Help! He still talks to me but says he doesn’t want to be with anyone!

Capricornlovespisces Asks:

So I was dating my Pisces for about 3 months and everything was going fine. Till he told me he was going to get arrested because he owed some tickets from a couple of years back. They had been revoking his court date. So I told him it was fine and I would wait. I felt that was a test. But I wanted to wait because I was already falling for him. So on his court date I was there and meet his mom myself because she was the only one there and he was siting in the front with the lawyer.

The lady was nice! & well we texted till he got arrested and I told him I would wait. Well his mom had to leave out of town on a emergency and no one was there for his visitations. But I was! Every Wednesday & Saturday! Early AM. He only got 30 days. But I missed him and I wanted to be there for him more than anything. So when he got out he thought he could get his job back but court never gave him a release letter. So he lost his job. They told him he had to wait 3 weeks! Worst 3 weeks ever. He started changing being more distant. Picking up drinking & then when I finally noticed. I asked him. What was wrong?

Because even if he didn’t have a job. I always felt he would come to my home for my company and escape from his reality. So it thought maybe I was doing something wrong. And he told me. “He would start acting different” & mean because he always gets like that when he doesn’t have a job. I felt horrible! I emmediatly blocked! And panicked. I wanted to try to not make him feel bad about it again! But then he said he needed space.. & that he wasn’t ready for a relationship! That he had nothing to offer me. (I have a child. Not his!) so I felt horrible. & I told him I didn’t need anything from him that I could support myself but that I needed his company and not to leave me alone! So he insisted. & I gave him his space.

This happened in December and ever since he txt me hi how are you? And then for a while we started talking again I was thinking well we are getting back.. & no he tells me not to catch feelings because he is not planning on it. I feel like I’m still holding on and have hopes. I miss him so much! Our company was great!! We instantly connected like if we were ready to love. Even if we we’re both recently broken from previous relationship. I hope you can help me a bit in how to get the conversation back going. Or even to understand if maybe he doesn’t really want to be with me anymore.

Thanks a bunch in advance.

Capricornlovespisces,

I am having a little difficulty understanding what you are trying to say but I will try my best. The first note that really stuck to me was how you said that he told you he “always gets like that” when he doesn’t have a job. So unless I am misinterpreting being unemployed or say financially unstable is a common occurrence for him. Then as you mentioned, he turned to things like the alcohol.

Based on the fact too that you have always been there for him as well in terms of visitations when he was locked up it feels like he doesn’t have his life together in the sense of having an idea of what his passion is in life. What I mean by that is recognizing the things that make you wake up in the morning all energized and understanding your skills on how you can help make things better in the world. I would be inclined to say that would be a really common trait for people who say can’t hold a job or one’s that always resort to killing their “emotions” and “disappointments” with things like alcohol in an abusive way.

Because of this, I would say one could be going into relationships for the wrong reasons. Example, they feel like junk themselves but making you feel loved helps to alleviate that as it gives them a sense of self-worth. However, like in this situation where he now has no form of income and such it’s like you are the one who is always taking care of him instead. Hence, it makes him feel like a failure. Granted you say you don’t care about that as you in a sense just want him and his company, but you kind of have to feel that from his potential perspective too.

A good example is imagine you are going to help out a charity where you are encouraged to attend because they want your support. While everyone else there is actually physically doing something to help all you are doing is standing there. Every time you want to help someone else already has it covered. I would imagine there regardless of people telling you they just wanted you to show up you would probably feel completely useless in being there to the point where you would want to potentially leave.

So that is kind of the complex but important factor in this I say where you would kind of need to find out and truly understand whether or not he genuinely wanted to be with you as oppose to the relationship being something that made him feel better. The situation would be the same reverse too. As an example, making sure you actually wanted to be with him for exactly who he is as opposed to because you simply want someone to be there. I understand everyone has certain needs and want certain things out of a relationship. But hopefully you understand what I am trying to communicate as it should give you a different perspective as to whether you are trying too hard to change a person.

If what I said is true then the most logical way to get him to communicate with you is to enable him to be an important factor in your life in some way which he values. Example, if every day in your life you needed help lifting up this one hundred pound table which you needed someone like him to do this would make him feel like a somebody to be with you. But again, I would seek to understand his intention and all. Otherwise it is turning into a situation where you are teaching a person to love you I would say.