pisces man personality symbolic
Reader Questions

PRIDE OR PAIN?

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Jessi Asks:

HI ALAN!

This is such a great help for confused people like me!!!!

First of all…..thank you very much for the time and the dedication.

So, my WIRED relationship with a pisces man, started more than ONE year ago, for me was a love at fist sight.. (he is a lot older not beautiful but so charming) …by the way…. for some time we were texting once a while, I texted him most of the times, but he was replying kindly, didn’t force anything and I gave him the time to realize that I was interested. We started dating (he is living far away from me), but the connection got stronger, he said things as “you are one of the few people that I honestly love”, and a lot of deep lovely declarations that made me feel sure about his love/affection.

I am a lion so sometimes I need somebody that take the initiative, for example I was waiting so long for the first kiss and omg he was so embarrassed while he was trying to kiss me the first time, was quite funny… I was the one to protect him, and to reassure him (probably connected with your pisces feminine way to be), but for me was ok.. what I asked him was to do NOT swim away, because while we were knowing each other sometimes he did, and I was very hurt by it, he promised this, so we were ok for some time.

Everything was going good, I understood the reason why he was not approaching me the first period, he turned out he was scared about our distance (I have moved in another country for some time) and he is the kind of person that or has everything or he doesn’t wan’t anything, this made me a bit confused.

However something happened, I found out that a common friend (more mine) was sick, and he had troubles with her, I was extremely affected by knowing this person was sick, but seemed his anger and issues with her were overwhelming this, he was very rude while we were speaking about her, and he hurt me several times, he is very sensitive so I didn’t understand this attitude… I even asked him to stop speaking about this but he said: “you are the only person I can speak with”, I wanted to leave the place but I didn’t, I was very disappointed. After this, we slept together we snuggled but I didn’t want to have sex, I told him I was very shocked by the news and his attitude.

Since then our connection DECREASED, he got cold the days after, even if he said he was busy with his job and he was getting through a bad period I felt the distance… but I stayed for some time trying to do something for him or understanding more about what was going on… he said sorry and I said I was upset, but after he was even more distant…When I tried to clarify the situation he just said nothing happened with me that he was still into me but he was having a very bad period and I should have been patient, that our situation was hard cause we were living far but was not impossible, just hard. After more than one month where I heard him just few times I decided to leave him.. he wrote on facebook something to say that I people should stay during bad periods..and texted me just one time..didn’t reply.. I am still thinking about him as you can see, but I don’t know why he started to be very distant, I got scared cause I thought he was ready to swim away….I thought was bad for him that I took the part of my friend almost against him (but she is my friend and she is very sick) during the discussion or maybe cause I didn’t have sex with him, don’t know. But could a sensitive person be so illogical? Now I don’t know what to do, almost a month has passed and we wrote each other just for the Christmas wishes and for the New Year… When a pisces let you go easily is for his pride or because he is not interested anymore or cause he is suffering? Is possible that his bad period was an excuse? I don’t think he will do another move.

Jessi,

Sounds like you have a real life soap opera. Generally speaking, I am assuming you understand exactly why he dislikes the person so much right? Because that should theoretically obtain so much information about the situation and his personality in general. I don’t know if that person did something truly nasty to him in life or if she knows something about him that he is afraid of getting released for example. So that is up to you to find out.

But either way, his reaction makes perfect sense though. It’s not about the sex but rather he trusts you as the safe environment to nurture him. Example, you state he said himself “You are the only person I can speak with” where you essentially shot him down when he was being vulnerable. Now if you are someone who he dearly trusts that is probably the equivalent feeling many others would get if they found out their partner slept with someone else. Not only that, they do it blatantly in-front of you.

Again, I don’t know the situation exactly, but let’s use an over the top example where that girl murdered a family of his(Yes, I know it wouldn’t make sense but it’s to show the point). He has a resentment for this person as she caused him a lifelong worth of grief and agony. It’s a sensitive memory he has where he needs others to understand and in a sense protect him from those bad experiences.

Now imagine though this girl never did anything bad to you and so in your mind you treat it like “Just because she did something bad to you doesn’t mean I should not be her friend.” So as the days go by you are so worried about her well-being yet you are neglecting how seriously bad this person makes him feel. You continuing to help her is in a sense saying you promote what she did to him. That would cause a person like me to re-evaluate if you are truly the one. To me it all makes perfect sense in that type of context. Your situation is obviously not as extreme, but the essence is the same I feel. The important thing again though is finding out exactly why he has such animosity against her.

It makes perfect sense too in that context as to why he was telling you he was in a bad period where you should be patient or posting messages that people should stay during bad periods. It’s almost like since you hurt him so bad by ignoring his feelings he is trying to hurt you back by making you feel guilty in a sense.

Whenever I let someone go easily as you put it that means they were already like standing on a floor that can only take 100 pounds and you are at like 99. Like in your case, when he was re-debating if you were the one for him you are at like a 99 due to the incident. When you decided to just leave him in his mind it’s like you added that extra pound and quickly just fell out of his life. Unless what the girl did to him was truly that bad, this was being built up for a while now I say. Example, everything such as living far away plays a role in terms of adding the weight.

