pisces man personality symbolic
Personality And Mindset Reader Questions

What is he thinking?

Magdalene Asks:

Hello Alan,

I need help in figuring out what does this Pisces colleague of mine is thinking about. He is 10 years older than me and married with 2 young children. I became strongly attracted to him and also partly due to his good personality. I have never thought of crossing the line but his actions are somehow bothering me. I do find that my feelings are somehow reciprocated by him.

He often come over to my side to discuss work and non work related stuffs, often touching me in some ways like occasional brushing and sitting by my side closely. And also, he likes to stare at me often, our eyes will meet and he doesn’t takes them away as suppose someone will if it is for a casual look. Sometimes his stare is so intense that I often get intimidated by his presence.

But then, he wasn’t a fierce person cause whenever he spoke with me he uses such a gentle tone of voice and he is very caring towards me too. I referred to your past posts and find that he also shares his life with me, like his childhood. And whenever he gets a happy event or sad event, he will tell me about it. If I am not in the office, he’ll text me or call me to let me know. He even brought his young children to work and introduce them to me. Even though his wife is around, she didn’t came by to say hi.

Once, I was with my guy friend and happened to met him along the way. I smiled at him and waved but when he sees me with another guy, he didn’t even smile back at me and just visually acknowledge me and we just walk past each other. I thought that was weird if we are just “colleagues”.

Initially, I got my feelings up in my head and neglected the fact that he is married so I began to treat him really well, looking after him in every way I could. He will also take good care of me and we are really understanding of each other and have a unspoken connection between us.

Till some days, he showed his pictures of his wife and children to us (group of colleagues) on their overseas trip. And he says that he is resigning from his job soon to spend more time with his family. I don’t know why I am experiencing a feeling of being toyed as we are not even having an affair! I do not know how to describe this agonising pain but I do think he likes me too or is it all in my head all these time? What exactly happened?

Is he just trying to get “love” from me by having these behaviours then he is having second thought that I might be too “serious” and decided this is not what he wants and wanted to back off? I am really confuse now as I hope to stop letting him think that I like him so we can continue being friends if this is what he thinks… What does he want? Thank you Alan.


Based on what you wrote, I feel the key moment is the part about him resigning. For the children introduction, did he just introduce them to you only? Like there, if he just introduced you to them and no one else at work then based on what you wrote it plays more of a significance is determining if he wants you in his life more. In general, I would interpret actions like those as simply an action of trust in wanting you to be in the person’s life more.

It’s virtually no different when someone has like a baby where they are excited to show the people who are close to them the new child in their life. Then as an example of a further step many people would insist that the person they really trust in their life to hold/carry the baby for a bit as they want them to develop that bond, so to speak. So this detail doesn’t exactly say he is in love with you as an example, but to me it says he wants you in his life. Even more true if you are the only one he showed them to as mentioned. So you have one in the checkmark there. It’s the circumstance in which he did it that is key here.

The part about him only visually acknowledging you can be important in unlocking the mystery, but it’s one of those things that require other pieces to confirm. For myself, I personally do that at times where I feel I am “insignificant” to whatever else is going on around the other person. That would make sense for him too I feel. Example, you say that he shares stories about his childhood with you as well as other intimate events. These are pretty intimate details and it’s not exactly something you can really intake or have the opportunity to talk about with another if their energy appears to be with someone else. So therefore, it’s a little bit of a disappointment as you would want to talk about things like that but out of respect that you are currently occupied with another person one would just acknowledge you and keep walking.

That part about him resigning and the picture is kind of important here and it may actually answer everything else. Did he tell you that he was planning to resign before everyone else? Because based on everything else you told me he should have told you this first if in his mind he is 100% certain he wants you in his life. Because putting it in context with your situation with the assumption that you are the only person he has talked to in-depth this then means it is like a passive test to see how much you want him in your life per se.

In my view, it’s like one shows and shares this information to everyone as a way to mask who they are really sharing this to as to not look too obvious. The hope is you would then say go up to him and start asking about his future plans, how you two would stay in touch, etc. A quirky example would be like you standing next to me where I happen to have like a bottle of water and you then address a group of people in the room on how you are thirsty but have no money. You also think I care for you and so your hope is I react to this such as offering you the water where then in your mind you could say “Confirmation, he cares for me!”

