pisces man confusing
Reader Questions

Ask A Pisces Man Mailbag January 31, 2012

Lily Asks:

First I want to apologize in advance for mistakes I will make because English is my second language.

My Pisces man and I (I am also Pisces) went out for a long time as friends before we started dating officially because I was very insecure about my feelings from my previous relationship. He’s 23 and I’m 25 if that matters. He also had some ex-girlfriend problems but we helped each other out with our emotions about our last relationships and it only brought us closer together. We were together for five months. In the beginning he was so excited about us, much more than I was. I felt like his queen and he treated me as one. I could really tell he fell for me really hard and he told me that himself. I also, with time, fell in love over heels with him and about our third months anniversary he told me he loved me and I said it back. We made plans together, he even mentioned marrying me someday, everything seemed just wonderful.

But then, just the next month I felt he was going distant on me. I tried to talk to him about that but he claimed that nothing was wrong or that he felt pressure at his job. Then he started to have this mood changes, one day he was great to me, the other he acted like everything was my fault and he told me I am smothering him, which I assure you is not true. First time he told me that I let him be the one to contant me first and we went out mostly when he suggested. I did my best not to be a pushover.

I was in other town for two weeks before the break up because I had exams. During that time we talked everyday. When I got back home he took me out to dinner and apologized about his behavior over the past few weeks. We saw each other again two days later and he was so nervous and grumpy. I asked him if everything was ok and he told me that it has nothing to do with me, he’s just nervous about his job and that everything will be fine. After two more days we went out again and even though he seemed to felt better than two days ago I felt he was mind-wandering. I asked him if he wanted to break up because I didn’t want us to be in unhappy relationship. He told me he doesn’t want to break up because he really, really cares about me, it’s just that he feels we might be more different than he thought we are in the beginning, but he wants to stay and work on it since he’s happy with us after all. We ended up having great time and sex later that night.

Again, few days later my best friend has just had a funeral for her husband and it was really hard time for her and me as her friends so I spent all day with her. When I came back home I felt really bad and all I needed is to hear his voice and see his face. I called him and asked if he can come online to talk but he told me he was tired and later he was going out with his best friend so he’ll call me when he gets back home. He never called that night. I tried to call him just once, he didn’t answer and I didn’t try anymore.

The next morning he appeared online and I told him I’ve called him and I asked him when he got home. In his word it was just about the time I made the call. I guess I kinda made some ironic comment about that but in the end I told him it’s ok and that we should pass the subject. Just after I said it he told me he cannot do this anymore and he wants to break up.

He told me he can’t take the pressure anymore, he doesn’t feel right in the relationship, he’s not happy and he doesn’t feel the way he did before. I didn’t argue much against it though I was very hurt. I told him I agree with his decision. We talked few times after that, he said he won’t change his mind even though he knows he will regret this in a few months but for now there is no way we can get back together. Then he told me he thinks it’s for the best we pretend we don’t know each other at least for a month and later who knows… maybe we can be friends one day again as he would like to.

It’s been a month now since we last heard from each other. I still have him on FB. He deleted our pictures and it seems to me like he’s trying to delete every memory of me. I am friends with his best (girl) friend, she likes me a lot but she also thinks he’s made up his mind for now and that I should accept that. As far as I know there is no other girl in the picture, he’s single unless he’s hiding something. He never asks about me, doesn’t try to contact me and as the days go by I just get this feeling he’s being more determined about his decision.

Everything was so sudden, just few days before the break up the told me he cares about me and wants to make things better and then he just breaks it off. I’m confused and so in love with him but I just don’t know how to act and what this all means. Should I give up on every hope to have him come back to me one day?

Thank you,



Based on what you wrote my personal interpretation is that him being with you opened up emotions that he wouldn’t have normally been able to do alone. So therefore, initially it feels like it was more about having you as a form of release as opposed to a relationship/marriage mentality if that makes sense. That’s not to say people wouldn’t normally try to build a relationship from there of course.

