Hi Alan, thank you for making this. I have a feeling that I can actually get a close up since i feel helpless for last 2 years.
In 2017 I was normal girl, thinking normal,being very spiritual at that moment too.
It was a music festival, after beach party we had, I decided to go to after small party, without makeup too what was unsual for me too.
While i was dancing some random boy comes to me and say “hey you dance good” I ignore, but he came again and say that I have really nice eyes.
After few moments I went on the beach to sit and we needed roll paper, for some reason I wanted to ask him after I wanted to ignore him for first. After he gave paper he wanted contact, I told him that i don’t give number to anyone. Then asked for instagram, I gave.
I went back to dance and somehow we manage to go back home. He was with his friends and me with mine. I asked him right after what is he in horoscope, he said pisces. Funny my girl who was with me at festival was pisces too, bf.
I liked it since I love pisces and get connected by them often.
We chat little and each on it’s side.
Next day, just as i went outside camping area and went on beach I saw him by sea with his friend drinking beer.
I was weird out, we shared few words and I went further.
Since I believe in evertying with reason, I contacted him after.
Just that day when we actually spoked we didn’t saw us by night at festival.
Day after again. I found it again weird.
3 day we didn’t speak cause I didn’t want to give him any attention anymore.
I went on festival and at moment when I was getting outside arena, I looked at boy who had raincoat and mask over his face. I looked him directly in the eyes and passed by. As I went 10 meters further, someone catches my shoulder, I turned and it was him taking the mask of his face. I got chilled after, but for some reason I again made short contact over I guess fear of connecting.
4 day, we heard us. We actually found us. It was very nice, my 2 friends and his one friends, best friend even if he came with 10 of them.
I asked him when we see us since tomorrow is the last day, he said he will try to make it to festival since he was not camping yet in hotel stay.
Last day we actually saw us. We went on beach, drinking beer and smoking weed. He said something and kissed me.
We went to my camp, had sex and woke up in morning. I asked him what if we fall in love, he just smiled. He said I will come to his city cause I am from Croatia and he from Germany. I found it funny, I will not travel for someone just like that I am taurus woman, have feets on ground.
He went back for Germany and told me that we gonna see us. Why he was so sure, I was not but it did happened.
We continue to speak, he started to use word honey what was also weird so fast, but I went by it.
I took my bus ticket and went to his city.
I can promise to angels we had most beautiful 4 days there. Every time I would feel awkward cause I didn’t know their langauge he would turn in same second and ask is everything okay.
When we were in club I saw in him that he was little feard that someone may look at me like I am free so he knew to kiss me to proof, sweet.
Everything was perfect, he wanted me to stay day longer so we reserved ticket for day after. All of his friends also met me.
As we came to bus station so I go back home, in talk we somehow manage to walk level above we should and he said: I think we went too deep. In that moment I felt it in heart, I smiled, but did not felt right.
We went out to wait for bus, all was okay, he said he will buy ticket next time. He turned back as bus came, turned to me and hugged me cold as ice. I had no time to ask, I said goodbye. I told him, minutes before that I will not cry, but God will.
When bus went, little rain start falling, I started crying something broke me to cry, rain or soul.
We were speaking, but it was different. He told me it will not work out. When we met at festival he already mention relationship and I never said nothing about it after we were at his place in Germany. Eventually he was in 3 years relationship before me as they broke up 3 months after we met.
I tried to call him, we spoke a little, I told him that he should be more in his heart and less in his mind, I knew by intuiton.
It didn’t worked out so I was sending longer messages, did not work.
We never argue or said bad words.
5 months latter, friend asked to go with him in city next to city of my pisces guy. I texted him for leggings I lost at his place and told him that I will come. He asked me will i come to his city, I said not. I expected that he will text me since he knew the date to see us, but he only told me that he couldn’t find the leggings.
I was very mad.
(22:22 pm again)
after few days I decided to be au pair so I can come to Germany.
I done it and went to his city.
I came few days before his birthday. I brought him a little gift and waited for him to come.