So to answer the question on what he wants from you, based on what you wrote it sounds like he clearly wants your presence in his life. At the same time, he is unclear as to how much energy you want to dedicate to him. By the sounds of it there is a huge lifestyle gap here too. As you say, he is like 10 years older and has a family. I am guessing you don’t? Therefore, this creates self-doubt in a lot of people where it’s like even though you get along with a person you believe they would much rather spend time and energy on people who are closer to their own demographic per se. So this would all make perfect sense to me. Everything from like showing you the children to establish the situation and then the uncertainties that follows on how you feel about everything as he needs to see your initiative as confirmation it’s a connection you want to maintain.

Whether or not it is something deeper, like say love, is another question as there isn’t anything so far you have written that would lead me to believe he is specifically pushing for that direction. You may say the staring and brushing should indicate it’s something more, but with the circumstance I would be inclined to say it could be simple infatuation of the notion that if he wasn’t already committed someone like you may have been a good match. Almost no different to some married guys admiring how great another woman looks.

So if I were you at this point I would be more focused on whether or not you want to keep the connection as mention. Again, to me it sounds like he is simply unsure how you feel.


  • Magdalene December 12, 2015

    Hi Alan, very thankful of your precise analyse. ? For that part on he is resigning, in fact I am not the first one whom he told as opposed to other stuffs where he will usually come and inform me first. Actually a few months back, he mentioned that he is resigning. That was around July, and at that point, I heard it through my manager, so I went to ask him why do you want to leave sadly. He didn’t mention much but only say you heard from so and so..? Then the next day, my manager came and say he is curious why would I ask him that question. Apparently, he went to ask her why instead of asking me directly that day itself. Through time, I realised our employer was an unreasonable person and always had unrealistic demands from him. But a month later, I asked him so when is your last day? He said to me that he will stay for a while more. Though I am not sure is it because of me as I really hope he won’t go. But that awhile became 5 months. And now he break the news again. And this time it’s for real as he submitted his letter. His excuse was to spend more time with his family to most of them but only those who are close he say it’s partly due to the employer. Actually, he did mention many times he feels very sad about leaving “us” to me. So I always console him and tell him we can always keep in contact. I find that there is no point in asking him to stay put if the job is draining him so much.
    The introducing of his children to me, I think it’s to show me as he told me he brought along 2 little terrorists today. Though there are other colleagues along. As usually he share things about them to me too. When they are sick, he tells me, when they are injured with bleeding etc, he showed me the photo as well. Overall, I was very caring towards him and his children as they are really little angels.
    I think that I have shown him enough on my part about me caring for him, once he got a little cut and he came to seek for my attention. Likewise, he does the same for me too when I am in need. It is obvious that I do carry feelings for him unless he is so unsure about himself being able to attract someone else. It’s me that is unsure more as I feel deeply hurt by him showing us holiday trip of his wife and him snuggling closely. If he wanted to advance the relationship, why would he do that, and if he doesn’t want anything beyond platonic, why would he somehow strings me along. It’s near impossible for us to be in each other life if he leaves because we don’t have mutual friends. I hope he isn’t doing all these to spite me to confess or to see me breakdown in tears whatsoever to gauge how much I have dedicated my energy to him. I am already submerged into the waters barely gasping for air. I truly wish him happiness if what he does is the best for all. So, would you think he is genuine with all these expressions, or was it his way of playing with my feelings? Or just “friends”? Though I personally will think all these behaviours is too much for me to accept for friends.
    Thank you again, and looking forward to your response. On a side note, what is the exact meaning of wanting to be in someone life in a Pisces perspective? I see this quite often in your posts.

  • Alan December 12, 2015

    I think it’s better not to decide based on emotions here and focus on what you can and want to do about the situation. I do find it a little strange that he would go out of his way to show you pictures of his children when they are hurt like you say. Again, these incidents make me wonder in terms of your workplace if he does this exclusively to just you or others as well. It would show if he uses this method to get attention per se or if he is trying to get you specifically involved in his life.

