pisces man confusing
Reader Questions

Will he come back?

Sally Asks:


I’m a Cancer woman and have been in an intimate relationship with a Pisces man for approx 18 months. It’s LDR but we see each other regularly.
We both wanted to take things slow and didn’t want to assume we would fall in love as we both have been hurt and feel jaded.
So we’ve never said the ‘L’ word. But I’ve felt that our bond has been getting increasingly stronger.
He’s more physucally affectionate now, stroking my cheek, hugging, kissing my head, etc.
Pays attention to everything about me.
Said once, that he sees me on a higher level to others – that was weird to me.
I never get presents though, although he helps with practical things.
We are very in sinc – it felt like I’d met him before when we first met and we just knew stuff about each other. I’ve developed strong feelings – I think he is too but he’s never said anything beyond that he cares.

My pisces is under a lot of stress at the moment though. When I saw him a few days ago I could feel the irritation pulsating from him and intuitively I knew it had nothing to do with me.
So we hung out and watched funny things and he was much more relaxed when he left.

The next day he texted out of the blue saying he’s not himself. He feels like hibernating and needs time to get away ( not on holuday but just space – I knew what he meant) just for him. He told me he was going to disappear for several weeks but that he didn’t want me to feel rejected. He said he’d contact me when he was ‘back’.
I told him I’d miss him but he needed to do what’s best for him and that I completely understood.
At random the next day he sent me a txt just saying hi and nothing else. I replied back. I’ve heard nothing since.

He has disappeared for brief periods before but he’s never given me the heads up before.

Is that a sign his feelings might be deepening? Will he come back? I’m scared he won’t miss me and won’t come back. I’m already missing him but I am leaving it to him to initiate sny contact as I sense he will feel drained.

But then previously I’ve let him take the lead with initiating contact after short disappearances and he gets upset with me for going quiet….when it was him who did it!
But my gut tells me to leave him alone and just be warm if he does reach out…

Any advice woukd be great. I’m trying not to panic.


This is just my opinion of course, but if I was to ever imagine myself being in a situation where I told a loved one that I need to disappear for a few weeks in an emotionally wrecked way that probably means I need you more than ever. The main reason I would personally say that is I don’t want to put you through the burden of it. An example would be a guy trying to break a Guinness World record with something that is extremely physically painful. While he really needs the love and support from others, he knows that him going through agonizing pain is like torment for his loved ones and so he opts to do it alone.

That would kind of make sense to me with just his “hi” message to you. It’s almost like he really wants that “aid and support” but doesn’t want to push for it. In my opinion, the ideal situation if what I said is true I feel would have been to be semi persistent in relating with him on your personal life struggles that may be similar. Because of that, you want to be there for him despite how his situation may be. That’s assuming you realistically can endure it with him of course all the way.

So like with that you are not forcing yourself into his situation. Instead, you are just shining a huge light on the path he can take with you instead of going alone. In my opinion too anyways that’s ideally what a couple should be able to do as it won’t always be fun and glory. You may say “Well then ask me for help” but if the situation is he doesn’t feel you have the strength/energy to go through it with him then he is trying to find other ways to help him.

It would make sense too as to why he would get upset with your example of him disappearing. Again, speaking for myself where if this situation was reversed where you were the one saying you needed to “disappear” I would try everything to relate and to hopefully get you to go through this with me as I am confident I would have the strength and perseverance to help you get through it better and faster.

Another way of thinking about it is like someone who is injured in the hospital bed. He may be angry or whatever and tell you to go away. However, realistically in most cases they want that company and such to help them recover. Like in my mind if that was you I would probably sit there with you all day if possible without you actually telling me because I know you would tell me to go away in consideration for things like my time. So you may say it’s a little crazy, but with my mindset I am hoping the people I give out this kind of love and care to would do the same.

Hopefully that gives you a different perspective on the matter.


  • Sally March 9, 2016

    Hi. Thx for your reply. I have learned that when a man asks for space you give it to them.
    But since it’s been a couple of days I might follow your advice and send a short txt telling him I’m thinking of him, that I know what it’s like to be pulled at from every angle, so no pressure to reply, but sending a virtual hug”.

    Just don’t want to smother and I know when pisces need to recharge they really need that alone time….

