pisces man confusing
Reader Questions

Why Is He Strange With Communication?

  • by
  • 4 Comments

Sally Asks:

My pisces man and I are getting along nicely at the moment even though we are long distance.

He’s been actually asking me for advice ! (Ie. he’ll tell me about something bad happening. I’ll ask him if he’d like advice, and he’s saying “yes that would be great” – he’s a bit indirect about asking for help).

He sends me videos and photos during the day often. And his speech is more open as well.

But there’s two problems:

1. He never wants to talk over the phone. If I initiate and say “if you’re not busy I’d love to talk on the phone” he’s fine with that.
But he never rings.
I told him I often don’t call him because I worry he doesn’t like it as he never does it, I feel like I’m bothering him, and that I hate initiating all the time.
He told me to stop stressing and that I’m never a “bother”.

2. He doesn’t express his feelings for me so I worry he doesn’t have them the way I do. Eg. I tell him sometimes I miss him. Or that I treasure him, etc. Nothing back !
Once, I playfully brought it up and he said “open your eyes” and that was it.
Why won’t he use his words?

Is it that he’s not into me as much as I am to him?

Sally,

Since this is a follow up question please reply in the same thread that was created for you in the future as it can make it extremely overwhelming for me when the same people submit follow-ups and continued support question under different labels. https://piscesview.com/will-he-come-back-2/ Please help me help you all in the best way for the both of us. Or feel free to make suggestions of my process if for some technical reason you feel it would be easier a different way.

For your question it sounds like it truly doesn’t bother him when you say phone him. This kind of reminds me before of a person who always initiated a call with me too and expressed the exact same concern you had. Don’t base it on a person like me taking initiative. Base it on how fast we respond and such and whether or not we are engaged with you.

Actually, here is an interesting example of it. Now for myself it usually takes a long time for me to allow people into my life. There was a girl before who constantly asked me for like an instant messenger alias and I said that I don’t use that stuff. However, long story short one day I installed it just for her as I wanted to help her in life. So obviously she would now know when I am online and that you could have access to me in an instant.

However, she always constantly stressed out by saying thing such as I never initiated the conversation even though I knew she was online. Like there I tried to express the fact that I am even using the software and being present to me is a big sign that I am there for her and that she shouldn’t worry. She would say things too that she felt like a bother and I would say she is not.

Speaking for myself, I wouldn’t express any feelings too as opposed to just being the listener most of the time. It might sound weird, but me listening to her and all in this context is opening up. I am trying to relate with you and understand deeply about who you are, what you want and if we are compatible to the core.

This may just be a coincident too, but based on what you wrote before you mentioned he had struggles in life. I am almost inclined to say because he shared this with you, even if it was in an extremely subtle and passive way, for whatever reason you didn’t want to or were unable to help him. Hence, this made the door close a little more as opposed to opening more in terms of being fully opened to you emotionally. That was definitely the case for me anyhow with my example. In many ways in my mind I don’t need to use words as the actions should speak for themselves. I wouldn’t necessarily say he isn’t into you but he is cleary “not there yet” even if you feel you are for whatever reason.

Follow Me:

4 Comments

  • Sally April 26, 2016

    Hi Alan I’m really sorry.

    I started a new question because to me I felt it was a different topic and so thought I was doing the right thing and thought I was being helpful. Trying not to mix up two different subjects. But I guess they’re linked in a way too.

    I see it from your perspective too so know better now about posts. Sorry that was probably frustrating. I really hate cross referencing things too it’s tedious plus giving up your time to write back…..

    Regarding the phone contact that makes sense.

    Regarding your comment regarding not expressing feelings for me – well the time you’re referring to where he struggled with some things was good for us as I followed all of your advice and it brought us much closer.
    It actually demonstrated to him that I am always alongside no matter what.
    And that’s why he’s coming to me a lot more with things.

    So I guess because we’ve grown closer I was hoping he might be as expressive as I am with feelings.

    But clearly you’re right and he’s not quite there yet.
    To me he’s clearly got some feelings there but maybe he’s still processing….
    Or maybe it’s just hope talking.

  • Alan April 28, 2016

    I would feel that a big this is I don’t know how big of a “scar” he has from past experiences. Basically, the more the person went through the longer it will take for them to open up. It’s kind of like the metaphoric example I used in another post on how my “guard” is like a high tech garden maze. Basically, every single security measure is introduced as a result of a life experiences. Ideally even I would not want to have any of that but even I know I am way too fragile without it per se due to how much I invest myself in others.

    You just have to keep chipping away by the sounds of it. Allow him to help you in your life too as that is usually a great way I find to try and develop that trust.

  • Sally May 2, 2016

    Hi.
    Thankyou 🙂

    Have you ever considered being a counsellor? You’d make a good one.

    It’s funny you should talk about letting him help me.

    Somehow we got into a conversation and I was telling him that I blamed myself for some things that went wrong in a past marriage (I finalized my divorce about 10 months ago and have some stuff I am still working through).

