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Love and Romance Reader Questions

Stages of Pisces Man In Love

Gigi Asks:

Hello Alan, I wish to ask you what are the things or stages to look out for when the Pisces man shows interest or have a liking to really like to falling in love and being in love with a girl. I am confuse to whether does he like me as a friend or as a potential girlfriend or whether he is already falling in love with me. What are the things he will do or will not do to a female friend but not to the girl he likes or even falling in love and vice versa? Stuffs like joking around or buying things for the girl or asking her out? Or will he be shy stealing glances, gentle brushing past or blushing?

And also, will a Pisces man be very passive or aggressive when he met with a girl they like? Will he do or say anything in particular like to test her or sound her out? And what are the ways or things to do to be an idea type for these Fishes? It’s been 7 months from knowing this man and I am wondering now if he puts me as a friend category or someone he have strong feelings for. I don’t wish to quote examples as it might have a different meaning if I didn’t put it correctly and so I wish to know it in a general Pisces view. Sorry if it’s kind of a complicated question but I hope you will understand what I am saying. Please give me as much information if you could! Thanks in advance!!!


This can really vary depending on the person’s history and what stage they are at in life. Ultimately it comes down to context of those actions. For example, I could easily say that stealing a glance could simply mean I think you are very pretty and at the same time it could mean I am interested in learning more but don’t really know how without making us both feel weird. So bear in mind I am speaking for myself where personality wise you could classify me as a bit more on the reserved side. At the same time, people throwing traditional “signals” at me usually results in me still taking no action. If I was to break it down into stages it would be something like this:

1) Personality/Values Confirmation – This stage is all about learning who you are. This can take a very long time which is usually the factor I feel on why a girl would get frustrated and wondering why all her hints aren’t working. A big reason why a person like me is fairly reserved in the initial stage is because my mind has like an encyclopedia of personality types and actions. I also know that once I open up I really commit to it. So that is more reason to want the right person.

For example, seeing a person treat everyone to a meal would usually translate to the person being extremely generous. At the same time, it could mean they are simply trying to look good for whatever reason. Therefore, I need/want to see more in different scenarios to determine if that is authentic before making any conclusions. Until I see something that confirms or denies this I will still be nice and social with you as a friend. But to get to the next stage I need to see a different scenario that corroborates with the personality traits with consistency.

Again, that can take a very long time which is why it is a good thing if you get asked a lot of questions or if one is enthusiastic in wanting to go to like events with you. I would actually be skeptical if this phase goes by too fast. Think of it like a photographer that tries to get a perfect picture of the subject. They want genuine reactions and not artificial ones as a result of knowing a camera is on them. Consider this the “Dating” phase except a person like me would rather do it in natural ways as opposed to a “Hey, let’s go on a date so that we can see if we like each other” sort of deal.

2) Taking Initiative With Physical “Flirtation” – Assuming you passed through the first phase, which again can be a very long time, the next stage would be my openness of physical “flirtation”. This means you would see me do things such as going in for the hug when we are laughing, touching your hair or wanting to hold your hand during the appropriate moments. I stress the point it would have to be me initiating it in the moment. You opening up your arms for a hug and me obliging doesn’t count.

There are examples where women have rub their shoulders next to me or placing their foot on me when we are sitting near each other and I simply don’t respond back to it because it didn’t go through the first stage yet. I am not going to say anything about it either because one it is probably a little awkward if you just bring it up and secondly I am still unsure about the whole thing. It makes me think this is all just a physical attraction as an example if it goes way too fast and blunt.

3) Passion To Be With And Take Care of The Other – By this point you must be someone rather special to me. I’ve seen enough where the chemistry seems good. Usually at this point that means my walls are extremely dropped and I will take initiative to see if my frequent presence in your life can make you feel on top of the world. Some call it putting your heart on your sleeves.

Now you may be asking how this is any different from me helping other people usually. There is a difference between someone coming up to me with a problem where I commit to solving it and me willingly placing myself with the person in their daily life to take on any challenges. Like saying, there is a difference between seeing a person getting mugged by two strangers where I jump in to help versus me always wanting to be with the person I care about as I deal the situations with them.

In this stage, I will also allow you to take a more pro-active approach in my life as well to see if I am growing and being nurtured just as much as you are. The walls and fences are essentially open which is what most people are used to getting in the beginning with others. If everything works out you should know what happens next.

