Friend has distanced himself, why?

Thandie Asks:

Hi Alan

I need some advise, meet a Pisces man at work, due to the nature of our job we worked closely together but in the beginning wouldn’t say I was really attracted to him. Didn’t view him that way, plus I’m married. Anyway over a period of time, our working relationship became very close… more like friends, even though he was in a senior position but we got on really well and just connected, I would flirt like crazy. Anyway I noticed he would do stuff to get my attention, but wouldn’t read too much into it and would want to spend short periods of time with me quite regular, under the guise of ‘catch up’ meetings and short conversations. I found him to be very caring, attentive, kind and a good listener and As time went on I eventually saw him differently, and became fond of him.

Alan.. I just want to say, Im missing out a lot in between as it’s too long…

Anyway… 6months later we were in one of our meetings, and our conversation was quite relaxed and open, and I asked him why he didn’t wear a wedding ring, as it’s quite deceptive.. that I didn’t know he was married until someone mentioned it in passing, and that I couldnt believe it because we flirted so much, and he never indicated his status. I then told him that I liked him a lot and was very attracted to him, at that moment it was almost like a weight had fallen of him and he said ‘ it had taken you long enough’ that he had like me for months and was attracted to me the moment he saw me. I said it’s funny he should say that, because someone had noticed how he was looking at me, and that it was becoming obvious.

Anyway… when we could we would kiss and play around, but we never had sex, and he would always want to be around me… after getting to know him personally I realised this was something he did on a regular basis, but for some reason I couldn’t keep away from him ( although I’m quite head strong, and won’t allow anyone to penetrate my mind but was able to do it) any I was interned in why he felt the need to seek out relationships outside of his marriage? I realised the emotional and physical bond he had with is wife was no longer there, that he didn’t love her that way any more, and he stays in the relationship for security?

Anyway….. I left my job but we remained in contact for a while, and the connection between us was extremely intense, I could literally feel his feelings, our emails were very sexually explicit and I realised although we haven’t had sex, the emotional tie between us was extremely strong.

We would meet up a few times and he couldn’t keep his hands off me, he would go to bed thinking of me, wake up thinking of me…. and be completely overwhelmed.

Anyway I noticed his emails were getting less, and I challenged him on it, he said he didn’t want us to end up in a messy situation, which I totally understood, but that he can’t stop thinking about me and how I make him feel… last time I heard from him he sent me two pictures with kisses at the bottom, and I never heard from him again… he just stopped emailing.

I would have thought we would remain friends, even though he couldn’t have me the way he wanted me… has he gone for good? Will I hear from him again?

Thandie,

With what you shared I don’t feel this should be a mystery per se on why he is disappearing in a sense. If I am not mistaken you indicated that you are both married. Whether it’s physical or not the both of you are in a sense, for a lack of a better word, having an affair with each other emotionally. I would imagine in most people’s mind that is socially unacceptable and so people try to distance themselves from it.

By the sounds of it you can persuade him to keep talking to you if you really wanted to as he seems very emotionally vulnerable per se due to his relationship issues. Personally though I would wonder why as you mentioned you are both married and by the sounds of it this isn’t just a friend type of conversation which would make sense again why he is distancing himself. Because if he acts on those urges with the circumstance then I could imagine the negative impact that would cause.

To me personally it doesn’t sound like he is gone but rather needs to be persuade. But again, with the circumstances you mentioned I would be wondering if that is actually a wise idea. That’s your personal prerogative of course.