That would make sense to me in this scenario on why it feels like he was able to cut you off so fast. At this point it feels like you would have to offer him something logistically in his life where he would see the benefit in the relationship to peruse you. Otherwise at this point to me it feels like you are going to have to try convincing him too much and that isn’t good for you I’d say. If I were you I think you should move on and find someone that appreciates you for everything.

Londa Asks:

Good Morning,

In June 2012, I met a younger Pisces male 25, Im 42. Our relationship was slow to start because of the age difference. Once he convinced me of his maturity level, we hug out together. I quickly fell head over heals for him. He brought me clothes, groceries, even spent time with my son. We had some rough arguments, but we always got through it. Recently we were really tested over the Holidays. I decided to text him to wish him a Happy New Year on NYE, and we ended up going to his place. We have briefly spoken/ text since then. I really miss him and being with him is amazing. Should I take it slow and wait for him or should I be regressive and ask him what we are doing?


This is more of a personal preference question and at the same time I don’t really know anything about the person to really understand what he may be thinking or feeling. If he is more on the reserve side then I personally think it’s better to give him a little nudge here and there to get him to open up. These are the times too I think where you saying nothing can lead to the person simply getting more distant from you. Example, ask how he is doing. Usually from there you can evaluate if he feels secure around you or not to decide which way to go.

Dani42 Asks:

I am dealing with a situation that is really weighing heavily on me. I will greatly appreciate any insight and advice. I am an almost 28 year old single mother of 1 son. I am a capricorn. In early August 2012 I met a 44 year old pisces male who I really fell hard for. We both acknowledged that our realtionship progressed really quickly but both expressed feelings of contentment and happiness. After only dating for about a month we decided to introduce each other to our sons. He brought his 14 year old to my place to watch a football game with myself and my 8 year old son. We spent typically 3-4 nights per week togther sometimes more.

He explained how he had been through a lot in the past couple years from breaking up with his ex of 3 years who had cheated on him to being diagnosed with stomach cancer. He spoke frequently about some further testing that he had to undergo in Dec 2012. This man was so wonderful and sensitive and attentive to me. He also expressed that he often got depressed and would spend 2-3 days in bed from time to time. He is a small business owner and has a few business ventures that also takes him on short 1-2 day trips frequently.

From the beginning he was kind of wishy washy. He would call last minute and cancel dates. He was impulsive at times as well. He would be happy and upbeat one minute wanting to go out and somber and lazy the next. Honestly the relationship was a roller coaster ride but I enjoyed the ride for the most part. He introduced me to his mother in october as his new girlfriend, spoke of me to his close friends and family and asked me to meet his oder children around the holidays. I invited him to meet my family on thanksgivign and he was excited.

He was really talkative and expressed how much he liked me to my mother. He eluded to us potentially being married on day. Throughout the relationship he would often disappear for a day or 2 and I wouldnt talk to him but he might text me and say he wasnt feeling well and would call me later, giving me the impression he was dealing with his depression. I also have read that pisces are elusive and need time away to regroup.

I tried to be understanding and supportive throughout these times. In early december he had an issue with his landlord/relative and suddenly moved out of his apartment. He had mentioned a couple times that he was having financial problems and that his business ventures were not doing as well as they had in the past Im not sure if financial problems is why he moved but he did not indicate that. I told him that if he wanted he could stay at my place until he found a new apartment. He expressed happiness that I had offered and accepted.

He brought a few personal belongings to my place and talked about where he would put the rest of his things. He was really busy right up to Christmas. I had given him a key to my door but had not gotten a key to the building made. In the days leading up to his disappearance he asked me several times if I had gotten around to makeing the other key. I had not. Throughtout the relationship he talked of being a positive role model for my son and said he was sure it would take some time for my son to get comfortable with him but he was sure that within the next few years they would bond. A few weeks beofre Christmas he had us take down out artificial tree that I put up every year and took uto get a live tree and new decorations.