In many ways I would imagine these points are what most people would ask for if they were to fall in love. The order and approach to getting the answers may be a little different, but I think it is all conceptually the same. As you can tell, I would be very passive about it initially which is why the other person needs to take initiative usually. Once you break down the walls then everything changes. I said it many times where with my type of personality you just need to be yourself where if it is genuine it should organically build up.


  • Gigi October 17, 2015

    Wow. For a moment I thought you were him! I found that he is exactly doing the same things as you have describe! I always feel as though he is observing me, like I am going through a scan for quality assurance etc. something that really profounds me is ain’t you fishes worry that through the (long) time you are doing the potential scanning or testing she might assume you are not interested and be with another man?
    I am very patient with my current one (I know what he is doing) because I loved him and doing things for him without expectations in return. He seems to be enjoying these moments and taking a back seat. I have been through these 3 stages and through some ‘crisis’ we have learn that we deal with adversity the same ways. I have been myself all along at the same time I am testing him out too (as we are very alike) for example whenever he does something wrong like gossiping/being negative which I think isn’t right I will sound him out and he would actually listen to me and always come to me for my views/ or relying on me for things or answer when he could actually just get it himself/ or when he already knows it. I am certain this is the one for me, I did not take any physical initiations but I always give him my full attention should he need me. At times, I could read his mind and he does too I feel? Due to my intuition and ability to sense feelings. This is a beautiful connection but I am stuck as to how to nudge this guy to let him know I am ready to go further? It is obvious but I can’t just walk straight up and kiss him and declare I love you as I find this is not my style. At the same time I hope my hair doesn’t turn white whilst waiting too. I need your advice, you were great! *thumbs up!

  • Gigi October 18, 2015

    Oh! And Alan, how can I know if he is jealous? If another guy is flirting with me and he attempts to distract my attention from this guy does it means that he is jealous? And whenever he saw me talking on the phone with someone else, after I hung up he will ask me is it.. So and so? Or ask me questions to indirectly know who is that caller? And does jealously means that he is liking me or does it just means he just wants the attention to himself?

  • Alan October 18, 2015

    It’s kind of funny that you ask on whether or not a person like me is worried if we would lose the person. Based on the response you wrote, you kind of exhibit the ideal scenario that a person like me is hoping for. Example, being yourself and passionate about being there for him where you are clearly demonstrating your interest and commitment to keep growing with him. Ultimately, it’s because you see something special.

    The fact that you are still there means it’s a real deep connection to a person like me. It’s like the saying on how life is a journey not a destination. That’s not to say that is the only way to do things in life as I am sure there are those in life who simply fell in love at first sight and have been married for like 100 years. But for a person like me that is the general hope and the process is very hard to get through if the connection isn’t genuine. But in like my mind, it should be very easy and natural where at minimum you will end up with like the best friend in the world.

    Now for your question as to how to nudge him further. I am basing this purely on what you wrote and assuming the walls are down. If you really want to push it forward or to imply it you should be able to attract/suggest him into it where there is a good chance he will follow through.

    A simple example would be the hug. The next time if it is like one of those long meaningful hugs try to position yourself in a way where he can freely smell your hair. Might sound weird to you, but stuff like this he will do if he is comfortable with you. Then at the right moment it will come. Or another simple example could be if you are someone that usually leans on the guy in a shoulder to shoulder way then grabbing his arm and wrapping it around you in a natural way is a good signal again that you want to get closer.

    In many ways if you satisfied everything else it’s only the physical stuff remaining. Basically, more touchy feely stuff that kind of caters to the instinctual side of the guy. Usually it’s the opposite for other guys as they turn all that stuff on in the beginning. Until a person like me feels everything else is satisfied everything like that is switched off in the traditional sense. But like here, if the walls are down you really only have one aspect left.

    For your question about jealousy, I don’t know if that is the right word here. Based on the situation I think it is more about being analytical and potentially disappointed. Example, if I specifically chose to spend time with you and you instead decide to flirt with another guy it’s not jealousy. Instead, in my mind it’s like “check one on the list where my time with her doesn’t mean much” with the whole wanting to see your actions in a bunch of scenarios bit.

    In that sense it’s disappointment and I hope you prove me wrong as more life scenarios go by to help evaluate this. Plus there is a very good chance that he is “distracting” you in hopes that the other guy gets the hint to go away assuming you are making it clear that you are not interested in the person. A non-confrontational way of doing it.

    For jealousy specifically, he is more likely to ignore you overall if he was jealous of something because he would probably rather not have to deal with it. A person not saying or doing anything about it would be a bad sign. In my view too, the asking you who called is that part about wanting to be more involved in your life. In that sense, he likes you.

