Leo Wife Missing Her Pisces Hubby

Deborah Asks:

Hi there. I’ve never done this kind of thing before but I really could use some ‘Piscean Male Inside Advice’. I’m very confused, don’t know what the right course of action is but I do know that I love my Piscean hubby very much and want us to be together. My man suffers dyslexia, & mild Asperges. Despite not reading or writing as well as overcoming a stutter, he owns & runs a business. We met 2 1/2 yrs ago, fell head over heels in love and married within 6 months. We became cocooned in our own little world – not needing anyone else but each other.

We moved in together one month prior to wedding and he changed overnight. Sex became an infrequent “quickie” he stopped shopping & cooking with me, left me to do all housework, despite getting home from his job around 4:30pm whilst I would often return around 6:30-7:00pm then start dinner, cleaning, laundry and doing his paperwork for his company. Of course I got tired and grumpy, he would watch the tv for hours, stopped coming out with me and retreated, becoming cold & distant. Then last year his mum passed away and although I was supportive, he withdrew to the point where he would go to work on a Sunday just to be in his own.

We had a huge row in October 2014, he said its over, got mad & broke two doors and left. Although we spoke he didn’t return until 5 days later and only because I asked him to come home. And then things returned to just like they were before he left. However, I had told him the boys and I were going to move back to our previous town, only 2 kms from our current property (we rent not own) and a place that he and I had tried to rent as our first place suddenly became available.

I saw this as a sign and took it. He didn’t and told me he was not moving with us. Initially knowing he’s stubborn I thought he would come round after a while but it’s now been just over 4 months and he’s building a batchalor pad above his factory. We talk most days but mostly because he wants my help with paperwork. I often cook and take him meals which he loves. We have spent nights together but he won’t kiss, hug or touch me. He’s not a talker unless drunk, he says I put kids & job before him, he says too much too soon.

He is very cold & distant yet sometimes says he cares for me but can’t love me in the way I want him too – I’m very cuddly touchy feely etc. I’m a very loyal, kind & caring person and he is kind and caring but has been taken advantage of so many times in the past. He knows I wont abuse him but I don’t know whether to carry on showing him how loyal, patient & caring I am or to just disappear & move on with my life. I miss him still every day and although I’m strong, capable and surviving without him, I do still feel as if a part of me has died. I want to help & support him but it tears me to pieces to be with him and there is no emotion back from him.

He’s an upstream Puscean who says I left him by moving away, he’s angry with me and is holding a grudge. If him and I hadn’t been so on the same wave length for those initial 6 months I would have moved on. But I married him, I take my promises seriously and don’t want to throw what was once, a beautiful Union between two very like minded people away without being absolutely certain he has gone for good and only wants me to help him with his paperwork. It was his birthday yesterday. I brought him a great present (he rang & I let it go to answer machine but he was thrilled with it), baked him his fav cake, wrote a birthday card and a letter to explain how good we once were but if he wants to be single and that makes him happy then I will move on. He hasn’t rung me since, nor have I him.

We were supposed to be going out next week (his request) but I know he will be cold towards me. He’s 54 with no children I’m 49 with 3 teenage boys whom he gets on famously with. Should I continue to distance myself to see if he misses me or should I continue to show him how loyal I am and how much I care. I’m very confused. Is his batchalor pad intended to be a home for him and a place for us without the kids, as I know he finds it tough living with children full time and if so, why hasn’t he explained this? He doesn’t want to date but likes my company. What can I do if anything?

Deborah,

First note is I am not too sure how much of his personal condition would affect his behavior. So in writing this I am treating it as if this was any other person with what you wrote. With that said, it feels like he is missing something big in his life that makes him happy and fulfilled. With this missing, he was constantly searching for it. In his mind, initially he thought something like being with a women who cared for him was the answer. But as time went on he realized that wasn’t the case.

To me, this could potentially explain why he flipped so fast once he moved in with you. Essentially, now that he has it and sees that it isn’t truly what he needed to be happy everything feels like a responsibility which just makes it stressful. Think of it like someone feeling so mad in life where they think the reason is because their job pays very little. So, they then passionately go out and find a higher paying job and land it with enthusiasm. Once they are hired, it’s like that passion and enthusiasm disappears where he/she seems to get angry and uptight so easily. Like there, it wasn’t about the money at all as opposed to finding the right type of work in an area they are truly passionate about.

Little life imbalances like that can cause disruption in all other areas I say. So like here it’s not to say that he doesn’t care for you. It’s just that it sounds like he doesn’t truly understand himself on what he needs in life to be happy. A silly way of thinking about it is to imagine that you are hungry but are too ignorant to understand that. You simply need some food. Without it you will mostly likely always be loud, cranky and mean spirited regardless of how many good people there are around you. It comes down to communication and trying to get the answers out of him. That can be very challenging if the person themselves don’t really understand. In my opinion, the best thing to do is sit down and try to get to the bottom on what he is truly unhappy about.