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Love and Romance

The Subjective Topic of Judging People Based On Looks

This was a fascinating conversation that I thought I would talk about. Now I have heard many times that a person with my personality type always tries to judge people based on their inner soul and not necessarily one’s physical attributes. Basically, we are not one to judge a book by its cover. I find this to be a really subjective matter as it really does come down to the person’s personality.

Now first of all, let me explain my personal stance when it comes to physical appearance and whether or not I would pre-judge a potential mate to say “she is not for me” type of scenario. Since physical appearance is usually always about weight I’ll talk about that specifically. As you know from reading my other entries, I focus highly on values and personality. So in that sense, yes it’s true that on paper it wouldn’t matter to me if say the lady is 500 pounds. However, it’s not the weight itself I would be looking at that would give me a negative vibe to say “she is not right for me”.

What comes across my mind would be what does that tell me about the person’s personality? Example, do you hate physical activities in general where I won’t be able to participate in activities with you? Since you know it is unhealthy does that mean you don’t care about yourself enough to want to change? Is my lifestyle going to drive you crazy too then?

So as you can see, it’s not the weight specifically that I am thinking of but rather I am trying to look deeper beyond that. Now granted there are factors such as genetics or metabolism that plays a role of course, but 80% of the time I would say it is a lifestyle choice and therefore you can potentially learn a lot about the person. The same can be said when I see someone drenched in makeup as opposed to someone that goes more natural. In many ways it can be two completely different personality types with things like that alone.

I think the key is to not use physical appearance as the definite answer as to how a person is but rather as an initial sign. I’m not going to say that I don’t like this book because the cover isn’t plastered with gold as an example. This then dives into the topic that worries a lot of girls such as whether or not the guy would find her attractive anymore if she gained weight because as you all know we will change physically eventually.

In general, if I chose you then that means I will still love you the same way even after say the kid comes which adds say an extra 30 pounds. What is the best way of finding out if the person really does mean that? As a guy you might find this strange……but when I talk with other group of guys I have always found out that the answer lies within their definition and belief on what sex is all about. Okay warning……..any kids reading this turn away.

Here is a real example. One day this guy was telling me how he couldn’t control himself as this girl was so physically attractive and sure enough they “did it”. I then mentioned how for me it’s usually the personality that gets me super attracted to a women and he just said I wouldn’t say that if I saw this girl. I then asked him a question on what exactly it is about the sex that he found so irresistible, so to speak.

As you may have expected, he started talking about body parts and all that stuff in a very typical way. I then told him that if it was me it’s not necessarily about that stuff, but rather the connection that you experience with the women through physical intimacy. Hence, it’s not about having sex but rather making love. Afterwards, I threw him a curveball remark that got him thinking.

I told him to imagine that he was with the very same lady and they had sex. Even with all the physical touching and all let’s pretend that she literally had no reaction to it. I asked him how irresistible the experience would be for him afterwards. After thinking about it you can tell he knew that there was some truth to that. Therefore, as an example of this connection with your partner I said a major part of the experience has a lot to do with recognizing that you two understand each other physically as you want to see the other person happy, for the lack of a better word.

Interestingly enough, I have always found amongst my male friends that anyone who’s views about sex is more of a surface answer like the one that person gave me as oppose to something more along the lines of what I stated is more likely to jump from girl to girl if she changes physically. Now I’m not exactly sure how you can bring that up in a conversation, but it’s definitely a good one that shows a lot about how judgmental the person is when it comes to physical appearances in a relationship in the long term.

So yes, I do judge people based on physical appearances personally to a certain extent. The only difference compared to most is that I am trying to learn about your personality to see if what the person inside is indeed what the cover shows.

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