pisces man personality symbolic
Reader Questions

Is he lying?

Doly Asks:

Hi Alan

Thank you for taking out time to answer people like us who need help. Currently i like this pisces born on 19 march. I found his id on Facebook 2 weeks back. As he is exceptionally good looking so I immediately liked him and sent him friend request. He accepted it in no time. First day of chatting we hit it off, both couldnt stop chatting all day. He insistedto talk to me at night on fone, so i sent him my number and we talked for an hour. He briefly informed me about his work schedule, his tough routine, that he sleeps barely for few hours at night, work tirelessly during the day, then attend to friends and relatives too in evening hours, so no personal or free time for himself. Right now he is working on a high administrative position with government.

We chatted next day too, during his busy schedule when he had to run in his car from one office to another as his work required, he called me from his cell various times . I was flattered by his continuous attention. I avoided asking him about his relationship status, being afraid that he might be married, which I didn’t want to hear, so i postponned the question till later. But something disturbed me, he started using nick names for me like baby, sweetheart etc without asking or probing for my real name, because i used a fake name on my Facebook id. I pointed it out to him but he didn’t give much attention. Then later that second night since we had started chatting, he suddenly wanted to have sex chat on fone,which I despise seriously. So we had argument and i ended conversation between us. To which he apologised a lot so i had to take him back in morning.

When weekend approached he suddenly informed me that he spends his weekends in his village which is 3 hours drive away from city. Where his mother and siblings are living. I was surprised because he never mentioned anything like that before, so again we had argument. I accused him of being married too and hiding his wife and kids in village. He denied to it and told me that he is divorced. That he had an arrange marriage few years back, but his wife was forced to marry with him according to village tradition, so after marriage she refused to accept him as her husband and took divorce. I had to accept his story.

He also told me about his earlier life that with how much hard work and little resources he worked his way through to success and his present position. I really respected him for that and sympathised with him on his divorce which happened few months back. During conversation i asked him that if he saw our relationship going towards any commitment or marriage in long run? He said yes why not, he doesn’t see any reason that it couldn’t. I was satisfied with his answer.

I told him that although its too early to say this but if he married me, i can live with him even in his village. He thanked me for this gesture. During weekend he was too busy socially attending to his family and relatives, so he hardly chatted with me except sending few messages. Which made me furious again because I always need lots of attention from my friends and hate to be ignored for longer periodsof time. After my few arguments he simply ignored my messages more. Next day on Monday he returned back to city and his work early in morning. Worked tirelessly all day, and hardly responded to my any message till late night.

He stayed like this aloof on Tuesday too, whereas i continued sending him messages by whatsapp, during chats I revealed to him more about my family and back ground, about my father who is bearing a high official post currently in government, etc. At same time told him about vast charity projects that me and our family are working on. He seemed impressed , but didn’t say anything. So I become depressed by next day. I stopped sending messages tohim at all. He sensed it and asked me how i was doing, when I didn’t answer him back, he told me that he loved me. I told him that its over between us, but he said to give our relationship a bit more time. I agreed to that and told him that i loved him a lot too.

Alan the question here that i want to ask is that as u said that Pisces asks a lot of questions when they are interested, whereas this person asked me nothing yet. No question, not even about my name, siblings, my hobies, etc. It alarms me, is he serious with me? Or just taking me lightly . He also has offered me to come visit him and stay with him for a night or two at his house , and promised that he wouldn’t touch me.


To be certain that I am reading this correctly you never really talked to this person live in-person? So with everything you wrote to me such as him running to his car and then to his office is purely based on what he tells you which you then try and imagine right? Because in some ways it sounds like this is purely an online thing whereas other parts sound like you actually do meet in-person.

In scenarios like these I think you need to make a clear distinction between what you know and what you think. Because in relation to your subject question of if he is lying the bottom line is in many ways I feel you shouldn’t be concluding anything until you see actual tangible proof. Example, if he says he is a hard working guy running around and all then it would be wise to only consider that as “true” if you actually see it in some form. Safety wise, since this whole thing sounds suspicious, don’t just make the assumption because you are physically attracted to him as an example. Because in many ways you even implied that you wish to keep this imagination of him like with the relationship status as it would say break your heart if he was married per se.

