Asks A Pisces Man Mailbag – June 23, 2014

Aren Asks:

Well this is gonna be quite long.. Well my ex boyfriend and I are both seniors in high school and we are both 18. We both met last year and I was dating his friend but his friend and didnt work out so well. So about 4 months after his friend and I broke up he messages me on facebook and says hi and asked me how I was doing and then from I.

We became friends and about a month later he asked me out. I felt like the happiest girl in the world and about 2 months later we said we loved each other well about our 5 months came around and we started fighting alot and he told me he loved me less and i tried everything to work it out and get him to love me again well on valentines day he told me he loved me less still and his feelings weren’t the same as they used to be.. And i was crushed so I broke it off with him and about 4 days after our breakup he apologized and we got back together and it was hard to trust that he’d never do that again and so I started being more distant from him I thought maybe if he hung out with his friends more and I wasn’t so clingy maybe we’d be perfect again.

Well one night his best friends girlfriend wanted to be friends with me and hang out so I left my boyfriend at the times house to go Hang out with her and he looked so mad and I didn’t understand why. Well we were in the car and I got a text from him saying I wanna break up for good and I cried all night and I was so depressed for about 3 days he told me that he felt like I ditched him that night and if I didn’t go he wouldn’t have dumped me and he never told me that before he did it so I didn’t have any idea he felt like that so I found out another girl kissed him while we were together at a bonfire and he never told me so I confronted him about it the day after we broke up and he said she kissed him and it wasnt cheating and he’s sorry and he didnt his it from me but he was just ashamed and embarrassed :/ an then I found out he blocked her on facebook and deleted her.

But then I found out he called this girl justice cute and told her she was and I confronted him again and I know we’re not together but it just made me so sad. So I went off on him and I told him I’m gonna screenshot them and show everyone even his mother how much of a jerk he is. And he got really mad and yelled at me and I never ended up doing it. Now he’s ignoring me and I’ve been apologizing and I just really need him to talk to me again but idk what to say or what to do and please don’t tell me it’s not gonna work out with us. I just need him to forgive me and maybe try again in the future and just get a better understanding of each other. I truly love him and care for him an I really think he’s the one and I have since we have dated. And other guys I’ve never felt the way I do about him. I just really need some help and I need to know what to do and how to handle this because I can’t stop freaking out and I really don’t wanna lose him forever and need to know what I can do to get him to talk to me. Please help me and btw he’s a pisces and I’m a cancer. Thank you.

Aren,

To me it sounds like both of you have a lot of growing and life experiencing to do first amongst yourself before you try to confront each other. I personally don’t feel this is say a Pisces personality thing per se but rather a maturity thing where the both of you are still finding out who you are and what you value the most in life as an example.

With that said, the best way to get him back, so to speak, is to simply focus on yourself and making positive things happen in your life. Cause at this point the both of you seem to be pushing a lot of negativity towards each other due to fear. Any good relationship in any form should be trying to channel positivity I feel.

Start by doing the things that make you happy and helps you grow as a person. Don’t focus too much in trying to fix things with him I think. It’s almost like saying, if you did something bad as a kid such as stealing candy from a store where to this date everyone criticises you for, trying to focus your energy in changing people’s opinion about that will go nowhere usually. Instead, focus in being a positive person yourself and do the things you love. This could be finishing your education where as a result each day you help the community in a positive way. This will indirectly change the whole negative situation of the past.

Likewise, him seeing you being happy and making everyone you happy and positive as well will naturally make him think twice.

Just a girl Asks:

I’m a Sag girl and I’m interested in a Pisces guy 😀
I know him from my work place. When is a problem with the machines which I work, I need to tell him to fix them. Usually I’m speaking with everyone, laughing all around, making jokes everyday, I’m the silly and happy person there (and sometimes the only girl in a group of boys, but they are my colleague and almost everybody is married or in a relationship, it’s easy to me to be friends with them) 🙂 But when it’s about a guy, I become shy and my face turn red…yeap…so back to the point.

