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Reader Questions

Confused about Pisces Male

Rachael Asks:

Hi. So I met a Pisces guy who is 14 years older than me. We are roommates. I am going through a divorce and had to move into an apartment with him and another roommate. In the beginning, he kept saying how much he liked me, but I was too heartbroken over my husband to even think of another man. Over time we flirted quite a bit and I started to like him while at the same time deciding that it is truly over with my husband. I tell my roommate that I am ready to divorce my husband and that I had feelings for him(the roommate)but that I didn’t know what I wanted, just that I wanted to get to know him better. So he tells me that he wants to talk to me that night. When I get home from work, he has this girl that he met off of craigslist in our apartment.

She stays there for two days and at one point I see them cuddling on the couch. He says that she’s just a friend and that he doesn’t want to be with her at all. She leaves and I try to basically seduce him by wearing a low cut shirt, saying very suggestive things, ect. He is totally SCARED of me. Won’t even sit next to me on the couch, or make any kind of move. He says he likes me, but he can’t because I’m married and that he’s not the type to make the first move. This goes on for days, then he invites other women over at three in the morning!

They don’t do anything but they drink and talk till seven in the morning. The next night, he hugs me a few times, kisses my forehead, smacks my ass, and sings “Going to the chapel and I’m going to get married, except the woman I’m going to marry needs to get divorced first”. So I told him that he needs to kiss me before talking about marriage and he says that kissing is more intimate than sex. So I felt confident enough to invite him to my room. He doesn’t come.

The next day I meet some friend of his(another craigslist friend)who basically told me that he told her about me and it seemed like I was some crazy stalker person and that he was only hitting on me to make me feel confident about my divorce. I got really mad and told her the truth and told him that I didn’t appreciate him telling our business. He doesn’t see a problem, calls me a liar and ever since then, we have been arguing. We argue like we’re together but we’re not. He wants to be around and touch everyone but me, but doesn’t want to be with me at all. I am very confused. I don’t know where we stand or if this is worth even trying for. I feel like he is playing games with me, but I don’t know.

Also he called me a precious jewel and said that he doesn’t want to mess me up or mess him up and that he would be writing songs about me if we were to do this. He seems to think I would break his heart or he would break mine.


Is he supposed to be like the male version of Taylor Swift when it comes to writing songs about every relationship? With what you wrote it sounds like he is trying extra hard for whatever reason to look like the bigger man as they say. Example, people that walk away from a fight, won’t take the money laying on the ground, etc. Since you said he specifically told others he was just hitting on you to make you feel better this further emphasizes that projection of nobleness to others I feel. Especially if you say he is actually physically flirting with you as to me that would tell me that he is actually leading you on.

Trying to think if I had his kind of mentality with what you wrote it would make sense to me like this. He often feels that people with similar stats and background as him would in a way down look on him. The most cliché example is say at a certain time in life the expectation is you should have already accomplished various things. Because he hasn’t he feels he would be say judged for that by people in his own demographic. Therefore, he constantly puts out say ads on like Craigslist in search of people who know nothing about him where at minimum he can be with people with minimal judgement.

In saying that though, the experience of being looked down upon in a way makes him want to find ways to avoid that with these new people that he meets. An example of this can be the apartment. Basically, he has something that in a sense allows him to be a little higher status wise. Example, it could be the people he brings home doesn’t have their own places which gives him that extra status I guess you can say.

Now your situation is a little different because you actually do live with him right now. Because of that he kind of loses that status leverage of say using the apartment which he does for others. Keep in mind that would be more for his own ego in this. Therefore, the substitution is that he is telling people he is in a way going above and beyond for you and at the time purposely rejecting your sexual advances. Because there it’s like saying you know and he knows he could have just been intimate with you if he wanted to as you essentially surrendered to him. But by not going there he makes a statement that he is a strong/worthy person.

When you confronted him about what he said to his friend you have essentially attacked the basic foundation and leverage he feels he has with you to make him feel worthy about himself. Hence, he went on the defensive now. This might not all be correct in the literal sense, but I feel the essence of it is.

With that said I don’t think playing games with you is the right terminology. I am more inclined to say he is flirting with you in an unorthodox way to avoid being looked down upon. Should you pursue this? I would focus more about your own mindset and not his I think. For example, are you 100% positive you are over your ex? Are you 100% sure this guy isn’t like a “rebound” for you as they say where you are potentially coming off extremely strong to fill in that void? Hopefully you are thinking that through.


  • Rachael October 5, 2016

    Thank you for your speedy reply Alan! Well I have decided that I am not truly over my husband yet and that I was pursuing this dude because I was trying to fill a void. I have taken a much closer look at this guy and have realized that he is not even the type I would ever date. I guess I was just trying to feel something completely different than my husband. In the time since I’ve written this, this guy has been arguing with me non stop. It’s like all we do is argue. He invited more people to our house last night and she rejected him. I decided right then and there that it was too much of a risk to even have a one night stand with him. So this morning I thanked him for not responding to my advances because I was out of mind. He told me to go to work. Anyway thanks for the great advice. He sucks.

  • Rachael October 19, 2016

    Subject Title: More Pisces Confusion
    Your message: So your advic
    e was so good, I thought I would ask another as more has transpired since t
    he last question. So the Pisces guy who hit on me, decided not to hook up w
    ith me, then had other women over, decided to get drunk and we made out for
    a few hours on Saturday. I wouldn\’t sleep with him because he was wasted
    and certain \”things\” weren\’t working properly. During the time we were t
    ogether he told me he loved me several times and we were very passionate. A
    fter awhile he started crying and wanted to go to his room. So later on, he
    asks me to make him eggs and calls me his wife. The next day, he asks me r
    epeatedly if we had sex and I repeatedly told him no to which he responded
    with how relieved he was. So afterwards he gets mad any time I bring it up
    and tells me that it meant nothing because he remembers nothing but crying.
    Since that time, he hasn\’t had any women over, but he tells me over and o
    ver again that he doesn\’t want to be with me. I have tried with him and he
    says that I\’m too deep and that while he NEVER lies, he does lie when he\
    ‘s drunk and that he was lying about loving me and asking me not to be with
    anyone else. I don\’t understand what his problem is. I am so confused. He
    told me that if I don\’t drop what happened between us, then he doesn\’t w
    ant me to live there anymore.

  • Alan October 20, 2016

    One thing that is super confusing to me is why you are even getting intimate with him as I thought based on the last reply you have concluded that he is not the right guy where you have walked away from it(I am classifying kissing as intimate too just to be clear). I know you mentioned there is some alcohol involved here but I would imagine it’s your responsibility to stay far away from him in an intimate sense if you know you two are bad news together.

    To me there is nothing confusing about his actions so far if we were to factor in everything I mentioned about the being looked down upon factor and all. Basically, low confidence and self-esteem based on whatever experiences he has been through in life. So it comes back more to you I feel at the moment such as why are you in a sense entertaining these advances and such?

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