The part with the sex chat on the phone should be the key information here. To me anyways with what you wrote that kind of defines exactly what he sees in you and is buttering you up for it in many ways. Everything with the parts of him talking about a “divorce” to the hard life seems to be a strategy I feel to lower your guard based on how sudden as you say he asked for the sex chat. In my opinion that kind of stuff doesn’t just happen as odds are that was like say his original goal where he felt it was the right moment where you would agree.

Yes, speaking for like myself a person like me would ask a ton of questions if I am in a sense serious. Why wouldn’t I if you think about it? Because one of the “fears” if you want to call it that with a person that thinks like me is like say marrying or being with the wrong person. So I want a person for the long term in an ideal way. If a person was more short term and just wanted like say sex why would they care to ask questions like that? Something to think about.

That part about going to his house sounds really “creepy” and unsafe if I don’t say so myself. Wouldn’t recommend it personally as it doesn’t sound like you really know who he is. The fact that you are here asking me about him too would demonstrate that further. As well, why does he have to “promise” you that he wouldn’t touch you? To me that kind of further shows what his real hope was in a sense where he is just trying an alternative way to reach that goal.

In the end is he lying to you? I can’t really answer that directly as I don’t know him and the facts, but it does sound like he isn’t being authentically genuine with you about his intentions based on what you wrote.


  • Doly March 17, 2017

    Thanks for answering right away. Well about his professional life i can assure you he is not lying, because in his Facebook profile he has shown and documented his graduation, college of graduation, his job description, present position, and different countries that he has travelled in the form of pics, group pics, and posts which are liked and verified by many of his friends and colleagues who look authentic to me. The government officials he have met, had official meetings with, the foreign delegations , all are documented in the form of pictures well dated in his profile, also liked by many known and authentic people. So atleast he is not lying about his professional life, that im sure of. And while running in his car from one office to other, he used to make calls to me, and I could hear his running car engine and traffic sounds around him. So i believed him in that.
    Now the problem started here, all these pics and documents on Facebook are only from 2012 or 2013 till this date, there is no record of his earlier life. Its just like he came from thin air. With no trace of his past. Or might i be too paranoid in this matter. When i asked him he simply denied any such thing. He said he was studying in some foreign country and was away from home for many years , and that there is nothing relevant to talk about his past.
    Secondly the way he sounded cool about his marrital life details, like telling me his wife never accepted him as her husband, she never slept with him, and still they remained married for 3 years, which according to him she spent most of time at her parents house, studying in some university, sounded so suspicious, because it seemed that he showed no guilt or regret about his failed marriage. How can he be so emotionless about such an important matter?
    Alan i will like to agree with you about ur suspicion that his primary goal was physical relationship only. In these last two weeks he showed nothing but immense interest about anything that was said for physical intimacy. Except for first few days, now when he calls, he has nothing to say much. He makes excuses that he is very tired and can’t speak for long. And thanks Alan for warning me from staying at his place at all, although I believe that a girl can’t sleep with someone unless she doesn’t want to, but what if he toxicated me by using some medicine etc. Who knows, I still get feeling that he is hiding major part of his past and personal life from everyone. When i ask him these questions he calls me crazy!

  • Alan March 17, 2017

    You actually observed a very good point about how all the pictures are from 2012 to 2013 and that when you asked about his past he seems unwilling. I personally wouldn’t consider things like pictures on a Facebook or people liking them as real confirmation because like in those instances it could actually be completely different.

    One example is like that one girl, Essena O’Neill, on Instagram before who admitted that all of her photos was pretty much sponsored and took hours to take whereas people on the outside immediately saw it as she must be like say rich and lives that lifestyle every day. Or here is an over exaggerated fictional video of like Facebook pictures and all which is sadly often very true in many ways for a lot of people:

    Not to say it’s always like that of course, but be vigilant I feel. Just as an example not too long ago I was talking to a person where based on items he published he wore like a suit and all was around a lot of well-known people as he advertised himself as like a business mogul of sorts. When I actually saw him in-person he was actually just like an average person who worked as a warehouse laborer for a company. He was indeed technically busy all the time running around from place to place and you can hear like vehicles and machinery. But that is probably not what you would originally think based on the pictures right?

    Again, it’s not to say necessarily that the person you speak of is for certain lying about his background, but I wouldn’t just take it at face value in your situation. Especially with how he has come across thus far based on what you wrote.