I used to joke with him when we go with the bus at work, like sitting next to him. But I’ve seen him like a colleague, because I knew he was in a relationship. Then it comes my birthday, I told everybody to meet at the cafeteria to share some cookies. One of the guys (which is married and his wife is a good friend of mine) started to joke with me, and suddenly I’ve heard the Pisces Guy saying that to leave me to him because he is married. I was shocked when I heard this because I knew he was in a relationship. Than, I heard from my friend that the guys started teasing him but he didn’t says anything.

Ok, it pass a time, and we where in a brake (me, the Pisces Guy and the wife of that colleague), and he tells us about his brothers, he is the youngest, they are married people, joking how he is waiting to be a happy married man, looking at me. Than, my friend ask him about his girlfriend and he says that he is not with her anymore and changed the subject. Another day when he was angry about the work, we speak about on the bus,than we changed the subject to realize that we are completely different in what we like,how we react, almost in everything and I think that we couldn’t be together being so different.
But, I started to pay atention to him, and I surprise him starring at me at distance, sometimes he is teasing me. When I speak with him, he is looking in my eyes so much, that me, who usually I maintain eye contact being a direct person cannot stay that much. But I thing I’ve made a mistake one day, when he tried to approach me, and sat next to me at the computer I pull away a little bit (at that time I was seeing him as a colleague and I feel like he threatened my personal space).I don’t like to go out on a date with my coworkers, but now I would like to make an exception.

Another thing happend to work, when one of the guys, also married, says to me that I’m lucky that he likes me so I can do anything I want, and suddenly I hear the Pisces Guy saying to the guy like a joke that he is lucky that he know him how it is. The guys whom he is going to lunch started to tease me about him, saying that they try to hook us up. But the Pisces Guy didn’t say anything. So, I ask him about movies, which serial would he advise me to see…he gave me a list ;))) when it was his birthday I gave him cookies throw a friend because I couldn’t go to the brake at the same time. He thanks to me later that day with a big smile. I know he like to eat a lot of sweat things. I could not say that we speak a lot, in 12 hours of work, we speak an hour which means joking, teasing, and 5 min of telling something about us or family 🙂 but I see him around me everywhere walking, or doing something. Sooo….after all this why he didn’t ask me on a date, a phone number, what the hell, even facebook request. I don’t know, something there to speak with me or meet me after work? My intuition says he likes me, but what do you say?

Just a girl,

Based on what you wrote I would say he indeed is interested in you. You also mentioned how when speaking with each other you seemed like complete opposites as well. So this increases the chance that there is a huge physical attraction with you in his mind. At the same time, knowing how everything else seems like a no-go most people wouldn’t even bother trying. To me that would make perfect sense with everything.

There is no way I would ask you out on a date if what I wrote is true as an example. As well, generally speaking adding you on like Facebook is pretty much the equivalent of like asking you out on a date in this scenario. This is one of these situations I say you need to take charge. I know a person like me would be way too quiet and reserved to take the first step. Once you take the first step then it’s simply evaluating how engaged and interested he seems in wanting to learn more about you.

Tumai Asks:

I need some advice. I am unsure of what’s going on. I’m a 21 year-old young lady. I’m Capricorn, if that is any help.
I recently bumped into your website, and I hope you’ll be able to help me.

The whole of last year I was seeing this guy who’s 28. We weren’t official but we’d spend a lot of time together. His mum and my mum have been friends since high school. So he lives about an hour’s drive from me and he’d drive out to see me almost every weekend. He’s quite the gentleman. He’d open doors, pull out chairs, hold my hand and hold my handbag even in front of his buddies. We’d talk daily over the phone, and text each other throughout the day, giving each other updates about our activities. So this all went on for a while, about 3 months without him saying anything but just behaving like he likes me. Then i asked him upfront, what’s going on. He said we’re just friends and he treats all his female friends like that. He then had an operation and was hospitalized for a few days. I went to see him the day after his operation, and nobody else came to visit at the hospital while i was there. He says he told people not to bother. I tried telling him, people care and they just want to see if he’s doing alright. He’s quite secretive. He didn’t even tell his mum about the operation. Or anybody else for that matter, he didn’t come home one night and his uncle naturally called to find out if he was okay and found out he was in hospital about to have an operation.

