So Confused!

Michelle Asks:

I’ve been in a long distance relationship with this Pisces man for 2 months. We met in my state of Florida while he was visiting family I know. We hit it off instantly and have talked every day since. I went to visit him after a month and a 3 day visit turned inTo 9 at his home in NYC. I met his friends and coworkers. It was great! We continue to talk every day and night. Totally connected. No call or text goes unanswered and he calls randomly also. He is 56 yrs old (I’m 52) and very old school. Not technically savy at all and just set in his ways. He’s been single for quite a while and no relationship longer than 5 yrs.

I want to see him for Valentines Day and have bought a ticket to NYC. When I ask him if he wants me to come it gets tense and he ultimately said no because it’s not right for me to come see him. He needs to be the one visiting me. It’s too much for only 3 days. Part of me believes this is him and he truly feels that way but I can’t understand it.

I haven’t told him I already bought the ticket. I can cancel it but I want to see him. Things are great between us but I have this gloominess feeling that he doesn’t want to see me. He tells me to relax… he’s not going anywhere. Honesty is very important to him so I’m afraid if I told him I bought the ticket a couple of weeks ago he will take that lying to him.

I don’t know what to do. I’m afraid that if I don’t go, I will resent him.

Michelle,

I think the trickiest thing in your situation is just generally speaking a person will probably feel guilty that you did that unless they know you are like a billionaire or something or you fly all the time back and forth to places. It’s such a gamble as I don’t know the whole backstory, but speaking personally if that was me and I was really into you authentically I would actually be very happy but would probably feel worthless per se because from what you wrote he needs to feel like “the man” socially. The only real safe thing is to actually have something else legitimately to do while you are there to eliminate that awkwardness of “I did it all for you” when he doesn’t sound confident about it for whatever reason.

The only other factor I would think for you to make a decision is people often say a long distance relationship only works if both couples are actually and actively working to literally be with each other. Like saying if your part here is getting the plane ticket then as long as he is actively contributing to it too then that should be good. If he says he can’t in anyway or worst just plain doesn’t want to then I would wonder.

I think it would be interesting to ask him, if you haven’t already, on how he sees you two spending that day together. There is a possibility too that he is just saying that because he already has plans to go see you. But I think a very good question is if not on Valentine’s Day then when is a good time for you two to meet in-person again? Like there he should realistically give you a general idea as he should pro-actively want to be with you. If he just blows that off then I would worry.