  • Sally March 9, 2016

    Hi again.
    I followed your advice and sent him a very nice txt as I mentioned I would on my previous comment.
    That was 24 hours ago.
    He hasn’t read it – I can see that.
    Its5been 3 days since last contact and we normally wpuld speak, even briefly, every day.

    He said to me when he told me he needed to “hibernate” and disappear for awhile that he’d message me again.
    I told him I’d miss him but understood and he reassured me again that he would contact me.

    Did he mean it or is he just being kind?

    Would he wven be thinking of me?

    I guess I’m getting anxious and trying not to panic.

    You give fantastic advice and I honestly think you are a wonderful person to take the time out to help strangers you don’t even know.

  • Alan March 10, 2016

    Don’t stress yourself out I would say. You did your part and as you mentioned he hasn’t read it. If anything, use it as a learning experience on how to potentially communicate with him and reading what he truly wants. As you wrote above too there is no reason for him to believe as of yet that you truly understand and want to be there with him all the way when he is down. That letter you now wrote would help to reverse that mindset, but I would say it’s best to let him naturally read it himself and go from there.

    If I was to imagine myself in his situation I probably wouldn’t be thinking so much about you per se as opposed to whatever the issue is at hand. Generally speaking, there is always a little bit of say anger or disappointment when you have to go through this stuff alone even though you have what you would assume to be like say your lifelong partner. Continually thinking about you would make it worst in a sense because it would make one think “why aren’t you here?”

    That’s not necessarily a bad thing per se with the circumstance. Because in some sense it’s kind of like the person still wants to be with you but needs to find a way to deal with this issue so that they can go back to you. A person like myself is just very used to having to deal with issues on our own and everyone has a different level of skill and experience in doing so of course.

    As of now, think of it like he told you that he needs to go to a city that is 30 miles away and that he will contact you at times. His only form of transportation is walking and he didn’t ask for help specifically. Instead, you told him as you expressed that he should do what he needs to do. Like there, it’s natural common sense that walking 30 miles is going to be tiring. If someone told me that, especially a person I cared about, I would try and offer something. A car ride, a bicycle, etc. That’s kind of the emotion one would feel I say in terms of expecting the other to automatically understand and all. Right now he is like 5 miles into the walk.

    Like saying, if you just drove by with a car right now and picked him up would he not be happy? If what you did instead now is just spam text him while he is walking asking how he is I think you can imagine how upset this could make him. Although, imagine him just walking and self-checking the message you wrote. Most likely, it would make him think twice about him being truly alone and maybe he will even open up to you more. Because right now the problem is you can’t just drive up with a car. Unless I am mistaken you have no clue what road he is on or where specifically he is walking to.

    I don’t see any reason why he wouldn’t contact you back. It will just take some time at the moment. Unless you know a better form of communication with him than you already just used. One thing is for sure, the next time he says he needs to like walk 30 miles just be prepared to follow up with what you have just said in that letter.

  • Sally March 10, 2016

    Thanks Alan that’s really helpful.

    One thing you said jumped out at me – relating with him on personal life struggles.

    So next time he goes a bit distant or needs space….I could say something like:
    “I don’t blame you for feeling how you do. I’ve been through periods where no matter what you do for people it just never feels enough – a bit like being taken for granted, and people forget that you’ve got your own stuff to deal with as well – assuming that’s where you’re at currently. It can be so draining. I’m always only a txt away”.

    Or depending whatever the issue is I feel intuitively is going on
    Does that sound about right?

    That’s assuming things go back on track like I hope.

    Wish I’d done that before- I just said more general things like “I’m always on your side and here for you” during “The Talk”.

    Lifelong partners – we can’t even say the ‘L’ word to each other yet but if we can get through this it will be bonding!

    I agree with not spamming txts – that’s not my way anyway.

    You speak with wisdom – you actually talk like Him with his mannerisms lol so it’s calmed me a little. He is forever saying to me “don’t stress” when I get a bit flappy. Hugely helpful you might have just changed our whole relationship.

  • Sally March 10, 2016

    Thanks Alan that’s really helpful.

    One thing you said jumped out at me – relating with him on personal life struggles.

