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Pisces boyfriend and long distance

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Piscesgirl Asks:

Hello,

So i am going to share my wholestory with you i met a pisces guy through instagram, he seems really nice and kind. He added me on insta and i added him on my snapchat. And through snapchat we started talking. He seems like a decent guy plus he is really hot! So he was i America for his masters and i live in a country very far from america. We shared each other numbers and talked alot! But soon i get to know that he might be still interested in his ex, as they didn’t really broke up they just stopped talking to each other due to some reasons and its been almost 1 year. I thought this thing between us is really simple as we both like each other and soon he will propose me(lol my fantasy) we really got closer to eaxh other through whatsapp and facetime.

We talked like as we are in a relationship! He have everything I needed and wanted in a partner. I was really into him. In February he decided to comeback home( we both belong to same country) so he came back and we finally met!!! He surprised me he bring me gifts. But on our second date he told me that he got to know that his ex is still single and he wanted to talk to her and gain exposure from her about their relationship! I was totally broke to know this. But i contained myself and i said to him its okay i want your happiness and if this is what you want then okay.

He doesn’t want me to leave him he just wanted to ask his ex about what to do etc. i feel sorry him due to some personal issues he faced when he was kid so i genuinely liked so I just want his happiness. From that day we didn’t stopped talking we hung out 6 times i like seeing his face! He was in my country just for 3 weeks so we met and flew back to America! He planned to talk to his ex after going back. I was very eager to know about what was gonna happen because I didn’t want him to leave me and at the same time i want him to be happy .

When he landed there we didn’t talk much as he got really busy in studies and I didn’t feel comfortable talking to him as deep down i knew that he might leave me for his ex, so i started ignoring him. And also said that we should stop being all romantic with eaxh other. So he agreed. He is a bit tough guy and mysteriousI don’t know whats really going inside his head! I wanted him to ask his ex and let me know i hate to be hung like this. So I started behaving very odly and he also started distancing himself from me. I asked him one day like what the hell is wrong with you and he answered me that he doesn’t want this relationship rather he wants me to be his friend.

My heart really crushed at that time. Please note that a super hyper sensitive and emotional person. So I started crying and said why do you wanna do this etc and he didn’t answer any of my questions. So I ended the call and I deleted him from everywhere. On evening he started to calling me saying sorry and all that stuff and explaining to my that why he wants me to be his friend so i said okay lets be friend because i really wanted him to be in my life.

So we started talking casually and then again the moment comes which shows as that the attraction between two of us is too much and we can’t be just “friends” and this thing creates other problems for us he again started ignoring me i asked him what is the problem he said this thing will never work , and he doesn’t like to be in a long distance relationship as two of his previous relationships were long distance so he was afraid so we got into fight and i said bye to him forever but started missing him terribly so i wrote him a long note and sent it to him he didn’t respond well so i feel like its okay I should move on!

And after that i wrote him ” okay i think i am over you now goodbye” and he did the same thing. After 4 hours he sent me a friend req on snapchat again. And i was like what is his problem why is he doing this again.. I accepted it and from that day he started sending me snaps randomly everyday. But i didn’t invest so much into him because i know him he will be disappoint me again.

But after 3 -4 weeks he said to me that he wants me back into his life and he wants me to be his girlfriend ( please note that he never proposed me neither does he said those words) but his actions says that like he wants me back i know that because i am a pisces we are complicated people! So we got into relationship and started talking but the thing i wanted to ask you is that is he really into me? Or is he still putting me as an option? Does he ever get serious with me ?

Very eagerly waiting for your reply!!!

Piscesgirl,

Based on what you wrote I am inclined to say there is something missing about you that he values a lot for a relationship where in the past he has always in a sense compromised on it and it eventually didn’t work out. While during the process he probably got a lot of positive stuff out of it ultimately maybe the end result wasn’t worth it.

I guess I would use like an alcohol analogy where most people say it’s fantastic to drink a few beer to relieve stress and all as the during the moment it’s fantastic for them. Once the morning comes though the hangover and all makes them wonder why they did it. So as a result the person tries to quit the alcohol drinking in general. However, that feeling he gets from drinking the alcohol is still wonderful. So despite in his mind knowing it’s not good for him he will at times lean towards it because he wants the pleasure of it.

I personally see it the same way as an example with things like your long distance factor. In many ways he probably loves the emotional bond per se that he gets to share it with someone but realizes the relationship reality aspect of it is going to end up as like a violent battle of some sort. So it sounds like he sees that in this but the lure of the emotional bond is too much for him to say “Errr, why not again” so to speak.

That’s how I would see this personally with what you wrote. If what I said is accurate and you are both serious then in my opinion it’s wise to actually talk about the realities such as if the both of you are actually working towards the logistical goal of physically say being together based on what you both want in life. Basically less fantasy and more reality the situation needs I feel if you really want his full answers.

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3 Comments

  • Piscesgirl June 7, 2017

    Hey piscesgirl here! I want to update you about my relationship. The things which mostly attracts me towards him these days are that he is really changing his self for me like back in December and January he didn’t give a damn about my mood or anytbing but now he really cares for me if sometime I behave badly or talk rudly or if i am starting a fight he suddenly said sorry to me like he never does this before!! So please let me know what should i do! I really wanna make this work! But at the same time i am sill confused should i talk to him about his ex. I read your answer. And i get it what you said about to talk all this stuff but he is not a good talker not good at communicaton. What should i do

  • Piscesgirl June 7, 2017

    With your alcohol example, you are trying to say that he is with me just because he feels good to be in a relationship?and he is not really serious with me? Your answer is bit confusing. From your answer i am getting that he is not into me and he is just with because he feels good being in a relationship. He is just passing time with me then! So should I break up with him !

  • Alan June 9, 2017

    An important thing to keep in mind is that I am simply trying to give you insight with what you shared. Ultimately the decision should be entirely up to you to take as opposed to me telling you what to do. With that said ultimately I would be saying the same thing still with what I wrote above and hopefully you are reading my messages to open up your perspective as opposed to like strict instructions of sort.

    Another way to think of it is let’s pretend you asked someone for spring water which they don’t have much of and to get you this water he has to walk 8 hours each day. You asking them for spring water would put them in a bad position in life as they know in the long run they themselves will dehydrate as it is exhausting. However, you still insist they give you the spring water which takes them 8 hours to travel. Now this person has done that in the past for a relationship where ultimately it resulted in them harming their overall health in a bad way. However, the feeling of helping someone was nice. So now he made a decision in life that if he was to be with someone that needs water that they should be happy with local water as the traveling distance is too much.

    Now in life he is presented with the exact same scenario where a person says they want him to walk 8 hours each day to get water for them to maintain the relationship. Again, the nice feeling of being able to help someone is enticing him to do it even though based on past experience it makes no sense as he will probably just end up getting physically hurt as a result. But again the idea of say helping or being with the person is great.

    Replace all this with like your scenario of a long distance relationship where he feels that distance is going to cause great pain which it sounds like he has experienced and expressed to you multiple times. That’s why I mentioned before less fantasy and more reality talk between the two of you are needed I feel based on what he expressed and what you want. As an example if the both of you refuse to agree that ultimately one person has to move to wherever the other is then this for the most part is a fantasy relationship and it will result in the same thing that he fears based on the past.

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