Is this Pisces a risk
I met a Pisces through online dating app, we texted for about 2 months until we had the opportunity to meet. Our conversations through text were great, we seems to agree on a lot of topics and were able to carry on for hours.
When we met I could see in his eyes the immediate attraction towards me. We talked and talked and just enjoyed each other’s company. I had never had such a connection with someone in the sense that we could talk about anything and I had never before felt so safe with someone. Physical attraction was also strong, he would constantly look into my eyes, hold my hands and observe every part of me in such a kind loving way. All I could do was the same, I could not get enough of his smile and everything about him. We did not want to separate that day but it got late for me and we each went out way.
The following days he became distant. He blamed jet lag (he had just flown in from a 2 day trip) and then after a couple of days he immediately stopped texting back. I asked what was wrong and he wouldn’t answer.
Then he called back and apologized for his asshole behavior. He then explained that it had been son long since he had felt such a connection that it scared him and he was having depressed thoughts. He said that it was because he liked me so much that he knew that I was the type of woman that he would want something serious with. His fear arose because that he had been very hurt in his last relationship and that he just wanted to avoid any conversation that would bring this up. He then asked if I wanted to grab coffee and I agreed.
When we met he was so happy to see me and was so different from the conversations. We talked and he repeated what he said and told me that it would take him some time because once he’s in a relationship he gives everything. He told me that he wanted to take things slow emotionally and that if I was willing to persevere and be patient then we should continue. For the most part I feel he is being honest judging by how happy and kind he is when we are together. I know for sure that he likes me but I’m scared to fully believe him. Also how he expressed how hurt he was and I could see that in his eyes too. He told me to help him and to just understand that he wasn’t going to hurt me and that I could feel safe with him.
I really like him and I understand that I am an energetic always trying to plan and make things happen so it can be conflicting to be patient. I’d like to know form your point of view if you think this man is being honest and how I can go about being patient. I know there is no way to truly now but if any insight could help.
My general impression with what you wrote is that it feels like he is trying too hard to explain his “bad habit” per se due to the past. It’s also contradicting in a sense if we are going by the notion that he is so connected with you and all where just like that he then exhibits this “asshole behavior” to you.
Unless I am reading this wrong are you saying that he expressed to you that he wants to completely avoid any conversation about his past that hurt him? My personal opinion is to put that in the list of “what’s going on here” type of deal. Because generally speaking while it is true in many ways that people don’t want to talk about the past, if we are going with the notion that the person thinks like me and is super serious and committed to you being “the one” then wanting to tell you it is like a goldmine of sorts. It’s essentially a part of that deep connection that one strives for in the sense of being understood.
That is also confusing with the “help him” part as in many ways if he truly was hurt and all from the past then I would be inclined to say talking about it is the help that is needed in many ways. In my personal opinion to not want to do that with the notion that he is super into you and all translates more to him hiding something. Like saying it’s more about a side of him he doesn’t want to show. It’s fair if he doesn’t trust you enough, but that’s not the case from what I am reading as it is being used more as a justification of sorts for his actions.
With all that said, in my personal opinion thus far I don’t think he is being fully honest to the extent of how he truly feels about you. A common scenario in a situation like this too from my personal observations is that he seems so dreamy and all to you in-person is because the stakes are higher in terms of being able to make that impression that one wants. A very simple comparison is like say someone having a bad personal home life where they seem unhappy but out in public they are so happy and a blast to be with. In many ways hiding the home life is more about hiding that part of his life from you as it may change your perception of him as opposed to the hurt if that makes sense. That would be what I am leaning towards with him at the moment in essence with what you wrote.
So the question now goes to how can you be patient in these scenarios? The general straight forward answer would be don’t be at that height emotionally where everything is like planned out and you just need to see him walk up that path to you. Instead stay at the level he is at with you and only go up if he is actively going up with you. You can still be energetic and plan for things, but keep it at the level it’s at if that makes sense. Kind of like saying if you were planning for adventure then don’t buy all the tickets and such ahead of time where you assume the person is going to go with you. Instead, the planning should be more in the sense of making the effort to express how much you enjoy whatever that adventure is. In my opinion, if the person is really in tune with you and all then they will work with you in the planning to make it happen.
From there it’s up to you where if he still doesn’t in a sense respond in a desirable way then it’s up to you if you want to continue or no.