    Let’s try answering your question as to why he would do the things he did as to you it doesn’t make sense either way in terms of developing a love or a platonic relationship. Just in general, I still believe what I stated before is true where there is are indications that he wants you to be in his life because he feels say you are a good person. Again, that doesn’t mean in a love way. I wouldn’t doubt for one bit if he did indeed has parts of his mind saying where you would be a great wife as an example if he wasn’t already married.

    But regardless of that, do we agree that you have full control of this situation? Example, we know he is married and that you both to a certain extent care for each other. So with that in mind, do we agree that even if he did “fantasize” about being with you that it’s your choice to allow this or not? What is your decision there even if you knew 100% he was into you in a love way? Example, back off or push for it? Everyone is different of course and so that is something you need to be very clear about I feel.

    Like for myself, I remember a situation where this girl seemed like she had an attraction to me where she would get very flirtatious. By any guy’s standards that would be interpreted as the person is coming on to you. However, I knew that she had a boyfriend. So for me, regardless of whether or not I know for sure that she liked me or if I had feelings for her in my mind it’s my choice as to which direction to go.

    I am hoping you realize that you actually have more control over this than you think mentally. For example, you express that it’s like you are submerged into his water and can barely grasp for air. In my opinion, your situation should be viewed more as you are both on like a teeter totter with no handles. Regardless if he sits down heavily on his side in hopes that you will slide down in-front of him, you have the choice to slide off or to put your weight on your end right away to just continue the ride as intended. For me anyways, I wouldn’t even entertain going into a love direction unless the person themselves decides to end their existing one.

    So based on everything so far I don’t believe he was stringing you along where he intentionally knew his actions were making you think he wanted to say divorce his wife after and be with you. It sounds like you two have a genuine connection in many ways and it’s something he is missing or needs more of. For whatever reason, you were the one who was willing to do the things he needed.

    What I do think is happening is that he feels his wife isn’t giving him all the attention and support he desires at the moment. Therefore, your kind hearted actions is helping to fill in those voids. If I am interpreting your writing correctly about things like the stares and brushes too, that would make sense along the lines of how I mentioned it could be a simple infatuation where he could imagine himself with you as the wife. If so, you “could” push for it, but do you actually want to?

    Actually, an off the wall but light hearted example of your situation I feel is maybe you should watch the episode of “The Simpsons” called “The Last Temptation of Homer.” It’s season 5 episode 9. It’s when Homer met this girl named Mindy who seems to be like a match made in heaven for him. Although, we all know he is married, life circumstances makes him debate if life with her would be more ideal. The girl is super into him though.

    So with him, do you want to be in his life still if there is no chance of a romantic relationship despite potential feelings? Because to me, it clearly sounds like he is opening the doors for you to do that but has reservations where he feels you would much rather be doing other things. His connection with you seems genuine based on the information shared where I would imagine the best thing to do is to keep this connection and keep it in the “friend zone” due to the fact he is married. That is up to you though. If anything, this gives you time to really understand his life too as I would imagine you should be getting to know his wife better and all.

    For the part about being in someone’s life. If I was in your life, then almost everything I do I factor in your well-being with it in a sense. Example, I go shopping and see a good deal. I don’t think of just getting it for myself but rather I know it will help you too and so I get one for you as well as I took the time to understand you as a person to know what you need without even asking. This would happen on a consistent basis and not just like a random gift giving scenario. Or as a person I want to spend time with you on a consistent basis specifically to learn about what is happening with you. Like there, you don’t need to come up to me when you have pain for me to be there because I am going to find out anyways since you are like a part of my life. The feeling should be mutual.

    You may say “Don’t all friends do that?” I think you agree there is a difference between a “friend” and a “best friend” right? Think of it like that too on the things you would do for your best friend that you wouldn’t for others in the sense of trying to define about being in someone’s life. Feel free to ask for clarification if that wasn’t really clear enough.

