely offers to others. He basically has a lot of work and growing to do. If what I said above is correct, then whether or not it was a good idea for you to just leave him really depends on you. Like saying, some people don’t have the patience for people like that or preference wise some prefer only people who are at certain stages of their life. Cause as mentioned, he needs a lot of work by the sounds of it.

To answer your other question, for me personally it really depends on what kind of negative period we are talking about here. If it is like the above scenario then I would imagine what I would need is life experience which is probably the best gift you could give me. It would help me to better realize who I am and the skills I have to offer to make something better. I am not talking about like a trip to Disneyland as an example.

The way over the top example would be like if he was a city person all his life you then bring him to an island with less fortunate people where his skills/experience are immediately beneficial. The experience of being able to make a child smile with nothing more than just yourself or seeing how his actions impact others positively is the way to go I think. Everything else like giving him a present is just covering up what he really needs where it’s like instead of dealing with guilt people try and drown the emotions with drugs.

Would I chase someone back who I shared those stories with? No with the scenario above because as mentioned it’s like I am taking too much. About the notion of if somebody leaves me, for me personally that really depends on what I feel I did for them and how much I trusted them. Like asking, what zone are they in when it comes to my life? There is a difference if the person is like a colleague at work versus someone you married too where the expectations are different.

But very generally speaking, if the person just leaves then it tells me that we are not good for each other in a lifelong journey way. Because in my mind anyways, we should in a sense be like inseparable despite the odds. But I am thinking of it for the both of us of course. That could result in me having less motivation in wanting to be around you in a consistent way.


  • Mins January 4, 2016

    You are totally right. He told me several times that nobody else gave him so much before me and he was not able to exchange it because he feels wrong for this world..
    He is not a teenager, he is old I aspected he was mature at his age.. do you think he still has so much work to do with himself?!

    After some trials I told him that was hard keep trying to make him feel better and his attitude was hurting me…maybe I made him feel worst saying that.. he told me that I am not his psychologist and I shouldn’t act like that and he would solve somehow his problems… that he needs to be isolated from the world because he doesn’t feel a part of it, he doesn’t want to border other people and ruin their lives and maybe that isolated place is his own real world.

    I have done a lot of experiences in my life and I tried to change his point of view, worthless. He just keep drinking and smoking as crazy, he overthinks alone in his “island” without finding any solution. So I am unuseful…..

    I mean..

    -how could a person try to stay with you if you push him/her away demanding your isolated place away from everything?

    He didn’t give me another option… maybe he wanted that…

    -what is your suggestion at this point? I really love him, but I feel he is too weak to react.


  • Alan January 4, 2016

    In my opinion, age itself doesn’t really have anything to do with it as it is all about the right life experience. It’s like me saying there are teenagers who grew up in a poor family that can manage money and resources better than an adult who grew up in a wealthy family within the most prosperous country. Lifestyle and responsibilities play a way bigger role there as opposed to age.

    Like comparing me to him for emotional growth I don’t smoke or drink alcohol. That means I don’t “escape” things like bad feelings but deal with it. He obviously doesn’t. So like there, age has nothing to do with it as I simply have more life experience in regards to being able to deal with and understand my emotions. So yes, in that sense I feel he has a lot of work to do in growing up.

    The question you ask about pushing you away kind of reminds me of this video I saw before:

    Your circumstance is obviously different, but the mindset is very similar I think. That is a serious question I would ask on whether or not you think you are strong enough for the journey and growth he clearly needs.

    It’s all about being able to relate where you aren’t hitting the right buzzwords and such with him. I don’t know him personally and his past so that is something you need to find out. If you know there is something he can help you with in a genuine way that can help to rebuild his confidence too. It shows he can also give to you as opposed to always taking. It may sound weird, but think of the things he can give you and make him realize that. Don’t just focus on what you can give him.

  • Mins January 5, 2016

    Exactly he runs away from difficulties, drinking, smoking, waiting for a mysterious help from the universe inside his shell (I texted him today: how is in you shell? “everyday more closed” he answered).. I am out of the shell now so, would be difficult to know better.. I think he doesn’t know how to love somebody, he doesn’t know how to love himself, even from the outside he seems strong, if you know him better is very weak… I don’t want to force him to explain what it’s going wrong, but at the same time I feel that he is stuck and he can’t go out of it with his own arms… is like watching a chick trying to swim out of a pond… he gets wet and he remain in the same spot forever, after few trials he watch the shore with a demoralized face waiting for an universal help.. .. somebody should build a bridge out there.. but he doesn’t scream so.. who can hear it? I can’t hear it but I feel it..
    don’t know what to do.
    I am a complicated person too, I am very independent and his idea of me is for sure that I don’t need his help, but is true.. I don’t need many helps (just yours in this case 🙂 <3 ) I can solve most of the things by myself usually, I am not presumptuous, but I had to grow like this, I passed trough a lot of bad things and there was nobody around, I was completely alone for years since I was young so I had to grow fast, I am full of energies and initiative so I usually help others cause makes me feel useful, but in this case is hard, I feel he has no balance, or he is losing it very fast, he is unhappy and he doesn't know where to find his happiness, he just keep forgetting about himself, he doesn't make any different move… wired isn't it?

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