pisces man generous
Reader Questions

I’m confused!

Sam Asks:

I’m just lost and can’t understand his actions! I met this Pisces man at a club. We were introduced by a common friend. The min I said hi to him, I knew there was something there but he had his gf with him so I stayed away. After few hours our common friend went to him and told him to stay away from me after he saw the way he was looking at me( PS. Our common friend is here protective of me and he does the same thing with any of his friends who would hang out with us. He considers me as his little sister) anyways, couple of hours later, his gf left mad and I didn’t know why. Somehow I felt drawn to him so I went and sat next to him.

We started talking and laughing. We had drinks together and ended up dancing then passionately making out. He asked me for my number and I gave it to him. Our common friend saw us and got really pissed. The night ended up bad with my friend dragging me out of the club. He fought with my Pisces and told him that he had crossed the line when he had warned him already. My Pisces told him that he liked me and he felt we had chemistry and that’s why he kissed me and he has no regrets.

We left the club, and as soon as I got in my car, I received a message from him asking me to drive home safe and GE apologised for how the night ended. Then he said that he has no regrets and I was worth it. The next day he messaged saying that he never felt like this about a kiss. And he called it mind blowing. I was cold cause I lied to my best friend about exchanging numbers and I just didn’t want to lose my friend. He kinds felt it and he said you are being weird and cold cause of your friend and it was childish of me. We didn’t speak for few days but I couldn’t stop thinking about him so I messaged him after 3 days and he replied saying that he was in Australia. And he will be back in 10.days and we should meet when he is back. He was messaging once or twice everyday when he was in Australia. And he messaged as soon as he landed back in town.

We kept messaging for 2 days and we had personal conversation and he sent me songs then asked me out for dinner after 3 days. Then he canceled and and said that he had to stay late at work. I didn’t take it to heart and I kept on checking on him and about work. We kept messaging all day. Late that night he told me that he was meeting our common friend who introduced us for drinks. And he wants to see after he leaves. I told him that I was drunk already and I didn’t want to see him like this. After an hour or so of chatting, he told that our common friend came and he sent me a picture of their table at the bar which clearly had girls there.

I told him it looked fun and he should make the best out of it after the stressful day he had. After half an hour when I was going home, he called me for the first time since we met and he told me that he doesn’t know why he called but he just wanted to hear NY voice. Then he said although there are so many girls here , I’m still on his mind and he asked me to drive safe and let him know when I get home. I reached home and he messed asking if I reached.

I replied yes and slept. I woke up to find a good morning message from him then he told how hungover he was and how he had good 2 handlers who took care of him that night. I told him as long as he was happy then that all what matters and told him to enjoy his day. We didn’t talk for the entire day. Next day I messaged good morning and he replied saying that he feels like going to the movies but he is still not sure. He asked me what I was upto. I told him I was at the gym then going to meet a friend for coffee. We didn’t talk for the rest of the day and ten late night he messaged me goodnight.

The next day I messaged good morning and he replied back saying that he was at the gym and now heading to work so I wished him a good day. He didn’t reply and disappeared for 3 days. No word and no calls. 4 th day he sent me a song saying that he doesn’t know why it reminded him of me and he asked how I was. I replied saying I’m fine and all is well. We had few cold messages about work and weekend plans. And nothing after that. Late night I messaged saying that I know it was non of my business but I felt that you were not OK and you are not yourself.

He replied in the morning saying that yes he is not and he said that his divorce is driving him crazy and stressing him out.( PS. I know he is going through divorce. He told me at the club when we first met). I told him that it will be OK and don’t let it get to u. He thanks me and disappeared for the rest of the day. I’m confused! What does he want from me. I made it clear to him at the club that I’m not looking for a husband or a boyfriend. I’m just looking for passion. And he was so into it. Then he turned the conversation to more of relationship kinda of chat. Why he hasn’t asked me out again and why does he send me all these mixed messages. Love songs and love quotes and he tells me details about his work and what he does when I didn’t even ask. Then he disappears and reappears. Can you help cause I’m lost. I’m a cancer BTW.
Thank you


Your situation almost sound like what people would describe as a rebound relationship in many ways. Basically, it`s like he is trying to find a quick replacement for the emotions he would normally be receiving on a regular basis. For whatever reason you have the qualities he is seeking. So in that sense it seems pretty straight forward where he is trying to get closer with you. Whether or not it is a “rebound” or something more long-term serious is another question.

