What Should I Do?

Helen Asks:

I’m 43, he’s 43 as well. We met on a dating site and we hit it off immediately. He’s quite addictive as he tends to say all the things a woman wants to hear. I had never met someone like him as i was married for 20 years and havnt dated much. We met in march and became intimate in a month, however, he never replied to my texts the day after we were intimate. It deeply hurt me and i waited 3 days, at which time i accepted it was over and he got what he wanted from me.

A month went by, then, i thought about him and texted him just to see if he was ok as i always felt bad for his situation because he’s a single parent of 3 teenagers. We hit it off again, but i asked him why he just shut me out, but he had not explanation and said he was sorry and that i deserve better. I said it’s ok, i just hope you’re ok. I let him in my life again and we became intimate again. The same thing happened!!! He never replied to my texts the day after we were intimate. It deeply got hurt AGAIN!

I deleted his number and decided, i want nothing to do with this person. This month, i went through major health issues and traveled to go see my sister for support and didnt have anyone to take me to the airport. I contacted him through the dating website and asked him for a favor to take me to the airport as i was financially unable to get a taxi. He was supportive and concerned which i thought was nice. I felt i trusted him enough to say im broke and need a ride to the airport. I was clear and told him its a favor and i wasnt well, just needed to get away. He dropped me off and picked me up from the airport. When he picked me up, he asked me out, but i had to do back to school shopping so i declined, but told him we’ll go out soon. I cant stop thinking about him and im scared to let him in again, but i want him and i dont know what to do…..what is he doing? Why does he shut me out? Whats going on with him? We always have fun, we’ve never argued, so im so lost and dont know what to do….please help me!

Helen,

I think my biggest confusion in all of this is that it sounds like you view him in many ways as a person who is using you for things like sex and you know it is bad to keep going back to him. In that sense, my question would be why do you want him so bad to the point where you want more out of this relationship? Based on what I read, him driving you to the airport and such is more as a way to maintain a certain level of trust with you so that he can potentially hook up with you whenever he feels like it.

I would imagine that it would be only fair that if he isn’t willing to give you what you want out of this relationship as well that it is time to move on. There doesn’t seem to be any indication that this relationship is going in the direction that you desire too. I personally think you just need to have a serious conversation and be prepared to walk if it’s clear he has no desire to push things beyond a sexual encounter of sorts.