    The simple answer to how one can be emotionless is simply they aren’t fully invested in it emotionally. In many way you are marking the assumption as to how important say that marriage was to him based on your own thoughts of what a marriage entails and such. I mean like here maybe he never really was married so there is a quick answer. Or maybe he married for ulterior motives that elevated him in some way in life. But again the bottom line is the person themselves were never fully invested emotionally in the situation I feel.

  • Doly March 17, 2017

    You kind of lifted curtains from my eyes and revealed reality of things. Ofcourse you are right, Facebook and all other such social websites can never truely reveal what we actually are in real life. The video that u shared was eye opening definitely. Likewise once i posted a beautiful picture of mine on Facebook, my friends who knew me were surprised. Because they had always seen my appearance to be disheveled and shaggy. They couldn’t believe that I could look so different and well groomed in any picture too. Just imagine the people seeing my that picture for first time must be thinking that I always look and live like that. I think we portray on websites what we would like to think of ourselves, or what is likeable for the other people. Living and showing fake reality. Even once when i asked him why he looked so picture perfect and completely a business type person in all his pics, where I couldn’t imagine him to be having normal or romantic kind of personality , he told me not to take those pictures on face value. He said all those snaps were taken when he was in some business meeting or office, he looks different in his normal life. How deceiving can looks and pictures be one would think.
    So the conclusion is just like behind many people’s Facebook profiles, there is nothing but a ‘make believe ‘ story only. Their real emotions and personalities only their close ones know. We could only be decieved by what they tell us. I also agree on your point that he might be not married at all, or even still married to someone. Because last night as the weekend approached again, his cellphone was off all night, in the morning only answering me that he really missed me. And after that again no message from him. I can’t even get any information or idea from him that what does he do and get busy with once he reaches his village for whole weekend.

  • Doly March 22, 2017

    HI Alan again,
    Just wanted to discuss with you few updates. Few days back i told him that i had considered the option of flying over to his city and staying for a night at his house. He was very happy to hear that, we planned the day and about my traveling arrangements too. Then just a day before I had to reach there we developed disagreement on something. He wanted me to reach there on a night before a public holiday that we had (on his off from his office) with him , to spend the holiday and leave the same day back in late evening for my home. Whereas i had some problem at home so i asked him to take an extra leave from work so I could stay next day too. He showed reluctance. I was disappointed, because here i was risking my time, energy, money to see him, whereas he couldn’t take a single day off from his work for me. So I informed him that i had to cancel our trip. He was mad at me for doing that. He wanted to see me but on my expense, without his risking anything.
    Next day while we were on good terms again after I explained to him that I understood his job requirement was such that he couldn’t take an extra leave, but i had genuine problems at my home too, i told him that i have decided to not meet anyone at such long distance unless im committed or engaged to be married to him. He pleasantly answered me back that its the right thing to do, and that he agrees with me on this point. I told him lightly to take a ring for me next time before he invite me over to his place. He laughingly said yes sure , he will. I don’t know if he was joking or serious. Alan do you think im just wasting my time trying to analyse him again and again?

  • Doly March 22, 2017

    A strange thing happened. He sent me text today suddenly that he will be taking two days leave from his work next week just to be with me. I can’t believe my eyes for reading this message. Im feeling excited just thinking that he intend to make an effort for me ?

  • Alan March 23, 2017

    My personal thought would still to be careful in many ways personally based on everything you wrote and think long term. Example, I hope the reasons you aren’t in a way jumping pretty fast is because of the home problems you mentioned.

  • Doly March 24, 2017

    Alan im living in a hostel for short time for my studies, i guess from here i can independently travel to his home and stay there without any family restrictions on me. Whereas after few weeks when i will return to my home ( i live with my parents) i m sure my parents wouldn’t allow me to do any such thing. Yes maybe you are right in guessing that im jumping too soon in making this decision of meeting him because of my present situation. Although im not even sure that he will commit to me in the long run. He is very good looking, my heart is with him inspite of unsurity that I have about his personality. Maybe I will learn a lesson by my experience only.