It seems like to me when he mentioned his divorce stress he was hoping that you would be more engaged with his issue as opposed to just approaching it with a “don’t worry, you’ll be fine” sort of deal. This also confuses me a little for you because if I understand this correctly you mentioned that you straight up told him that you are not looking for a relationship but passion. If you think about it, why would he ask you out? The hope is since you drew the line he hopes that you will jump over it I would say. It all makes rational sense in many ways.

Imagine it like a situation where you are desperately down in life and need support in all facets of life. I tell you that all I can help you with is financially with like $30 a day and that’s all I can do. Although you need and want way more from me, you accept it. Then as the days go by you still haven’t really found others you can trust who are willing to help you emotionally but you feel I can. Therefore, every time I give you money you now begin to share more details about your struggles to me. Inside your hope is that I will try and offer you more help, but you respect the boundaries I have given you where I stated all I can help you with is with finances.

So like there, do you think you would ask me for help in other ways other than money even though I made it abundantly clear from the start? My assumption for most people would be no. Especially if it is a relationship/connection you don’t want to lose. Then imagine there are days where I give you the $30 and you tell me about a struggle you have. My response is simply “Don’t worry, things will get better and you’ll find help.” Mostly likely you will thank me and disappear for the day too due to disappointment. You just need to replace the details here with your situation with him and I feel it makes perfect sense in terms of his actions and all. The ball is in your court.


  • Sam October 16, 2015

    Thank you for the quick reply. Honestly it did start as passion for me but somehow between our conversations, I started really liking him and thinking about him. Maybe wanting more than I initially intended.

    I’m just worried if I ask too personal questions, he might think I’m crossing the boundries since we really don’t know each other and we only met once. I don’t want to scare him away since Pisces are very private.

    I messaged him this morning and I asked how he was. He replied that he was OK and asked about me. I replied and told him that I was thinking about him and I hope he felt better. He replied thanks, I’m OK. I ended the conversation cause I didnt know if I should ask or give him space. He always replies and he always reads my messages. Never ignores.

    In your opinion , do you think I should try and open up a personal conversation if he doesn’t seen upto it and ask about what is going on. Should I ask him to meet for a casual drink or should I just leave him alone till he starts talking again. I feel we have lost that connection but I do care for him and I feel maybe I have rejected him without realizing!
    Regarding rebound or not, I doubt it is about that cause I know he has many girls around him but he never talks about personal matters with them and he told me that he doesn’t know why was he telling me all these personal things cause he usually never chats on whatsapp.

    Should I try I speak to him again tonight and be more encouraging to discuss his issues and maybe ask him to meet and talk. Or did I ruin it already. I really like this guy and I haven’t felt this way about someone in a long time.

    Thank you so much and I look forward to your reply!


  • Sam October 16, 2015

    Hi Alan,
    So I went a head and messaged him and told him that I’m one of those people who ask ” what is wrong” only when they care. I messaged that” I don’t know what to say when someone I care about feels bad and I try to avoid saying things such” “it will be okay” or “I’m sorry to hear that” but I don’t know what else to say except that ! I will be always be here to listen. I told him that I miss him and he replied back saying that he “misses me too and it would be nice to be with me soon”. I replied “I hope so ” and he didn’t reply after that.

    I feel I’m being pushy or clingy but honestly I care but I’m not sure if that’s what he wants at this point!


  • Alan October 16, 2015

    This is just my personal view, but with the circumstances and him openly talking about his divorce to you that is an open invitation to dig deeper into his life and seeing what kind of role you can play in it. Like there, I don’t see why he wouldn’t be open to telling you things such as why he fell in love with his ex before if you asked even though those can be intimate details. He obviously sees something in you that resonates with him to share it in the first place.

    For the notion of a rebound, I can use a personal example that was reversed where the girl was talking to a lot of guys. However, she was really latching on to me after her breakup and was telling me a lot of details that she didn’t to anyone else. Despite everything she was saying and doing though in the moments, in the end I definitely was a rebound to her as a way for her to feel needed/wanted. This is definitely something you would need to determine for yourself of course and I am just throwing that out there as it has a lot of signs of it.

    If you want to approach this the safest way you would have to wait for an opportunity where he explicitly brings up a personal issue again just like with the divorce. Afterwards you need to jump on that opportunity. Usually that can be accomplished by you opening up about yourself. Just as an example, you and I could be watching a show together and you all of a sudden bring up how it reminds you of a struggle you had in life. Most likely in this case I will share with you a struggle I had too. Right there that is your opportunity to divulge more into it. If I didn’t want you to talk about it I wouldn’t even mention it period. Nothing pushy or clingy about it there either as it was simply you sharing information and me feeling comfortable with you to share mine.

    It sounds like he is very open to meeting you, so there is an opportunity to be yourself and maybe sharing stories from your life to help open him up in a natural way. Make it fun/relaxing I say where you two can be yourself first and foremost.