As he was walking to me everything emotional and by feel was exact same. As we were talking he was looking directly in my eyes and bended to me by body, like he got lost for a second. He asked me to come and drink a beer by his place, I said no. It was a long time and didn’t want to potentially have sex right after just like that.
Few days latter, I asked him for a favor, he said to ask somebody else. I was pissed so I softly attacked him telling him I need a favour not sex and latter that day he told me that i don’t text him anymore cause his girlfrined was at his place and she could ask him who am I. All of sudden, I guess friend if she even existed.
Weeks after, there was a party, I knew he will come. In one moment I see someone standing alone at door passway just looking at me. I was looking back but by dark could not tell if that was him. It was for good 40 seconds and then he just turned back and went. Few moments after he is coming with his friends in front of me, partying like they came for a first time.
I gave no attention, I went out to smoke, he was right next to me. No word said.
Went back in club, turned my head, I saw him licking his upper lip. I was pissed again, what is that behavior.
Day after there was another party, I had strong feeling he will come cause of me. It happened.
As I was walking outside for air I turned my head and saw him, as we saw us he put his hand over his face.
I went to dance and was turning to see where is he, all the time somewhere close by me.
In one moment I saw how drugged he is. Like really bad.
Just to mention we didn’t said word to each other after birthday and saying he has a girlfriend. I Came to him and directly said: Look how you look, like a zombie! He got I guess shocked, said: hey Marie, how are you? I just looked at him and went back to dance.
Day after for some reason I wanted to see him. I was sitting by stairs next to his place. He passed I said hey. He came and asked me what I am doing here. Then he attecked me in second for what I told him yesterday do I think that he doesn’t have a mirror.
I asked him does he need it. He turned around and flipped with his hand and made such a emotion by it, but I stayed constant. God mad and went home.
We didn’t saw us and speak for good 2 months at all.
There was party again, I was so sure he will come. Lucky taurus I have intition like I am pisces.
Went to club. In 5 am I said it’s enough and start walking to exist. As I was walking in hallway there he is. All night no where and just as I decided to go we saw us. He just looked each other in eyes and passed by. I went outside and couldn’t go home. I went back and stood right in front of him and danced like never before. He was just standing with his friends looking at me. That was all for that night.
2 weeks after, I was with my friend in park, I sended her a video while she was opposite of me how I wish he comes. For what universe reason, after 1 hour I asked my friend is the boy who was sitting 100 meters away from us a guy with mustache. We were both looking and as we were not sure, minute after he and his friend stood up and start walking home, he passed right next to me not even turning his head. But he came cause he saw me over window where he works it’s just that it never happened in 6 months as long I was in Germany.
I texted him over whatsapp one time after while I was waiting for friend and he blocked me. Did not answer nothing.
It was my last weekend in Germany, I knew where he will be. I wanted to talk with him before I go home. It was back and forth by emotions and no words.
Funny, as me and my friend came inside the club first person I saw was him, as I turned back he was already out.
My friend took my hand after 10 minutes to go out and smoke a ciggarete. She didn’t knew about him cause I met her few days before. She sitted me right opposite of him. As I was talking with some guy next to me I felt it again, I stood up, came to him and asked him can we speak. He said no. I looked at him and sit right next to him. I asked him does he think it’s okay to this to people. He sarcasticly smiled and said yes. I was quite for a second and told him I okay, I wish you all the best.
Just 3 minutes after that he told friends to go home. Why if you don’t care?
It was over, I went back to Croatia.
I tried to forget about it. I had a boyfriend for a short, then after 2 months I had another. I moved on.
With this last boyfriend I broke up after 3 months. As I texted him sad as last message before sleep I had dream of my pisces man. Same him, looking different. I had that same dream month before it, I just found it funny that after break up I was dreaming him instead of let’s say current status. And I don’t dream at all this 2 dreams of him were also last ones I had in this period.
It’s been 10 months since I came back from Germany. I took my holiday just few days before.
As I broke up with this last boyfriend I was again thinking about my pisces. Sometimes I ask God why.
I asked my girls how should I text him since all that happened so he actually answers.
I went with hey, how are you, I am coming for a holiday.
He answered and said he will be home just day before I have my flight back. Funny we had holiday in same period.
