Crush to a friendship

Jay Asks:

Hello,

So like many women on this site, I had fallen under the spell of a Pisces dude who worked in the same department as me. The attraction sort of developed out of nowhere. It is an uncommon experience for me to truly like people, men especially, so I would try to express that I wanted to get to know him better by talking and joking with him whenever possible in true fire sign fashion.

Eventually I laid off and forgot about him because it didn’t seem like it could go anywhere, plus I was in a failing relationship. Once I got out of the relationship and changed my hair, suddenly I seemed to be on his radar, or at least worth noticing. We started to talk more, and he opened up to me about his personal interests and what’s going on in his life.

He started complimenting me a lot and asked me to go with him to a museum.

When the time came, he cancelled. At the last minute, at that.

I invited him to a few events, and he either cancelled or told me he couldn’t make it. Once, he said he’d come by tomorrow and didn’t follow up at all.
Recently, he had set a date to come spend time before he leaves the city and he cancelled last minute again.

There have been times where he came through for me, I invited him to an event I was running and in turn I had came to one of his and he was really happy about, which is when he communicated that we could hang out before he leaves the city.

I am sorry if this is all over the place but, based off of his inconsistency I am assuming that he is either juggling other things, be they more interesting events or women, he’s immature, or I give him anxiety but I also am afraid he thinks I expect something from him like romance. I have called him cute and flirted as subtly as a Leo can but I have never outright said anything implying I want to commit to anyone. I also realize it could be one of those “He’s not that into you” sort of things.

For the most part I accept that nothing will come of this at least in the romance department so I want to know how I can come off in a way to express that I am happy with friendship? And do you think that I have come off in a way where I make him think I want a relationship? If so, how do I change this?

Jay,

Based on what you wrote I would be inclined to say you calling him “cute” in a sense immediately pops up in the radar that you are something looking for more per se. So if we are going by the notion that the guy is intuitive and all then it is safe to say he probably feels that you are always potentially looking for more.

I know for like myself when I know these kinds of things I generally can come across as if I am oblivious to it when in reality it just adds to the factor of me wondering your intentions in say inviting me to places as an example if that makes sense.

The fact that he is cancelling on you and not offering alternatives shows the disinterest in general. Because even if one is busy I would say they will still try and find some way to stay in touch. The comment of he will drop by the next day and then not doing it along with the other actions feels like he feels pressured to do so out of like politeness.

As to what you can do to show that you are just happy with friendship I would feel the straight forward answer would be that he has to see you actively pursuing relationships or activities outside of him. So like with the relationships if he know you are dating people as an example then that can in a sense “relieve” the pressure or stigma that your intentions in like being with him is to push things beyond the friendship. Of course for that to work you have to truly not care if he is nothing more than a friend in the long run.