pisces man happy
Reader Questions

Mixed signals…

Flo Asks:

You’ll have to bear with me as i’m not entirely sure where to begin…

I met a Pisces a few months ago, he was part of a temporary social group that i joined. The social group lasted for approx 2 months, but it was intense as it was most days. I felt a connection with the Pisces straight away, and i’m certain that he felt it too. We were pretty shy with each other in the beginning, but as time went on, he definitely became more confident whilst i remained a little more reserved but less shy than i was initially.

We became good friends and he messaged me several times to let me know that he missed me if i didn’t go and socialise/go for a drink after the group finished some evenings.

A month ago i went on holiday and was mostly uncontactable for almost 2 weeks – i got service a few times during my holiday and i messaged him, we would engage in a brief conversation and he was always pleased to hear from me and would respond quickly.

He told me several times whilst i was away that he missed me and he organised our friends to join me/us for a drink on the day i arrived back. That same week i saw him several times, including one night when he came back to mine and one thing lead to another…we didn’t sleep together but things did get rather steamy. The next day he was very sweet, he described the night as “amazing” but when i tried to establish what it was, he suggested that it was just “drunk friends fooling around i guess?”. He asked me how i felt about it but i didn’t have the courage to tell him that it meant more than that to me.

Anyway, i saw him another few times that week – he was very attentive towards me as i was unwell. I really enjoyed him company. He was very tactile and i noticed that he was constantly in my personal space, literally leaning on me as he stood next to me, or having his foot rest on my leg when we sat together on the sofa. When we parted ways, he gave me the biggest, most sincere hug whilst cradling my head and caressing it at the same time.

I was supposed to see him last week before I went away on holiday again (this time only for 4 days). I told him to meet me at 9pm one evening and that i was busy before then. When i checked my phone at 8.30pm he had sent me at least 6 messages and i had 2 missed calls from him. He ended up cancelling plans and i think he was unhappy because he couldn’t reach me.

Since then, i’ve been away and come back – i decided to give him some space whilst i was away as he seemed unhappy with me. He messaged me one morning and when i didn’t respond within an hour and a half but he’d seen that i’d read the message (i was out for breakfast and i only went on to whatsapp to wish my Mum a Happy Birthday), he sent me one to say “okay, well have a nice day”…again he seemed to get in a sulk with me. We engaged in conversation later that afternoon/evening. He told me that he was doing a race the following day and would tell me if he “survived” – i didn’t hear from him the following day as he suggested so i messaged him to check that he got on okay to which he said he did.

Other than that, I have barely heard from him. I messaged him yesterday to ask him to let me know when he is free to catch up over wine and he responded to say that it wouldn’t be any time soon as he is busy with his studies…

I feel as though things between he and i are very disjointed, not helped by the fact that we’ve not seen each other in about 10 days. I want to give him some space but i’m feeling really insecure about what all of this means. 10 days ago i felt as though things couldn’t be going any better. I feel guilty because i’ve not been very attentive to his needs lately with being away, and then being unwell. I’m not sure how to get his attention again…or indeed whether he wants any more from me than my friendship.


It almost seems like he really wants your attention but feels burnt since he feels you should prioritize your time to him whenever possible. Therefore, it’s almost like a game now of him saying he is too busy for you in return to get back at you. A very passive way of doing it as oppose to simply telling you how he feels.

It’s kind of a delicate situation now I feel. But one thing I would say is that he is still interested in pushing things forward with you it seems. Otherwise he would just ignore you like the plague as an example. He probably has a lot in life that he would like help with. Based on what you wrote, in many ways it’s that feeling of when you commit to people so much only to then not receive the same type of commitment back you just feel used in a sense where the person is desperate to want and balance things out. I guess an analogy for the sake of understanding the emotion is imagine working at a job where the reward is supposed to be you get paid for the hundreds of hours you put in. Your boss then says thank you for your time and that he doesn’t owe you anything.

For some that means trying to withhold or doing something bad to others because it’s like they have to do something selfish for themselves to balance everything out. For others they just take a long break away from people until they find another source to rejuvenate. To me it sounds like he is going with the withholding route for the most part.

