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Reader Questions

Figuring out this relationship

Emily Asks:

Ok my pisces guy is wonderful. Feels like my soulmate but I’m confused. He and I met at work and became fast friends. Slowly but Shirley we developed a flirtation. I knew he was shy so I told him that we should spend time together outside of work. He agreed but it took over a month before we did. For my birthday he took me out. Paid for everything. After some b drinks he looked into my eyes and told me to look away but I didn’t. He said, “i can’t fall in love with you. You’ve loved more people than I’ve loved.” I assured him that I haven’t been in love as much as he thinks.

That night he held my hand making the excuse that he wanted to make sure I didn’t trip because I was slightly drunk. Than he kissed me. We went to my place and made out. He wanted sex but I said no. He said maybe we should just get married than we could have sex every day. I told him he was drunk. The next day he said he didn’t remember anything.

We saw each other a few times after that and ended up having sex. He told me he wanted to just be friends with benefits but I told him I just wanted things to be natural without any expectation and without any b road blocks. We basically have been seeing each other for two months. He told me he loved me when he was drunk and I told him.

He told me I was his best friend, he has feelings for me but he’s not ready to fall in love. He told me he wasn’t seeing anyone else or having sex with anyone else. I told him I wasn’t either. We talk everyday. We truly have become best friends and have a great time together. I just want the title of girlfriend I guess. Should I just be patient or should I share this with him? I know that we do have the potential of falling in love. I just hate that he keeps saying he is not ready for it.


To me it sounds like in many ways he is saying the things he is because he is getting what he wants. For example, the sex and intimacy while playing it up in a way where if for whatever reason the two of you part ways he can just say he told you that from the beginning as there was no commitment of sort.

In my personal opinion it’s too contradicting to say he wants a friends with benefits, he says he can’t love you because you loved more people, that he does love you and isn’t having sex with anyone else on top of mentioning he is not ready for it.

They are extremely inconsistent where again the more logical explanation would be they are just words for the most part at the moment as he just wants to enjoy what he is getting. Literally the simple way of saying that is “friends with benefits” but that is essentially the potential mechanics of it as to how he is accomplishing that.

With that said if you hate that he keeps saying he is not ready, then with the mechanics on how he is running it basically you need to make a decision to be either the person who is at the wheel turning the gear all day in hopes that the person will move you to a different environment or you make that decision for yourself where if your needs aren’t met either then be firm in moving on.

Again, that is really dependent on what you want here. For example, you say you just want the title. But I would assume that title means exclusivity and commitment too which he obviously doesn’t want to do as of now for the reasons mentioned above. So in my opinion this isn’t really about patience but rather what are you willing to give based on what you receive. Like saying for some no title means no sex. So if you say that and he leaves then you should be okay with that in the big picture I would imagine. It’s a choice you need to make.

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