  • Gigi October 19, 2015

    The reason why I said about worrying is because while we are going through the process of getting to know another without the verbal confirmation of our relationship (keeping the the options open) is if one day, he is to find out I was dating another guy without him knowing or vice versa. That will be the worse case scenario I would imagine. Having invested so much feelings yet to find out he found the ideal lady of his choice. I have insecurities as a woman as well. Which is exactly why I drifted to you for help. The jealousy issue is at times he will be super friendly to other ladies talking and laughing loudly and it happens that I am around to witness it. I admit it’s driving me mad inside but I am hiding my emotions ( will he know I am jealous or assume I don’t bother?) So, I also return him the ‘favour’ to test his reaction or my importance to him, but at times it wasn’t intentional as the other guys initiated the flirt and I have to be social and friendly to them. It hurts me to see him sad but I don’t know what I could do to make it work) Apart from the beautiful moments, there are once or twice where I would pretend not to see him and ignore his presence and he would either look at me with a puppy look, purposely asking me unnecessary stuffs or just totally ignoring me too. 🙁

  • Alan October 20, 2015

    From my perspective, even if you did go on a date with another guy all that time we spent and such should translate to being extremely good friends. You needed to invest what you have invested emotionally to get to that position in the first place I would imagine. If I saw you with someone else my personal mindset would be more “I guess it wasn’t meant to be in terms of a love in life with her.” But to me that shouldn’t take away the relationship you built. Even I know how hard it is in general period to find people you can genuinely and honestly connect with regardless of what type of relationship that ends up being. Wouldn’t everyone want their significant other to be like a best friend per se? Minus things like the physical intimacy, are the foundation and ways you let someone into your life in a deeper way not kind of the same?

    I would personally say your tactic of making him jealous is counterproductive due to the mindset. Based on what you wrote, when you do things like ignore him he gets a sad puppy dog look. That goes back to me saying where I think it is more about “disappointment” in these scenarios than say jealousy due to the method being used to evaluate you.

    Maybe I am reading this wrong, but like when he is laughing with the other girls does he actually know you are there or do you just happen to be in the area? Because that is really harmful for your connection to him if he isn’t say intentionally ignoring you. It actually makes perfect sense why he hasn’t moved things forward even more I feel. That might work on a more flamboyant personality but not a deep thinker. I don’t think he would interpret it as you being jealous either as opposed to simply adding it to the list of “Okay, add one point to the column of she doesn’t see me that way.” Then again, that depends if he actually knows you are there or not in those scenarios.

    If you really want to “test the importance” of you to him it should come from things like being a “damsel in distress” per se. Of course, I don’t recommend faking something because that will just backfire. It has to be something legitimate. Most likely if he doesn’t really care for you that much it will be a simple “Oh, hope you get better” reaction. If he does, he will try everything to the best of his ability to help you through it without you specifically asking for it. In many ways too, that just comes with the part about wanting to take care of you and I assume by then you two are sharing a lot of details about your lives together. That is the important stuff as opposed to things like him chatting with other girls or saying hi to you in this situation.

    You two sound like you have the chemistry and he just sounds “inexperienced” or “unsure” to a certain extent as to how to take it to the next level. With those examples you gave me too I almost feel like you do have to take initiative and nudge him as those incidents probably left a lot on his mind. Now you obviously need that reassurance as well so in a perfect world he would nudge you instead. But if I was in that situation, a little nudge from you would go a long way if you specifically want to speed it up.

  • Gigi October 20, 2015

    I have to thank you. For the advices you have given me, it was really insightful. Thank goodness during his flirting with the other woman I was always in his line of sight, so I assume it was his way to show me he can too charm other women? I don’t do the ignoring stuffs now, it was the initial phases when we knew each other. Nowadays things are pretty mellow… Although at times he will show me conversations he had with other girls in his mobile phone. I don’t know why he is keen to share but I detest this seriously. 🙁
    I sort of did what you suggested to me; he was standing beside me referring to our work schedule when the phone rang and it was at his other side so I brushed my arm below his (almost touching his sides) to retrieve it instead of excusing myself. As the client on the phone was choosing a suitable time slot I was flipping through the pages while his hands still on the book’s rim. We were literally within close distance and he didn’t move an inch. Another good example I think it’s essential to let you know is I have a little medical issue and he knows of it and he actually went to find out what food I should eat and what I should avoid. He even made remarks on why he always see me snacking but times he comment that i don’t even have an inch of excess fats. It’s ironic isn’t it?