I was in Germany, waiting for friday nothing. Saturday I left my hopes I got mad again and nothing. Then at 22 pm I asked him is he coming to party that was. He left it on seen. I texted him in 2:45am “or no.”
I decided to call him, it was 03:03 not planned. It was ringing till the end and no answer.
Next day when I was already back in Croatia he answered that he had something and couldn’t come. I told him that i am already back in Croatia and then he told me: Sorry, but we will not see us, I think my girlfriend will not find that cool, sorry.
Again, after I came already back to Croatia he tells me for some girl. I did not see his girl in 6 months as long I was there and seeing him in clubs and park. Now when I made it clear that I was already back he again says it. He didn’t said nothing on first message when I told him that I am coming for a short holiday.
I told him, super, I wish you two all best.
After few hours I broke and I finally after this 3 years in short told him how I feel and how was it between us.
He left it on seen. I told him that I know he loves me, but didn’t want to me alone when I am not there.
Then few hours after I sended: but it doesn’t mean I would forgive you, do what you want honestly, love is blind.
Just now I see he blocked me on IG too.
Really, I moved on 100 times. I done prayers, I tried, but it is so strong inside. I have feeling sometimes that it’s manipulation to nothing. He is very smart, pisces guy with I think cap cup. As much i understand him i don’t.
I know that this is complex, but no one can tell me what is it. Why is it.
By intuiton, I feel that he sees me as wife, true model, but something is in between. He is 27, I am little younger. Maybe years, but I am not strong even I appear to be. Don’t take me wrong, I am good looking, he knows it all, that I love to cook, we listen to same music. I have no idea I am not stupid in love yet this is some another level of excuse me shit cause I can not understand why for example he could not just in start say that he has eventually girlfriend or just be straight and say hey I moved on you should to or something yet he after what I told him till finish with last message left me on block. Can this even be possible. What must be in your pisces mind to do this.
I have no idea, I can not contact him even if I decide to come for holiday again there.
I can just hope he will unblock and come to his sense cause something is blocking him. So smart, so clever, so intuitive, only about us not.
I know it’s long, thank you for taking time to read, I feel so confused, hurted. My mind is not even same after him, I get some confusion I never had before connected to him, stopped writing spiritual things in 2017 so he doesn’t find me hard with it, but eventually it is harder than it looks.
From what you wrote this feels like the focus is more about your personal struggle to make sense of everything that you are in a sense determined to believe that there must be something bigger there per se. To me that sounds like the underlying issue that is driving you over the wall. As an exaggerated example to make a point, imagine one day I was walking down a street and a bird pooped on my head. Disgusting right? Now people can often have two perspectives there. One is you were just at the wrong place at the wrong time. So an annoying event for the day. Another person could have the belief that it is so rare that it must mean you are super lucky and should buy a lottery ticket. Imagine there you start spending thousands of dollars of lottery tickets continuously because in your mind you believe that must have happened for reason. When you see an ad for the lottery you again see that as a sign that you will win. You would go crazy spending all this money and not seeing any results after still right?
I personally feel that is what in essence is stressing you out here as you have the belief that this person is something more when really it doesn’t sound like it from what you wrote. From his end, with what you wrote I would be inclined to say he mainly sees you as an avenue to make himself feel better for his other demons in life. Funny enough as an example, I actually wouldn’t be surprised if he actually didn’t have a girlfriend and he was simply using that as an excuse to control the situation. Basically, if he doesn’t want to see you that is a stereotypical excuse to use where hopefully you won’t ask any further. As well it would theoretically in his mind make it sound like he is very desirable where he is attempting to raise his worth overall. Would be almost like saying someone didn’t want to go to work and their reasoning was a member of the family passed away. Most people wouldn’t dare to question it.
Because again from the sounds of it he is basically using you pull himself back up in life when he feels like it. If it was someone like me that saw you as the one there is no way I would act like this guy. It should be the complete opposite in many ways. I often say everyone is different and can use their gifts in a good or bad way. Like here it almost feels like he knows the right balance to get you to play under his rules. At the end of the day you don’t have to play the game he is putting out there.