He’s still dealing with a break up

Billy Asks:

I’ve been seeing this Pisces man for two months. Things have been moving very slowly because he is still dealing with feelings over his break up 1.5 years ago. He doesn’t have feelings for his ex but is still wounded emotionally. He said just before we met he had decided he needed to be single to work things out on his own but I was a pleasant surprise and he had to get to know me.
He is very confused with what he wants from our relationship and will often say one thing and do another. I can feel his walls are up and he is not completely open to me yet.
On our last date he told me he was concerned he would hurt me (I felt like he was trying to end things) and in the next breath said that we should go away on a weekend trip together soon!
We haven’t slept together yet but the sexual chemistry between us is hot. We are comfortable to be ourselves and are always honest with each other. I want the best for him and I just wonder if I should stop seeing him and give him the space to completely get over the break up? I hope that we can be together once he is healed. Has anyone else gone through something similar? Can a Pisces be in a new relationship while still getting over an old one?

Billy,

My personal thought is if the person is still legitimately struggling after 1.5 years I would be inclined try and learn what exactly he feels was taken away from him per se as a result of that relationship. From there you can learn what it is that he is looking for and whether or not you are like the rebound or not.

In my opinion, one can be in a new relationship while still getting over the old one but the problem is for most people that relationship isn’t authentic. Just off the top of my head with a real example I know a person who went into a relationship while still having so much resentment of sorts from the last one. The new person was super nice and all it seemed. An interesting note there is that almost every time they did something the person kept referencing back to their ex whether it be good or bad.

Eventually what happened was the person became possessive of sorts where they constantly demanded the other to be there. Every minor thing would result in guilt trips or comparisons as if they were now treating them like the ex. Ultimately if you think about it the person went into the relationship more for themselves to not feel bad about themselves I guess you can say. For many it’s about being wanted and desired.

Your scenario can be different technically but that would be the concern in essence if the person hasn’t truly dealt with the issue. While I would say giving space is usually the right direction, you did mention that you are open and honest with each other which should technically mean he should in a sense be able to tell you exactly what it is that he is still caught up about and what he needs. Even if he wants to do it himself he should be able to express that to you.

For example, if you needed to train for a competition even if you need peace and quiet alone one should be able to tell the one they trust exactly what it is they need to get better. If they constantly avoid that then it would make me wonder. At this point if you are going to be around him I would say the wisest thing is to focus on the issue as like any friend would do as oppose to getting into something with him and thinking that will fix it.