Ask A Pisces Man Mailbag May 11, 2013

Blackdoll24 Asks:

Wow Alan,

I must say i am impressed, i recently stumbled across your site and you really have a great way of explaining things.

Bizarrely enough I am also a Taurus woman who is curious about your sign and would really like your insight.

I have known my Pisces male interest for quite a while 3 year now, but we recently connected again last Nov. I must say it has taken me a while to understand his behaviors especially since i dismissed him after we went on several dates a few years back and we parted ways. His excitable nature came across as flighty and untrustworthy.

He got back in touch Nov last year which bizarrely for me ended up in a quick getaway together in Dec, we had but didn’t sleep together as I still wasn’t sure i wanted to take it to the next step so quickly.

Ever since then it has been a bit of a rollercoaster while we have got to know each other, and it is now 6 months down the line.

I must admit i still have slight reservations in getting more involved with him especially in an intimate sense as I don’t want to get hurt, although we have been contacting and arranging to meet more frequently now for drinks after work drinks or hang out at a coffee bar and my feelings are beginning to change. I must admit that I do battle with my ‘sensible’ side as I would never usually give anyone like him the time of day.

Before my impressions were that he is flaky, indecisive and far too unpredictable for a lady like me who wants a strong, decisive loving man, but our contact is more frequent which suggests we are getting closer in some way or form.

Is there any advice you could give at the start of a relationship with a Pisces man that a lady like me would need to learn going forward, I am learning to use my patience skills a lot more with him, but it is always a fine line to determine whether I am compromising or ‘giving in’.

Thanks

Blackdoll24,

I was trying to think of a scenario where a person like myself would be as you say very excitable to the point that it can come across as being untrustworthy or flaky. I personally don’t know all the details about this person of course, but if you want the positive side of this it could be that things like going out with a girl in general is rare to him since he has this ideal view of what he wants. So when he potentially sees it he gets super exited to the point of being very open to want to know you more but at the same time because of the lack experience doesn’t know what to do. Kind of like saying a person that is laughing a lot can easily be because of nerves. In this case, excitement can be the nerves and inexperience too.

So let’s just use this an example. A person like myself looks for signs and key details. And by that I don’t mean I look at like what your astrological sign is. I don’t smoke for example. Because of that you can imagine how many people that eliminates for me in a relationship way. Now when someone with even that one quality is introduced to me it really pique’s my interest. I am excited to meet someone like you and want to see your personality unfold naturally through events and what not. With that in mind, I want you to be happy first and so when it comes to like choosing a place to go to the train of thought is if you like it then at least that semi ensures you will have fun whereas for me it’s more about spending time and getting to know you. As well, with my personality type I will be inclined to go even if it is a place or setting that I don’t enjoy that much.

So that is an example of what one can easily interpret as the guy is so indecisive and can’t even make decisions when it comes to simply choosing a venue where it has more to do with trying to be polite and not knowing what to do as his focus is that he wants to get to know you but fears he is being intrusive or making you go out of your way where you will call it quits.

My personal thoughts is that if you are worried that he is a little wishy washy and can’t stand on his own two feet when the going gets tough for example, if you feel your relationship is to a respectable point where you can work together then try to arrange something together that requires planning and execution. Some kind of fun competition/challenge is usually the easiest way I say. Example, if you are both musicians think of a contest that you can both enter together. If you are a business person think of a little mini project you can do together to see how much you can make from scratch.

In my opinion, these are great ways to see how loyal and committed the person can be with this type of personality and at the same time it accomplishes their goal of wanting to get to know you in an environment that can show a lot. You giving in here would be if the person always blows you off or say in the challenge you seem to always be having to push him to complete things.

Alicia Asks:

Hello. I am in a sticky situation. I am virgo girl interested in a pisces man. I like him, like a lot. We have lockers near eachother and we used to flirt a lot. He has always given me a serious look when staring into me, a look of want or desire. I think we started to approach eachother a lil for often than I got a bf. He of course noticed but I tried to have no physical contact with my boyfriend while I was infront of him..

He contunied to talk and such until after one day he seemed disnterested. Yet he still looks at me the same way and if we have one moment alone, we communicate. The other day I asked him to help me me play baseball. He said he would help me, he even sounded a lil excited. I got his number and texted me goodluck that night for his game. I waited a few hours and boom, he never texted me back. Today I seen him, he tried to avoid direct contact yet he still stared at me from the corner of his eye. I’m sure he is isn’t seeing anyone else.. Sometimes he gives me the vibe he likes me then other times he doesn’t. What do I do?? I want him to want to talk to me, like a chance?

Alicia,

I guess what I am super confused about here is that unless I am reading it wrong you indicated that you have a boyfriend? Therefore, assuming he has feelings for you isn’t it a fair comment that he feels uncomfortable and disappointed that you are essentially already taken? With that I would ask why do you want him to talk to you if you already committed to another person at the moment? Even for myself you are basically giving me all the signs to stay away from you as I wouldn’t want to intrude in you current relationship.

From what I read, the scenario could be he has feelings for you and when you asked him to help you he was excited as he saw it as an opportunity to get closer to you. However, as you said you normally try to hide your boyfriend from him and so maybe he thought it wasn’t that serious. But, after some research he found out that you are serious with him and so he decided to leave you alone. So this is a question that you need to to as yourself first and then make a decision. For example, if you want him to talk to you for romantic reasons then there should be no and ifs or buts where that means your current relationship is no more. Basically, it’s your move first here.