  • Doly March 28, 2017

    He didn’t make any effort to take a day off from his work or do any arrangement for my visit to his home. All day he is busy and at night just before sleeping he calls me for 5 minutes or send few messages to me telling me he missed me and that he is very tired so gonna sleep soon. Yesterday while i was waiting for him to confirm about our meeting, he didn’t respond all day, but late at night sent me text that he is under some kind of stress and not feeling well , but that he loves me. Then no more reply from him till today. And here was I literally ready to take flight tickets for my visit and making everything ready to go. Alan does pisces react like this when they are not interested or in some genuine problem?

  • Alan March 29, 2017

    I would say that notion relates to anyone in general who isn’t being genuine and has something to hide per se. Again, I stress the point of being careful here with all what you wrote. Since you mentioned long distance here the most stereotypical example to make the point is someone say being cat fished just as an example. Like there every time the person wants to move things forward something always comes up or an excuse as it would obviously blow the cover.

    It’s your decision ultimately of course. But for me based on everything you wrote I still personally think this whole thing is too sketchy so to speak and favor with my original thoughts I posted above.

  • Doly March 31, 2017

    Hi Alan
    Thank you for the time that you take out to read my comments and answer me too. Just a little bit of update, i met him atlast. I gave him a surprise visit. Because twice he mentioned to me that it will be wonderful if i reach his city as a surprise and call him from airport to pick me. I took it as a clue that he wants me to make an effort to meet him that will please him, and also i got from reading your posts that as a Pisces he will take forever to try and plan for our meeting. So i took the initiative. After taking two hours flight i reached his city suddenly and on reaching airport i texted him to come and receive me . I could feel he got shocked, he called me instantly if i was not joking, I sent him pics of airport on whatsapp, then he could believe me. He told me right at that moment he was in an important place like a police station where he had to complain about someone in his office. He told me to take a cab and reach his place, that he will brief the cab driver about his address on fone. I did accordingly, and within half hour met him in half way where he recieved me in his car to take me to his home. It was a small but a decent new home that he had rented recently, and he had started decorating it partially. He was living with his watchman and a personal shef there who cooked meals for him. He expressed his excitement upon seeing me like this, i told him if he liked my surprise visit, he said it was best surprise of his life that someone travelled from so far for him. He told me it was the right thing i did because for him it would be difficult to take time out for arranging a meeting with me. He then took me to dinner to one of fine restaurant upon asking my preference of food. We had a nice dinner there. Then he took me on a very long drive, he showed me around the city in those late hours of night , with detail he told me about history of every building and place in his city, during drive he continously got phone calls from his work, mostly his senior colleagues were calling him discussing with him about his work. They were really long long professional calls, so much that it irritated me as i wanted all his attention for me only.
    The city where he lives has green hills all around and very beautiful long green fields. He told me because of these plantations he loved to live in this city. He again told me about his hard work all these years to reach where he was right now. That how he had to make his way through high class officials to make contacts. And how he was the most youngest officer among them.
    During all our drive we listened to his awesome music collection in car. We both found that we loved same music. Then he let me hear to a beautiful audio song recording that he had sung himself some years back in his student life, it was in some foreign language of a place where he got his education from. It was a beautiful song. He told me he never shared it with anyone except me and that it was his hidden talent that no one knew about. We drove like this for 3 hours around city while holding each other’s hands. It was most magical night of my life. Except for his professional fone calls continuously disturbing us.
    Late night we reached his home. Prepared for bed, we kissed and hugged with love and passion. He kind of seemed to be swept away by emotions and tried to go all the way with me by trying to make love, but I stopped him, because i told him earlier too that I believed only in sex after marriage, he heard me but i felt that he was not giving up the idea of having sex with me , I don’t know deliberately or involuntarily. So in the end i had to snap on him, telling him off angrily that no one could force me to do something it if I didn’t want it. He became upset for a moment, but then apologised for his behaviour and only hugged me affectionately before going to sleep. I kissed him good night too.
    Early in the morning i woked him up by gentle hugging him and told him to get ready for his office, i also told him to confirm my ticket of flight for back home, because i had to return on same day. We had breakfast together, he again apologised for his behaviour. He told me he had no intention of doing anything with me which I didn’t wanted last night. I accepted his apologies. He left for his office and told me he will take half day off to spend some time with me and see me off to airport. So i waited at his place. After two hours he called me about some problem in my flight ticket, as the flight was cancelled and he had to change my ticket after going through lot of trouble and some complications. He asked me when did i want to leave, in afternoon flight or in late evening. Inside my heart i wanted him to stop me till late evening, but as he said nothing and i considering his busy schedule and fone calls i told him to book me flight in afternoon. He said ok and that he would return to home soon.
    Here is where things got ugly and unhappy for me. While i waited for him to return back early so I could spend some last minutes closer to him, he reached home just an hour before my flight time, when i could do nothing but sit in car with him to take me to airport. I was insanely angry at him. First for not stopping me till evening, secondly i felt seperation anxiety which i suffer often, because i hate farewells, thirdly i was angry at him for not making it soon to get back to home to spend some time with me more. When we reached airport i told him in really harsh words how hurt i was by his behaviour, that he didn’t care about me like i cared about him, and that he took me for granted. He tried to explain but he had no other excuse than telling me about road traffic that he got stuck in it so took longer to reach back home ( his home is half hour drive away from main city). But anyway i refused to let him see me off till departure gate of airport. And to add more to the traumatic event i used even some abusive words for him too to show him what I thought of him. I guess that would have done the deal. Because he is not speaking to me after that except after a reply to message of my telling him that i reached safely to my city. I apologised to him by sending him texts that i was being unreasonable by getting angry and abusive on him. That i got insecure and hurt due to fear of separation from him. Anyway he didn’t reply to any of my text after that.
    Alan im confused about my feelings for him too. I like him a lot, but i felt he was too much ambitious for my liking. I work hard too but i give time to my loved ones too. Whereas he seemed to be engrossed with his professional life and colleagues so much. He told me all his friends or professional buddies are usually 10-15 years elder than him. That he doesn’t have his age friends, and that he likes to keep company of only people who are productive in someways. He seemed too much career and goal oriented to me. He showed me his expensive car and home furnishings that he was swiftly working on to make his dreams come true.
    I came back but part of my heart is with him. He told me he loved me many times. But im not sure if he intended any commitment with me in the long run. Alan do u think he is too ambitious to be pursued any further?

