Mixed signals

Mary Asks:

I recently started a new job and met a old friend from school there we hit it off from the start long conversations long eye contact started meeting for drinks but he’s so hot and cold hell talk to me all week then not the one week it’s driving me crazy… I think he has self esteem issues…

For example another co worker asked for my keys to come back in the building after he smoked then my guy I like got quite jealous calling him my bf…then he comes up to me the one day said I want an honest answer do you find the other co worker attractive and I said no then asked me what was wrong with him and I told him that trust me there was trust me there was absolutely nothing wrong with him and how attracted I was to him then told me that I’m the only one that thinks that…..

And I walk by him ignoring him then he will throw a cap lid at me and I asked what that was for and he said it looked like you needed it …I know he likes me but HOW do I reassure him that I don’t like the other co worker??

Mary,

For clarification you two aren’t actually a couple or are you? Because I found it a little confusing with the part about saying you like him along with that scenario of the walking by and ignoring him where he throws a cap at you.

Either way with what you wrote I would agree that it is a self-esteem issue of sorts. But the confusing thing is in context to your question I kind of don’t understand where you say you know he likes you and wish to find a way to reassure him that you like him and not the co-worker. So like there again are you not actually a couple right now then? If not does that not answer all the questions in terms of why he is self-doubting everything? Basically I would imagine many would interpret that as the scenario of “I like you as a friend, just not in that way” if things never moved to a couple’s relationship by now with all that was said. So that would make perfect sense with everything.

Now assuming you are a couple with the self-esteem factor then I would say realistically with what you wrote you need to in a sense make him feel like he has impact in your life which you value. The only tricky thing is I don’t know the person of course and usually these kinds of reactions are a result of something else in their life. You being with him is basically an escape/band aid solution for it. So when you stop giving him like say the attention he constantly needs it’s like you cut of that life support line that he relied upon to not actually having to deal with whatever the real issue is. Of course that is a task for you to decide if you want to embark on as it can be a long ride to uncover the “why” as I usually say.

The quick fix solution I would say is basically just be all over him in a sense of like a constant need to acknowledge his presence and all. Though realistically again that doesn’t solve things for the long term where again it’s up to you to uncover the whole story behind him.