    So next time he goes a bit distant or needs space….I could say something like:
    “I don’t blame you for feeling how you do. I’ve been through periods where no matter what you do for people it just never feels enough – a bit like being taken for granted, and people forget that you’ve got your own stuff to deal with as well – assuming that’s where you’re at currently. It can be so draining. I’m always only a txt away”.

    Or depending whatever the issue is I feel intuitively is going on
    Does that sound about right?

    That’s assuming things go back on track like I hope.

    Wish I’d done that before- I just said more general things like “I’m always on your side and here for you” during “The Talk”.

    Lifelong partners – we can’t even say the ‘L’ word to each other yet but if we can get through this it will be bonding!

    I agree with not spamming txts – that’s not my way anyway.

    You speak with wisdom – you actually talk like Him with his mannerisms lol so it’s calmed me a little. He is forever saying to me “don’t stress” when I get a bit flappy. Hugely helpful you might have just changed our whole relationship.
    Btw just an update.
    He read my nice txt.
    And he txt’d straight away saying “goodnight”.
    And that was all.

    So I texted him warmly and also a really nice selfie telling him I took that so he can see someone smiling at him if everyone around him is irritating him. Assuming that happens. And that I know what it’s like.
    Left it there.
    Wanting to be so careful he doesn’t feel smothered with my nurturing tendencies…trying to find the right balance.
    I’ll probably have to wait a few more days now but you’ve made things a lot better.
    Again – thanks.

  • Alan March 10, 2016

    That “goodnight” sounds like a good sign to me. Because if he was originally in a negative state of mind where he feels in a sense alone then reading your letter would potentially give him a plethora of new emotions that he doesn’t know how to express. Kind of like the “hey, maybe I am not alone” part I talked about. Cause in many cases even for myself, people often say they will be there just to leave like midway. So there comes the skepticism to not immediately drop all walls as they say.

    If I was talking to you and you were the one wanting to “disappear” on your own I would probably say something like this if I was to factor in the relationship aspect of all this you mentioned. Keep in mind I have to essentially imagine a scenario to write this:

    I know you expressed that you wanted to deal with your issue alone and I wanted to let you know that whatever you are going through I would love to be able to tackle this together. I am always reminded on how despite all the obstacles such as the physical distance we have one thing I do know is that doing things together always feels better.

    I am not sure if you feel the same, but for me whenever I am going through a tough time I always wanted someone to be there with me. However, that often wasn’t the case as it seemed like no one else in the world could truly understand or had the desire to support me in ways that I would support them. Because of this I have learned to often deal with hardships alone. But every now and then I do meet those special people in my life who truly do understand. It’s one of the greatest feelings in the world.

    I know we have only been seeing each other for 18 months and there is still a lot to discover about each other. But I feel I understand exactly what you are going through where maybe you have just never met someone who could truly care for you. Or more importantly, someone who will actually be there with you to the end. I understand that feeling which is why I embrace the moments I spend with you even if it is challenging. Because it’s through these experiences that we learn to truly understand each other in ways most people think is not possible.

    I don’t doubt your ability to get through this tough time alone. But rest assure that whatever it is you are going through I would like to be a part of it. Just like if I am going through a tough time it would be a great feeling to know that someone else would always be there for me as well. I would love to be your support in any way you need and in contrast if the situation was reversed I won’t be afraid to show you my vulnerabilities as well. I trust that you would always want to try and care for me the best way possible despite the circumstance and hope you will allow me to do the same for you.

    Please share with me on what’s bothering you so that I can better understand how I can help. I can share with you my experiences as well as I would like to think that all the decisions and experiences we have made in our lives thus far has led to the both of us being here for each other. I am here to not only embrace the fun times but the challenging times as well.”

    Okay, obviously you don’t have to be this wordy, but hopefully in writing this you kind of get a better understanding on how a person like me would think. Because it’s not far-fetched to say if I think/write like this to another as an example that if they wrote something back to me like that in a similar fashion it would increase the odds of me being able to relate while opening up. Hopefully you can kind of see though that it’s not so much of a “Hey, call me when you need me” as opposed to you are communicating feelings and such in a deeper sense to hopefully get himself to self-realize you are “safe” to be with in those moments.

    The only caution is don’t talk like that and not actually follow through if the person accepts it. Cause that would be a disaster that would cause a person like me to essentially never open up to you again.

