pisces man personality open
Personality And Mindset

Divulging Into The Conversation of A Pisces Having A Wall or Guard Up

One topic that has come up frequently is that a person like me normally has huge walls up in the beginning which many would say that means it is impossible to get inside. Therefore, isn’t it impossible to get to know a person with this personality type as technically you can’t even speak with them if there is a wall in between you and them?

Speaking for myself, I think there is a misconception about the whole notion of having a guard up in general. For me, having a guard or wall up still gives you virtually the same type of opportunity as everyone else to try and get to know the person despite the guard. It would be like asking, is there any point in going to meet say the leader of a country even though he is going to be behind several inches of bullet proof glass because that is simply the security’s protocol for unknown people? To me it would be a yes as the circumstance doesn’t take away the opportunity to get to know one another.

Whenever people talk about having a guard up though they make it sound more like a person who always has their hands up ready to punch the other while refusing to speak. In that case I would say it is kind of pointless. I wouldn’t really call that as having a guard up as opposed to being in fear which is completely different.

Let’s first try and understand why the guard is up in the first place. I have often heard the saying on how when we are born we only have two natural fears. One would be the fear of falling and the other is apparently loud noises. Everything else like having a fear of spiders is apparently a learnt behavior. How much “guard” one has is kind of similar I feel.

I would attest my guard to being like a high tech garden maze for people as opposed to say a solid wall. Everyone gets the same opportunity to enter the initial zone and enjoy the offers. Depending on your actions and information that I know about you different doors leading to different paths will open. I use the word high tech because it is all non-intrusive methods to scan for known incompatibilities based on experience. Imagine it like walking through a metal detector at a store. Just like a metal detector too, sometimes there are false positives which requires further investigating.

But overall, the mindset of the guard for me isn’t that I am trying to trap you in anyway. You will just end up going in circles in a particular garden zone if you seem to exhibit too many questionable behaviors. Like a metal detector in a store too, at some point in time it was known that people concealed weapons and used it to harm people. Therefore, precautions were put in place. Or it could be to help stop people from stealing from it. Of course no business wants to operate in a constant paranoid state of mind to the point where they annoy customers by having intimidating guards and dogs at the front entrance. That mindset is kind of the same for me when it comes to people. Essentially, my mindset is designed to be welcoming but at the same time based on my experiences in life I have security measures in place to try and allow only the authentic people into the deeper zones.

If you think about that too, because you understand why a store would have something like that you don’t mind and it wouldn’t stop you from say shopping there correct? I think the same should be applied to a person that you are trying to get to know on a deeper level who seems to have a big guard up. Instead of focusing on how to bypass this guard just try and open up your mind as to why the person has these guards in the first place.

That is why even for myself, regardless of who I meet I am always fascinated in genuinely learning about their story. Doesn’t matter if it is someone who is extremely defensive, extremely shy or even extremely angry. Instead of fighting to change that I simply offer my genuine desire to understand why it is the way it is which usually generates a positive result I have found.


  • Flower November 5, 2015

    Wow.. Perfectly make sense to me Alan. I can relate to what you just said that to know a Pisces man like you is like entering a garden maze. Any wrong attitude, action, words , intentions or behaviour from us will lead us to roam in circles only and not finding way out from the maze. When i started talking to my pisces he not shy at all, rather he was too keen to ask me lots of questions about me, my family, my profession, my likes and dislikes. Then there was a period where he became comfortably quite and just enjoyed my company. And it was there where i started making mistakes. I became impatient with his slow or quite personality. I started arguing with him on everything, made him uncomfortable, and pushed him to the point where he suddenly decided to disappear on me. No contact, no emails from him for over a year. That was the time when i kept on roaming in circles and circles as i exhibited more wrong actions, like flirting with his best friends or cousins etc, just to make him jealous. Then i started reading blogs on internet about Pisces man, because i was not getting any clue about him. And I found your blog Alan then, after lots of reading on your site and few other authentic sites too, I stopped and thought again about my behaviour and actions. I found out i was totally wrong in my attitude from the start. I started to become more gentle, more patient, more understanding than before towards everyone around me, and I found that I suddenly knew a way to understand him too, or in other words I found signs which showed me way out of this garden maze. Alan one wonderful thing happened with me after that, my father is very introvert and quite kind of person too, by trying to understand my pisces personality, I understood about my father more, and i fell in love with my father overall again. As i was never close to him before. I started to take care of my father’s likes and dislikes in every small way. At the same time i kept sending emails to my pisces about this new change in my life too. From there I felt he started giving me more genuine response and attention. Until a day came when he started to talk to me again. I really appreciated it and never fought with him again. Although it was a long long journey to understand my Pisces, but it was worth it. As loving him and understanding him was most beautiful feeling of my life.
    So yes you are right Alan, Pisces are beautiful souls, no girl going near a Pisces man should give up on him too soon. The patience and understanding that you show him always is paid back with gratitude by them in huge ways… ???

  • Alan November 6, 2015

    What a lovely enlightened journey you have had Flower. So great to hear that you have used your new found knowledge in other aspects of your life to create a positive environment as well. Makes me so happy to hear that. 😀

  • Ocean November 12, 2015

    I find this to be very interesting. I always thought my Pisces friend to be rather flaky as he would disappear half way through conversations. But I learned a lot through this blog. Now i am in fact influence by his kindred nature and spirit. Even though he disappeared on me, but even through weeks and months I persevere on. I showed him my consistent support and care which I used to hide due to my ego but now instead, I chose to show it to him. I do not want to lose this unique friendship with this guy. Probably he don’t see me in a romantic sense but I figured out it doesn’t matter as I just wish to be part of his life. I am rather curious as you mentioned only letting the authentic people into the deeper zones. May I request that you shed a bit more light on how can we know if we are one of those people? And by deeper zones, is there any examples you can discuss upon?

  • Ocean November 13, 2015

    I saw in your previous post from other thread, saying that offering to be there if he needed help. But usually that will result in him not asking for my help due to your nature. And we could do things that we know could definitely benefit him. I thought of a way to help him, as he is currently setting up a business. I thought of compiling all the necessary retailers details for him. It is definitely going out of my way to do up this list. But now our relationship is merely friends and I worry that it will make him feel umcomforable and indebt to me. Should i do it or not? I really wish to do something for him but last thing I want is to make him feel that he has to do something for me in return!

  • Alan November 13, 2015


    I will try and create some posts to dive further into the topic of deeper zones and allowing authentic people in. It’s kind of a multi-layered question so keep an eye out for my next couple of separate topic posts.

    For your specific question, I can’t really say if you should or shouldn’t because I don’t have any contextual basis as to what your relationship history with the person is. If you wish you can submit your general story details for me to try and analyze it too as having situation specific questions in posts like these can get overwhelming for me to keep track of.

    Generally speaking, without me knowing much it is probably safer if you first ask if it is something that he actually needs right now. Otherwise there is a high chance it will just make him feel in debt to you as you implied. It’s true though as a person like me wouldn’t usually ask directly. That doesn’t mean you can’t find out and be the solution though.

    Like saying, if we are just friends and you are not hungry at the moment yet I bring you a big meal out of nowhere how would you feel? If you were starving and then I bring you the big meal out of nowhere how would you feel then? All about context.

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