    He has a strong dislike towards my ex husband because of some things my ex husband did to me.

    He asked me for details and so I was brutally honest and told him some things that I don’t share with anyone and things that I have never forgivven myself for.

    His view was that given the context of the circumstances he completely understood my actions and that I was at no fault. And he’s even more upset with my ex husband since learning this new info, which was not the goal of my conversation with him. And I in fact told him I don’t hate my ex even if he does on my behalf.

    Sometimes I’m afraid my pisces man has started putting me on a pedestal where I can’t do wrong and I’m afraid he’ll be disappointed when he learns I’m human!
    So at the moment he’s trying to help me forgive myself and overcome some inner demons.

    I’ve never made myself that deeply vulnerable to someone since my marriage and it’s got me feeling exposed. I’ve never come across someone so firmly on my side no matter what. But I’m like that with him too….

    How do you react when someone opens up like that to you and makes themselves vulnerable? Does it deepen your own connection to the person? Or do you more develop ferlings as such when it’s you doing the opening up, because listening is the norm for you anyway?

    And yes you are correct. He is very deeply scarred.

  • Alan May 2, 2016

    Never considered being a counselor personally. Although that is probably the number one suggestion people say here.

    When someone opens up to me it automatically goes into “relate mode.” I am compelled to listen sincerely in a way where my mind tries to associate your feelings that is reminiscent of something I went through. It’s like saying even though you may have never had a rock get thrown at your head if you saw this happen to someone you would probably squeal over the pain they endured correct? Like there you essentially took your understanding of “physical pain” along with how it feels to get hit in the head in general to generate the feeling you have for the person that just got hit by the rock.

    Now think of it in terms of what would make a person more compelled to help or be compassionate about seeing that happen to another. Let’s say you have in fact been hit in the head with a rock before. In your situation it was extreme where you were paralyzed for months where you couldn’t move or do anything. Just to make it more dramatic when you got hit in the head people on the street were just walking by you and it took like one hour for someone to finally call for help. If someone would have helped you faster you would have probably only needed medical attention for like a day.

    So now when you see someone get hit in the head with a rock am I not mistaken to say you would jump to help them right away and would relate with them better because of your own experiences? This would relate to your question when a person like you opens up to me. Speaking for myself I just kind of had those “extreme” experiences that enables me to relate with people in a way where I truly understand. Ultimately what that means is you opening up and being vulnerable to me deepens your connection with me.

    The only time this wouldn’t is if I have reason to believe that you are being deceitful. Example, I saw with my own eyes that you stole something and then tried to mislead about it. Hence, that then changes my mindset to why are you telling me this. If you think about it people being vulnerable and sharing deep stories is pretty much what has gotten me in the most hardship/troubles in life as my automatic assumption usually is that the person is simply going through what I did only to realize I was being duped per se. That in itself should show that in general it’s a positive thing to be open with a person like me if your intent was to build a connection.

    Learning that you are “human” is not the word I would use. Learning that you are “real” is what that would mean to me in the sense of becoming closer with a person who genuinely opens up to me. That’s a good thing too. Because for a person like me a key factor on why I developed the personality that I have is because I have in a sense encountered so many “inauthentic” people. Example, people that act really tough when in reality they are very scared people inside. Or in the sense of a relationship being approached by people who feel the need to put on an act where that isn’t truly who they are but rather what they think others want to see. That’s what makes me a “listener” in a sense too as I try to hear and feel what you are truly trying to say. So don’t be afraid to be yourself. If you are then you are with the wrong person I would say.

    Stop thinking of it like you are on a pedestal too. Based on what you wrote to me so far your relationship to him sounds more like you are on an automatic moving walkway at an airport. Basically, when you have issues he is standing on that walkway with you as you both move forward together. However, as you indicated in previous comments there were times where you just allowed him to handle things on his own. Hence, he is walking forward on his own and this moving walkway just happens to be making him walk away from you faster as you have opted to be the passive observer.

    So it’s not that you are on a pedestal as opposed to the longer you do nothing the further he will go where eventually you don’t even know which direction he turned to find him. Unfortunately people like me don’t have a GPS attached to my heart and all where you can just find me again whenever you feel like it. It’s during this time someone else could grab me as an example. But so far from what you wrote he has maintained the communication and you opening up in a sense gives him a reason to be with you on that walkway. The reverse is true too. If you don’t open up to him it’s like you refuse to have him on this moving walkway with you. Hence, you are in a sense slowly moving away from him even if you aren’t actually physically walking away.

    I would imagine whoever you choose to be the love of your life that they should be perfectly comfortable in being in this walkway with you regardless of how crazy you may think it is. So in that sense there should be no reason to hide it as the person should naturally want to be there for you. If you have to like drag them by the ear to do this where for them it’s like torment then again you are with the wrong guy I say.

Leave a Reply