  • Sally March 13, 2016

    Hi Alan.
    Thx for your insight.

    I’ve been applying your advice. And I just keep getting a one word text after a day or two of “hi”.
    With nothing else.

    To be honest, I totally understand he’s got some stuff to deal with.

    But I’m starting to wonder if I’m being so supportive I’m just being taken for granted.
    It’s starting to hurt.

  • Alan March 13, 2016

    Try and keep in mind what I said on how you have essentially said your piece while placing the offer and so just take it from there. Don’t expect the person to just open up all of sudden like a light switch. Example, based on your history with him this can be in some ways a test. Example, it could be in his mind you are potentially like “most people” where one day they say they will be there forever yet in a week they bulk out.

    At this point to me anyways one word replies are fine. It’s when you get completely ignored that you should start “panicking” per se. You shouldn’t need to try too hard really. I mean I don’t recommend this of course, but I am pretty sure if you just sent him a message saying you just got hit by a car and are in the hospital now he is going to do a lot more than just give you one word messages. View it more as simply a good thing where he is maintaining contact and nothing more.

    Get your mind out of the expectation where you need to do this one thing where the end result has to be he starts opening up everything to you per se. You will get that opportunity after as a follow up to your letter and all once he is out of that “phase”. If I was like that and your replies were simple replies too followed up with something silly or sentimental then that’s all good. Despite one word response it means I am still engaged with you. Then the next time if I observe that you are still like that then in my mind it’s like “maybe there is something there” in a good way as you are consistent.

  • Sally March 13, 2016

    Thx for being a light in the dark.
    It’s tough when you miss someone.
    My tendency is to withdraw when I’m starting to hurt but I’ll follow what you said.
    I owe you big time regardless of the outcome.
    Whoever you end up with is going to be a very lucky woman !

  • Sally April 4, 2016

    Just an update a few weeks down the track.
    I took all your advice on board and was patient.
    Things slowly turned around when he asked me how I was after a few days of no contact and I told him I missed him.
    I’m emotionally guarded in some respects because I’ve been hurt a lot so he’s never heard that from me before.
    It was still difficukt for awhile, but the real turn around came when I’d heard nothing for a few days and I texted asking him how he was. I told him I’d been trying to respect his wish for space but I had been worrying.

    Well since then it’s back to almost daily contact.

    And over the last couple of days we’ve been having deep and meaningfuls.

    He basically told me he needs me to have complete trust in him and know he will not let anything happen to hurt me.
    And I’ve had to really let my guard down and tell him some of my emotional needs and dreams. And fears.

    Which he actually made no comment about but I figure it must be ok as he is still talking and joking around with me.

    I still don’t know the life of this relationship as we are in different states and there are some other complications.
    But so far so good.
    He is not 100% ‘back’, but it’s getting there. ☺

    But one thing, when he’s feeling something more intensely and he doesn’t want to offend, he talks in a general sense.
    For example, once we had a little argument ages ago and he said “women in general make things harder than they should be and it can make someone feel like not bothering anymore”.
    He does it all the time it took me awhile to look behind the words rather than take them literally.

    Even when he talked to me about his need for trust he spoke in general terms like that, but I’ve learned now what he is trying to say.

    Anyway, thanks again. Fingers crossed it stays like this.

  • Alan April 4, 2016

    Hi Sally,

    Nice to hear an update. 😀 I think it’s good that you expressed your emotional needs, dreams and fears. It’s an important part of a relationship I would imagine for anyone. I would say the only thing to be careful of is expecting that a person should react in a certain way.

    That’s kind of funny with the general talking as I sometimes talk like if for whatever reason I don’t think it is appropriate to use direct examples with a person. Or the more tricky way of using it is to see your reaction where it would potentially give me the answer I am seeking without making it seem like I am putting the pressure on you to answer. Example, someone saying to you “People who live in that area are kind of interesting” where the hope is you follow up with whatever it is you want to say about that so I can see how you judge a certain demographic.

    My only extra input would be how you expressed that you have been hurt in the past which makes it difficult. Don’t forget that a person like him has probably been through stuff as well to develop that kind of personality. So hopefully you are treating this with more of a curiosity mindset where you kind of want to find out why he is that way as opposed to worry why he isn’t reacting a certain way.