Crystal Asks:

So I met my Piscesin high school we became friends and eventually started a relationship he was sweet caring everything as was i, but early in the relationship i cheated then broke up with him. he forgave me and we moved on, after almost 2 years of going together we both took a trip to vegas and we had talked about future plans i told him that i was going to stay in vegas for a few Months(before we even took the trip) and 1 week later he broke up with me and started being cold towards me. i flew back and he still wants nothing to do with me.. he said he wants to be free for a while and talk to other people, but he said he still had feelings for me and missed me while I was gone..im just so confused.. i love him what should i do?

Crystal,

It sounds like there is currently too much trust issues where he feels entitled where because of the past you should be going out of your way to accommodate him in various things. As a result, it sounds like this is turning into a bit of a revenge game where because you hurt him in the past he is trying to a certain extent to do the same.

In my personal opinion, it sounds like his deep feelings for you were gone or put on hiatus awhile ago and that at the moment because of the trust issue you are more like a backup. I personally think it is best that you let him decide for himself and not try to push it. In many ways it sounds like yo two have different life goals as well and so that is something for you to think about. If you truly want to win him back though, it’s the indirect actions that are the key. Example, if someone stole from a child that created trust issues then saying sorry isn’t good enough but rather seeing consistent actions on how like the person started a successful charity to help other would.

Katherine Asks:

Hello, and thank you in advance for your time.

The situation that I am struggling with is this; I started to have very strong feelings for my Pisces man and let him know that because of what I was feeling, I felt that I shoud back off.

We had discussed previously our intentions for our relationship right from the start- I being ready for a committed relationship, and he finally ready to commit to himself and his dreams of moving far away and becoming a musician. Yet we still gave eachother what I would call mixed feelings about the entire thing.

I was always very supportive of his goals, and never pushed mine on him. I would actually try to push my feelings under the rug, as I did not feel that it was very supportive of me to bestow them upon him knowing that it was not what he ws interested in. But he knew what I felt. I would let him know subtly.. Plus, he is an intuitive Pisces of course.

Sometimes I would feel like he recipricated as well. Sometimes he would tell me he did. We also admitted to feeling that we shared a very deep spiritual connection. This scared me as I am a woman who has been hurt, and it has been a long time since I had felt this way about anyone. But I was falling very hard, very fast.. And I liked it. But… I also knew his goals! He’s leaving!! He wants to be famous!!! I couldn’t see where I fit into all of that. So I told him just that in a gental manner, from a place of love. I didn’t want to hurt him, but I also don’t want to be hurt.

I told him that my fear was that if we continued, my feelings would only become stronger, ths making it that much more difficult to say good-bye when he decided he was going, (He was thinking May, 2013.. Here we are in March), so I felt that saying bye now would be better.

He did contact me, to which I was predisposed, but he spoke to my son. They both shared veiws as to why I would be behaving this way, (My son is 15, and loves his mama:), and also made plans for him to come see us on the weekend. I laughed it off, and simply responed that they both were somewhat right in their veiws, greeted him, said I was sorry I missed him, and that he’d be welcome to come by if he chose to.

His response was light. Then nonexsitant. As was mine I suppose. I feel like I was just waiting to see how it would all pan out- taking his lead- because I know not to push him, to chase him.. To be.. What’s the word? Aloof? So I left him and the subject alone. Then by midweek, I stated to him that perhaps the weekend wasn’t such a good idea, maybe another time.

I haven’t heard from him. Part of me expects to. Part of me really doesn’t want to deal with all the heartbreak that this relationship, no doubt, will bring. Part of me wishes he will confess his feelings, if any, and tell me how much he misses me. Part of me wonders if he has any or if he does miss me. Part of me knows that it is just best to let him go-stick to my guns- because I know what I am worth, I know what I want, and I know what he wants also… But then part of me misses HIM terribly! .. And obviously I’m torn.

In the meantime, I have been trying to distract myself with my daily life, and also branching out to the idea of dating other men. I want to contact him sometimes, but my stubborness won’t allow it. If anything, I would want him to contact me. I do feel that it is best to just see what happens, and what will be will be. Truth be told though, none of this stops the occational tear from falling. A huge part of my daily routine is gone, and it hurts.

Do you think I handled the situation OK by a Pisces standards? Do you think he may feel the same as I do? Do you think he will contact me eventually? Do you think I should move on? Do you think maybe he has? LOL! Do you think I’m crazy? AAAAARG! I feel pretty crazy in this moment.

Anyhow, as I said in opening, I do appreciate any and all advise/thoughts/comments you may have, and look forward to your reply.

Thank you and Blessings,

Katherine

Katherine,

It sounds like you are doing a very good job of trying to be rational in a situation that most people would be purely emotional on. I think you are doing the right thing as by the sounds of it based on what you wrote it seems like to him you two being together is kind of a nice thing to have as oppose to it being a scenario where he feels he would offer you a lot too.

My only comment would be the part you mentioned that he was asking your son on why you would be acting a certain way. To me that indicates that he feels you are cutting him off, so to speak, in a way that makes him feel uncomfortable. Basically, like you are forcing it which I think you agree you are trying to do. I’m not sure to what extent you want to be in each other’s lives if a romantic one is out of the question for example, but that would show me that he wants to be in your life still with a who knows what will happen in terms of his career goals.

Other than that, again I think you handled everything in a polite and professional manner. And no, I don’t think you are crazy. Sounds like you have a lot of excess energy though. 😀