  • Alan October 20, 2015

    If his personality is like mine, doing things like flirting/charming girls to make someone else jealous would be extremely out of character. If anything, I bet it’s more about being polite and wanting to learn about people. I actually personally interpret him showing you conversations that he had with other girls as a good sign with everything else you told me. It’s almost like he is very comfortable sharing his life with you.

    Another way of looking at it is there is a high possibility he is showing you what gets a reaction out of him through this and hopes you see it as the same. Almost no different than a friend doing something so dumb that it is funny and then sharing it with other people. I think it’s actually valuable information if you can get past the mindset that it is being used in a negative way. Don’t you think it’s the opposite where if he is afraid to show you the conversations that he has with other woman that he is hiding something?

    I feel what you did with the arm thing is what you should hope he does to you which you would then jump on. Example, if he places his hands on your shoulder to say “good job” then you don’t just turn around and say “thank you” but rather you put your hand on his while it is still on your shoulder and then say it. Overall, for your nudging if you were taking initiative I feel it has to come at a time where you are kind of expecting physical contact specifically like a goodnight hug. Then you would take it up a notch from there which is what I mean by an extra nudge. Otherwise he probably notices what you are doing but will not react to it as it is too “scary.” I’ll give you a really over the top but true example for myself.

    While working at a job there was a girl who I felt liked me. We were given this report on how to setup a display and she was standing behind me as I read it out loud since we had to finish it together. My left hand was resting on my hip in such a way where my elbow was sticking out as I held the paper on my right hand while reading it. While I was doing this, she stood really close behind me and then tippy toed to the point where her breast made contact with my elbow and she kept it there for a few seconds before slowly going back down with an espionage-like facial expression. I could see in the corner of my eye the whole thing too.

    For me though, I just kept on reading and pretending I didn’t see or feel anything (I even asked some female friends about this tactic and they say that is normal and not shocking at all which still surprises me to this date). I mean do you know how awkward it would have been to say something about that? Especially for a person like me that has a more reserved personality and wants to really learn about the person first. Me saying or reacting in anyway about that is essentially putting me on the spot to make a decision about her which I was in no way ready to do and it would force me to find out more about her in an artificial way as opposed to a natural one.

    It’s different if the situation was like I did it in a more flirtatious way first such as making a circle with my arm and putting her in the middle where she can read the paper as well all without actually touching her. Like there I would say do the extra nudge such as grabbing the hand as for me I am signaling that I want to get closer but am not sure how much is too much for you.

    To make sure I understand the food situation and why you say it is ironic, are you saying you have to constantly eat those snacks because of your condition and it’s odd he comments about it considering he researched the type of foods you should be eating? At this point I see this as small talk to hopefully engage in a conversation. Just like how you say he asks you questions even though he knows or could easily find the answers himself.

  • Gigi October 20, 2015

    Hmm, your encounter with that girl kind of reminds me what he did too. We are fixing something at work and he told me to hold on to a tool in a way while he start to fix it and his right arm was on top of my breast and his sides are pressing onto mine. I got a shock too and instead of reciprocating even though I liked him, I froze and when his arms almost touched my breast I shifted myself away a little.
    The thing you mentioned about putting your arm forming a circle with the girl in the middle is something that he does quite a few times and not just to me.
    For the food issue, He always see that I like to eat snacks example, chocolates. So once he saw it again and said that remark. On a different day, he suddenly came to tell me you should avoid example, glycemic products and blah.. So one day he bought cakes for us and mine is chocolate cake but flourless which I think he is very thoughtful. For my personality, I do treat everyone nicely but only to those whom I really liked I would put in that effort to make a difference and make that person special. If he wasn’t seeing me in that way and only as a friend he would like to know further then I am really disappointed you see…
    I think that for you (and maybe him too) you all have that intuition to know if someone likes you after reading your posts. So I think he does know but chose not to mention about it. I analyse it to be either he doesn’t feel the same way or still unsure yet. Perhaps I shall withdraw myself a little. I am afraid of getting hurt too.

  • Alan October 20, 2015

    He must be into you for more than a friend if he had the fortitude to do something like that. I agree with you that a person like me usually has good intuition to know when someone likes us. It’s why you like me that is the big question I am trying to unfold. There really is no shortcut unless by like coincident you happen to nail every single point and detail on one’s mind as the stepping stone to allowing a person in.

