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Reader Questions

My pisces guy seems like a toxic person but I am trying to be patient

Cancerian29 Asks:

Hi Pisces View,

I have been reading through the posts here and I got so hooked that I decided to ask a question myself. So basically the scenario is like this. I have been going out with my Pisces man for more than 2 months now. We are official, I am his girlfriend and he is my boyfriend. He tends to be very sweet when we are together and he messages all the time and constantly tells me how much he loves me and misses me and that he is so lucky to have me in his life because I am everything he has been looking for.

The thing is I have trust issues. So in the beginning of our relationship, he found me in a social media app by the way which was very disturbing at first but I didn’t want to judge so I let it be, he kept saying he loves me just after 1 day of dating. Then he would go to my place every day and we would talk and hangout and have dinner and he kept kissing me and telling me he loves me. I told him stop saying you love me because I know it’s not true. Then later on I myself told him I loved him because at that time I did mean it. He also said that he means it already.

Everything was going good until I noticed that he never posts any photos with me in it. Never likes to be tagged in photos. Never comments on my instagram account only in my facebook account. Every time a person comments on his instagram post it seems he would be so proud. When we go out he would ask me to take his photo and then he asks to have our photo together taken. It is like he is constantly seeking for approval or attention in his social media account, instagram to be exact. Then he kept following random women on social media which I despise because I felt that he was flirting and I was right. He wasn’t exactly flirting but I asked to see his phone and he was chatting with women. So I told him you can choose to follow these women and message them and break things off with me that’s it. He apologized and promised to not do it again. Then he did it again following women and adding women in snapchat and chatting. So I told him I’m done. That was the last time. Then he didn’t do it again or at least not anymore. He told me I am free to check his phone whenever I want.

But whenever I attempt to hold his phone he freaks out. So I can never fully trust him because of this. I do love him but I am starting to think that he is such an immature person and selfish person but he has a potential to be a good boyfriend. He does have good qualities. When we are together, beside each other, we are so good. I feel loved and cared for and him as well. But the moment we are apart that’s when the problem happens.

I have been through so much in my past relationships that I told him from the beginning I am tired of players and playboys and I want something real. If that’s not what he wants. If he just wants games then just walk away. Don’t waste my time. But he stuck it out.

I really don’t want to give up. But everything inside me, my inner voice, is screaming get out of the relationship. End it. He is immature, manipulative, toxic, selfish and a child. He keeps making promises he can’t keep. He is fair weathered. Just end it. But I hate to keep ending things so I am still trying.

Sorry this is long. But I am really confused. Thanks in advance for the advise


To me with what you wrote it sounds pretty straight forward in the sense where you kind of proved that he isn’t being honest with you many times. It almost feel like in some ways you are clinging on to it because you don’t want to make it feel like you chose another dud per se and so you are sticking with it in hopes he will change. That comes down to personal preference of course.

Just as a hypothetical example with what you wrote it almost feels like the situation is being in a relationship with you is a way to falsely validate his social presence. Example, if a guy keeps bragging or showing off that he has it all yet he can’t even get a girl to say go out with him then that crushes that image. So that would make sense with like yourself on why he got with you so quickly yet continues to in a sense flirt heavily with others while wanting their validation.

I am inclined to say if you are tired of players and playboys as you say then you need to stop being patient with those same types of people as well and understand why you keep attracting a person like that. I always say if it happens too fast and you are going by the notion that the person is supposed to be like me that wants to find “the one” then something is usually wrong.


  • Cancerian29 August 18, 2018

    Hi Allan,

    Thank you for the feedback. So I broke up with my Pisces guy last Thursday. The reason for it was he went out on Wednesday despite the fact that he kept complaining that he wasn’t feeling well for the past 2 days (Monday and Tuesday). I didn’t really mind him going out but the thing that I hate the most is when my boyfriend doesn’t tell me where he is. Earlier in our relationship he was extremely angry with someone so he decided to be very cold to me. He went somewhere, the beach, to relax. Didn’t bother telling me who he was with and what time he went home, etc. He was very very cold to me even if I was not the one he was angry at.

    Then last Wednesday, the same thing happened, he went out with his co-worker to God only knows where, but didn’t even bother to tell me where he was going home, didn’t even bother to message me if he was already home, etc. So I decided that I’ve had enough and broke things off the next day.

    I stopped communicating with him for a day and he was barraging me with texts telling me how much he loves me but he was so hurt because of my trust issues, which I admit that I have. I am making him feel like he is a bad person. He is starting to hate himself. After the incident before of his chatting he never did it again. I told him that the problem is he doesn’t realize his mistakes he only sees mine. I seem to be the evil one all the time in his eyes whilst I try to understand him but everyone has a limit.

    So he told me he wants to talk and finalize things. He was supposed to drop by my house last night so we can talk but didn’t show. He told me he was driving and maybe he will just go straight to my house, he has the keys to my house by the way, but he kept saying maybe. I woke up around 4 am and realized that he wasn’t there. So I messaged him that he disappeared on me again. By 6 am he messaged me that he was sleeping that’s why. Again, he didn’t bother texting that he has reached home and decided to just not go to my house.

    I mean are Pisces men really that stupid? You already know what pisses someone off and yet you continue to do it. To establish what? That you are the alpha male? It is just crazy. So I think he will drop by today and we will talk. I am planning to make him write the things he likes and doesn’t like and I will do the same so we can finally air it out in the open.

    Any advice on how to proceed?

    Thanks in advance

    Confused Cancerian

  • Alan August 23, 2018

    I feel one point to really think about was your comment on how it felt like he only recognizes your mistakes and not his. I think that is kind of important because with everything that was expressed here it seems like you are still sticking with him. You could say he is “stupid” for doing the same thing over and over again. Don’t you feel though that for people to do that over and over there has to be an enabler to convince them to do so? Like the above in trying to get him to recognize his contribution to create this situation as well would it be too farfetched to suggest that it can be viewed as equally crazy per se to keep accepting the person back? It’s almost like a job. If a person keeps coming in late and doing bad work how effective will it be if the manager just scolds him for the 100th time yet he still doesn’t change? What do you think the answer there would be?

    You expressed in the beginning that you were tired of say “players” where I think that starts with evaluating your approach on what the ideal guy should be like without you wishing that they will change. For example, I always expressed that if woman are looking for the guy who is seriously looking for “the one” there is slim lottery chance of a person like myself will ever be that blunt or aggressive in quickly saying that he loves you for example. So maybe instead of going for the ”fishes” that start jumping everywhere as if they insist you take them home maybe walking around the lake and seeing the ones that actually make you feel at ease to want to take it with you would be better.

    Like saying would you call me “stupid” for example because I am a Pisces? There are plenty of fish in the sea as they say. If you keep going to the same pond then it should be no surprise that odds are you will get the same type of fish. My personal advice overall all is be clear in terms of what you want and stick with it as opposed to hoping the person will change.

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