He and my son decorated the tree together. So anyway on Dec. 23rd, he called me and said he would be back from his day trip until the follwing day. Told me he had some gift cards he had gotten from some business parnters for target and I shouldnt spend too much on grocieries because I could use those when he returned. Told me he had picked up dog food for my dog. So Christmas eve comes and I dont hear from him I call with no answer, I text with no reply. Finally about 8pm on Christmas eve he texts me and says he’s on his way back.

I dont respond. The next morning which is christmas day I call and text him and his phone is goign strsight to voicemeail. He doenst call or text me. I text him a mean text on christmas night saying he was an marker for standing me up on Christmas. Four days go by and his phone is going to voicemail eveytime I call. By this point I’m worried, so I decide to go to his mothers house to make sure he’s ok. As I’m on my way to him check on him I spot his truck parked on a major street in front of a house I dont know. I blow my horn hoping he’ll come out but he doesn’t. I leave him a really mean note on his windshield asking for my key back.

I then go to his mothers house and ask her if she’s heard from him. She states that he called her on christmas and texted her 1 day after but that was all. She advised me to text him because that’s what she does when he disappears. So I leave his mother’s house and pick up a girlfriend. She goes back to the house with me to see if he got the note. As we drive by we see him with a man standing on the porch. By the time we come back around a woman is pulling up in his truck and goes into the house. He was inside already. So my friend goes to the door and asks the woman if he’s there, she calmly says yes. My friends says he has a key and she needs it.

He then steps up and hands her the key and says ok, ok alright nervously. My friend walks back to the car, they close the door and we leave. I haven’t heard from him since and its been a little over a week. I was completely caught off guard by what happened since he appeared to be planning a relationship with me and moving his things into my place.

He was a very very emotional guy. He even cried a couple times stating that he would be devastated if something happened to him and he wasn’t there for me. Said he had been hurt in the past and that he was afraid to be hurt again. I actually saw tears roll down his face a few times when he spoke of how good he felt about our relationship. I am so confused. A couple days after this all happened I texted him and said I forgive him and wish him the best in the upcoming year. I told him I would hold onto his things for a few weeks if he would like to pick them up.

He never replied. Afew weeks before this all happened he told me he was going to change his number becasue he was getting some strange calls. He never did until a couple days after I sent the last text I called to see if his phone was still going to voicemail and it was disconnected. It’s really hard for me to understand what happened and why he did what he did. I am really really wondering if he’ll ever call and apologize or even call and say he wants his things. He only had a few outfits, a few undergarments and some perrsonal items. Do you think I’ll ever hear from him again? ADVICE PLEASE!!!!! Im really having a hard time dealing with this sudden unexpected breakup


Maybe it’s just me, but I didn’t read this as a guy having a depression issue as opposed to a disorganized lifestyle. Essentially, based on what I read it sounds like there are a lot of things he is not doing very well on in life such as financially where he is used to having others help him clean up the mess, so to speak. Like in your case allowing him to move in with you. That may explain the constant disappearance for example. Kind of like a kid getting in trouble with the parents always being there to get them out.

I’m not exactly sure what you want to hear from me in this situation. But with my limited knowledge of the situation it sounds like he was in some ways taking advantage of your generosity. My only real suggestion if you wish to do so is to try and check up a little more on his background to see if there are any discrepancies in what he says. For example, the girl that cheated on him, if these “businesses” that he runs are actually as he describes, etc. This should help you on some closure on whether or not he was simply making up various details in his life to get what he wanted out of you or if he is truly just an emotional wreck.

My personal view at the moment is that you were looking more for companionship and he was looking more for lifestyle convenience.

Victoria Asks:

Plzz, help me, plzz.

About me:I am a Scorpio woman. I am an attractive girl (maybe 9.5). I have a stable career. I have my life together.

Him: He is cute, weird,artistic. He has a lot of going on in his life..his career is pretty bad, for his age he is not on his feet..and he is also an artist with hundreds of projects.

We started dating the regular way, he was all over me(still is):holding hands in public, in front of his friends.I met his family on his event. He was so eager to show me to everyone. He would even talk about the relationship and etc. It did look unusual since the beginning because he would not text everyday or ask me out on events he was going to with friends. Together we just cannot stop hugging each other, its like he adores me to death.