I personally think “giving space” in this scenario is the wrong thing to do if what I stated is accurate with him. If I was in that mindset, inside I would be hoping that you would give me the same care and support as I feel I was giving to you, so to speak. So in that sense, you shouldn’t focus so much in trying to get his attention I think as opposed to finding out what you can help him with and genuinely offering support in any way you can. Example, he says he is busy with studies? Find a way to help or show interest in being his genuine support to get through it.

If you can do something to help him too that you know would help for sure then do it I say. This kind of relates to the other question I was asked recently in terms of feeling appreciated. He needs to feel that from you at the moment.


  • Flo October 15, 2015

    Thank you for your advice.

    I am so confused by his signals – when we are together in person he makes me feel like the only person in the world, he never allows himself to get distracted on his phone or otherwise. However, when we are apart, things feel incredibly disjointed.

    He was very popular within the social group and i know that a few of the others developed feelings for him too. I don’t know what the content of their conversations were and feel somewhat paranoid that he enjoys the attention from me and that is all. I find that he makes reference to our friendship whilst we were messaging regularly, telling me what a good friend i am etc – this sends me warning signals as i am concerned that he is trying to tell me that this is all he wants.

    When we message one another, i am very talkative – it’s just that he has caught me at a bad time recently. I am worried about coming across as needy if i approach him and i don’t want to scare him off.

  • Flo October 15, 2015

    Well, i have just messaged him to tell him that i miss him….to which he said that he missed me too. I’m not sure what else to say? Or whether to leave it now? Otherwise i was thinking of asking how he is getting on with his studies and something like “let me know if there’s anything i can help with?”. He lives close to where i work and i was going to suggest meeting him on lunch to take his dog out together or something. Or even if it helps him if i take his dog out? Or perhaps that’s a silly idea. I feel a bit helpless in terms of supporting him with his studies really.

  • Alan October 15, 2015


    Based on everything you wrote it doesn’t sound like he wants to just keep things in a friend zone. He sounds like someone that likes to express things physically. I would be inclined to say there is virtually no way that he doesn’t know his actions are essentially leading you on too at this rate.

    About things like helping to take his dog out for a walk, I don’t think it is silly. I personally just have no idea if that is an issue he has as an example to the point he would value it a lot. You would know that better than me. My personal instinct though if you were to say “let me know if there’s anything I can help with” within the context of this situation is I wouldn’t ask you for follow up help. That goes back to me expressing how I think you should try to find out what he needs help with and if you know for sure it will help him then do it.

    I know for a personality like mine, asking me in this way feels more like you want to do something for the sake of being nice and returning a favour if that makes sense. As opposed to be so passionate and caring that you just want to do it. This does require you to really know and understand him of course. Otherwise it would be like taking initiative and cooking the person a huge lobster dinner just to find out he is a vegetarian.

    Remember, having fun can be helping too. Just as an example, if he was a stereotypical geek that loved to play things like chess but never has a person to play with due to the social stigma then you genuinely wanting to participate with him is in a sense solving an issue. Something to help broaden your mind about what can be done as it doesn’t have to be something so serious.

    Don’t forget too that you should be able to just be yourself in many ways if this is a true genuine connection.

  • Flo October 16, 2015

    I hope you’re right and that our interpretation of him is correct… I didn’t engage with him in any further conversation yesterday as i know that he’s very busy with his studies and the last thing i want to do is to hassle him and be needy. I am hoping that he might reach out to me this weekend. There seems to be a fine line of push and pull between us – he appears less forthcoming when i initiate contact…although it’s possible that this is in my head.

    Part of the difficulty for me is that i have recently moved to this area, none of my friends know him and I don’t have anybody to try and help me make sense of it all.

    In a lot of ways i feel that i have been obvious enough about how i feel about him…and i am worried about making a fool of myself.

    Walking his dog was really the only way i could think of helping him but i’ll try and think outside of the box.

    From my research, he appears to be a typical Pisces – he doesn’t seem to know what he wants out of life.

