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Zula Asks:

Hi 🙂 First of I think it’s really genuine of you to run that page and hope that I won’t be too confusing. It’s hard to narrow it down to just one question so I will try to formulate it like that : Do you think I am wrong with the way I’ve been seeing him?

So it started half a year ago , we met in a club , I felt an immediate attraction . We ended up dancing and he was really charming, talked so much..even showed me a song he wrote for his mum … then I got so overwhelmed I had to leave his place. He didnt text me ..so I messaged him but after a couple texts it seemed to me that I was annoying him so I stopped. Two weeks later he messaged me and told me that he told a friend bout me and felt the need to text me but I was really heartbroken that he left me out in the cold for so long and felt like he was just trying to keep me warm.

I know now that I misjudged him probably and answered to that sweet text with sth like : If I had never texted you,, you would have never right ? .. He was pissed then and our conversation stopped . Then a month later he would message me again suddenly sending me asong , I would reply but be really cautious …he wouldnt reply again and thats how it went on for months. He would send me a text every two weeks or so in the middle of the night but mostly something subtle like “OK” ..and I would always reply we would chat for a while and then again nohing … I already grew to be very hopeless that it would turn out to something more .
So five months later our second meeting at another club, he came knowing I was gonna be there but I was really drunk and nervous and had a bad look on my face as my friends said .. So I see him and we start to talk but suddenly he would say things like : I am boring you right ? or so ..that was notthe case at all . He sat next to me had to to jump up every now and then and let me sit there waiting for him..that hurt me a lot . I told him that it makes me feel uneasy and would just say that I have to learn to deal withthat he had too.

I felt so sick ..he kept being very cold, told me he knows how I tick but I don’t know how he ticks, that he is still heartbroken over his ex,… He was very mad and I didn’t know why . I wasn’t snobbish at all and just let him ..I even told him that I find him special but he seemed to not care well the only sweet thing he said that he could only text with me in that way..I stayed for a while and then left but gave him a kiss onthe cheek . ..later that day I wrote him that he can’t know how I tick andI can’t know how I tick and that was it for a while ..I kinda wished him good bye .

A month later we got in touch again and sent us a ton of songs..thats how we communicate mostly . He would write me on new year’s eve and we even surprisingly met at the club we first met . He would be really detached again ..not at all like the first time we met . He wouldn’t look me in the eye, not really talk ,.. I didnt know what to do plus I am shy but not so much when drunk . He would suddenly ask me : If I am not here you woulddance with some other guy right ? – That confused me , I mean nearly everytime we met he saw me getting hit on by someone but that doesn’t mean anything to me … ahh sy its too long already ! Well couple days later I liked his fb pic and he would text me and ask me to come to his place .. I did – he thought I wouldnt – I got there and he would hide his face and again , talk very little not look at me,…it felt like he was really uneasy while I was really bubbly.

So we had sex …but the next morning I got kind of too overwhelmed since we took a huge step and couldnt turn to him anymore. He would say some awkward things and I just tried to escape ..I gave him a lame hug when we said goodbye . …Then nothing for a day ..I was freaking out and just wanted to know if he even likes me a bit . So I text him and ask him what that was for him – He replys he doesnt know but wants to know what it was for me … That confused me again he did that much he would always do the counterquestion like his answer is gonna depend on what I say. Soin the end he said it didnt mean much …I wished him a nice life and THE END.

Sy for the long text but I got the feeling as though I cant leave these things out .

Lots of Love , from a Scorpio Sun Capricorn Moon


I believe I understand the scenario you were explaining. To clarify your question it was do I think you are wrong with the way you have been seeing him? I assume by that you mean like he is bad and that you ending it is good. In that context with what you wrote I don’t think you were wrong in ending it as the relationship sounded very toxic.

It sounded like the two of you were constantly more focused in trying to prove each other wrong as opposed to simply making each other better in a natural way. As a result it’s almost like one stays in the relationship to prove to the other that they aren’t a bad person that they are being portrayed as. That’s not good for you if so.

This might be the answer you want to hear, but my personal interpretation of him based on all the facts you mentioned and how after you two became intimate he says it didn’t mean much tells me that in many ways he played you for a lack of a better word. Basically it’s like at first he tried to get in the modest way which for whatever reason you rejected. So then he went with the hard “you don’t care and are a bad person” route which worked better.

What can often happen here too is a person like yourself would then eventually start scolding him and his answers would be along the lines of you are the crazy one to think that way. Then afterwards it would be like if you want to start a “relationship” with him then he would be willing to try for it. Not saying this would happen for sure, but it’s just to further demonstrate the point on based on what you wrote that sounds like how he operates.

But overall it sounds like this better left than trying to invest more of your energy into it.

1 Comment

  • Zula March 3, 2017

    Thank you for the honest response !! True that it is toxic maybe also cause he is a drug addict and I am drinking much … Just once I yawned and he got upset bout it an ran off … But all that worrying won’t help I know . I just want closure . We simply weren’t good for one another .

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