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4 Comments

  • jessi January 4, 2016

    Thanks Alan,
    We spoke about the woman before that episode, they had problems at work, he is her boss.. but the woman has got an aggressive cancer so in my mind everything should have been direct to make her feel better, (they were kind of friend before these problems) , instead he was saying to me that he considers her already dead.
    I have been friend with this woman since long time, we had a break up in our friendship because she was nervous (probably already sick) ,my ex told me about her illness, so the same day I went to visit this woman and right after I met him.. this is the reason why I was in shock and I have felt betrayed hearing those words…
    so for him was more important be right than try to help somebody that is very sick?
    This is what happened specifically.

  • jessi January 4, 2016

    he is angry at her because she was trying to take over in some ways his role, and he said she was frequently arrogant provoking some work problems to him with other people too, but he told me may be because of her illness.. so I don’t know.. how could be a working position/ a work problem more important than a health condition? for me is intolerable….. I would overcome everything to give that person something to make her feel happier… could he be so insensitive? He is not usually.

  • Alan January 4, 2016

    Based on what you wrote, there is something about the situation which I am not still sure if you actually know what the true answer is. A person would not just magically do a complete personality flip like that where one day he is like a kitten and the next day he turns into a hyena. If you are 100% certain that what she did to him wasn’t that bad by anyone’s standards, then to me this means you never truly saw the real side of this guy in the first place which may be hard to swallow for many who invested so much emotions towards a person. Unless as I stated above where what she did to him was extremely over the top in a bad way or that he feels threatened by her.

    Just to emphasize it a bit more, when it comes to knowing the answers it’s like saying knowing that he hates her because she tried to take his job isn’t what I would be looking for. It’s truly understanding why it makes him so mad. Example, if he didn’t have that job does it mean he will be on the streets as he has no savings? Was he bullied in the past in a similar manner where this incident rekindles that dislike for those kinds of people? It’s about digging deep. It’s not enough to just say “Well he felt betrayed” but rather understanding why that betrayal would hurt one so much if that makes sense. The only other real explanation I can think of with what you wrote so far is if he somehow played a role in her cancer where the guilt is driving him nuts.

    Like for me, I can think of a time where there was this one girl I didn’t get along with because of things like her bad work ethic. At the same time, she constantly tried to belittle me in front of like supervisors. My situation is though I was doing this job for fun mostly and in my mind understood this girl was just extremely immature. So in that sense I can be really calm about it. So if I found out she had cancer and was dying would I help? Yes, of course as to me that situation is more about immaturity on her part.

    Let’s completely change the scenario. I desperately need money and so I work hard. I have always lived a life where people stole things from me or ripped me off where no one was there to help me. Even knowing my situation how like one dollar can cause me to be on the street, this girl still doesn’t care and tries to sabotage my job. I tell her to please stop and reemphasize how much harm it can do to me yet she still insists because she is all about her and literally could care less about my well-being. Now let’s say one day she gets the cancer. Would I be inclined to help her? Like there, you must have like the patience and forgiveness of a saint in most people’s mind to say yes.

    I think a good public example is if you ever read the news about a guy named Martin Shkreli. If not, here is a video about it that made him like one of the most hated man in the world:

    Like there, I would say the majority of people would not feel sorry for him one bit if something bad happened to him. I can easily see how if you helped him others would be extremely mad at you too. You have to think deep as to why people despise him so much. It’s not just the notion that he marked up the price of an item as if you think about it many people in business do that all the time. I would imagine that the real emotional reason as to why people are mad is because the people that rely on that drug are like dying as is where they feel he is preying on their desperation.

    Generally speaking, I wouldn’t say the mindset is about being right. Like saying, this doesn’t seem like it’s a petty argument about who is a better where because of this simple disagreement they want nothing to do with each other. It’s more about the principals of the situation as it seems like he views what she did to him is equally bad.

    I am not saying he is right for what he is doing per se. Instead, I am just giving you the information to hopefully give you a perspective on why in many ways it can be “normal” to react the way he did assuming the situation is really that bad. But as mentioned, if you are 100% positive that what she did wasn’t that bad in anyway where the action is mostly meaningless to him then I would say you simply never saw the true side of him until now.

  • jessi January 4, 2016

    Thanks ALAN you are great.

    “if he played a role in her cancer where the guilt is driving him nuts.” I think this could be, because she made him feel reliable at other people eyes, and she led him have that job, (the wired thing is that when I have first met him, he told me he was one of the best friend of this woman, me and her weren’t in contact at that time… but anyway, some weeks ago just asking her she told me they have met just for work and less than 10 times, and he is very manipulative. Therefore he was boasting around that they had a strong friendship but was not true, maybe to approach with me…) .. the trustworthiness is decreasing… I don’t know about the other things, the level of the “damage” she gave him… maybe he is in a bad moment with his saving right now but he didn’t say anything to me.. I think that this woman could have been a bit aggressive and overbearing, and I know he had to apologize for her several times with his working partners, she didn’t tell him in person she is sick, but he discovered that from another person they are working with… what he said to me is that he wanted to fire her, or he would have left the job: was stressful working with her because she was annoying him almost on purpose… he discovered she is sick recently, during our conversation he told me: “she really want to do this project, maybe cause she feels like is the last thing she will do” or “for me she is already dead” those things shocked me so much, I think at least he should have waited some days to say to me this, he told me she was sick just the day before this speech.

    Thanks for the video was very interesting, yes I bet is very hard to define who is right or wrong, even with examples, depends on your ethic or probably on the idea and the respect somebody has about the life and the death and at the same time the idea that he/she has about her/himself and what he/she thinks they deserve.

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