Who’s fool?

Colette Asks:

Dear Alan,

this is my story. I’m french, so sorry for my grammar mistakes in that.
I am a scorpio girl and I have always been interested in astrology. I have always been suspicious about Pisces men. I perceived them very far from me and I keep them in distance.
When I moved to another city to live with two of my friends, this Pisces guy came to the house to share the rent.
We met his girlfriend. She was his roommate in his previous house, but they had decided to live in separate houses because they were fighting too much and hoping in that manner to solve the problem.
At the beginning I was taken by a badly done acquaintance with another guy and it took me a while to focus on the new roommate. He started spending a lot of time with me, teasing me and making jokes that I reciprocated. He introduced me to a writing contest, he asked me to go out and make me surprises.
Living together we discovered we had many things in common and we created new ones.
In the summer, he and I spent almost two weeks at home alone, but I did not do anything.
He was as shy as I was and even when he tried to get close to me, I pulled him back.
But being Scorpio and Pisces, none of this has ever been spoken aloud.
What happened was to start arguing when my friend left, and we had problems with new roommates and the fact that I also have started working, had less time to spend with him and could no longer think about having fun for university life that enjoyed him.
To try to stop arguing, I wrote to him if he could go back to being my friend. I did not want problems or put myself in the middle of his relationship, because I was insecure, and I start to think he only want attention by his girlfriend. I was a second-best?
I could not speak, it seemed to me that he could hear what I felt and that he could make jokes of me.
I would repeat that if he wanted to be with me he had to decide. I did not even know if I really liked it or if it was his distance that made me feel so bad. He started to make me jealous with the girls, his girlfriend came to the house from time to time and when she left, he puts romantic songs on forgiveness and return to the beginning. Songs at high volume, that I can listen and I thought only cowardly bastard.
I came very close to exhausting myself living in that situation, especially when he tried to humiliate me in front of the new roommates, repeating only that I was a liar and gave problems at home. He wanted to punish me and make me feel wrong, he was furious. We were fighting for the house, but the problem was another one. In the end I left. One morning I left the door to go to work and I did not come back. We did not say goodbye. he had limited himself to leaving sown for home and on his board Facebook memories and songs about our common memories. But I left, and we have not seen each other since. I start a new life in another town, but I think of him every day. I tried to write to him more calmly. He tried to make me feel crazy and hurt me, like I am only a poor foolish.
I think we found ourselves in a very difficult situation, I could not manage it well. Now it’s been a long time, I know we both got hurt. I would just like to ask you if this guy had a real interest, or was it all just a game. I also think that maybe he was simply crazy.
Thanks for your help Alan, I know that what I wrote can be a bit confusing.

Colette,

From the sounds of it based on what you wrote it feels like you were in many ways an outlet to his low self-esteem per se. Essentially, it almost feels like he recognized your weakness per se where he felt you two were on a similar level with very little to no consequence to his actions. Therefore it’s an opportunity for him to feel bigger than someone else for once.

It’s virtually no different than say the typical example of asking why is it that typical family members can say yell at each other at the house but to other people they act so calm and well mannered? It’s kind of the same train of thought. Or like the scenario of the bigger brother or sister purposely embarrassing the younger sibling to their friends to look cool.

Overall I would be inclined to say he “liked you” but didn’t really value you. It’s almost like saying you may like going to an event because it has things you enjoy but if all of a sudden the place was going to shut down due to a lack of support it’s like one could care less. That’s the feeling overall that I get with what you wrote. Speaking for myself if the person truly loved and valued you then the more likely problem is getting too much care and attention from the person.