  • Sam October 17, 2015

    Hi Alan,

    Thank you for the advice. Somehow it did work.

    I was having drinks with friends last night. There was a song playing at the bar which reminded me of him. I recorded it and sent it to him. He replied this morning saying ” I wish I was there with u last night”! I replied back saying “me too” and I asked him about his day. He replied with details and he told me that he spent the weekend with his kids and he was being a daddy for the day. I asked few questions about the kids and he was more than happy to reply back with details. He even told me his favorite names when it comes to kids. But again he disappeared right after that. From the afternoon till now, nothing but I’m assuming he is busy with the kids.

    I hope you are right and he really wants to open up to me. When it comes to me, I don’t really care if I’m a rebound or not as I’m not seeking any future plans or commitment. I’m just taking it as it comes. No expectations. I Just like his personality and I feel these is chemistry between us. How it progresses, that’s anther story!

    I will give him space now and if he feels like talking then I will listen and try to dig in. I was hoping that he would ask me to meet but he hasn’t and I didn’t find it appropriate to ask him when he told me he was spending the day with his kids.

    My next question though and I know I sound silly but should I ask him to meet next weekend if he doesn’t ask? Or should I wait for him to be ready and asks me. It is been almost a month since we first met at the club and we haven’t seen each other since then. What do you suggest?

    Thanks again! Appreciate your time and advice.

  • Alan October 17, 2015

    It sounds like he already asked you with the “me too” reply in many ways. Even more so if it was a fast reply. Because of the line that was drawn before about the not looking for a relationship part, I personally think you need to take initiative with that open invitation.

    Sounds like you did everything right such as when he voluntarily mentioned about the kids you jumped on that right away to learn more. Not surprisingly he opened up as expected. You get a brownie point for that. I wouldn’t be surprised one bit if he is actually anxious in having you ask him out for some kind of activity. Ball is in your court.

  • Sam October 19, 2015

    Hi Alan,

    I don’t know how but you are right! He kinda liked the personal conversation.

    However, he didn’t say a thing after our last conversation about his kids. So I gave him space and stayed away for the rest of the day and the day after.

    I messaged him good morning today. He replied back good morning and he told me that was out of town on a business trip. We exchanged few messages and he was very flirty and asked about my day. Told him that I was in bed as I have taken the week off from work. He asked me if there is space for him in my bed and we continued joking about it. And he kept saying that he will come sleep in my bed to hug the pillows and I shouldn’t get any wild ideas in a fun joking way obviously!

    I asked him when he is going to be back in town and he replied that he will be out of town for the next 2 days and he will be back Wednesday afternoon and then he asked me to pick him up from the airport if I can and he ended the message with a lol!

    Now I’m not sure what to say. Isn’t it weird to meet for the first time like this? I mean it is kinda random to me. I don’t mind picking him up but I don’t know what to understand from that? What does flirtibg in a sexual way then askung me to pick him up mean? Is he telling that he likes me more than a friend after being cold for a while or is he hunting an afternoon sex? Or is he trying to make meeting up just casual with no first date pressure? What do you think? I haven’t replied yet and I don’t want to reply in a silly way but I don’t want to be surprised.

    Your thoughts please.


  • Alan October 20, 2015

    In my opinion, it sounds like he is giving you the safe multidirectional responses. To me it sounds like he is really into you but is afraid on the exact direction to go with. Again, factor in how you drew the line initially. So let’s just use that as the foundation for the explanation and say right now he truly did wanted you to pick him up. You however can react in these types of way:

    1) You will tell him that you genuinely will go and pick him up and to have him give you a time. To him, that is exactly what he wanted to build the relationship.

    2) You react by saying he is so silly. While he is disappointed he uses that to determine that maybe you aren’t that interested in him and he can then say “Yeah, I was kidding.”

    3) You could react in a neutral way where you can say if he really did need it then you will. He can then use that to determine again that maybe the bond between you two isn’t that strong yet and will simply respond again with something like he wasn’t being serious and to not worry.

    I personally feel this is true with those bed comments too. The saying of for every joke there is an ounce of truth to it is pretty relevant here I think. Except I would say for every joke there is a litre of truth to it here just based on how he has opened up to you before with the conversations.

    If I were you, and assuming this is absolutely true for you too, I would actually take that offer of picking him up and making it clear in a serious yet casual way that you are free that time anyways and that it would be a great time to catch up since it’s been awhile. Unless there is truly something he has to do or had arrangements for it, he will most likely agree to it. Cause that method too kind of eliminates the paths he could take where he can’t stay in the comfort zone forever. In his mind it would be if he rejects it now then you will think he doesn’t like you. I don’t think this is weird at all as a lot of people approach it this way too.

