A Pisces man going from friend to boyfriend to friend again

Jay Asks:

Hi, so I am a cancer 34 that is friends with a pisces man 49. When we first starting talking he told me about his relationship issues, such as not staying in a relationship long because he is affraid of getting hurt and when relationships are going good, he finds a way to sabotage relationships. So anyway, we started going out even after him telling me this, it was a month into our friendship before he wanted to have sex but we still enjoyed each other, he was so romantic and after a month we had sex and he/we started getting closer. He start calling me his girl. Now it’s been 4 month and he want to stop having sex because he say its getting too serious and he don’t see me as long term and he don’t want to hurt me but he still wants to do everything else with me.

Dinner, concerts, etc. I cried at first but i told him i am fine with us being just friends again and since i know where we stand don’t take sex away because feelings occur before sex. He claim i will be in my feelings. I laughed and said no that’s what HE is afraid of getting in his feelings if we continue to have sex and he don’t want feelings like that for me. He denies that reason. Do you think if we go back as friends, he will want to be in a relationship in the future with me? Especially since I am understanding.

I was thinking maybe if we take it slow or will it just stop at the friend zone? I noticed when i brought up cooking for him again after he told me how he felt he was kind of distant. He told me because he felt he was being selfish..but after i explained to him we were good, and i told him to stopmaking issues when i enjoy our friendship as he also said he enjoy it. He wasn’t so distant and was looking forward to me cooking for him.

Jay,

My first thought is whenever people say things like that in terms of sabotaging a relationship that fundamentally means more about refusing to take accountability in a sense for their life actions while for a lack of a better word struggling to resist urges that they feel aren’t good in the long-term . So in that sense you are essentially saying you accept that by going forward first and foremost to keep in mind.

By the sounds of it I would be inclined to say he is getting “bored” of the relationship and is trying to back out in the most politically correct way possible based on how he established the scenario earlier. With that said I personally feel if things do carry on from his end with you there always has to be that form of benefit towards him as opposed to him caring and wanting to be with you for who you are if that make sense.

I mean if you are fundamentally seriously okay with him taking and not giving back per se then that is essentially what you need to get across. Because in most people’s mindset when you take or suggest being in a relationship of sort whether it be a friendship or whatever the expectation is you give back a as well. But in this case it feels like he wants to take but knows that he will have to give back too when it doesn’t sound like he really wants to.

The silly over the top example would be sign a contract saying no expectations as an example or that he literally has a button to exit out of the scenario whenever he wants with zero repercussions. But in essence that is essentially what he is looking for it seems.