  • Magdalene December 13, 2015

    Exactly Alan! ?You do find it strange too as those things that he does isn’t in my capabilities to comprehend and I have absolutely no idea whether he does this to anyone else! I couldn’t go ask around could I? Did so and so do this to you? Hahaha. That is where I need to know what is he thinking and it seems like he wants me to be involve in his life like you mentioned. I am really glad from what you describe as I am someone who he wants to be there for me too. I will definitely back off from being a “potential mate” and push for being a best friend whom he can confide in as we really click well. It really hard to find someone who resonates with me in all levels. I wish to know so I can choose my route. And will he be comfortable with me “sharing” information about my future romantic interest since that incident he shun with a dismay look when he just happened to saw me with another guy? I don’t want to hurt his sensitive feelings if we are going to be like friends in the long term aka being in each other’s life. I may think too far but I guess it’s inevitable if I were to move in that direction. Like what you told me too, I am somehow filling in the void and being able to do things for him which he needs but what if one day I have to half this attention to him to cater to my special one? Will I be eliminated from, let’s say essence zone to nobigdeal zone?
    Thank you!!!!! ?

  • Alan December 13, 2015

    The easiest way to think about the injured children pictures is like asking why would someone mention they know the same friend and family member that you do? Basically it is to build trust and rapport. So knowing if he does this to everyone or just you would demonstrate more as to how special you are to him. Whatever ninja skills you think you have to get that information from others is something I leave up to you. 😀

    If your connection is genuine and all then there should be no issue about you sharing information about your romantic interest. It should all be related to your connection with each other where you feel free and comfortable to share details with each other. Let’s reverse the situation. Would you be comfortable if he talked about his marriage with you where he say had a hard time understanding woman? Again, I would imagine if the connection is genuine you wouldn’t have an issue.

    Trying to think if this was me, if I ever “shunned” you when I saw you with another guy, assuming everything else is true above where the connection between you and him are genuine then that can be a good thing. Because in my mind, me as your “friend” creates limitation as to what I can do for you to make you happy emotionally in life. So if I see you with a potential mate then I am getting the heck out of the way as I don’t want to “disturb” your process in finding your significant other. If you want to confide to me after such as happiness or doubts about the guy then I’ll be there.

    pisces best friend

    I think the important thing about a connection that goes into like say the essence zone is that because the trust is all there you shouldn’t take what you can’t necessarily give back or mark yourself in his life that you aren’t willing to do yourself. Those are the only real scenarios where a sensitive person like me would potentially feel it is a lopsided relationship.

    Let’s use housing and transportation accommodations as an example (Think of those like deep emotional support). Let’s say you had nowhere to live but you know that I have a spot in an area that is vacant. Because I trust you in my life you get to live there rent free until you can find a stable home for yourself. To me, this is a temporary situation to help you fill in a void in your life. When it came to me, maybe I needed help with transportation and you took initiative to always be the one to offer to give me a lift free of charge as well. But in general, we genuinely want to do things that the other person needs to take care of each other where the things we are providing can easily be given by us where at the same time it greatly helps the other. So it works out.

    Now your question is along the lines of what happens if you meet someone in your life now where they can offer you a home which means you don’t need my place anymore? At the same time, you can’t really offer me transportation anymore because you have to dedicate time to this guy instead who is now giving you a home. Like there, would you hurt my feelings to the point where I would place you in a “No big deal” zone as you put it?

    In that case you can still be in my essence zone. I had a clear understanding that we did those things to make each other’s lives better and that what we offered to each other in terms of solutions to help fill in the void is not ideal compared to having the significant other offer you greater solutions. With the change of lifestyle it may be different as to what we offer each other now. Instead of like a home or transportation maybe it’s career and family support now instead.

    The bad thing would be if you moved into the home with your new guy and yet still requested me to keep my property “occupied” so that you can simply store your gigantic collection of clothes and old electronics. Combine this with you aren’t offering me transportation anymore which is something that made my life better with no form of replacement.

    This would hurt my sensitive nature as one you are simply draining without giving back where it’s like you lost all consideration where even I need to be nurtured to be able to give you the things you need. This would lead me to believe my connection with you was a complete fake, so to speak, as my mindset is anyone I allowed into my deep zone should have the compassion and common sense to understand actions like those aren’t mutually nurturing. Hopefully that helped to make it a little clearer.

  • Magdalene December 13, 2015

    Ohhhhh wowowow!!! Amazing Alan!!! ?
    You have solve the mystery somehow that kept me troubled for so long! I am extremely thankful that I’ve come to you for help. ? May you be blessed and surrounded with kindred souls (like me?) in your life!

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