Committing Time To Being With You

Holly Asks:

I’m curious about my Pisces man. I’m a Leo, birthday on August 2nd.

So we started talking through Tinder around Halloween and met in early November. He’s 32 and I’m 30. We hit it off really awesome. Our first date was pretty much perfect. We met up with some of his friends after dinner and introduced me. He was very comfortable with me meeting them. He’d even kiss me in front of them too. And I know that is a huge step.

Fast forwarding, we have seen each other a total of 3 times. And all three times he brought me around his buddies and has kissed me in front of them, and I know that is a big step. Also all three times, we had intimate encounters, but it wasn’t only that. We’d do other things. Like our second time seeing each other, we went to dinner, then after did some shopping at Target, then went back to his place. And after that intimate sexual encounter, we watched movies. We sat really close, he put his leg over my lap and we just relaxed and watched movies.

After our third time meeting, I asked about the upcoming Saturday, and he said at the time that he might be free. That Saturday comes and he got super busy so we didn’t see each other. And then last I heard from him was around December 13th when I asked if we could see each other soon and he said that would be fine.

Now he is a busy guy and has 3 jobs, one of which he’s starting his own doggy day camp, so I can’t imagine how busy he is.

And in the beginning I warned him out of excitement and talking to him, I might text a bit cause I enjoy talking to him, etc. I totally watched myself though cause I didn’t wanna seem too clingy and I’ve apologized to him for texting a lot. Every time he’s told me not to be sorry and that I’m not bugging him and that he enjoys my texts. And I’ve read how distant they can get or “disappear.” Lol. But lucky for him, I have a lot of patience.

Sooo, recently we didn’t talk between December 13th – up until January 2nd. Between there, I’ve sent him a couple texts because I was worried I hadn’t heard from him and told him I was thinking about him, just kept it short and sweet. Now last Friday, I have never ever been to a psychic, so I thought what the heck and used one of the psychics in the horoscope.com app. I was curious so asked if I’d be hearing from him again. And it’s funny because she said the call I was looking for was going to come, but she didn’t say when. That’s the only time I’ll partake in one of those things.

So fast forward to that early evening, Pisces sends me a text saying he doesn’t want to lead me on and that he’s not ready for a relationship yet. I do know he got out of a relationship last May/June. So I thought that maybe he just wasn’t ready because he’s so busy, etc. He did say I’ll still see him for sure. And he’s always been up front and honest with me so I’m going to trust his word. You think it’s possible we jumped in too quickly?

Come to find out, he’s been active on that dating app (Tinder). I’ve showed him proof that while we were seeing each other and he said he knew I wasn’t seeing anyone else. I haven’t asked him about it and don’t intend to because I don’t want to be or seem like ‘that’ who’s nosey or what not. And I possibly thought maybe he’s just on there to kill time? He “likes” every photo moment I upload on there even though we don’t always text. Is that his way of still showing interest?

I guess I’m just curious, will he come back? I feel we have far too much in common and how much we got along to throw it away just like that. I felt we had a genuine connection and I know he knows we did. I’ve been told from some friends to not contact him at all, then others have said send him a text maybe once a month that way I’m still showing him I’m here and at the same time I’m giving him his space.

Just the other night he told me we’ll hang soon. When he said that in December, it was a few weeks after that. Should I trust him that we’ll get together soon?

What should I do?

Holly,

The first point that stuck out to me was how you mentioned that you two have already been intimate a few times in the beginning and how there was a long silence period. Based on what you wrote, it feels like at first you were someone to help fill in a void that he is not used to being in. To me, this would explain him being confident in showing you off to friends so confidently and such only for that magic to disappear just like that.

Afterwards, he naturally developed some feelings for you. However, it is not enough to warrant a commitment. Basically, I think he is one lost guy in many ways. That would match with the Tinder liking photo moments even when you don’t text each other.

At this point based on what I know, I am inclined to say he would be going back to you because of the loneliness/void he probably feels to a certain extent. Think of it like he was used to going to a certain restaurant in a routine fashion that closed down. Afterwards, he then went to this one restaurant that he really enjoyed, but ultimately it doesn’t give him the same satisfaction. However, he will drop by from time to time when the habit needs to be fed, so to speak.

Like in that example, if the restaurant rebuilds itself to adapt to his desires then he will drop by there every day or find ways to make time for it. This kind of falls in the line of do you want to change people or yourself to make something work? That is a personal decision of course.

This is one of those scenarios that can use the distress situation I think. Basically, if you have some kind of life issue at the moment where he is clearly someone who could directly help you then you want to see if he jumps on that opportunity. Of course, the tricky thing is if you actually do have something like that as opposed to just making it up(Which I wouldn’t recommend).

Example, your car broke down and he is a mechanic where you know he is free to do so. How fast he responds to that and how committed he is to helping you solve that dilemma speaks volumes. That should give the information you need to decide if it is a relationship you want to invest into for something bigger too I think.