Once he was sad and told me his ex got engaged just after 5 months they broke up and he was emotionally hurt and didn’t know why.( they even lived together for over a year) Anyway, we started getting close and he told me he is not ready for anything serious because he got hurt before BADLY. It seems like he is not over his ex. But even then we were getting to the point when we would see each other more and more then he got very distanced, said he is too close to love me(ya, like in that song) and he is not ready emotionally to suffer.

That he will start to see other people because he feels out of control with his feelings and his life has too much going on for the emotional relationship. And one morning he texts me that he hooked up with someone else. We were not exclusive I get it..but the way he texted it..I was PISSED.. I know he did it to push me away or make me to push him away. I told him I dont want to see him, and I am emotionally attached to him because unlike him I am a woman and dont have my walls up like he does. I was just crashed, I could not function. He felt guilty.. asked to see him. I had to start the talk he was AVOIDING it like crazy.. had another fight..

Got together again. Its like an addiction, I cannot stop seeing him. Again we are like 2 cats in the Spring, holding hands, sharing everything about each others, hugging non-stop, he tells me EVERYTHING. I made it clear that I am attached to him and that I don’t like how things are..yet I do keep going alone with it. I am outspoken about my jealousy after that text. He keeps saying he is not ready, that if we were together people would start telling me stuff about him and I would leave..bla bla. Anyways, we act JUST like a couple..without a title. He basically kisses the ground I walk on..I don’t GET his fears..is he using me?Is there a chance for him to change his mind? What should I do?Leave?

Thank you for your time!


From the sounds of it this seems like situation where you think you can change him and in some ways it’s like a challenge for you. A stereotypical example is a girl being with a “bad boy” and then thinking they can mold them into Mr. marriage material.

I personally interpret the action of him pursuing another girl and then telling you about it not so much as a method to push you away but rather a way to get attention while seeing how much you are willing to compromise for him. Basically, like in that case if you leave him then to him it’s fine. But if he sees you still coming back to him then it’s like well why not keep doing it? The fact that you say you tell him about your jealousy and he kind of shrugs it off by saying he is not ready to be committed to you should demonstrate a huge difference in values too.

In my opinion, you just need to be firm in terms of what you want in a relationship. If he insists in continuing with his ways then it is time to move on I think.

Rebecca Asks:

Hello Alan, I have read through most of the questions and you replies, and you seem to be able to give a lot of good advice, so please please could you help me.

This is a shortened version but I met a pisces man (mid thirties) I’m cancer (late twenties) and from the moment we met it was great. Felt very comfortable with each other ect. He was overly keen from our first date onwards and would say things like “you’re my ideal woman, I have a good one here, you’re out of my league, your stunning ect ect” and I in more of a descreet way told him I thought he was handsome too.

Anyway everything was great, chemistry was there, eye contact amazing considering I can’t usually do it at all! We became intamate and both said we have never experienced anything like it before. Just whoa!

So after roughly 6 weeks of amazing-ness, he hears from his ex (which ended only 8 months before me) saying she wanted stuff from the house. Once they sorted al that he found out she cheated and was struggling with the pain, he was also dealing with family and money issues so was very depressed. He text one day saying “I can’t do this anymore, your in a much better place then me, I know this will be detrimental to me as you’re my ideal woman, but what can I do” trust me I don’t want to stop seeing you but I don’t want to hurt you and I’m just not ready” I said I cared for him and I’m here to talk any time but I respect his decision. Since then we talk via text or phone an even met up to give me something I left at his. He wanted to take me for dinner and again said “he didn’t want to finish with me” and “when I’m ready it you I want but I know I can’t expect you to wait” to which I replied, I would love to wait but it would hurt me too much as he said it could be 2 months 6 months, he just doesn’t know. So my question is…should I leave him be until he feels he is ready or should I persue him as I know he has feelings for me. Not persue in a desperate way but I know pisces need to know they are cared for ect. Any advice would be great and sorry it was so long :-/


I personally think in situations like this you need to pursue the person in terms of initiating contact and support. Thinking if this was me and everything between us was genuine, this is essentially a pride issue where I know I need some help but at the same time I don’t want to look like failure in-front of people type of deal.

