He is Pisces and Married Man

Tina Asks:

Hi, Alan

I don’t know where should I start this story.
I’m aware and consciously realize did this sin and mistake but this relationship just happen like that.

We met 6 years ago, we start as co worker friend for about 4 years before, then suddenly after I lost my father and just get out from my 9 years relationship, He was there become my close friends , one thing lead to another we had this feeling going stronger and we decided to had that relationshps in spite of he is already married.

We know what we did was wrong and few times he and I decided to end it but only for a few weeks we got back together again and make things work and committed even more.
He realize in my situation as a single women, and he was my first, I gave my virginity to him and I always thought we could be together but I don’t want him to divorce his wife, therefore I always play along to his scenarios to cover it up from his wife.

But I always end up feel lonely, guilty and unappreciated, I felt so low and wasted.. but there was a time of period start from 2012 I resign from my work and no longer in the same company with him but only to face the fact that I jobless afterwards… During that time my Pisces man helping in financial way, he supports me fully but it’s impact with his family because he had to sharing those expenses, I feel so thankful he supports me meanwhile I kept looking for job both freelancer or fixed to support my daily life but it won’t enough the we decide for a bank loan, got it but it just get worst, he still there for me and we even talking about he marrying me without his wife consent but he has a lot of doubt I can see and feel it from his eyes but we feel happy and support each other.

However, at the end of 2015, things get better in work life, I got a full time job but at the same thing his wife find out everything about us and this affairs, he been confuse and I feel so devasted cause everything was cut off between us, until mid of Jan 2016 we had talked again and we decided to get back together but things won’t the same and he ask me to go find someone else to marry me and have a better life, when I did that he get angry and jealous, asking me to choose him over that man. Then I did as he requested , I left that man but to finally get this deep pain.
He suddenly decided to end the relationship and become super cold, unloving man I used to know I Know Pisces man the sweetest man I ever known… He changed a lot all of sudden and until now I keep looking for a closure and explaination from him.

I keep call and text him but he just responded me in cold ways and often yells and when I cried he just no response at all, what does it mean? What should I now?
I really so hard to give my distance from him but I miss him terribly.. I keep wondering why he did this and Is there still a hope we could be together?

He many times told me on April 2016, he want to try to continue his marriage first and give it maximum 2 years if he can afford this pain or not, if this cause too much pain then he willing to divorce and separate from his wife and his children, but I know he loving his children so much and now what he had been going through on daily basis keep arguing with his wife and no peace at all at home, he so stress and he also face this huge debt on bank because what he had done to help me in financially.

I’m sad and feel guilty and I want to help but the situation is like this… What should I do now to help him and deal with this?
Should I stay and fight or Should I Flight and walk away and start over again… I’m confused

I hope you could give me some enlightenment.

Thank You Alan

Tina,

Based on what you wrote my personal opinion is that your relationship with him feels more like lust than love. With that said I personally view things like the financial help as more of a task to initially maintain the secrecy and the relationship. This is as opposed to a person wanting to help you with no strings attached per se. It’s almost like instead of dealing with his problems in his marriage he is choosing to ignore it by being with you.

To me your situation sounds more like you are scared of being wrong in many ways where in your mind you committed to something and therefore it must be right. For example, as you say this is the guy you lost your virginity to. I can only imagine where things like that play a role in you wanting to stick with it as to many things like that are supposed to be for special people as they say.

If you think about it, if he truly loves you and all why are you playing as like the second best in his life? As well, why couldn’t he just be happy for you when you did find another? Again, to me this means he never truly loved you in that storybook way that you may be hoping for. Because of that what you wrote about him would make sense. As harsh as it may sound you can’t really say his debt was because of you as if you were like leaching off of him based on what you wrote. Again, to me that was him trying to hide the situation too it seems. If you truly feel bad about that then work on a compromise to pay him back financially. But keep that separate from like a love factor here I say.

With your situation too, would it make sense to keep giving an alcoholic more alcohol because they are crying that they need more? To me you are potentially making the situation worst by doing that. I would imagine this situation requires the truth to be put out there. I am actually a little confused as to why you two are still speaking with each other as you indicated that his wife found out about the whole situation. Was one of her request not for you two to part ways so they can work on their marriage as an example?

I am not sure if you actually spoke with her too. Even though that may cause initial tension I would imagine it would help in moving forward as to me it’s kind of dubious in this case to only hear the story from his side if that is what you are basing everything out of at the moment.