  • Sally September 22, 2016

    Hi Alan,
    How are you?
    A few months down the track my pisces man and I are still involved with each other.
    We rarely get to physically be with each other due to where we live, yet we still have been developing a stronger bond.

    We last saw each other 2 months ago and although he’s not one for verbally expressing his feelings for me, I feel that something in him is growing deeper for me. Just from his body language and voice. And he drove 2 hours out of his way just to be with me for an hour.

    He confides in me a lot more now about stress. We had a phone conversation yesterday where he talked non-stop the whole time about work stress and I was just happy listening.

    He doesn’t routinely express his deeper emotions, but once or twice he has recently, and I’m honoured with his trust.

    I’m feeling a bit frustrated that we haven’t had ‘real time’ together in awhile, and I think he is too. But he’ll be travelling virtually continuously for the next few months. So we’ve agreed to try to set aside regular time to talk on the phone, plus we txt every day.

    He made a comment as a joke however, that if he’s travelling and stuck in a boring place I should just fly out there.

    And afterwards, I wondered if that were really a joke, or if he was seeing what my reaction would be and maybe actually hoped for that.

    I didn’t laugh at what he said, I got a bit contemplative, and mentioned in a half jokey way that if he was in a certain place (that he knows I tend to like going to), to let me know and I’d come meet him out there.
    Then his jokey tone stopped, and he said he won’t be going to that place very often.

    Anyway, the whole thing left me thinking.

    And I’ve been thinking about saying to him that on nights I don’t have care of my child, if he wanted I’d be happy to fly to him wherever he is even if it’s just for a night. And explain that way I get to both see new places, but also spend time with him.

    I’m just wondering if I’m going to come across as a desperate stalker who’s willing to fly wherever to just be with him, if he really was only joking and saying things tongue in cheek.

    I’m worried about what he would think of that. Your personalities seem very similar.
    What would you think if a girl offered to do that because she just wanted to spend time with you so much? Would you find it clingy or see it in a positive way?

    Was he deliberately naybe trying to plant a suggestion and pass it off as a joke?

    My inclination is to risk making a fool of myself and just tell him I’m prepared to go to those lengths if he’s interested. And leave it to him to initiate inviting me somewhere.

  • Alan September 22, 2016

    Hi Sally,

    Always an adventure for me as usual.

    With what you wrote I would be inclined to say the flight comment was half joke half wishful thinking. Generally speaking, I don’t think he would invest that much time staying in touch with you in that way if he wasn’t open to the possibility of stuff like that happening as long as it made sense.

    If this connection and all was genuine then I don’t think you offering to fly out is bad. Like speaking for myself a person with my personality type is probably more likely the one to do that for people I care about. So if anything it’s just like a shock to see someone else actually offer the same. Emotionally speaking that is like a positive in every way.

    The negative would be the thought of how it burdens you both timewise and financially as an example. Unless you are telling me you have like a private jet and all where flying for you is like as common as how some people ride a car to places. Because like for myself with my personality I can be very sensitive as to how much I am “taking” from a person like you in a sense and whether or not I actually helping you to create a better life per se.

    There is an easy explanation for that as I am used to having the giving personality so I understand clearly what it is like to constantly give and not receive back to the point where I can be more drained than I was before. Why would I want others to feel that as an example? Like for your example let’s just say your ticket costs you $1000 to see him for one day or whatever. So the mindset is like you now have to essentially go through two weeks worth of overtime or whatever just to see me for one day. I think you can see the amount of guilt that can create.

    So if a girl offered to do that for me I wouldn’t feel it is being “clingy” at all. If anything I would personally see it more as a sign of commitment and it would make me happy knowing that this girl values our connection so much to do this. I would say the only point I would view this as semi crazy is like I mentioned above if I know you aren’t like say in a position in life where doing this doesn’t severely effect you in other aspects of your life.

    I would personally say with the scenario you wrote the middle ground would be to learn about his schedule and having a plan of sorts to want to go to a place he will be in anyways too. Like you said, maybe there was a place you genuinely wanted to travel and see anyways where being with him too is like icing on the cake. That’s a little different than saying you are like doing it specifically for him where the trip is the bonus.