So i went home for the holidays for about a month and when I came back things went back to almost normal. There was less texting, and visits, but we’d still communicate. At the end of last year I was in a financial ditch and needed to finish paying off my tuition, and he offered to pay. I told him, I’d think about it. I never wanted him to think I was there for the money. About two weeks later, we spend a Saturday afternoon together, watching movies and napping. And in all this he never attempted to kiss me or touch me in a sexual way.

I then went home again for the holidays, and discussed things over with my mum. To get her perspective of things as a sound Christian married woman. As I had suspected she went on to confirm all my suspicions about him liking me. It also gave me a sense of security knowing my mum was on board as she knows their family history as I didn’t want to get into something I’d regret. It also gave me a sense of boldness and while I was at home, we were texting one day and i told him i missed him. And he asked if i was growing feelings for him. I told him, if he hadn’t noticed by then; don’t know what else to do. He then went on to say, he has a girlfriend. After some chatting I gathered they had been together 5 months, which means he started seeing her after we started spending time together. During the holidays mum and I would spend lots of time studying scripture, worshiping, listening to sermons and communing with the Lord. One day as we were talking she said to me that the Lord had said that I should pray for 10 days that if I am his wife, God should reveal it to him and he would act according to his revelation. This addressed one of my main concerns that what if I was not hearing well from the lord and it was all in my head. Well, on the first day of prayer, he called me. I didn’t recognize his numbers since our homes are in different countries and I didn’t recognize the country code. So I picked up the call but when I didn’t hear as if there was anyone on the other end I cut the call, I was not patient at all. I just thought it was a friend of mine who also lives abroad. I then later realized it was him, when my mum recognized the country code. I then sent him a message asking if he was trying to get ahold of me, and he went on to say he pocket dialed me. So I left it. I prayed and finished the 10days of prayer but to my disappointment nothing miraculous happened. We have spoken a few times after that but obviously things are not the same.

We haven’t had a decent conversation or seen each other since then. He called for my birthday though in January, and said he’d come over to my place when he got back to hear about my holiday but I shut him down. A few days after he got back, he called me at 2am saying he had a headache and i shut him down again. We haven’t really spoken since then.
Having come back to school and reflecting on the conversations mum and I had over the holidays, I find myself wanting to serve him. Wanting to love him, and be his wife. In that I mean, carrying out my wifely duties for him and make him happy.

Then a few days ago I called him, and we set up a meeting. The day we were supposed to meet he sends me a text saying his girlfriend wants to meet me. I refused to meet him there with his woman there. Io feared for my safety as I don’t know her, and to be quite frank don’t want to know her. He then called the day after to try chat while he was driving to work in the morning, but the line was bad. He said he’d call back and he never did. He does that often though, say he’ll call back even when we are discussing something important and he never does.
The few days we were in communication (as he has disappeared again) he kept telling me him and his girlfriend fight a lot.

I really still do like him, even though my hopes of us ever being together are fading. There are things about I’m still yet to figure out. I’d like to spend more time getting to know him if circumstances were different.

I don’t know if his mum knows, but she says she’s coming to visit me in May. I’m anxious about her visit, and I don’t know what to expect or what to say in the event that she brings it up.
Please help me sort all of this out in my mind.
Sorry for the really long letter.
Tumai

Tumai,

Oh, sounds like I may be a little late in replying. I think my first question is does that girlfriend really exist? I know you wrote after chatting a bit with him you concluded it’s true but I think that would be easily verifiable such as if the moms are close to each other it should be very easy to verify. I am also a little confused about the part where you mentioned that you were afraid of taking up his offer to meet his apparent girlfriend due to safety reasons when you also expressed that he is close with your family.

I ask this because it feels like he is trying to be secretive for some reason in his life. It’s secretive not in say a celebrity way but rather in a what’s in that closet you are hiding way. To me it sounds like he is trying to get closer to you but in a protective way where if there is a smidge of a sign that you are not interested in him as an example he can technically say there was nothing there to begin with. Example, telling you that he and his girlfriend fight a lot is kind of like a way for him to analyze your level of interest in him. I say this because if he knows you have feelings for him and he wants to stay away from you then he wouldn’t even mention it.