  • Alan April 1, 2017

    In my personal opinion it sounds like you are trying way too hard to turn him into someone he isn’t in every way. With what you wrote too I would ask fundamentally why are you personally surprised as to what happened? If we scroll up even with your initial question you mentioned about his attitude about things like sex too. Why would things be different?

    This might not be the best choice of words, but in terms of you saying you are confused about your feelings for him I feel based on what you wrote in many ways it seems like you are too infatuated of the idea that you can mold this person to be who you want while being a little too “desperate” for it right now if that makes sense. Like above you mentioned a few times how you thought he was so good looking where that is like high on the list as a reason to pursue him.

    If this was like food it’s almost like an example of having a bag of sugar where someone says it’s so sweet that they must try and get it. Even though you say you believe in eating things that are healthy for you the sugar and sweetness is just so addictive to you right now. As a result your base of food right now is always like say one pound of sugar and then you try and mix in like say vegetables with it. You can try all you want to try and make that healthy but like there I think you need to completely rethink what the base should be in terms of pursuing a person to build on. Like here if you started with the vegetable first then that’s a different story. With him if you start with the values first then similarly that would be different.

    Just personally speaking too about all this wealth talk of expensive cars and such even with the above of what I stated I would personally do a check. It feels too orchestrated on how everything unfolded. In my opinion too you shouldn’t be asking if he is too ambitious to be pursued. You have written to me here as an example that you have separation anxiety amongst other things here. To me that personally means you may want to step aside from worrying about others and how they think but rather really understanding yourself and why you are essentially doing things that in one end you say it’s bad such as perusing someone with different values yet you are doing it anyways.

    It’s better to read what I write in context as well. For example, you mentioned that you read a post I mentioned about a person like myself taking forever to try and plan. Again, you need to put this in context with the mindset I am writing this in versus simply pasting that in for your situation if that makes sense. Because here the context isn’t the same. For example, the stuff I wrote there is in relations to how a person like me who is super serious about finding “the one.” Example, no sex until marriage, will be there forever with you, etc. This person does not have the same mentality with what you wrote. As you mentioned he seemed pretty forthcoming with things like a “phone sex”.

