Where do I go from here with this Pisces man

Victoria Asks:

Hello Alan, I’m swept away by you help others. Your advice to others has definitely helped me as I come here for insight all the time. However I find myself looking for more advice because this man I’ve taken interest in is so confusing. Allow me to explain it all. (Sorry for the long message. )

It started off a couple of months before last year ended when I started liking this Pisces guy from my work. He’s a nurse on our floor. I noticed how was sweet and was nice to everybody. I think that’s what attracted me to him. Sometime in December I asked him if he would want to go out for coffee he told me he was not much of a coffee person but he ended up going anyway. We ended up talking for two hours and then after we were done we exchanged numbers. I ended up texting him and telling him thank you for going out with me to coffee that it made my day.

And his responses very simple saying, same here will see you later. I decided to ignore that for I knew he was shy and I have patience (I’m a cancer girl by the way). In The beginning of January I asked him if he would like to hangout. He agreed. That day he came to pick me up and he got to meet my mom. He was very, very respectful and my mother liked him right away. We start hanging out about 3 PM and he didn’t bring me home until about 10 or 11. It was his idea to take me to an art museum, then we went out for sushi, followed by a movie. (A movie I could tell that he didn’t want to see but insisted anyway) Even after the date was over he asked if I’d like to go to Some where else.

I nicely declined and said that we have plenty other time to do that so he agreed. I have to say at work he’s very very aloof when it comes to me he doesn’t show much action he is nice but he doesn’t show any affection. I guess you could say he’s a lot more comfortable with everybody else than he is with me. Me being a cancer that kind of bothers me because I take that as he likes other people other than me.

On top of that I’m always the one to text him first. And refuses to hug me In the beginning he would text right away or at least within five minutes only to cut the conversation very short. I think to myself, how my supposed to get to know this guy if we can’t have a decent texting conversation. February rolls around and we go on another escapade.

In order to make things go faster with him, I made sure to invite him to go out at least once or twice a month. That happen for a little bit until we added on going out to breakfast after work. He even got to the point where he was looking for more places to go and have breakfast since we go to the same one each time. He asked me if I had any ideas to share it with him so we can go to different places to go and have breakfast.

Even for his birthday I suggested that we go to Tulsa, Oklahoma since he said that was nostalgic for him since he lived there for the first two years of his life in America. He loves sushi and I found this really nice sushi restaurant. It was a nice little 2 Hour drive for us anyway and I thought it would be fun. He likes to travel so I got him a dashboard camera and I got him a cup that said his name on it with a telescope on it because he likes to look at the stars. Plus I left a note in his cup, telling him how much I appreciate our friendship.

So April comes around and we decide to go out and eat and go exploring arts festival downtown. On this date I asked him if he had ever been in a relationship and he said no. He said he never really even worried about it. About 10 o’clock we ended up back at my house. To my surprise he stayed with me all night we watched movies and play video games until about 7 o’clock in the morning. He even suggested that we go out for breakfast before he went home. At this time, I noticed even at the arts festival. He was a lot more closer to me than he had ever been before. At my house I would rest on his arm him while he was playing on his laptop and he didn’t even budge. But still even at this time he was still being aloof and still never texted me.

Ever since he stayed over at my house, I feel like that’s some clear indication that he has some kind of interested in me but I can never say for sure. My feelings have grown deeper for him. We are not involved in any kind of sexual intercourse. In fact he won’t even hug me. We have never even kissed. The fact that we can have so much fun by ourselves without any of those things makes me like him even more. I ended up asking him to meet me at a restaurant a day ago to talk about something that was bothering me. I told him that I had strong feelings for him and that this is no obligation for him to act upon it I just felt like I should tell him. So its just out in the open for him to think about.

He replied back honestly that he wasn’t ready for relationship and that he had a lot on his plate. He said ” let’s just say come back and try again later.” I don’t know if this is a good thing or bad thing or he was just trying to let me off easy.

I really like him, Allen he sweet and considerate and very generous. I’ve taken my time with him it’s actually been six months almost since we been hanging out and seeing each other. So again my question is where do I go from here do I wait for him or do I move on. Personally he’s worth the wait and we both are going back to school so we don’t need to be in a relationship. But how will I know that he will reserve himself for me? Possibly i’m asking too much….

Victoria,

With what you wrote it sounds like he is interested in you, for a lack of a better word, as he responded in virtually the most ideal way in almost every case. If anything the only thing “wrong” I would say is when you decided that you needed to confess your feelings of sort. Because like there it brought him to the awkward “make a decision now” moment as opposed to allowing things to happen naturally. I understand of course that it can be hard as you want confirmation of sorts, but if you do then evaluating the actions are always better.

For example, I am a little unclear about the hug where you say he won’t hug you. For example, do you mean you try to hug him and he then literally refuses to do so as an example by placing his hand out to stop you? Like there if so then actions speak all where that is a “not interested.” Or are you saying doesn’t hug you as in he doesn’t take initiative? To me that is normal. Now if you say you hug him and he accepts the invitation then the way he hugs you back says it all. Everything from the attraction to the care. No words necessary and it prevents the awkward scenario.

Trying to think for myself if I was in that awkward scenario now with what you wrote on how things seemed to be going well it’s best to not come across as needy for the relationship if that makes sense. Speaking for myself as an example being “needy” for the relationship is basically saying you like me for what I can give as opposed to who I am in a way. In my personal opinion too he isn’t say letting you go softly. I would say it’s more he is protecting himself. Funny enough, in many ways I would say this is a way better sign then someone just jumping into it right away.

The tricky thing is at the same time you shouldn’t just wait for him. I know that sounds really weird, but you have to in many ways just appreciate him for who he is now in your life as opposed to what you want him to be. I mean a weird way, but often true, a way of thinking about it is for the super quiet and passive guy if they say saw that you weren’t happy with another then this can actually reassure them more that you at least have the experience to know what you really want as opposed to it being an emotional thing.

Like saying someone can react enthusiastically about a certain sweet treat where they claim they love it so much where afterwards they just get bored of it. Like there it’s saying you just liked it because it was sweet tasting. If someone then saw that you genuinely had the experience to know what you want in a sense where like there you still opted to go with the “regular” treat consistently then that would make the person more ecstatic on the inside.

In terms of him reserving himself for you I would say if he doesn’t outright say it in a sense then don’t live your life as if you know he is. In my opinion you should both just genuinely not want to be with anyone else. Like in an ideal situation here basically you two can just continue hanging around and then at the right moment make your move. Because ideally he should be equally as picky per se in finding the right one where he wouldn’t just go with anyone else.