So at this point, to me it feels like it is one huge attempt to analyze your feelings for him. I guess this is similar to other letters I have been sent where people get infatuated with the mysteriousness and curiosity of the situation. Instead, approach it with a more factual mindset to conclude what is going on I say.

Fevah Asks:

OK I’m lost on something here see my boyfriend and I have been dating for awhile OK so I’ve been reading up on his sign and I read a part where they like to disappear on a relationship and come back now I haven’t dealt with something like that with him because I would all ways see him he would not let a day go by without seeing me I would spend nights at his house but when he want his space and he didn’t want me to spend the night then he would come see me before the day is out with out me even asking him to so basically recently he told me he was going away to handle something for his mom don’t get me wrong I didn’t like the idea but I did not speak on it he wanted me to but I didn’t and he caught the idea on his own that I didn’t like it but then I had to accept it but anyway he goes away and when he got out there he called me and told me to relax its only going tone two weeks and he coming home to me and he kept repeating it to insure me that he coming back home to me and kiss me over the phone and told me he loved me and he call me later on that night so time passes and I haven’t heard from him in days until I saw his brother his brother told me that he got his self in trouble where he was at he is lock up and that what made me understand why I haven’t heard from him so I stress and stressed and stressed because getting lock up overseas is not like getting lock up in the states I haven’t heard anything he haven’t contacted me or nothing all I’ve been told was he lock up with out bail but relax its veeing taking care of and just wait on him to come home but it will take him a month but just let u know on something its the brother who I’m getting the info from no one else but the brother not the mother or anyone else I could be over reacting or overthinking but now I’m thinking something is not right cuz the way his brother and him is so close and how my boyfriend is not 100% honest but then again I don’t he would make up something like that to jinks himself but then u will never know with people what do u think this could be a lie or a truth ? I m lost and need some help

Fevah,

Hard to read without periods and paragraphs. 🙁 To me this sounds more like an investigate matter than a personality analysis. For example, I really can’t say one way or another if he is really in jail or if it is an excuse to avoid you as an example.

The only item I can sort of comment on is the disappearing act that many people talk about. It’s simpler than most people make it out to be I think. Essentially, it usually just means they have some challenges in life that requires their attention and unfortunately he feels he isn’t getting that from say yourself. So instead of trying to pester you to help him he will disappear until he gets it resolved. Maybe this jail thing is an excuse for example.

But again, your situation sounds more like an investigate matter where maybe seeking the advice of a private investigator would be more appropriate. I would imagine if the person is in jail there should be ways to get public information about it as an example.

Random Lady Asks:

Hi Alan,

About 6 months ago I met a pisces man online, we went out on 4 dates over 3 months. On the 4th date, we had dinner and I went back to his place… to watch TV and talk, so I thought. Anyway, we started making out and I sensed that he wanted to escalate things. I then told him that I was a virgin and I would like to wait until we are exclusively dating… He respected that but was visibly upset. He told me that we would talk about all this the week after.

He then stopped contacting me for a week and ignored my text. I thought he needed space so I did not bother him too much (just sent that one text). At last I got fed up with the silence and sent an email to him basically telling him that I did not deserve the silent treatment and that if he did not want to see me anymore, just let me know and I would leave him alone forever. He replied basically saying maybe we are not compatible and it’s been nice knowing me… I was so upset that I deleted his number, texts and all his emails.

It’s been 3+ months of no contact, but I still find myself thinking about him… A LOT. The fact of the matter is, I really connected with him. We bonded over a lot of personal stories. We were really comfortable in each other’s company from the start. I sort of considered him a kindred spirit or even a soulmate. He had been a gentleman and didn’t pushed for sex. We didn’t kiss until the third date, although he did make his interest known as well (he would touch me in little ways, etc).

Initially I decided to let him go because I thought he was either looking for sex, did not want the responsibility of taking my virginity, or did not want a commitment. But I really miss spending time with him and I feel like we both made rash decisions to part ways… and we never really talked about what happened, how we can compromise, and make it work, etc… We both kinda just gave up on us…

What do you think his reason was for the break-up? I’m still so confused… should I contact him again? I had told him I would never do that if he just say the word… and he said it and I almost never break a promise (I have my pride). What should I do?