My main thought in terms of strategy is the relating factor. For example, relate to him some of your struggles that are similar. At the same time, maybe there is something in life at the moment that you need assistance in where he would be an ideal person to help you with as well. It is a delicate situation because as you mentioned you don’t want to look pushy/desperate.

Holly Asks:

Hi Alan!

I am a Virgo, and I am interested in a Pisces man. He has a lot of friends that are girls, and I am okay with that. Is there a way to tell if he likes me as ‘more than a friend’ or if I am just ‘one of the girls’? He is really friendly to everyone – gives his contact info, fb, etc. out to everyone.

How do I know if he likes me as a romantic interest or just a friend?

Thank you! 🙂



That is kind of a broad question and I don’t really have any details about how this person acts/reacts to various scenarios. Generally speaking though, I would say for a person like myself the best way to differentiate actions of “friendship” versus a pursuit of a “relationship” is if the person appears to be pro-active in trying to learn about your goals, aspiration and lifestyle.

As an example, I could have thousands of Facebook friends where I could generically ask who wants to do a certain activity. However, for the one I see some potential I may ask things such as have you enjoyed that hobby for a long time and then try to quiz you a little on it to verify that you are genuine. Again, that is a pretty general statement. However, as usual it boils down to the person showing active interest in asking you questions in an effort to see if you are a good fit for him. If they invite you afterwards too to an event as a way to verify your “knowledge” or genuine passion for the topic then that is a great sign of interest too.


  • Holly February 3, 2013

    Thanks so much, Alan! I swear you are psychic (just like a Pisces)!!
    He was asking questions about my artwork – we are both artists – sometimes it’s hard to tell if he likes me as a friend or more. I feel that it started out that he had romantic feelings, but sometimes I am unsure. Thanks for your insight and for taking the time to answer all of our questions! I have read all that you have written and enjoy all of it!! 😀

  • Zara October 3, 2013

    Hi Alan,

    I was going through stuff researching pisces men. i was online dating this guy on fb. He’s 27 and a muscian and pisces. He’s from Italy. Im indian, 24 and sagi. I know its not agood combo but it has been wonderful. We have been friends on fb for 5 years though we rarely spoke. i know fb sound seedy but he has been through online relations before and most of his social life is via fb. Anyway things were going great but we both have a problem of moods. Due to my high stress job i started having depressions and mood swings. But he always made me feel better. Two weeks ago he fell sick. He was under a lot of pressure for his search of job and studies. He became a little distant since then. i understand there are times when Pisces men need some distance and i dint grudge him. Its just that his behaiviour confused me and i was going through stress myself. Then exactly a week ago I told him this:

    “You behave strange around me. Thats all. I cant talk to you these days anymore. And i dont mean time.

    You dont have to talk to me or pretend to care if things have cooled off with you. Im fine. Infact please dont bother. Its better not to talk than this.

    I can take it. I know men. Its fine. I cant take the mixed signals whatever. It depresses me more. You can block me if you want. Im tired.”

    I apologised two days later. he said he understands i have a problem and that he thinks im not the right person to help me. EH said that he doesnt want to lose a person like me on fb. Then said i need to go to a psychologist and that my message offended him much. He said he needs to seriously think whether to continue talking to me and in peace. I let him be. After he logged out i sent him a message saying i have decided to go to a counselor but as of yet he hasnt seen the message. He comes online but its like he is actively avoiding me. Like needing space. How long should I wait? We were on for three months. He even told his mum about me and was considering moving in with me. Im a lawyer btw.

    has he made up his mind? Should I wait? Is one week enough time or i should hold out for more? If he decides not to talk to me will he convey that to me? im seriously confused.

Leave a Reply