I have never been more confused with a man in my life. What is he up too?

Megan Asks:

Hello,

It’s taken me a while to actually put this into words that I can comprehend let alone explaining it coherently enough for someone else to understand. I will try my best to not be long winded.

I met my Pisces Man early in 2017. We had been around each other often with mutual friends and both work for a large corporation. We’ve always been in different departments though.

In spring 2017, we started talking, mostly texting. Until the first time we hung out. We had a lot in common, more so than really any other guy I’d ever dated. We had our differences, mostly with upbringing and lifestyle. I have a kid and he does. Though my son is older it was something my guy said he never thought of having kids. He did show interest which about knocked me on my ass. Most guys I’ve known don’t care to ask about my kiddo. We were both very interested in the others lives and were there for each other no questions asked.

The relationship was very refreshing and up front. Neither one of us wanted to jump into things too quickly. We tried to take things slow but, there was a crazy magnetism between us and…well things happened. The weird part was, people we knew would comment that they could tell we were very into each other. Even though I wanted to keep work, work and outside of work separate. We still couldn’t stay away from each other. It really was romantic and caring. Probably the most stable thing I’d ever experienced. Naturally, I fell hard! And I knew he had too. There were things that were said and done that even the best “players” don’t do. And I have come across my fair share of some sick, slick puppies!

During the building of the relationship. There were major stressors in his life that he was going through. Mainly financially some With family. Never the less I was still there for him.

The week before we split, I could feel something was off. He didn’t have time to text or see me. No time, which was a complete 180. By the end of the week, we were done. I got scared and said it was over, realized my mistake and tried to communicate that I didn’t want it to end, I was just scared. For the record, I have never let anyone in, truly. He had me hook line and sinker. But, he slammed the metaphorical door in my face and that was it.

We went back and forth. Not angrily yelling or swearing at each other. Mainly me try to put my feelings into words and him saying he just didn’t want anything from me but friendship. Fast forward, I’m now completely blocked and he started up with another person who works for our company. They moved really fast, much faster the we had.

Months later, I’ve come out of the “heartbreak spiral” that evidently happened after a heartbreak. Stop downing my sorrows in liquor. I worked very hard on myself physically(down 30lbs woot!) and mentally/spirituality I’m in a much better place. I am outwardly happy again. I’ve grown and advanced myself further in my company also.

Now the confusing part. I never did get why he ended everything so quickly and refused to talk.

At first, it was only me that saw this behavior. Now others have noticed and come to me asking what’s going on.

I have seen him staring at me. Sometimes with his mouth dropped open. Body language eyes and all, just following along. He walks through my department often. He has done oddball movements. Like stepping in my direction so I have to acknowledge and avoid the collision. Following behind me like he wants to say something to me, but he never does. When I have to see them together he never looks happy, for the most part he looks exhausted and ashamed.

The last communication I got was that he wanted it to go back to the way it was before we ever knew each other.

I do want to speak with him. At the very least to get closure. To find out what I can do in future relationships to never have to go through this again. To learn from my mistakes. I don’t want to break his new relationship up, I do want to move on an no matter what I try I cannot.

So here I am, trying to fit that last piece to the puzzle. And for the life of me I cannot figure this guy out and his motives. Is he up to something or is he trying to find a way to talk to me? Am I just over analyzing? In a perfect world, we would reconcile, everything would move on as though nothing had happened. Like the movies, but I’m not that delusional. Even after everything that I didn’t mention, I would still like to have him in my life. He truly was an amazing person.

Your take, advice, a reality check…would be very much appreciated!

Have a great day!

Megan,

The keypoints that float on my mind based on what you wrote is how you mentioned there was financial and family issues with him where at the same time he went with another woman very quickly. To me what that signifies is there is a high chance he believed that entering into this relationship with him would in a sense help him to solve these issue even though he might not think the relationship is a 100% match. By the sounds of it I am assuming what you provided wasn’t enough in his mind.

Fundamentally this similar to someone who is very depressed in life where before finding the solutions for themselves they think jumping into a relationship will solve all that. Like there everything can seem lovey dovey in the beginning but as soon as those issues pop up where the person never solved the route of the problem they will be highly likely to leave the relationship just as fast if they think someone else will give them the instant fix. That’s not to say things like the care wasn’t there but the real anchor for the relationship wasn’t entirely for storybook romantic reason.

To me that would all make perfect sense in that way with everything you wrote. Like with the other girl imagine it being the reverse where she did somehow offer him a better solution to solving those financial and family issues but romance wise it’s not ideal. Like saying if you had extreme bills to pay to get your kids through life where you were assigned to work at a department you love but it simply isn’t paying the bill would it be odd for you to accept a different role in a department all of a sudden that you aren’t as thrilled about where in that case you can make three times as much to solve everything else?

In these scenarios too there should have been an ample amount of direct or indirect expressions as to what he needed/wanted. The only real thing I could say at the moment in terms of lesson is I often say if it happens way too fast then that can usually mean something isn’t right. Not to say it’s impossible but even for a person like myself if I am looking for the one there has to be something extremely significant where you hit virtually all the right buttons. It almost is like guessing the right lottery numbers.