    Does he just want to have sex? Well, that is something you need to figure out. I don’t know his history and consistency to really determine that. I just know it sounds like he trying to get closer with you.

  • Sam October 24, 2015

    Hi Alan,

    Honestly I’m not sure why Pisces are this complicated. I don’t think in ever going to be able to understand this man. He is just driving me crazy and I’m just thinking to give up.

    I did the natural thing and followed my instincts and picked him up from the airport. It was just amazing and very natural as if we have been hanging out everyday. Great chemistry and he was so talkative and told me about his business trip and what went down there.

    He took to a nice lounge where we spent the afternoon having lunch and wine. 4 hours of in going conversation about himself and relations he had and his marriage. Talked about almost everything and it wasn’t about afternoon sex that I had in mind. He discussed the club night when we met and he was making fun of how entertaining it was and how it made him feel as if we were back in school. We put that behind us and agreed to just forget it. He was looking at me and touching and holding my hands but he kept it very sweet.

    He wanted to go and chill for a bit and he asked me about my plans for the night and I told him that I was meeting friends for coffee. He was going to nap and shower and then he said he will let me know how he feels later. He walked to my car and hugged me then thanked me for picking him up.

    An hour later, he messaged me saying that he doesn’t want to hide the fact the we know each other from our common friends and he wants them to know that we are in contact. I was shocked why would he want to do that considering the drama we faced. He said he doesn’t need to hide from anyone and we are not doing anything wrong! He said that he will message our common friend and tell him that we ran into each other and invited me for a drink to clear the air after the club night! He said that way we can say we exchanged numbers and that’s how we are in contact from now on. Rather than going back and saying that we lied from before and we had each other numbers from the club night which might create more drama. I agreed and I told him to go ahead which he did. And he was happy that he did and he said now what we do in one business and we don’t need to hide or act weird of we run into our friends while being together somewhere.

    Later that night he messaged me saying that he was going out to meet some girl for a drink. PS. I know the girl and I know he sleeps with her as well!!!.I was so confused about this reaction. I told him to have fun and he asked what I was going to do. I told him going dancing with friends.

    Next day we mesaaged very casually and he was really cold!!!.so I disappeared and didn’t message again. It is been since Thursday night and I haven’t heard from him. I know from our common friends that he was partying with them that night with the same girl who was there and left the first time we met and the club, the night we kissed!!

    To me this is becoming really crazy and confusing. I don’t understand the weird actions and the sudden coldness when we has such a great time. And now we have cleared the drama with our common friends. He seems like a player to me now or he wants me a friend! I’m not sure if I should carry on with this. I really like him and we had real chemistry when we met again and he opened up like anything. But why would he go out with another girl along with our common friends and he knows they will tell that he was there!! Then he disappears! Should I just forget about him and walk away. Is this Pisces way of dealing with stress or relations! I’m clueless! What do you think this means!.I mean you have been reading his actions well and maybe you can decode this better than me!


  • Alan October 25, 2015

    Does he know that you know that he sleeps with that women? My personal feeling overall with that though is that he is trying to demonstrate that he is not needy, so to speak. Because by the sounds of it he dumped a lot on you in those conversations as is and you mentioned that you did have plans for the night. So time to take a break until the next opportunity to dump more on you essentially as most would fear that is way too much to tell a person where they will get disinterested or annoyed over it.

    To me it makes perfect sense in that respect where the safe thing to do is to just show he can hangout with others too while you have your fun or to give you a break from him. Correct me if I am wrong too, but there is no confirmation that he was actually say intimate with the other girl during that day right? Because that is kind of a key detail to unmask this situation in a more definite sense.

    That part about wanting to tell people you have each other’s numbers to me is contradicting and inconsistent. I understand the point with the extra drama, but it sounds like he is doing it more for his own image when I factor in the timing and past actions. Kind of like a “Here’s my proof that I am genuine with her so leave me alone” more for himself as opposed to a him being so passionate about it that he doesn’t care what others think kind of deal. Why wouldn’t he go out with common friends too? There is no commitment to you as far as we know and technically everything is patched up with the friends right?

    I personally don’t find it too surprising as remember I mentioned in the beginning that there was a big chance that you were like a rebound to him per se. Your messages don’t encourage me to think otherwise so far. I’m not sure how you personally envisioned that a person with that kind of a mindset would behave like. In some ways it’s like me saying a person could be on a relapse from not having his usual heavy alcohol days where you mentioned you didn’t really care but now you are seeing the behaviours of it.