    I am not sure if we are envisioning that hand circle idea the same because that is getting pretty darn close to a person if he does that with like other people too where most would react like this:


    I can’t rule out the possibility that there isn’t another person he may be interested in too of course since nothing is official between you two. I don’t exactly know him personally, but all the actions so far you mention tells me he is into you and is trying to evaluate you more than a friend. The doubt to push forward could be something as mundane as a hobby where he loves to play a certain sport which you hate as an example.

    You can’t really go too wrong with whatever decision you make in terms of either trying to take more initiative or sitting back for awhile. I feel the only exception is if you are doing stuff intentionally to push him away or to be absent in his life. All you need to do is stay engaged with his life, which I assume is a natural given at this point, and go where the water flows.

  • Gigi October 21, 2015

    Hey Alan, I see you more like a friend now as somehow I find that we are quite alike. So I really shouldn’t link this to horoscope but to like what you mentioned, how is a person brought up and things that happened to that person which mould us this way or that. It’s truly amazing the person you are. 🙂

  • Alan October 22, 2015

    Thank you for your kind words. And good to see that you finally used a smiley face too. 😀

  • Gigi November 5, 2015

    Hello Alan, it’s been awhile. How have you been doing?
    I have some updates on my current situation. Recently he has been giving me semi long gazes. Whenever he passes by me, he always look at me for a second longer than a casual look. He seems to be thinking about something while looking at me as it’s not intense, he didn’t smile and I didn’t either; yet enough to keep me wondering what’s up. Then once or twice he’ll give me a wink but I was shocked so I didn’t have a reaction. And one more was an intense look at me for a good 3 seconds before he avert his gaze. I haven’t encounter these before with any other guy so I can’t determine what these meant.
    There was once we had a conversation and we talked about philosphies and then he talked about his childhood and his past like how he used to do badly in school and I told him he did it with all his accomplishments today. Its going so wonderful with our conversations going back and forth laughing and teasing and it’s the first time I saw a grown man blushed. He even asked when will he be seeing me again but the next time I see him after few days, he was back to his usual self.
    We still do talk as per normal days, sitting by my side and his arm pressing next to my arm. You can imagine the physical distance between us. If it was a male colleague I am not interested in I would have back off. Whenever someone happens to be here then he will drift the topic to work issues or just walk away. I am not certain is this an advancement or not.

  • Alan November 6, 2015

    Hi Gigi,

    Nice to hear from you again. Things have been interesting for me as always.

    With what you wrote, that part about him speaking about his childhood struggles was the big thing to jump on I feel and I hope you didn’t simply go with the “Oh you poor thing, it’s all better now” type of route. In my opinion, that is both a test of your personality/compassion and an invitation of his vulnerability in this scenario. If you don’t jump on that right away it may put a person like me to make you go in circles again until the next opportunity where I am willing to be vulnerable. It can feel like starting from square one again.

    There is a lot of depth behind things like that to discover when a person like me throws an information like that out. That’s your opportunity to find out exactly why he feels the way he does in various aspects of his life and for him to see if you truly relate. Good follow ups would be to ask him items such as “How did it make you feel at the time?” Actions like those would make us lean towards you being that caring person which ultimately opens us up faster. You never know as there is a really good chance too that it will open him up in telling you about a struggle that he currently has in life where that is your invitation to help him if your goal is to build the relationship to the next level.

    If those actions such as his arm is pressing near you happens consistently when no one else is around I would personally interpret that is he is just too dang scared to make a real move. I am inclined to say right now it feels like he has a definite physical attraction to you but feels that you are out of his league per se as an example.

    If what I said is true too, then I personally feel all you need is a good activity that you both enjoy if you really want to test it. At the same time, if it is an activity that forces you two to make physical contact in some way that should ease the tension for him at least. Could be something like dancing or going on scary rides where people will tell you “hang on to each other tight.” Make sure it is actually something you both are genuinely passionate about though I would say.

    So far everything sounds good to me though in terms of the interest progress overall.

  • Gigi November 7, 2015

    Good to hear that! I agree that your life is indeed interesting as you are meeting and helping people from all walks of life. ?

    What you have mentioned about the vulnerability issues are very true. It strucked me now that there are quite a few times. But due to my personality, I rather not dive too deep into asking sensitive questions; preferring him to elaborate if he is comfortable. I definitely hope he will see that as me being respectful of others privacy and not due to lack of interest/compassion. But I guess I will never know as it is his way of interpreting. Nevertheless, I will take your advices into consideration.

    I personally think that you all really do possess excellent cognitive skills; asking questions indirectly to know a person in many other aspects. Spooky! Haha

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