P.S. I’m a taurus with aries rising. This probably explains my patiently waiting and pining away and not doing anything, But my aries comes out and makes rather rash decisions sometimes…

Random Lady,

Based on what you wrote you two clearly have a different set of values when it comes to sex and needs. There shouldn’t be any doubt on that. For example, you mentioned that you told him that you only want to have sex if you two are exclusively dating. As an over exaggerated example, let’s try to think of it where if you were going out with someone else and they told you that they only believe in sex after marriage. I would imagine this could potentially create conflict with you where regardless if emotionally you feel that you two are there and want that physical intimacy he insists in more commitment which you aren’t ready to give.

So for this person, in my opinion he simply doesn’t share your view in terms of commitment at this point in life and simply wanted to place you on hold while he explores his options. This is really one of those situations where you can’t change people and that they need to change themselves. While I understand how you are missing that great connection and such with him, if you tell me your values in a relationship is no sex until the relationship is exclusive then there should be no compromise I feel. There is a difference between compromising hobby time versus values for example.

This probably isn’t the popular answer you want, but to me you need to find someone different because of these differences in value. The longer you linger on what it could have potentially been the longer you are closing yourself off to others who may be a better fit.

Anonymous asks:

I’m 28 years old, I’ve been in a relationship with a 12 years older than me pisces man for the past 7 years. Recently things weren’t working out so well between me and my pisces man and I joined this online site and met another pisces just 2 years older than me. I’m a very honest Virgo woman and I told the younger pisces the truth that I had someone else. Turned out that they both have the same birthday, what are the odds. To make a long story short we texted everyday after that and the approach was very sexual all the time. We met 3 times, had incredible sex and I thought we were on the same page. When we were together he would always ask me to tell him if I ever had sex with someone else, because he wanted to see how he would feel. Whether it would turn him on or make him mad. And so one day I decided to lie and tell him via text that I had had sex with someone else. He then started to ask me all these questions and I played along. He then said we will talk about this in person, you made me angry. The next day he asked me to go see him but I couldn’t. And the following day out of the blue he texted me saying that he didn’t want to have sex with me and that he wanted to talk to me as a friend. When this happened I told him I didnt wanna be his friend and wished him well. It’s been almost a month after all this happened. I contacted him 10th days ago and he said I don’t want you to be sad and that he feels good this way (without talking) I am here because I don’t understand what happened. One day he wanted me and the next day he doesn’t anymore? I cried my eyes out, I felt very rejected but I remained respectful and contained. What should I do to be able to get him back? What happened? Thank you. (PS, English It’s not my first language so please understand if there are errors)

Anonymous,

There is certainly a lot of guessing in regards to what the other person’s motives and intents are in this relationship it seems. While I don’t know him personally, my interpretation of this is that he initially felt “safe” and “special” to you. At the same time, he is a little insecure about himself as a person in terms of his self-worth to others like yourself. This would explain things such as how you mentioned he would constantly ask if you have ever had sex with others.
By saying you have had sex with others it has essentially destroyed the “safe” and “special” feeling he needs and wanted from you. Feeling wise it is no different than being married to someone where they swore for better or worse and that you are the only one. I am sure if you found out one day they had sex with another you as well would lose that “special” feeling.

I would say if you want him back your first step is to be honest with him.

Mimi Asks:

hi u read some of your reviews on yahoo which lead me here.
got a question about a pisces guy.

he and I spent a three days running a work campaign where we met..on the last day of the campaign he asked me on a date. we kissed and it was nice but as he is a family friend I suggested it would be inappropriate and since then I he hasn’t been very responsive to my texts.

trying to figure what to make of this reaction..does he expect me to chase him?

Mimi,

If that was me I would probably feel a little humiliated as that is essentially a form of rejection after the fact that he has virtually dropped down his wall. People often complain it is hard enough as it is to get a quiet and reserved person like myself to open up. It’s literally no different in my mind then a guy asking a girl out only to have her flat out say “You are not my type.”

At this point, it sounds like it is up to you to make him feel safe and confident in regards to you two becoming closer in a relationship way if that is what you desire.