    That’s not to say something can’t genuinely develop or that the person will change, but in many ways it’s like a journey you agree to embark on if you accept that. Whether or not you should carry on is entirely up to you. I have no real doubt based on what you wrote so far that if you want to push this thing forward you can. For him it’s mostly about timing and image perception it feels like. He is aiming for the strategy of wanting you to go after him if you were to make things official. Until then, it’s about filling emotional needs for himself I would say.

  • Sam October 25, 2015

    Hi Alan,

    Yes he does know that I know he sleeps with her. And no I don’t have any confirmation that he was intimate with her that night! He was there with her at the club with our common friends but no one said anything about being intimate. And the same girl knows that we kissed that night after she left the club.

    I don’t know if this changes what you said.


  • Sam October 25, 2015

    Hi Alan,

    My friends told me today that he was very casual with the other girl. Nothing at all and they met cause they have business with that girl and he is part of the deal. My friends said that entire night was about entertaining their business clients and he was acting cool with everyone even thought it was right after he told them we met. He even asked them why I wasn’t there that night cause he thought that I was going to meet them when I told him that I had plans for the night in the afternoon. And the surprising part, my friends are suddenly Ok for us to be in touch or be together.

    I get your points and to be honest I feel like you are a friend of mine now and u know more details than any of my friends. You have been giving me the right advice and it did work in every occasion.

    I’m not sure about the part where u think he told our friends to make himself look better. To be honest, I think it is about not having to hide or lie. It will effect me more than him since I told him that I was taking risk by talking to him behind my friends back. He is the new addition to the group and he is not that tight with them where I have been in that circle for ages.

    He asked me several times why my friends were against him and I told him that I’m wasn’t sure but they think you are bad for me. When my friends knew that we met, my best friend called me and told me that it is my life after all and I should not come crying to him in the future. I told my Pisces that and he said that I can go crying to him cause he will never be the reason for any tears and he will never do anything to hurt anyone especially me!

    I’m thinking maybe he felt the drama was getting a bit much after he broke the news and he is staying away till things settle again! But I might be wrong!

    I know I like him and honestly I have never bothered this much with a man since my divorce 4 years back. I never get deep and I always try to keep it casual with anyone I meet. However the attraction to this one is really undeniable which makes me think maybe there is something here to enjoy for a while even though I’m not looking for future plans or commitment. I guess my problem is not knowing where I stand. Are we friends, casual dating or beyond that!.

    It is been 3 days now with no communication so I’m thinking maybe it is his way of asking me to make the next move since he has sorted the main issue with the friends. It is just one of my thoughts but you are the Pisces here after all 😉 is that a possibility?

  • Alan October 26, 2015

    I still have the same feelings overall so far personally. The main thing that it further clarifies is that he clearly is trying to get you more as a friend which is ultimately the answer you are looking for right?

    To clarify a bit about the image perception, we have to agree that it is lying still if the truth isn’t told that you got each other’s number in the beginning right? It’s a detail that you are hiding for reasons as you mentioned you don’t want more trouble. That’s perfectly understandable. But to me a big part of it is still about image perception for him I feel due to the way it came out.

    An over the top example would be a guy that slept with a girl on the first day to then convince her that she should simply tell people they have been dating for months instead to avoid the stigma of this potentially being a fling of sort. Like there the lie is more so one can look good in the eyes of others. Maybe it was to protect you as an example. Or maybe it was because he runs a business and needs to look good to that group of people.

    The takeaway hopefully is if one truly felt 100% for you right now then even I would personally open myself to the doubters regardless of their wrath. Hopefully that makes sense as my point is simply he doesn’t sound like he is head over heels in love with you kind of thing at this point if you are trying to determine how he potentially sees you on a deeper sense. Am I not mistaken to say as an example that regardless of how casual you want to take this you would still be outraged if he was sleeping with another girl right now? So just some pointers to keep in mind as you may or may not need to add pieces like this up later on.

    I feel as usual it’s just up to you to take initiative for the most part because he has to in a sense play it safe due to the circumstance and you drawing the line before. In the meantime he’ll take what he reasonably can. You’re like the boss of this in many ways. By the sounds of it too, if you really wanted to specifically test the waters out faster you could do things that benefit his business such as giving him a legitimate lead or referral. Cause when I think about it with the pattern so far, this would give him an excuse/reason to speak/be with you without the social perception awkwardness. How he follows up will speak a lot I feel.

    If I were you I would be super curious as to why specifically your friends feel he is bad. It is your choice ultimately regardless what anyone says. But I think it’s good to at least understand the perspectives.

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