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Reader Questions

Help! He still talks to me but says he doesn’t want to be with anyone!

Capricornlovespisces Asks:

So I was dating my Pisces for about 3 months and everything was going fine. Till he told me he was going to get arrested because he owed some tickets from a couple of years back. They had been revoking his court date. So I told him it was fine and I would wait. I felt that was a test. But I wanted to wait because I was already falling for him. So on his court date I was there and meet his mom myself because she was the only one there and he was siting in the front with the lawyer.

The lady was nice! & well we texted till he got arrested and I told him I would wait. Well his mom had to leave out of town on a emergency and no one was there for his visitations. But I was! Every Wednesday & Saturday! Early AM. He only got 30 days. But I missed him and I wanted to be there for him more than anything. So when he got out he thought he could get his job back but court never gave him a release letter. So he lost his job. They told him he had to wait 3 weeks! Worst 3 weeks ever. He started changing being more distant. Picking up drinking & then when I finally noticed. I asked him. What was wrong?

Because even if he didn’t have a job. I always felt he would come to my home for my company and escape from his reality. So it thought maybe I was doing something wrong. And he told me. “He would start acting different” & mean because he always gets like that when he doesn’t have a job. I felt horrible! I emmediatly blocked! And panicked. I wanted to try to not make him feel bad about it again! But then he said he needed space.. & that he wasn’t ready for a relationship! That he had nothing to offer me. (I have a child. Not his!) so I felt horrible. & I told him I didn’t need anything from him that I could support myself but that I needed his company and not to leave me alone! So he insisted. & I gave him his space.

This happened in December and ever since he txt me hi how are you? And then for a while we started talking again I was thinking well we are getting back.. & no he tells me not to catch feelings because he is not planning on it. I feel like I’m still holding on and have hopes. I miss him so much! Our company was great!! We instantly connected like if we were ready to love. Even if we we’re both recently broken from previous relationship. I hope you can help me a bit in how to get the conversation back going. Or even to understand if maybe he doesn’t really want to be with me anymore.

Thanks a bunch in advance.


I am having a little difficulty understanding what you are trying to say but I will try my best. The first note that really stuck to me was how you said that he told you he “always gets like that” when he doesn’t have a job. So unless I am misinterpreting being unemployed or say financially unstable is a common occurrence for him. Then as you mentioned, he turned to things like the alcohol.

Based on the fact too that you have always been there for him as well in terms of visitations when he was locked up it feels like he doesn’t have his life together in the sense of having an idea of what his passion is in life. What I mean by that is recognizing the things that make you wake up in the morning all energized and understanding your skills on how you can help make things better in the world. I would be inclined to say that would be a really common trait for people who say can’t hold a job or one’s that always resort to killing their “emotions” and “disappointments” with things like alcohol in an abusive way.

Because of this, I would say one could be going into relationships for the wrong reasons. Example, they feel like junk themselves but making you feel loved helps to alleviate that as it gives them a sense of self-worth. However, like in this situation where he now has no form of income and such it’s like you are the one who is always taking care of him instead. Hence, it makes him feel like a failure. Granted you say you don’t care about that as you in a sense just want him and his company, but you kind of have to feel that from his potential perspective too.

A good example is imagine you are going to help out a charity where you are encouraged to attend because they want your support. While everyone else there is actually physically doing something to help all you are doing is standing there. Every time you want to help someone else already has it covered. I would imagine there regardless of people telling you they just wanted you to show up you would probably feel completely useless in being there to the point where you would want to potentially leave.

So that is kind of the complex but important factor in this I say where you would kind of need to find out and truly understand whether or not he genuinely wanted to be with you as oppose to the relationship being something that made him feel better. The situation would be the same reverse too. As an example, making sure you actually wanted to be with him for exactly who he is as opposed to because you simply want someone to be there. I understand everyone has certain needs and want certain things out of a relationship. But hopefully you understand what I am trying to communicate as it should give you a different perspective as to whether you are trying too hard to change a person.

If what I said is true then the most logical way to get him to communicate with you is to enable him to be an important factor in your life in some way which he values. Example, if every day in your life you needed help lifting up this one hundred pound table which you needed someone like him to do this would make him feel like a somebody to be with you. But again, I would seek to understand his intention and all. Otherwise it is turning into a situation where you are teaching a person to love you I would say.


  • Capricornlovespiscies March 30, 2016

    Hi! Thank you so much for the response. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to get you to fully understand me. I came across your page and immediately knew you could help me. I was crying and typing fast while emailing you. You did prove some point tho. He does not have a clue of what he wants in his life! I recently wrote him a email. Telling him how much I loved him but that I couldn’t deal with his mix signals anymore. & that I needed to move on. And start dating! He wrote back but just with a “I’m sorry I couldn’t reply. I was drunk!” I didn’t reply to it! Of course not. That’s a reason why I’m moving on because he doesn’t have his life together. Besides the point he always leaves me hanging. I do have him as a friend on Fb still. Which I don’t mind at all. Although recently he has been liking my pictures and funny status. He also send me a “hey, what’s up!” Txt a couple of days ago around 12am I was asleep at that time and I didn’t even think of replying in the morning when I woke up. I want to believe some how he is trying to get back into my life? What do you think? And if that would be the case I’m so scared! Because I still love him but I also love myself more. I was in need of company like you said. But also because he fulfilled me with his laughs and his own self. He got the best of me at those times. I’m honestly scared to give it another try. If that’s what he wants.

  • Alan March 30, 2016

    To me it would sound like he is hoping to slowly re-establish some kind of consistent communication and relationship with you. Basically giving you the invitation and seeing if you take it.

    From what you expressed to me just now it sounds like it is better if you stay away from re-establishing a relationship with him. Going back to what you wrote initially it sounds like you have been there for him in virtually every way where in return he isn’t giving you back what you truly need as well.

    In some ways it’s like you are hungry and he is constantly giving you junk food. Yes, it fills you up at the moment because you are starving but it’s not exactly what you need/want in the long term and I think it will hurt you if you keep going that route.

    If you aren’t going to be happy in the relationship then technically it isn’t one in the romantic sense. That’s more like a case of charity. If you’re truly confident that what tempts you to let him back into your life is just the actions, such as something making you laugh, as opposed to him as an individual then again I would say it’s wiser to not even entertain the thought of pushing for the relationship again. There are plenty of other ways to bring a smile to your face for example.

  • Capricornlovespiscies March 30, 2016

    Yea. I’m sorry but as a Capricorn I need consistency. & more than anything security to be sure of what I have. & not doubt him and be able to give him his space. And it goes the same with what I give! Security and trust. I’m not sure I will get that with him. I tried so many times for him to give me a second chance. Maybe I couldn’t get him railed in because I was still too broken and would only speak of how damaged he had left me. And on this last letter I spoke a lot of how I have grown from this experience. Right now I have set my life is some goals and I’m not stopping to accomplish them. If he wants to follow fine with me. I will be happy to offer him friendship. And time will tell! I love him I ain’t going to lie. But I have so much to receive so little and be treated so poorly. When I had him like a king. Another Capricorn trait. Putting other people before yourself. And did you mean to put examples at the end of your comment ? Because they ain’t showing. Lol

    Thanks a bunch! Your a awesome man! Helping me and all this ladies who post here.

  • Alan March 30, 2016

    Oh, no I meant to say example in just a general way. But looks like I got a smile out of you anyways 😀 Okay, here is an actual example that might work too.

  • Capricornlovespiscies March 31, 2016

    Awesome example! Perfect to end my night! I lost on the first video and lost it on the peppa pig one lol

    Good night Mr. Alan

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