Getting him back – Distance
My boyfriend just broken up with me 5 days ago (distance relationship), we had a call afterwards and I was asking for reasons while trying to keep him on the phone as I got a taxi to see him with the thought that I can change his mind or at least for him to break up with me face to face.
Him and his housemates didn’t let me in and threatened to call the police. So I sit outside in the cold/rain in shock not knowing what to do as it was quite late already. After a while they probably heard that I am still outside so his housemates called the police. The police came but couldn’t so anyrhing really as I wasn’t causing any problems but it did make me leave. He was waiting through the door until the taxi came but he didn’t come out and talk to me at all.
I went to see him 4 days before the break up and it was good and we were fine. He is a fresher at uni and because of uni and I’m his first girlfriend, those are the reasons he broke up with me and did that. He has blocked my FB, I saw his snapchat stories that he is home but I didn’t do anything and he just blocked my snapchat ytd after looking at my stories. I’m not sure whether he has blocked my number or not as I haven’t been texting him or calling him since that night but he didn’t block my whatsapp which is how we’ve been texting before he broke up with me. He made me seem like a psycho to him and to his friends when I only went because I don’t want to lose him
I know it’s crazy after all these has happened and I still want to be with him but I really think when we’re together were amazing and he said that himself as well, it’s just distance made it tough and uni has definitely changed him. I’m also quite high maintenance so because he used to text me loads I find it hard that he texts me less even though he did put in effort and then it ended up being him texting me less
I have no idea how but I really want him back. Do you think I have a chance? Please help me! He’s coming home for Christmas, I don’t know whether I will get the chance to see him or not but I really want him back and make this right because I love being with him.
Any help will be much appreciated!
To me it doesn’t add up even with the long distance on how he would all of a sudden just want to break up. In my opinion, there has to be something in between that happened which he was simply keeping to himself or that the foundation of the relationship was faulty from the start, so to speak. Like from your end, four days before everything may have seemed rosey, but to a certain extent it sounded like an act on his end.
Of course there are a gazillion scenarios for this which I can’t say for sure since I don’t know all the facts. But as an example to what I wrote, it could be he had low self-esteem where having a girlfriend boosts his social status of sorts. While of course feelings will develop as the relationship goes on where the feelings itself can be authentic, the foundation is that this was more for social acceptance. Therefore, as time went on he found other things that appeared to be giving him better social acceptance such as maybe hanging out with a new group of guys. Therefore, it makes more sense to appease to them now.
That could then range from things on how they tell him that they can hook him up with a “better” person or that somehow its “uncool” to be with a person like you. Example, you mentioned the high maintenance part with a lot of texting and I could easily see his current social group telling him you are crazy and all which further pushes him to “jump ship.” Something like that to me would make perfect sense as to why his housemates were at the door and all.
If you think about it there, pretend I am his friend and you arrive wanting to talk. Why would my first reaction be to stop you at the door and then threaten to call the police? If I was completely neutral I would probably convince him to talk to you face to face so that you two can sort it out. However, there obviously was some kind of negativity thrown amongst the group about you to generate that reaction I feel. So don’t just assume all those times where everything seemed fine and dandy that there wasn’t something going on.
Do you have a chance? I would say yes, but if what I said was true I don’t think it is wise. This is just my personal opinion of course, but these kinds of scenarios are like you are trying to mold the person into your ideal mate as opposed to them being it. Example, one likes that you are this but hates you are that. Therefore, one continues with the relationship thinking I can “fix” you. He seems emotionally immature at the moment where he is still discovering what it is that he needs and wants.
Of course, that is a personal prerogative. If you really want him back I would start investigating what he has been saying about you and you can adjust it from there. I don’t think you should change who you are though personally for another.