    Similar to a different post I even mentioned there are a ton of people who may look and sound the same on a surface level but the values are completely different where they could be using all those techniques to simply manipulate you instead. Ultimately it is your choice of course as I mention all the time. In my opinion you really need to focus on the other things first that are influencing your decision I feel like the anxiety issue you mentioned. In some ways it feels you are relying on him to be a leg support of sorts to keep that under control where that doesn’t sound like a good idea based on the differences in values at the moment. Maybe it’s just me too, but one time is too much in terms of someone being aggressive of sort with the sex when the person says no.

  • Doly April 1, 2017

    Thank you Alan once again for answering. Yes i do agree with you on some points that you mentioned about me:
    1: im being too impatient and impulsive in the matters such as finding ‘right partner ‘ for myself.
    2: ‘Good looks’ are among one of the requirements in my check list for my future husband ( it’s important but not mendatory, if other requirements are met).
    3: i knew from his fone conversation that he had no restrictions in matter of physical intimacy etc before marriage, but I overlooked the fact, i kept hoping that i will find him better/different in reality.
    4: i showed ‘desperation’ to reach him and not taking the hint that he might not be that interested in me too.

    Yes i agree to your point, implying that i took very less time to think even despite your warnings which I didn’t take seriously. He does have completely different set of values for his life. Whereas i posses totally different background and family values from the place that i belong. What was I thinking to take such a step by traveling all that distance just to be with him?
    Alan, i recieved a text from him this morning. Im sharing with u by copying and pasting,

    ” First of all i will say thank you for taking out time, visiting My city, even in ur tight schedule and honoring me with all this.
    i will apologize unconditionally for if any inconvenience caused during the whole time,
    I would like to say that u r a very nice girl while me on the other hand am not up to the mark, resultantly we did not match with each other.
    u can find way far better option then me, who will be according to your choice as well,
    Best of luck for your exams and successful future life.
    Good bye”
    ? I guess that was a good bye from his side too, after the way i was being aggressive with him and all that. Although it was expected but it broke me into pieces and made me tearful and more anxious because i was already going through stress of my studies and exam. I think i did wrong by being too impatient and desperate to not listening to u in the first place! ?

  • Alan April 4, 2017

    I often hear the quote on how life is 10% on what happens to you and 90% on how you react to it. So hopefully you are looking at the positives where you can grow from it too.

    From his message that you posted with what you wrote that took place before that my personal interpretation is he is kind of afraid that his approach to you has a great chance of getting out there to the point where it would look bad publicly. So therefore he kind of needs to cut it. With that said I honestly don’t think he sounded right for you with how forthcoming he was with many things which you mentioned you didn’t agree with.

    So if I were you I think you shouldn’t get too stuck on the notion of this ending. Just my opinion of course, but I would imagine this should help to give you a better insight on what to potentially look for in future people and whether or not you feel there are certain aspects of yourself that you would like to change or develop in life. Simply focus on being the best you can be and you may be surprised on how everything else can probably just fall in place afterwards.

  • Doly April 4, 2017

    Thank you Alan. You are right. This experience should let me grow more emotionally and mentally. If you were not warning me from the start about him, I would be still wondering what went wrong in our relationship. Rather I would be killing myself with tears and begging him to come back again . But reading all your replies made me stronger and helped me to realise that we both didn’t belong together with such differences of values.
    Another thing came into my mind, as im 5 years older to him and also have gained quite lot of weight in recent years, maybe he didn’t like me too when he saw me in real? This thing is bugging me too, that he might not have found me attractive at all.
    But im feeling much better after reading your replies. Thank you once again Alan!?

  • Doly April 4, 2017

    An additional note: I couldn’t help but registering here few cute “Pisces ” traits that I observed in him. When i reached his city, he informed me he was in police station to complain about one of his senior colleague. Upon my asking he told me that person was bullying his junior colleagues and threatening to fire them from job often. While explaining this he had such sincerity in his eyes for his co workers, ( or just i imagined). He expressed his empathy for his junior colleagues and told me to just imagine poor people already earning so less get fired from their job due to some obnoxious boss/senior. So with help of his co workers he had that senior beaten to give him a lesson, and when that person filed a case in court against pisces, he went to police station to report against him. By listening to him i just remembered in one of ur posts where u commented that you complained against one of your senior boss who was bullying ur co workers. I felt it was a sweet Pisces thing to do that they couldn’t stand a bully. He also told me that he was student union head in his college, and was expelled from his college too because of his political activities.
    Secondly I noticed the way he walked was so much like a Pisces, like walking in dream, taking careful steps , lost in day dreams even while walking. When he took me to a hill top, there was fast wind blowing, he seemed scared of falling from the hill, so he held my hand and told me to be careful from the edge too. He seemed so vulnerable at that time. Few cute memories of his that i might ponder on sometimes, it makes me feel like smiling. ?