  • Flo October 16, 2015

    I found out this afternoon that this fish has been sending the same mixed signals to a few other people…go figure.

  • Alan October 16, 2015

    Just remember to be yourself as opposed to trying to read too much into things. As mentioned, if it is a genuine connection everything from you wanting to help him to him wanting to be with you should happen organically I feel. This makes me think of a time where I was talking to a girl who I worked with and I was very attentive to her. Then one day she saw that this other girl who came up and was excited to see me where she wanted me to give her a hug which I did. I could then see the other girl’s jaw drop in a way where she was shocked in a “I thought you liked me” sort of deal. In both cases I was simply being polite and sociable though.

    If you feel you have been obvious enough then as I mentioned most likely he knows. Factor in the “steamy” moment you two had too and there is no way he can be oblivious to it. If you are doubting his intentions for it that is something you can sort out though his actions. Look at hobbies, how he spends his free time, etc. It should be a two way street where he has to make you feel comfortable too.

  • Flo October 17, 2015

    I think he’s a player… he seems to be keeping his options very much open.

  • Alan October 17, 2015

    Should be a simple decision for you then it sounds like on whether or not to pursue him.

  • Flo October 17, 2015

    I like him an awful lot but if he is giving everyone else the same vibes it makes things much more complicated. Perhaps he just likes the attention?! I’m not sure that he’s somebody that i’m going to be able to understand. Maybe he likes to keep me in the background as a back up plan

  • Alan October 17, 2015

    I feel in many ways you may want to dig a little deeper as to why you are attracted to him as there is a lot of distrust here it sounds like. In my mind, there is a distinction between wanting to be with a person for who they are versus liking what they do for you.

    Example, let’s say he does like attention. Okay, does that mean this is something you are going to be obsessed or okay with as an example? Are you okay with people who could even say that situation was just “drunk friends fooling around?” For some people they love that spontaneous don’t care attitude in a person for a relationship while others don’t as they want something deeper/committed. You know that for sure about him though and it’s probably more productive if you focus on the things you do know.

    Research and evaluate based on his history and actions. There is no shortcut to this. All I know is it sounds like he wants to get closer to you and has been trying very hard. As for the intention? You need to research into that. Consistency is key in evaluating his actions.

  • Flo October 18, 2015

    I’m so worried about reading his signals wrong…which i think that you have gathered. And so the distrust is more aimed towards myself and potentially getting the situation wrong. It seems that he speaks to and treats everybody else the same way and i don’t want to be getting it all wrong. If he is keeping his options open, he is a free agent and so for the moment this is fine, but would this change if he becomes involved with someone? I’m not sure it would and i don’t know how i would feel about taking things further with somebody that constantly needed attention from elsewhere, and women in particular. I would like to feel as though i was meeting the needs of my significant other and that that was enough.

    I saw him last night, for the first time in a few weeks. Things still remain quite disjointed, his focus is obviously on his studies at the moment – i really admire that he is able to be so focused because i know that this isn’t something that i could do. It does seem as though i am losing his attention, through no fault of my own with having been so busy and being away etc. I’d love to get things back to how they were but i’m not sure on how to proceed.

    The other complication is that his ex girlfriend returns after being away for a couple of years and i don’t think that he really moved on from her. I know that she got in touch with him a few weeks ago to let him know that she would be back in a few months and perhaps the two of them will try again. He and i have tried speaking about this, and he remains quite ambivalent – i’m not sure he’d tell me how he really feels about her due to the conflict of interest. We’re all in our late twenties and so being separated for a few years at this stage means that they are both likely to be very different people by now. For me it might be a case of having to be patient but i’m not looking forward to having to stand back and watch it all unfold in front of me. I don’t feel as though i can really compete, they have history together and he and i have only known each other for a few months.

  • Alan October 18, 2015

    It shouldn’t be a competition though of whether or not you are better than the other girls. Being true to who you are and the best version of that is all it should really take in essence if you both have a true genuine connection. It’s like the saying too on how if you don’t believe you are good enough then why would others?

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