    As well I would imagine that kind of puts you in the position where you just did the inviting instead to evaluate how he reacts to it. Because for a person like myself under regular circumstances I would rarely take the initiative like that.

  • Sally October 31, 2016

    Thanks for your reply.
    You are always very helpful ?

    We talked on the phone qnd he listened and I told him other benefits to me of travelling to where he goes to.
    He seemed open.

    But when it comes to actions, I’ll say “I can join you this werk” and he gives a reason why that’s a bad idea.
    Unless it’s to his city.

    So not pushing it.

    There’s something else I wanted to ask though.

    On the phone he asked about how I was and I started to cry because an event happened in my life that hurt me – unrelated to him

    I told him all about it. A situation where I had been selflessly caring towards some people. But a time came when I really needed support and they weren’t there for me.

    And then he got really quiet.

    And sounded preoccupied. So much so the conversation just died completely.

    I asked him if I’d made him low and he said far from it

    Why would he go funny like that?

    He’s never heard me cry from emotional distress before – I wasn’t sure if I did something wrong?

    He’s been txting normally to me since though.

    Your personalities are so similar – what could have been going on?

  • Alan November 1, 2016

    I would say for the travelling part remember the whole notion would be more you are going there anyways regardless for whatever reason. I would imagine you saying you can join him this week is still implying that a big reason you are doing it is for him which wouldn’t solve the issue of like the financial the guilt per se.

    With what you wrote the main thing that comes to my mind if that was me is that he is actually in a position like you except he has to deal with it himself. I often dub this as like the “being drained” part in a sense. Like it’s not necessarily you per se or what you did but there just isn’t anyone who is giving him the right energy to be fully there with you either. The phone needs to be charged up too as an example otherwise it will go into like battery saving mode where say all the lights turn off, the phone goes to minimize graphic mode where everything is black and white now, etc. Hopefully that analogy makes sense.

  • Sally November 2, 2016

    Ahhh…thankyou 🙂

    I’d not thought about it like that.

    It’s hard the last thing I want to do is make him feel drained.

    But he was so persistent in wanting to know what was on my mind. And I felt it best to be transparent and open – I didn’t mean to cry either.

    So maybe he was relating a little too closely?

    He’s been trying to be very playful lately. And I’m the Queen of cheek 😉

    Is that his way of trying to recharge / escape?

  • Alan November 2, 2016

    It’s hard but easy at the same time I feel if you two are naturally in-tune with each other. A person like me wouldn’t normally say anything and just rely on the other person’s common sense in a way to remember everyone needs to be re-energized. Because my way of thinking is I would always keep that in mind so why shouldn’t the other if we were meant to be per se?

    That playfulness can indeed be an example of being re-energized. Would you not feel energized if someone around you was having fun and great conversations with you as opposed to always just talking about gloomy stuff as an example? Like saying if you were always the source of gloomy topics and you never do stuff to revitalize him too is it not obvious why he in a sense can’t be around you all the time? Because like there the person needs to find a source that would do that.

    Like maybe in your example when he asked you how you were inside he was hoping for some fun stuff as he had like 20 percent battery life. Of course, that wasn’t the case and he can’t exactly just back out once he knew you needed him there in a sense.

    On a funny note, I just searched the phrase “queen of cheek” and cosmetics came up………..

  • Sally November 3, 2016


    Cosmetics came up huh….maybe you’d like some makeup? ??

    But seriously, we are playful with each other in around 85% of our chats.

    He actually suggested we have a phone catch up though as he could tell I had some stuff going on beneath our usual banter and was concerned.

    We mucked around on the phone too for awhile but then he wanted to get inside my head and to the bottom of why I wasn’t quite myself.

    The phone call was actually specifically for that purpose.

    Lol I guess neither of us expected I’d actually cry! He hates it when people cry.

    I did try to lighten things up after but he was just withdrawn.

    So I took the cue and nicely ended the conversation.

    We’ve been talking fine via txt since with our general cheek towards each other.

    I guess I felt a bit vulnerable after and was worried about his reaction.

    But now I understand from
    your explanation he was maybe just relating to my experience and drained.

    He’s an emotionally sensitive person, although he masks it quite well.

    So what you say makes sense.

    Thanks for your thoughtful reply ?

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