  • Alan April 6, 2017

    It’s kind of interesting that you mentioned about appearance as it makes me curious if that is something you are self-conscience about normally and whether or not that played a factor in you latching on to him where he kind of just said the right things in that regards. I mention that too because in context of growing from this I think things like that are important to evaluate in oneself so you know the type of things you need to overcome per se in terms of confidence in yourself and all.

    Speaking for myself with the bully comment it’s like the saying of those who know what it’s like to fall down will be more likely to offer you a hand to get back up. I am fairly sure that would be the same for most if they experienced the same as everyone has different life experiences. Like saying I am pretty sure with your experience if you saw someone else now literally going through the same thing you did and was going on the exact same path and was receiving the exact same advice you would probably be screaming “Listen”.

  • Doly April 8, 2017

    Hey Alan
    I have noticed this one thing in questions and your answers to them on your site, that once you try to reason with any male or female to quit having false hopes or expectations from their wrong relationship and to totally cut off from that person, but if she/he persists in their action of continuing to pursue their already troublesome love affair, and as a result they face same consequences that you warn them of beforehand, don’t you feel frustrated when they continue asking you same questions again and again without changing their behaviour or way of doing something?

  • Alan April 10, 2017

    That question came up before interestingly enough. Generally speaking, I recognize everyone has a different journey in life and it’s not really up to me per se to tell one how to live. All I offer is basically an opinion and perspective based on my knowledge of the subject. How one chooses to use that information is up to them.

    I don’t really feel frustrated in the sense you are thinking of that word because as the “quiet reserved listener” guy as they say I observe a ton of personalities and emotions every day to the point where things often became very textbook where I don’t become shocked if that makes sense. If anything I am just more “worried” as to what it takes for say a person to realize “oh, that was definitely a bad idea” if that makes sense as sometimes to get to that realization people have to endure some pretty harsh life experience.

    And to me like here you never know if there is someone else who is literally going through the exact same thing where when they read it that light-bulb moment will come up. So in many ways too I feel personally it’s like planting seeds to help even more people.

  • Doly June 9, 2017

    Hi Alan,
    Its me again here. Quite a long time since i posted something. I didn’t because i felt awkward. Alan i wanted to tell you that despite the facts that you helped me to understand, i kept on obsessing after that pisces guy. He has unfriended me from Facebook a month back, although I didn’t try to contact him from fb. But as im very popular and social there, with hundreds of friends (mostly males) who follow my political posts there, maybe he got intimidated ( just my guess). He was added with me on another fb id too which i seldom use, i just kept it to see his id, he unfriended me last week from there too. Alan sometimes when i miss him too much then i send him message on his whatsapp id. He always used to read my messages intantly, but never answered me back. Today out of desperation or affection for him, i sent him my Facebook id along with password so he could check my id that i was not befriending any other guy. But guess what , he instantly blocked me on whatsapp after reading my this message. Alan i just wanted to ask you, do you think he is over me completely? That he was never into me? Or do you think that my recent act of sending him my password somehow infuriated him?

  • Alan June 10, 2017

    In some ways I would need to ask what is the ultimate goal of the question you are asking because in many ways the essence of it has been addressed already with what you are asking in the literal sense. The main difference is the situation is just packaged differently.

    For myself I am missing the blanks here as to why you are still pursuing him with everything that you mentioned above. I actually don’t understand what he is specifically doing for you or what you feel he is in your potential future to be latching on to him. The general answer to your question though would be the same as above where he wanted something from you such as being aggressiveness with the “phone sex.”

    With that said there is still a blank here as to the essence of the reason as to why you are pursuing him still. In my opinion you should be focused on that as opposed to staying in the mud and wondering if a person purposely pushed you into there or not as an example. Like there I think it’s better to get out of the mud first regardless. Because as of now it’s like you are staying in the mud that he in a way pushed you in while constantly giving him everything to pull you out which he clearly doesn’t care to do.

  • Flower June 10, 2017

    Agreed with you here Alan. Dear Doly you are fighting a lost case here. Just like Alan said after all that happened, why are you still hoping that he was true with you in the first place?
    Hey Alan this reminded me of something similar which happened with me too a long time ago. Several years back when my Pisces was not talking to me, after he blocked me on his Facebook id, i sent him my FB id with password too, and I remember he was infuriated. He sent me quite an insulting message as answer to that. I was bewildered, because I thought any guy would love to have password of any girl’s id, be it his girlfriend or any girl. Can you put some light on it that why a pisces will react this way in such situation?

  • Alan June 16, 2017

    That would sound like a classic situation of the person wanted you gone initially and gave you reasons that aren’t entirely true. So by doing things like giving your ID and password you are kind of taking away the excuses that they potentially gave you if that makes sense. Kind of like saying one telling the other they can’t hang out because they can’t afford something but they actually really wanted to. In reality they didn’t and are glad as that excuse is “good enough.”

    So imagine the other person then taking him for his word that it was genuine where they then sold a very precious personal belonging to get the money. Should be “surprise!” and joy that they can be together now right? No because the person wasn’t entirely genuine to begin with and now you just did something extreme to do that too. So the person is going to feel guilty as heck.

    The only other thing I could imagine is you both left with the agreement that you two are done and you doing that can be viewed as you aren’t respecting his wishes.

  • Flower June 16, 2017

    Oh ok. Although sounds so cruel and heartbreaking for sensitive girls like us. But I think this is how we ought to be treated if we chase such people who are not interested in us. I was just wondering why they won’t take benefit of chance to open some girl’s id if its given willingly. But i guess pisces are different.?

  • Alan June 17, 2017

    A more generic thought to that, like say assuming there is no malice or whatsoever with the breakup, would be for liability reasons in the sense of if there is no reason for a person to see it then why place any form of risk on themselves? Because if something happened on the account in the future, like let’s say it got compromised, then naturally everyone that went into your account is suspect.

    It’s no different than people often not wanting to even listen or get into other people’s business. Because once the other person knows that they did then they expect them to do something if that makes sense. So like there many people would run with both hands over their ears and even scold the other if they still insist that they should listen even when they don’t want to.

  • Doly June 20, 2017

    Alan, a friend of mine approached him through different Facebook id, she became friends with him without telling him that she knew me. After a while he started flirting with her too, like wanting to see her personal pics and cell number so he could talk to her . She asked him during chat if anyone had stalked him or chased him before. He said yes a girl chased him recently (mentioning me), by sending messages to him, but he didn’t care about her because she was morally of bad character. And he said she was very bad girl. When my friend tried to ask more about that girl he became suspicious of her motives and changed his topic. And tried to change his story when once again he was asked about her. Then he tried to flirt with my friend again by sending romantic messages etc. However my friend showed me all his messages and deleted him from her profile. After reading all those things he said, i was shocked ?.. i cried so hard that night to be rejected and accused in such way. Specially after hearing things about my moral character. He was the one trying to go all way with me, not other way round. I stopped him from doing so. Was my staying at his house for night made him think so wrong about me? I was broken in pieces after knowing about his cruel and insensitive personality. I mean what kind of person was he? So fake and pretending. It cutted deep like a knife ???

  • Alan June 28, 2017

    If we were to factor in everything that was said and written it basically just comes down to the point again where the person he was presenting himself as is very different from who he really is. So in that sense I would say it doesn’t have anything to do with you meeting up with him in terms of the results. In a sad and depressing way I guess you could say the situation turned out pretty textbook in many ways in terms of how the person behaved with everything you wrote.

    The only thing to really think about for yourself I would say is why go down that path when there was all the warning signs and constant reiteration that something is wrong? To me it’s more important for you to address those questions for yourself. But to answer your question as to why a person would be so fake per se? It just boils down to they want something and this is their tried and true way of doing it in a sense. I wouldn’t find it a coincidence if the flirty stuff he said to your friend was like a template response in many ways as an example.

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